Dom being distant

[Lo****]

My ‘Dom’ used it as a punishment for a week. Absolute silence. I finished with him. It’s the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to me.

It was one of only three hard limits I told him at the start. It’s never acceptable. 

[Deleted Member]

that seems unnecessary and pretty abusive. if there anyway to open that communication speak on how it makes you feel.

[Da****]

2 hours ago, Bayrem said:

I ignore my SUB to see how much I am in control of her life and if she stays waiting for me devoted like a dog she will have the best reward because she was good girl

But do you ignore her after and argument or disagreement?

[de****]

No. Full stop.

[AlphaLion]

I think you have your answer here. But nope, not the way I think a Dom should operate. Very much not how I operate. The whole point of a Dom sub relationship is the connection, the trust and the relationship. How can any of that flourish if one side is stone walling. Doesn't make sense.

[Ch****]

Active ignoring, as a punishment, is different from ignoring you.
.
Leaving you in a corner, looking at a wall, while your dom watches TV is not the same as ignoring your calls and texts for days because you “won” an argument or en***d a limit.
.
See if your dom is doing the first, I personally consider the second to be inappropriate.

[Do****]

It's a punishment that people who call them selves doms, but are not, resort to. It normally points to a "Dom" not knowing how to be in charge and deal with mistakes or disobedience... They probably can't distinguish between the two either.

[pl****]

My Dom has never done that to me. He usually will spank or flog me depending on the severity of the infraction. And if it’s minor he will play with me by putting heat warming lube on my clit and just blow on me driving me wild and won’t let me cum til the very end of our time together.

[ey****]

to say is it normal

well; this isn't the first discussion on this - nor do I imagine it to be the last.

Is it acceptable?

Like; if you have done something to genuinely upset your partner (or vice versa) and it is clear or made clear that some space to think and calm down is for the best - that is one thing

But as a punishment... nope.  (I guess corner time is one thing)

the kinda silent or distant treatment is a cruel way to punish someone and not cruel in a "nastiest toy in the box" kinda way - but it, by accident or design, makes the person feel isolated and abandoned.    If of course you don't feel this way then this has no control; but if you do then it can very quickly become a form of manipulation 

Punishments or reactions should be proportional to whatever has been done "wrong" and punishments themselves must be an agreed part of a dynamic - and don't have to be in every dynamic 

[Ak****]

I absolutely hate being ignored especially if I have no clue why or if I did anything wrong.

[Hothead704]

From my point of view, no. It should not be used as a punishment. Sadly I figured this out late as I did it to mine out of habit. If it makes you feel worse than a punishment should, you need to talk to your Dom about it. It's a very negative trait in my opinion, and that's coming from someone who used to do it.

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely hate this too, like he’s been said before unless they have explained a need to cool off I don’t think this is an acceptable punishment. I always ask for clear honest communication so I know if they are being distant that it will come to and end with a conversation and resolution

[an****]

Was this part on the contract or understanding?

[ki****]

A Dom tells u what Ur doing wrong and what needs to make it right... Dom and sub relationships are based on 2 things communication and responsibility....

[Do****]

No! It’s not appropriate , depending on your agreement private and social, Safe words etc. public *** outside your Dom /Sub , is *** , not appreciation and mutual respect of the intimacy shared. Boundary broken .

[Ch****]

I literally have ‚being ignored as punishment’ as a limit. That’s not how it is supposed to be.

[Li****]

This genuinely hurts every emotion and everything internal that makes me connect to people in the first place. It genuinely breaks so much trust and of the connection you spend so much time and effort in giving and creating.
I've heard of people who enjoy doing this and can handle having it done on the opposite end.
But for me personally and many others (sounds like you are alike) it isn't even an action we can comprehend or want to understand.
Sometimes I need space to understand my upset and rationalise situations and know that when I approach who upset me, I'm speaking with full thought out words, not from an instant emotional space. I'd want somebody to take that time away too if they'd react badly instantly which most people would.
Time is fine but purposefully ignoring and making a statement of it is just pure spite.
Most of the times I think I need space I'm just detaching and running away really and it's nice they realise I just need a hug and for them to know why and how its upset me.

If Doms are doing this to you and you know it isn't something that you can tolerate and even worse, it's making you question yourself and upset...these guys need to know in every detail why and how and then it's up to you whether you want to give a clean sheet with them a go, or whether it's better for both to move aside and take it for what it was- a lesson
I'm sorry this has happened to you either way. Its a very cold act.

[Wiseonthree]

Well, I look at disagreements as being a moment where authority needs to be relinquished by the Dom and both bring their point of views as adults to the table. That's a no-play situation. D/s requires a lot negotiation and communication. There are moments where I as a person get heated and need to seperate myself from the altercation so I do not say something harmful. In that sitaution I need to as a Dom communicate with my submissive that I need a day to cool down. Radio silence feels like ghosting, and the best resolution is being diligent and checking in on them in a non-aggressive way. If they do not respond , reread their 'break' time, if it lined up with waiting a bit longer be patient. Only ti'me I'd dismiss myself from a relationship is if it is direct willful disobedience followed by dishonesty. I then lose my trust in my submissive and as such wonder if everything told to me was true. I'm just explaining how I have handled it in the past.

[Lu****]

Correction silence is the last form of punishment but should honestly never be used on the sub.

[Deleted Member]

Mine has been doin this to me too. Haven't seen him in 2 weeks. Ugh

[Lu****]

No it is not ok to do that to your little/sub whatever as a form of punishment as it will lead to abandonment issues.

[Vu****]

I think it’s a sign of lack of interest. Ignoring a sub for a brief moment, as a correction, might be ok, but other than that it’s just a way of running away without taking responsibility.

[ma****]

Lemme guess this person is in his early 20's.

[la****]

Need to be told what to do

[so****]

That's one of the WORST things a Dom can do. I'm sorry. I may punish when needed, but I NEVER ignore my sub or leave them hanging. That's pure *** & not in a good way. Only shitty doms do that bullshit & I stand by that statement.