Finding a woman or mistress

[Sleepysix6]

So my problem is finding a mutual person for my fetish I love pegging a femdom and want a mistress that just in it for the sex I don’t want to pay and won’t  but I keep getting women trying to con me where r the women I want to grow and stick with a mistress that want to not just because I paying it just is not an option for me any help I am about to give up this long search and never be able to be fullied 

[3S****]

Some women would be up for this but you have to realise that as they are not professionals they do tend to want to build up some level of trust beforehand. You're going to have to invest in some way. As a Femdom myself i completely object to being used.

[ey****]

to be honest. I'd just give up.

Currently you're viewing women as fetish vending machines and you want it set to free vend.  

You're going to need a serious rethink of attitude.

I've actually just been pegged by my wife.  So, yeah, these relationships exist - but we'd actually been together 9 years before she pegged me the first time (even if we have been discussing trying for the past 2 years - the delay down to some of my own confidence and it's need others to help me a bit)

Where are the women? Go to where they are.  Step away from the computer unless using it to look up fetish events, parties and munches.   Alternatively, if sex is pretty much your only interest - try vanilla circles and make a deadpool joke around International Women's Day. 

[Pe****]

I understand the way you feel, but also agree with the replies.

Personally I am not that keen on visiting professional Mistresses for two reasons.

Firstly, just as you have indicated, I don't like the idea that they may only be in it for the ***.  I do recognize that I mustn't consider a partner as a "free fetish vending machine", and don't object 100% to paying, but would need to feel my partner was genuinely getting great pleasure from what she was doing to me.

Secondly, a Mistress who had the right combination of beauty, skill, and sexuality would almost certainly be charging an amount I could only very occasionally afford to pay.  If she only charged a nominal amount she probably wouldn't be the right one for me.

I continue to hope that, against all the odds, I find a Mistress who IS genuinely in it for the pleasure and who DOESN'T charge more than I could afford on a regular basis.  But I won't hold my breath!

[Deleted Member]

Look at it from the Lady's point of view; She could work her ass off for a few hundred dollars a week, or She could work someone else's ass off for a few hundred dollars a session! What's a Girl to do, after all She does need to pay the bills & eat etc. So, if a Woman was so inclined towards pegging, or if She didn't mind doing it, why on earth wouldn't She charge?

You say that you're looking for a Mistress who's just in it for the sex, but what does a Lady really get out of pegging sexually? Unless She's using some kind of device that stimulates Her, not so much. Women who like it tend to do so for the power aspects, not the physical pleasure they derive from it. However, I've heard of some Girls cumming with the right harness/equipment, but it's not necessarily the norm. Some Women will do it for their partners out of love, some will do it for ***, some will do it as part of their lifestyle; but to imagine that you're going to find someone who wants to do it just for sex is ever so slightly optimistic to say the least. I'm not saying it's entirely impossible, just highly improbable.

Good luck sunshine, because you're most certainly going to need it.

Edited October 28, 2018 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

Thinking about it - I know a fair few Ladies in my local area who love pegging.

Some are open about it, some not so much.

The ones not so much because they know their inboxes will be filled with "peg me" messages.

None of which have actually pegged me, one did offer once - but that's another story.

But, it becomes a case of being an invested interest in the person and not just because they may peg you.
There are lots of things women get out of pegging - and - not being a woman myself I can't list all them, just things people have told me, and it's obviously on an individual basis.

But, very few have much incentive to peg a stranger and that's where people fall short.
To give incentive could be because you're in a relationship, or because you're friends and the trust is there and it seems fun - or of course, professional paid sessions.

People do struggle with the idea of enjoyment vs "because they're being paid".  The two aren't mutually exclusive.

But, um, let's take another scenario.  Someone approaches the idea with a wife or partner and it's not for them, but they do it anyway for whatever reason.  Then they're neither enjoying it nor being paid!  

So, the logic can work either which way.

