Trust issues

[Deleted Member]

I have known dom and masters in the past that are beyond cruel. It seems to start the same they are respectful and caring but once there is some trust and or bond they turn into monsters. As a sub how do you find one that isnt going to change? What makes you keep trying instead of just hiding what you really want out of ***?

[CaramelRose87]

Hey love
Are you implementing contracts? If not please get a contract about the do and don’ts about what’s expected.
If they break the agreement and they break the contract and you leave!
Are you ok ? Are u safe?

[Ke****]

Stop being scared. Confess your kink, wear it as a badge of honor, and have the time of your life😘

[pu****]

When I was a Dom I always treated it like getting into character cause most of the time I'm really nice. So I think a nice person the rest of the time will be a good choice For a good dom

[ey****]

contracts aren't worth the paper they're printed on

but, they do have the use that they spell out what you expect and agree to even if they are not binding so some find them useful as part of communication - but a "monster" isn't going to respect this anyway

I am sorry this is happening - you can take things slower again and/or seek out references 

[bb****]

I think you can be Dom and kind
At same instances Dom doesn't mean you have to be a bully it means your the dominant out of the two or stable you just have to keep it together coming the situation don't shovel down their throats so yo speak
You just the dominant once you gain respect in trust in that role doesn't mean it's time to be ruthless unless you like ruthless be in control not a child getting back.at everyone who though your penis mite of ben small in high school and gym class shower.
I hate bull's I himk punks lol

[dj****]

Oh thats a hard one. Personally as a master Somthings transfer to normal day to day life But always with respect and out of fun. But Never full blown at all times. That leads to nothing but problems. When finding a master/Dom you have to set ground rules to what you expect in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. To many get lost in the power and want that feeling all the time. Its hard to find one that will follow these rules that are set in place. If they don't want to be respectful then keep trying till you find one that fits what you want.

[Lord_Talion]

If yoy keep running into those kinds of Dom/Master's. I'd suggest showing trust at the right moment without actually giving it. As though to keep in the back of your mind that other shoe is gonna drop and you're ready for it.

[Deleted Member]

44 minutes ago, CaramelRose87 said:

Hey love
Are you implementing contracts? If not please get a contract about the do and don’ts about what’s expected.
If they break the agreement and they break the contract and you leave!
Are you ok ? Are u safe?

Yea im fine atm that was a good bit ago and no one ever told me about contracts till later.

[Ravenous7]

2 hours ago, pulaski278 said:

When I was a Dom I always treated it like getting into character cause most of the time I'm really nice. So I think a nice person the rest of the time will be a good choice For a good dom

agree with you on that. it's a role i play and it's not my every day life.

[Deleted Member]

Well by the sound of it i guess i just found all the abusive, hateful douches. Even when the terms and limits were discussed and agreed on they never stoped no matter how ***y or broken i was. I like *** to a point but i dont want to bleed.

[ge****]

It's a difficult one and one you can't tell 100% in *any* relationship even with someone you think you really know.
.
Taking your time and not rushing into things will certainly help, and where kink is concerned being as informed as you can possibly be about the lifestyle, your own wants and needs and what is acceptable to you will help you question others to confirm that expectations are aligned at least.
.
Sadly though there is no foolproof way of *knowing* if someone is trustworthy or not without taking those initial steps - but you can at least take them with a level of knowledge by questioning them about themselves and spending time with them socially etc before jumping in feet first.
.
Never be afraid to ask questions or to back away if something seems off either - if someone won't answer or objects to questions or gets upset because you back off or ask them to slow down, then it's a warning sign for sure.

[Lo****]

Make sure you keep rigidly to the personal boundaries you set. If someone puts a toe over your boundaries, that’s a warning sign. If they don’t back off when told, walk away. If you’re with an ***r, and you let them get away with something, even small things early on in a relationship, they will know they can get away with it and they will start to push more and more.

[Deleted Member]

"Love is like a flower, you have to let it grow." (John Lennon)

Trust is a bit like a flower too.

[Deleted Member]

Ask for references from previous subs

[ch****]

I think a**holes like that are why i have such a problem i have been told many times that they were worried i was too good to be true. But i am me.

[Eb****]

As a Dom i feel boundand expectations are important. In reality its the sub that gives the dom power as they are submitting. Though as a Master the counter part is a slave...

It's important at the start of any relationship to detail your limits.
I do 3 limits in my relationships to be clear of boundaries

Soft limits: things you enjoy but dont need in every scenario or over played. Ex: ass slapping, spitting, choking, degrading words, hair pulling ect.

Hard limits: things you may be curious about but dont feel comfortable with exploring yet. These can only be explored with expressed consent. Ex: anal, public play, cnc, watersports and ect.

Absolute limits: these are things that once stated as not an intrest they are never to be brought up and fully respected. Most pf the time they are extreme kinks but everyone has a different perspective and can vary on what you may find as a hard pass. There is no *** with an absolute limit, no seduction to get this to happen. Only the one that expressed the hard limit can bring the conversation to change it or explore it up.

I have a sub that love being physically degraded, ***d and some water sports. But hates verbal degrading, so we focus play around her limits.

I want to point out that, like with all relationships, theres always a learning curve and need of patience but patience should come with shown effort. Hope this helps.

[ch****]

@Ebonydom69- i honestly dont think any one could have said this better with good communication trust eventually should not be an issue. This is part of the reason i chose this app because a lot of communication is needed in this community.

[Mr****]

I'm not experienced and I personally couldn't see myself becoming excessively cruel, so all I could really think is to try atleast lashing out and making your feelings known. If they don't care that you are unhappy, you just have to leave and find the right dom