sub becoming distant

[Deleted Member]

What is the best course of action when a sub pulls away, creates distances and communicates poorly?

[ca****]

Move on!
No communication = red flags.
You can always try and find out their reasons and help them with any issues they have ongoing but the lack of communication is always bad news.

[ey****]

it's clear there is something up with them

it might be that they are considering ending the arrangement

it might be something in their personal life taking priority

while it's important to give them space, it's also important to let them know that it is safe for them to share their feelings with you - even if you might not like what's bothering them 

[Synister_X]

You can't have a Sub who comunicates poorly... You need to make her understand, you need to know where she's at for her sake. I always say the Dom/Sub relationship is a trust game. They trust that we're not going to go to far and wshat we're doing is for their pleasure but we can only do that if they're honest with us or how do we know how too far is.... We have to trust their reactions and their words to know how to do our part, if she can't communicate to you what's up then it's not going to go well.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks mate

[Ro****]

Sometimes, breathing space is helpful. Chasing a leaf on the pond will never be caught.

As we are all human sometimes we have our ups and downs. If they do not on their own return communication then it's for the best.

However I think you'll find communication will most likely return.

However like any relationship sometimes people drift apart.

[Ch****]

Long distance relationship or in person?
.
For in person, make sure she has space away from you, encase she needs to process the relationship. Enjoying being hit can be a hard thing to process.
.
If long distance, make sure things you can’t see are okay. She might have difficulties she feels she can’t burden you with. Allow her to know she can open up.

[Deleted Member]

Yup..Wish them well and keep it moving. Communication is key in any relationship and this lifestyle calls for over communication with constant check ins and reassurance. Remember, the subs are the ones with the absolute power at the end of the day. It’ sucks that many humans these days have issues expressing themselves.But as for me I won’t entertain a sub like that moving forward unless she apologizes and reassures me it won’t happen again. Considering that the both of you laid out the rules of engagement and disengagement before hand. If not it’s ok, you live and you learn. Charge it to the game. Also, as a Dom your care game needs to be on point, if she/he/they or them can’t trust you have their best interest at hand you will always lose them.

[ca****]

I would agree ....   poor communication is 'poor' communication..........  

 

I would ask them to try and explain...... i expect they will either be straight up or continue the poor communication....

[Bl****]

If you really care, reach out. One of my littles is distant. I was about to give up when my last ditch effort got the story from him. I try to put in extra effort to try and help him forget if just for awhile.

[Bl****]

Plus, I try and message him at least every other day to tell him he is a good man, and I look forward to our next scene.

[Deleted Member]

Pull away yourself. If it's something they wanted, they would make the effort to reach out. If they aren't communicating, and creating distance, it kinda speaks for itself.

[Hu****]

As a sub - it sounds like they are not happy with the current arrangement. Try to find out any issues they may have but if the communication stays poor sounds like you need a new sub.

[co****]

Let them go, leave them alone. Move along to your next sub! One has to teach the sub how to act.

[an****]

Recognizing that it’s over isn’t always easy.

[Matttster]

It’s the same as with any relationship, communication. Good relationships are based on openness and honesty. The best way to find out why someone (sub, Dom, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.) is pulling away or acting different is to hear it from them.

I think it can be more difficult for some submissives to communicate as openly with their Top because of their submissiveness, which means the Top may have to work a little harder to make sure their partner is comfortable being open and honest.

[Deleted Member]

To do absolutely nothing. Remember why you started this path. It’s purely, mental and physical. Reel it back in. Maintain your dominance. Become available too.

[Du****]

Your choice of words assigns all the blame to the sub. “Pulls away”, “creates distance”, and “communicates poorly”. If you’re absolutely satisfied that you have done everything in your power to provide a safe and comfortable environment for open communication; that you’ve used non-accusatory language and neutral space to encourage the sub to engage; and clearly explained your own feelings about the change you’ve perceived - if you have done all that and the sub does not wish to respond in a way that will enable change, then you politely respect their decision and both of you move on separately.
There are red flags here; sorry, but from your own words - they’re on you.

[Deleted Member]

Ask, directly. Where you go from there dictates what happens next. Might be a legitimate reason, might be they're having a wobble and need support. Might be they want to end it but don't know how. Might even be that they don't realise that they are a poor communicator because I don't understand what's expected

[Deleted Member]

The best course is to allow them to go through whatever it is they are going through. There may be many reasons they have pulled away and some of them may be to do with you. If you allow them space they may come back. Only at that point is it useful to start talking about what happened. Attempts to intervene now are likely to exacerbate the situation. If you respect them give them space. It can be super hard - especially if you’ve developed feelings for them. But those are things for you to work through on your own if and until you can talk with them about it. I wish you all the best as the situation unfolds 🙏🏻

[Deleted Member]

I would ask them! Not everyone knows how to express themselves, let alone in a healthy way, so tell them you have noticed them pulling away. You want to know if there is anything you can do to help, etc. If they continue to say nothing or are unwilling to communicate, then I would take additional action. That action depends on the type of dynamic you have but can be therapy, pausing the dom/sub dynamic until communication gets better, or terminating the dynamic.

[Da****]

I am in the same position, one of my subs is pulling away.. says she has a lot of stress in her life right now and doesn't want to burden her sub *** and myself with it. We have to her multiple times that we are here for her and she is not a burden.. but to no avail. I just keep reaching out hoping she let's me help her...Sometimes I feel like I failed her as her Dom...

[ch****]

Had about 10 women on here that talk to me, after a week, they end up ghosting on me. So many variables to this game.

[Deleted Member]

True. All the subs I’ve had just vanished. Without a trace.

[CopperKnob]

Overthinking is my toxic trait so I need to have that constant contact (not every minute but at least daily contact in some form of another) but I'm able to express that as a need. So I think in your situation, if you've expressed it as a need and they've not been able to provide a rationale or worse, ignored it/not willing/unable to communicate what's going on for them, I'd personally leave it.