In terms of costs... obviously one such factor with Pro-Domme sessions is there are overheads.
I sat and did some figures with a friend of mine who does pro work and by the time she's paid the premise hire and her transport costs - an hour long session gets her around £40.  When you then take away the time arranging the session, the travel time, the session time and aftercare - this works out at being below the minimum wage.

It only becomes more viable with 2 hour sessions, or if there are more than one session on the day - and this is often not the reality.    This also doesn't include other overheads!

However, something I will suggest as being a bit more cost effective is a strap-on party.  There are 2 I'm aware of, one in London and one in Worcester - I can't remember the London cost, but Worcester is £150 and it's 3 hours and 4 Ladies.  London is either £150 or £200.

I've not actually been to a party, although had wanted to - a mixture of dates and travel cost issues had put me back.   

[Mi****]

I really hate the assumption that pro dommes are only interested in the ***. I have been a pro domme for over ten years and believe me if I only did it for the *** I would have given up long ago

[Sissy4unow]

I have found the exact same problem as soooo many ladies only wanting to take advantage of the mans desperation. 

 

This is sad for two reasons, 1- it gives girls who genuinely enjoying the femdom fetish a really bad name and 2-it highlights how desperate the male species are. Whilst I have been pegged on a number of occasions before and love it unlike the commentor at the top I don’t think you should lose faith just lose the desperation. Approach a femdom/mistress as you would any other girl do the impossible and try to create a bond with a few messages if it fails get back on the horse and try again she wasn’t the one to fuck ya hehe hope this helps 

 

sissy 

[ey****]

to be honest - when you use words like "ladies only wanting to take advantage of the mans desperation" you kinda lose all credibility in what you say afterwards.   This is basically like saying restaurants take advantage of people's hunger or taxi's take advantage of people's wanting to get home.

You don't have to pay anyone - but it's an option.  Incidentally, as someone who has unashamedly spent time with Professionals (and I'm certainly not desperate. This is all done with my wife's knowledge and consent) discussing pegging specifically; I've been pegged more times when it was not in a paid session than when it was.

Not that it would matter if it was the other way around.   But my point is... things kinda happen when you treat the person first and your fetish second.  

Don't go contacting lists of women with the hope they'll peg you.  If you complain about talking to women and *bang* suddenly it was about *** all along - you are not a bit better if you're talking to women and *bang* it was suddenly about whoever would peg you all along.    Learn your double standards.

It's in the attitude. 

Those who work professionally do genuinely enjoy Femdom - but - most people who genuinely enjoy Femdom aren't gonna dispense kinks to everybody that asks.  This is where many go wrong.   They expect the services of a Pro without paying for it just by sending lists of fetishes or cold contacting people about their interests.

Contact people who genuinely interest you and "genuinely interest" should never be "they're a woman and mention they like my fetish" because that *is* the desperation you're trying to avoid.  Actually try getting outside and getting to know people.  

[bdeviled1]

On 9/20/2018 at 7:53 AM, Sleepysix6 said:

So my problem is finding a mutual person for my fetish I love pegging a femdom and want a mistress that just in it for the sex I don’t want to pay and won’t  but I keep getting women trying to con me where r the women I want to grow and stick with a mistress that want to not just because I paying it just is not an option for me any help I am about to give up this long search and never be able to be fullied 

 

[bdeviled1]

Strangely enough I have had the same problem, plenty of Mistresses interested in my bank balance rather than interested me for the sake of me.

I thought that such Mistresses weren't allowed on here except if registered under another section of the site

[ey****]

those with a financial interest should be marked with a € on their profile - but otherwise, no, it's exactly the same access (as should be)

if they don't have such a symbol - you can politely tell them to register and/or report their profiles (but only if there is financial interest - don't go reporting people for the sake of it)

 

This is one of the landmines of online dating (on any dating site) but, there are many people here who have interests outside finances - but that doesn't mean the default is they're interested in you.  As often, consider looking at events in real life as well as online

[Dearelliot]

My thoughts Re pro  domes, and the *** only part of it. 

