Gaining experience

[Deleted Member]

31 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

Why do i need to learn what caning feels like to understand what someone gets out of it if i get nothing out of it?

That is the disconnect with "to be a dom you have to be a sub first" mantra.

Its like stating you can only work with under privleged kids if you are from that back ground.

We are only sharing whats worked for us? As mentioned everyone has their own way and it's all based on experiences and differences

[ey****]

yep - I think talking to many other people is a good way to boost experience.

I am going to continue to pick on caning.  It might be that you as a Dominant do not want to do this, or it might be you do.

I'm not into being caned.  I am into caning others, but not so much into being caned.   It is something I will do, however, but I usually do it as a sign of trust and a "for the Dominant" kinda thing

There are others who also do it for their Dominant - but also some who like it for other ways.

For example that they are a masochist

or

that it is something brings them to sub space

or

there is a fondness for it among some older subs as it takes them back to a school setting where they were young and the only thing to *** or worry about in life was receiving the cane and so they do it as a form of escapism from the horrors of adulthood.

Aaaand

you should never assume anyone likes it for any of the above reasons

so the more people you speak to and understand why they like it, the more it helps your growth and experience. 

 

[TheBookCollector]

3 hours ago, swphoenix said:

We are only sharing whats worked for us? As mentioned everyone has their own way and it's all based on experiences and differences

But in your first post you close that door and state thst gou can only be a great dominant if you are first a sub.

While that worked for you, it doesnt mean it will work for others nor does it guarantee you will be a great dominant.

Also im always skeptical of people who claim to be great at anything as most of the time its ego talking as they have bought into the legend of themselves. Surely a great dominant would not state they are great, juststate what helped them?

[Deleted Member]

I was lucky, I had a mentor who showed me a lot of the basics, then an experienced sub, who I encouraged to feed back. That was in the old days as a member of a bunch of kinksters.

Don't forget if in doubt just ask everyone will give you their view, you should listen to them all and make your own mind up.

It's never you have to do it this way, it's what works for you and the person you are with.

Experience takes time, and as people have said don't assume what you want to do, does it for the sub.

The greatest thing you can develop is empathy learn how to read them, the biggest sex organ in their body is their mind.

[Deleted Member]

Do you know why we want to be with a trained, experienced Dom? Because others have lied to us about their experience and have made us feel unsafe, or if we ourselves are their instructors. We all start somewhere, so educate yourself FIRST before taking on a sub-Dom dynamic. I know for myself, I can't be in a situation where I don't trust and respect the leader as I hand control over to them.

[Deleted Member]

Have you gone to any clubs XxRose19xX? Networking as part of the community can help

[Xx****]

I have not yet, I have been working on self studying. I want to start networking and growing in my local community but still looking for a good place to start.

[Deleted Member]

It is a good place to start, most have people who are always ready to help and pass on advice and knowledge. Knowledge is worthless unless it is passed on to others.

[pl****]

I'm an experienced sub and can definitely help you if you want

[Xx****]

Thank you for the great advice, I just set up my first munch and will be attending this week.

[wa****]

Hey we can learn together??

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

But in your first post you close that door and state thst gou can only be a great dominant if you are first a sub.

While that worked for you, it doesnt mean it will work for others nor does it guarantee you will be a great dominant.

Also im always skeptical of people who claim to be great at anything as most of the time its ego talking as they have bought into the legend of themselves. Surely a great dominant would not state they are great, juststate what helped them?

Oh OK you got me, I was being cocky 😆 for the record then... I am a mere mortal with moderately appropriate standards and a bit of information and experience that is just above total novice* (*depending on how we would define a novice on a bdsm scale and in relation to others). I think being aware of this means I don't play outside of my expertise and keep it real. Although these qualities alone do not qualify me as a good dominant. Only others Can be the judge of that.

[Xx****]

Thank you Walnut and Plecl for the support but I have to decline your helpful offers.

[Zi****]

Classes, asking for guidance from a more experienced Dom, find a sub willing to learn with you, or straight up try shit out on yourself if you can. One thing I personally always recommend is learn first aid. Your subs will always feel safer and trust you more if they are aware that you can provide immediate competent care if anything unintended should happen.

[Bu****]

Ever since I was a child I have usually tried things out on myself, so I know what I was about to inflict on someone if I pinched or smacked, hair pulled or shoulder squeezed, even rug burn.

[ja****]

Find a sub that tops from bottom and is willing to teach

[Xx****]

Thank you Ziosuna, Buddha, and Janice for your comments I will definitely brush up on my medical care. I also like how keep communication as the base of learning and growth.

[so****]

Either experiment on yourself first or find an equally inexperienced sub👍

[Deleted Member]

Probably better to find an understanding experienced sub to show you the ropes. Then build from there

[Deleted Member]

Seek out inexperienced subs, find actual experienced doms for mentoring.

[ey****]

I generally wouldn't seek out seeks who are either experienced (they can tell you what they like and why - but might lack broader understanding or education) or inexperienced (the idea of learning together is cute - but blind leading blind can be disastrous) but just to seek out people as, well, people.

Think of a concept of why would anyone interest in the lifestyle with whatever level of interested be seeking out an inexperienced Dominant? It seldom makes sense.

Because then when you can connect with someone outside kink (something which is really important anyway) then you can grow together with no pressure 

 

Edited July 12, 2022 by eyemblacksheep

[Deleted Member]

Good point. But I hear we have these things called munches. So a new dom can look into what are safe practices, methods, and different forms of treatments.

[Deleted Member]

I wouldn’t seek out an inexperienced dom. But for someone to ask me give them instruction I’d consider it quite flattering.

[na****]

To me I have the knowledge of it from reading and learning but I truly haven’t experience in being a domme

[Sh****]

Maybe find a new sub so both of you can learn together?