Guys, It’s ok to be angry. Just put it where it belongs

[Th****]

All of you, bountyhunter, pj3000, eyemblacksheep have just cited an education as a response, not the dangerous creation of a blame culture. Yes it took time for you to realise that someone was abusing you, and yes we cook chicken,and my personal favourite the birds and umbrella, this is education whether personal, or social.

Still smiling about the birds one ...lol

[ey****]

Equally. The predators. The ***rs. The boundary pushers. So on.

None of them will tell you that is what they are.  

In some cases this is because they do not realise the harm in their behaviour and so this is often why it is important to have discussions on harmful behaviour so that those who genuinely want to learn can be a bit "fuck, I do that - and I see why that is off putting" 

Some of this lack of awareness.  I don't want to say "not their fault" but a lot comes from the society in which we're in - like the amount of fucking awful films where the guy persists until the girl who initially told him to fuck off gives him a chance - or we're taught that a "No" is "playing hard to get" or whatever - and this is stuff which then needs unlearning 

So actually some of the guys who are being treat like they're a predator or an ***r or whatever is already showing signs that they are.  Perhaps someone is wanting to give a little benefit of the doubt.  Who knows.  There's a lot of guys who are clumsy or romantically awkward and it might be they are given a little leighway, but still kinda being sure that these will not be "clumsy" when it matters - that they will not hide "inappropriateness" under "awkwardness"

So they won't tell you that they are going to cross your boundaries, or that they're going to persist until you say yes or that they're going to do stalking behaviour 

Instead

they will tell you they are nice, or genuine, or safe or whatever

All barometers which are not on them to set.  

I don't get to decide I'm safe.  I can demonstrate practices which would give people confidence I take safety seriously.  But someone else has to make the decision I am safe for them to play with

And the same goes for guys seeking women.  

[Wo****]

9 minutes ago, TheBodyguard said:

All of you, bountyhunter, pj3000, eyemblacksheep have just cited an education as a response, not the dangerous creation of a blame culture. Yes it took time for you to realise that someone was abusing you, and yes we cook chicken,and my personal favourite the birds and umbrella, this is education whether personal, or social.

Still smiling about the birds one ...lol

Dangerous creation of blame culture????

 

Are you serious?

 

There is NO blame culture in this thread. Just calling out SOME men that have an entitled, mysoginistic view that endangers our safety.

 

[Th****]

I quite agree eyemblacksheep, it's a great topic, and I enjoy the discussion,.

But we all get to decide on our own safety, SSC, if it's not safe, sane, or consensual then we say NO to it, RACK if we are not happy with the risk that we are aware of during consensual kink acts then we say NO to it, PRICK if we are not happy with our personal responsibility in the consensual kink we are doing, we say NO.

NO is not a safe word, it is the final word and if someone will not respect our boundaries then we say NO to them too.

Yes the ***rs, boundary pushers, preadtors ect. Will not tell you who they are, so do we not feel them out, do we not research them, yes we do, and if they break trust, we bin them and warn others.

However, part of the education is picking the right partner, why choose someone who wants anal if you hate it, but it happens

Understanding how simple things like the males understand that the women get most of the disgusting and depraved private messages, and that becoming a culture where all men are treated the same, is not healthy for the community as a whole.

NB.

If you feel at any point you are being stalked and would like some advice on how to deal with it please, please feel free to contact me, I have many years of professional experience in dealing with stalkers, these are potentially very dangerous people that need to be handled very carefully

[ey****]

but then a lot of this goes back to the circular point

we all have to manage our own safety

set boundaries

research partners

and of course, as you say - no is a final word.

----

but none of this is possible without any form of continuous vetting

and if someone falls at the first hurdle - then it's not asking them to jump through hoops. It's not any form of blame.  It is just that - that the first impressions are poor - so even proceeding the conversation is a no.

If a conversation is going then if at any point there is an inkling boundaries are not being respected, or that this is going nowhere or whatever then it becomes that same no.  

It's the same, no any form of blame or hoop jumping - it is a no.

It MAY be that the basis of that no comes from previous behaviour from someone else - but - similarly, this is patterned behaviour and so proceeding at this point becomes a no.

 

[CopperKnob]

@FETMOD-KF could comments please be closed?

I see no point in the conversation continuing.

Thank you

[FETMOD-KF]

I agree this has become circular and has run it's course.  

Hopefully those who genuinely want to learn have something they can take away from it.  Thank you to those who contributed positively to the thread.