sub becoming distant

[Lo****]

Usually it means something occurred that made that sub uncomfortable and have yet found a way to verbalize it. I would suggest creating a comfortable space at an emotional level for them to ease in with their reservations.

[Deleted Member]

In the immortal words of Frozen - Let it go.

[Deleted Member]

Diminished communication can be due to a number of reasons, while not ideal, you dont know the reasons for that pull back so pushing will pretty much always lead to further pull back.

As hard as it is, all you can do is rein*** your support and care toward them, offer assistance if need be and wait it out. Its tough for you yes, but whatever it is they are going through is likely a lot harder so be patient and respectful.

[Deleted Member]

You can communicate If there are emotions involved
But I suggest to move on

[dj****]

Agreed with captain kink. Communication is very important. Alot of times depending on the play and if after care isn't done correctly it can lead to them feeling unwanted and just a toy to be used. So they lose interest and fall into them selfs. for my after care i always make sure to cuddle and give lots of love. That way they understand that the play is just that play and that it doesn't follow into the rest of the relationship unless wanted of course. I think the best thing todo is to show that you care. Take your sub out on a nice date, a new outfit. And just try to talk.

[Deleted Member]

Just try to communicate and make sure your sub knows you are there for her. As a sub, I had my first hard impact scene and I was not ok afterwards. Just seeing my Dom’s name on my phone made me have bad flashes of what happen and then as flashbacks to bad relationships. I did tell them I was in *** just from the play and due to my disability but I communicate of saying good morning and good night texts with ***d smiles to make sure that my Dom know I was not abandoning him but I needed to distance to relook of staying in a D/s relationship if that is expected all the time or if I need to put some limits that I thought were soft to hard but I needed the time to decide and not be influenced by anyone. Maybe you as a Dom need to do the same of having a mandatory check in per day when not living around the person. If they are committed, they will do at least the bare minimum even on the worst of days.

[sa****]

Move on!
No communication = red flags.
You can always try and find out their reasons and help them with any issues they have ongoing but the lack of communication is always bad news

[Se****]

I can only speak for myself in this instance but if I’m pulling away or becoming distant from someone it’s because I’ve picked up on something from the other person. Perhaps their communication has made me feel I’m not wanted or needed, perhaps they haven’t been as “available” to me as they have in the past, perhaps I need more but don’t want to burden them with trying to get more. 

The other thing that can make me pull away is *** - generally of how I’m feeling and how emotionally attached I’m becoming.

 Ultimately when I try to pull away or push someone away it’s because I need reassurance that I’m still valued and wanted by them. 

But that’s just me and I’m a little weird. 

[Ki****]

Submissive person works to help people,the people pleaser in me makes it almost impossible to say when something is bothering them. I am like this I retreat in my safe zone at home and don’t allow anyone to know what is bothering me. I make it harder on myself by bottling it up.Trusting is hard for me I overthink things and that makes it even worse, loss of sleep over eating depression. Is not handled correctly and speaking one’s mind can make us mentally ill even worse we are meant to feel our feelings and express our feelings and be safe doing that I’m glad I’m in a relationship now that I can voice how I feel and be taken seriously at my feelings have value

[Nylon-Nellie]

@FreetobareYour reply makes sense to me. And no, you are not a little weird. I can see a lot of me in your reply. 

[pa****]

In my past experience, I had a Sub so this to me. He started talking to me less and less until he eventually ghosted me and if I'm being perfectly honest, it still messes w my head. Idk what I did wrong to make him run away and I'm still not over it. I think it's best if you manage your expectations by accepting the end could be nearing and to prepare for the worst bc you never know what's going to happen in this lifestyle.

[Deleted Member]

Like caption-kink said "The lack of communication is always bad news"... To me "The End".😔 Only you can know the best course of action. Good luck.🍀

[ta****]

Respect their position and move on

[Mr****]

Take full control of your sub for a period of time, have a nice romantic staycation and be a passionate, kind, and loving dom. You could restrain subby and roll them tightly in a blanket, cradle them in your arms and between your legs, feed them pieces of fruit or small chocolates, put on a movie and set the lights down low, just any manner of romantic service and coddling to remind your subby that you love them so much. And after that, all manner of hyper stimulating sexual activities that brings their hot passion up to boiling lust and overflows.
In short; romance your partner, spoil them, make their dreams come true

[Bl****]

I told my semi distant sub about this post. How in the beginning, I wasn't sure how to get through. I kept trying, and he told me what was wrong. That everyone is worth a 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th attempt. He told me that he was glad I tried. Now he knows I'm there for him. He knows he can talk out problems with me.

He is an amazing guy who was truly worth it. His telling me of his problems has helped us grow closer. 😊

[BruiseWayne]

Depends on how long you've been involved for and how deep your connection is, but either way it can't hurt to ask them what's going on, give them a chance to explain things. More often than not however, unfortunately when someone becomes distant they're usually considering ending things though. Sad to say but that's usually the way it goes. Even if they assure you that everything is fine that might not necessarily be true because either they don't want to put in the effort to actually explain things, or they don't want to go through formally breaking things off. It's too easy and acceptable to just ghost on people these days no matter what level of involvement you seem to have with them and most folks seem to prefer taking that route to avoid to avoid a big messy emotional conversation. I've been through this a few times myself and it pretty much always marked the beginning of the end of things.

Edited July 20, 2022 by BruiseWayne

[Deleted Member]

Hey Dark Knight, some things unfortunately are out of our control. All you can do is be supportive and present. The rest is up to her. Hope this helps

[Mon79]

On 7/14/2022 at 3:17 AM, Freetobare said:

I can only speak for myself in this instance but if I’m pulling away or becoming distant from someone it’s because I’ve picked up on something from the other person. Perhaps their communication has made me feel I’m not wanted or needed, perhaps they haven’t been as “available” to me as they have in the past, perhaps I need more but don’t want to burden them with trying to get more. 

The other thing that can make me pull away is *** - generally of how I’m feeling and how emotionally attached I’m becoming.

 Ultimately when I try to pull away or push someone away it’s because I need reassurance that I’m still valued and wanted by them. 

But that’s just me and I’m a little weird. 

Well I must be weird too cos those factors also make me pull away I don’t wanna become a pest but I do need those little check ins and reassurance I think too many Dom’s take subs for granted and that’s a shame x