Dating and kinks

[Puppy6411]

I would definitely agree with dates first.
Both to check that there really is a connection, and that we both think the other is sane and sensible.

[sm****]

The vast majority go on dates, get to know each other better, and build up trust and that takes time and a number of meets.

Most of the kink build up and respective knowledge etc will have been done via online interaction but you need that face to face vanilla time to really get to know a person better.

Without firm foundations there is nothing to build on and the "relationship" will soon show cracks and someone will eventually get mentally hurt.

[Du****]

I would LOVE to go on a date! The thought of someone caring enough to actually plan something to please me? I cannot remember the last time a guy - actually, I can, it was July 2015 😒 And yes, I’d hope for maybe a very little bit of a firkyfoodle if the chemistry was right. 😉😘There’s a definite tendency for men to assume “we all know what we’re here for” - ie, kink, sex, fucking, immediately (sorry, again, cis-het female view here). However they’re no different on vanilla dating apps, they assume we’re DTF and *** us for being “up ourselves” or “on the wrong site love hahahaaa” [exact quote] if we don’t drop our knickers that instant.
There is nothing wrong with hooking up. There is everything wrong with assuming it’s a given. Good luck, I hope you get your date!

[Deleted Member]

I do some dates. But all really varies on the dynamics.

[Lu****]

Dates first to see if we have a connection and if there is a sexual attraction.

[au****]

I think your results may be skewed here on FetLife.
It's very refreshing to know people's kinks and wants in a relationship up front but you can do both. You don't always have to bust out the St. Andrews Cross for every encounter. Sometimes you just want to have a nice date.

[wo****]

4 hours ago, Nerdling said:

I would love to go on a date and get to know someone but that seems to be the course these days; jump into a sexual relationship and it doesn't last long.

It really has become that. It's why I have stayed single for so long.

[Deleted Member]

Finding a guy that asks you out and actually takes you on a date would be great. In my experience however if someone asks you out its code for hey wanna fuck.

[sa****]

Dates first, all the way. I need to get to know someone, face to face. I need an emotional connection as well as a physical, else it doesn't mean anything to me. And it has to mean something.

[Ro****]

I've apparently been pissing peeps off on here because I require getting to know someone at least a little before getting dirty lmao

[wa****]

I prefer to get to know someone first, jumping in bed immediately can make things feel awkward

[Deleted Member]

I want to have lots of kinky sex with a girlfriend, the girlfriend part is of equal importance. Not going to do one without the other. 

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, sonofthunder777 said:

Although online dating platforms have gravely injured dating in general. But that's a whole other conversation lol

Agree. Much like the way technology has killed the ability for majority of the younger generation to properly converse and socialise (and many from other generations too).

[UK****]

For me, a connection is essential for any long term 'relationship', however that connection is established long before meeting physically.

We have to be compatible on a number of levels besides attraction.  In fact, looks for me aren't the most important.  This would frustrate a previous sub of mine who enjoyed Mff kinky threesomes.  She would find some of the most attractive women with great bodies but often I wouldn't 'click' with the person and it didn't matter how good looking they were it was never going to happen.

Long before meeting in any way I would get to know the person, not just the kinky parts.  This is one of the great things about online, you can 'chat', explore and understand the way a person thinks long before ever meeting.

If I feel I have a connection, then I don't need a date.  Over the years I've got a good radar for if I will click with someone.  Now I may not need a date, however I respect that for the other person it may be essential.

 

 

 

 

[pa****]

My bf and I started casually, but he caught feelings early on and I started to push him away. We did mess around the night we met and then again the next time we saw each other even when I said we wouldn't. It's all up to you how you want to approach the situation.

[sa****]

I’m demisexual so I have to go on dates and get to know someone before I can get into the kinky stuff. Things don’t work for me if I don’t have an emotional connection.

[Deleted Member]

I'm taking a step back and doing a couple of vanilla speed dating type nights next week. It's all new to me, never done that but it's closer to when I started relationships in the 90s actual people, in person.

I am not convinced that the occasional date via a ONS is the way forward for myself and many. Not many want to date here for instance. Where as if you go to an event everyone has had to get themselves dresses and ready, make the effort to get there, so they must want to date. I'd assume the same if someone on here wanted to meet for coffee but yet to experience that.

I'm rubbish with labels and dont usually attach myself to labels but I think I'm demi sexual, perhaps an old fashioned and old school, mid 40's type of demi sexual.

[ey****]

I do kinda miss the concept of dating - I was talking about this last night actually when I was talking with a friend, who, a bit like me she travels round the country for one reason or another and tries to see as many friends as possible while she is there 

and I was on about hypothetical people it'd be nice to meet for a coffee and then - I half wonder if by extension it could be at least a kinda date

[Deleted Member]

I usually always go on dates first.
I preffer a F+ at least. I hate ONS’s so I preffer to get to know someone a little first and see if communication works and if we’re on the same wavelength

[Po****]

Kink before dates is a non-starter for me. I like to take my time to choose my partners. I have lots of *love* to give and I can’t let it fall into the wrong hands :P

[sa****]

The so much you can learn about someone just by goin on dates with them it now a days it bout how fast can we get out of the stuff we have on

[Mosquitor]

Definitely needs to be a date first. It's important for me to have an emotional connection before getting onto anything more intimate.

[Du****]

I love all these comments saying how important that ‘connection’ is - whether romantic/spiritual/mental/emotional, it gives me hope to know that I’m not the only one who wants to take their time ☺️

[Sh****]

Personally a date is best for me. Question of safety and to see if we have compatibility mentally and physically. But to each their own.

[Deleted Member]

I believe getting to know someone is very important and with respect that way you can understand mentally before physically