Well like anything else *** is important, ask a doctor or veterinary to work for free and then go to visit his empty  office.

Next Dommes need to live, they have expenses, so if they have to work a 40 or more hour week plus work a home etc, they might be like wives and rather  relax when not working

Next like anyone else some do some don't, one rule doesn't fit all. nor is every occasion the same, if you call to meet her, her life might not be in just the perfect stage for  sex and dominance that particular hour that you want just like a wife.

My experience build up a good friendship with a dome and often it works out better than you thought, but sometimes it may be just like a wife,  most try to make you think they love having sex  and they get damn good at it.

And for me most important, There are damn few things in life that give me the pleasure that I get from a naked Dominant woman, and a new car, expensive restaurants, high end shops and clothing, nope, they are not important to me, so ***ing my *** away on Dommes seems to me to be a no brainer. 

 

[ey****]

I could go onto a side argument with "how much do Pros actually earn for the work they do" - answer, more work than you think for lower income than you think.  Yes, we all know the ladies who rake it in - but they're exceptions not the norm.

Anyway.

I'm privileged enough to have met many Pros, through sessions, filming or social interactions.

Some have zero desire for owned slaves. Some want as many as they can have. Others assess things on their merits.

This also could be a thread in it's own right, but the best way to make sure you do not become an owned slave is to immediately seek to be one.

Because the problem with that approach is that you want from her what you'd pay for, except for free.

Some Ladies have different requirements for if you wish to be an owned slave and I wouldn't say it's a game, but it's a different kind of approach.

I need to be careful for what I say because of confidentialities - but generally we're looking at bespoke requirements for bespoke relationships.

Some for example will not require tributes in some circumstances when they'd normally expect one from a client.  

Or in some circumstance it' d be reduced

Or in some... it wouldn't be any different.

Some relationships the sub pays a monthly amount as part of. Some they do not.

But in all it's important to note that if this is a path you go down, it is not a case of getting what you'd pay for, for free

A lot of guys get very muddled by this.  

I think, regardless of the route you take - whether the person is a Pro or someone socially, if you want to enhance your relationship with them Dominant to you - the question is,  what can you do to elevate them. To improve and enrich their life.  What can you to make things better for them, so they will want to indulge your fetishes (even if they share them) with you.

[Sissy4unow]

So having not checked this blog in a few years actually I thought I would take the opportunity to reply to eyemblacksheep who it appears has strong and interesting views and that’s what a forum is all about and I applaud you for it. I would go as far as to instantly dismiss your “opinion” with statements like “you lose all credibility” I would however say that I don’t believe that desperation to be pegged is the same as hunger. It’s more like something you’re in the mood to eat. It’s sad that submission is so easily mistaken for desperation as in my opinion only they aren’t the same thing. 
 

submission by its nature however needs someone else to take the lead and when it is so rare to find this it makes things escalate quickly……. 
 

that all being said that’s what makes our hearts race when we get it! So wish you all luck with your kinks especially you @eyemblacksheep 

 

mwah 

sissy 

[ey****]

35 minutes ago, Sissy4unow said:

So having not checked this blog in a few years actually I thought I would take the opportunity to reply to eyemblacksheep who it appears has strong and interesting views

Haha, that's me

 

I hope that in the, umm, 4 years since this post you've come on some way yourself.  Things are (still) going well for me in terms of pegging I've been pegged by 5 different people this year, all of which are friends to different degrees - and also went to a pegging party where I had to stop after 6 people. My poor bum had had enough.  

 

I don't see submission as automatically desperation - but too many come across a little desperate or sometimes a little entitled and this often leads to struggle more than necessary.   

[Sissy4unow]

Glad to see we are on the same page and you’re having a wonderful time happy kinks chic mwah x 

[ga****]

We'll see what happens