Need help and advice

[Deleted Member]

So i have been told i get attached to people way too easily and quick and end up hurting myself, what are some advices you can give to ne in oreder to prevent this? Is thi happening cos im too young? Inexpirience? What is it lol

[pl****]

Clear expectations and honest communication with your partner about goals and other things that are important to you

[Deleted Member]

This is a tough one. Likely a combination of many things but the only true way to handle it is to just remain as open and honest with your partner as possible, regularly check in on feelings and re evaluate if needed.

Another factor that is often less talked about and applys more (but not exclusively) to people who are newer to this world, kink is a whole bundle of emotions wrapped in to one, with lovely amounts of all the nice brain chemicals that can give amazing feelings, its very easy to imprint that on to your partner and associate all those feelings with them as opposed to the feelings coming from the acts themselves. Its a hard one to balance but becomes much easier to navigate as time goes on.

Id also like to rein*** that becoming attached isnt a bad thing, the only time this may cause some issues is if it’s not something your partner wants/knows how to handle, but it just comes down to a difference in needs, you could just be one of those people that are overly affectionate and get attached easily and there’s nothing wrong with that, or you! Just need to find a partner that is aware of it and it isnt an issue for or even someone who can help you manage those feelings and emotions.

[Deleted Member]

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but imo, you don't need to change. Own who you are. Find someone who matches your intensity early on. Honestly, yes, there will be *** because not everyone gets attached like that, but thats just a sign that they likely weren't a good fit for you.

If you try to change yourself in order to make it with someone else, then you won't end up happy. Don't be in a relationship for the sake of being in the relationship.

[ge****]

Unfortunately not an easy one to solve - the simple answer is to try and maintain a distance and not dive in too quickly but we all know it's not as simple as that in reality.
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It's not age or experience related either necessarily, but more about the person you are.
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There are times in the past when I've struggled with it, and some of those the recent-ish past too - and the one thing I have found helped when I have sensed I'm heading that way is to try and think objectively rather than subjectively about the situation, and recognise what I am doing for what it is.
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Switching your mindset like that can often help you see more clearly and recognise that you're thinking about things not how you're supposed to.

[Deleted Member]

IMO Remember most people are decisive, untill there not... 🤣 End of the day you just gotta keep trying till you find someone that matches your core ideologys. And it's easy to fall in love after just a couple months, I think that's normal. Problem is you and they won't know if you're/they are "right" till much after that. If you fall down, get up and try again! It sucks but it's just how it is unfortunately. Again just my opinion!

[Go****]

Well if it results in ***, I suggest you learn the art of detachment. Healthy attachment/detachment styles are mandatory when it comes to forming a relationship with anyone. Start viewing yourself as the prize. Realize it’s a privilege for anyone to be in your presence. Dive into yourself and address your trauma. Spend more time with you. Sometimes we as humans get attached due to the lack of attention we even give ourselves.

[Mr****]

You put far too much attention towards seeking a mate. Especially if you try to s***d through the necessary steps you have to take to build a connection. Try to focus some of that energy into a neat hobby, something like a craftsman hobby or charity work can really relax your yearning anxiety so you are more comfortable with taking things slow. Additionally, a fine hobby is wonderful attribute for someone to have, it will even increase your chances at gaining someone's interest. It is also important to know that spending so much time agonizing over loneliness can really destroy your mentality, and if you do that for too long and too often, it's only going to make things more difficult.
The key takeaway is, you should take more time to enjoy the journey and cherish the time spent with somebody so your destination is all the better.

[My****]

Not sure but byou must be submissive and if so you need to do as you’re told if there’s something you don’t like byoull probably be disciplined but you need to go if it’s too m much for you or just take your discipline constantly

[Un****]

1 hour ago, randomsarcasm said:

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but imo, you don't need to change. Own who you are. Find someone who matches your intensity early on. Honestly, yes, there will be *** because not everyone gets attached like that, but thats just a sign that they likely weren't a good fit for you.

If you try to change yourself in order to make it with someone else, then you won't end up happy. Don't be in a relationship for the sake of being in the relationship.

Agree entirely, with the addition that you should be honest with your partner if you develop those feelings, but accept that they might not reciprocate them. Be true to yourself and one day you'll find somebody who matches what you're putting out.

[Wo****]

You will honestly next win here, I was once told you are too available, when I was trying to work around their “busy” schedule. People act like they want someone but then don’t put in effort

[bebop26]

I'm the same way and I am going through a very emotional time right now because of it.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks everyone fot the great answers

[ey****]

a lot kinda depends... in what way

it might be that you're doing nothing wrong as such, but your style just isn't compatible

or it might be that... patience is your friend, especially in kink - it's great someone is interested - you have all the time to get a look and feel for each other 

[Be****]

My questions to you: is this only affecting your relationships or extends to other aspects of your life? Is only with intimate relationships or all kind?

I agree with many here saying be open and up front, but there might be something else lingering in the back of your head, hence the questions.

The first thing is accept who you are and what you feel, recognize it and acknowlwdge the root of this tendency. Then you'll be able to work it and manage your own expectations.

Feel free to DM if you want to keep talking in private. I'll be happy to help.

[Ak****]

Having a passionate and loving heart is never a bad thing, that being said don't forget to use your head as people have their own motives- be that love, lust, greed, ***, loneliness, etc. They're goals may not align with yours and that could cause heart break. Getting older and gaining more experiences can make us more jaded, a little wiser but ultimately maintaining a loving heart is something to cherish.
I agree, talk to your partner (s) and communicate your goals, desires and evaluate your feelings often to see if they have grown and make you a better or worse person for it.

[Dy****]

People criticize others as a projection of their own shortcomings. The best strategy in your circumstance is to divorce yourself of the critique you are receiving from those that are leaving you. They are communicating that they are not ready for what you offer. That is nothing to apologize for, nor change about yourself.

[ke****]

I was always told I was too nice, which used to really wind me up. Now I just say whatever, if they love you they love you if not then it's time to move on, I've also learnt not to chase love, if it's going to happen it will

[Da****]

I know exactly what you mean man. I'm in the same way

[se****]

Just happened to me recently too

[bu****]

Hi from Dave in Port Huron Michigan