A broken hearted subs warning

[lo****]

@scottishbulldom- I always accept hugs 🤗 and to everyone thank you for your kind words and support.


I can’t talk about this with my vanilla friends they wouldn’t understand, I drank half a bottle of Jameson yesterday and today I’m still a little drunk but I’ll get through it and it makes me so sad to know this happens to so many of us.


You all have no idea how much each ray of light you’ve sent means to me. I’m out of tears but I’m always here for anyone who needs an ear.


Love , Stefanie

[Deleted Member]

🤗🤗🤗

[Th****]

I find this shocking and can only apologise on behalf of us real Domms, this seems to be a trend that is happening more and more, and I find it appauranht and vile. I am so sorry you went through all this heartbreak.

what has shocked me more is how many others have had the same treatment as yourself.

 

Ladies please accept a heart felt apology on behalf of all the real male Dorms, for all the fakes that hurt you  

[Je****]

I am so sorry this happened to you. 

I admire your courage to write this, and your strength to recognise it's not at all your fault and that he is the shitty one..!

 

It sounds like he's tried to pull you in with a false sense of security... hence the "exlcusivity" straight away. And then getting you to delete accounts etc etc... very sly person he is. 

Many seem to do this. Or make subs/partners have message filters or not allow anyone to dm them without their say so. It's to control their own web of lies usually. 

 

Shame on him. But honestly well done for opening up and voicing this. I hope people can be warned of him should they unfortunately cross paths with him. 

 

Big love.

[Do****]

That sucks it happened to you. It seems most of us are looking for something missing in out life and they fully take advantage of that . I'm a IT contractor that specializes in security . I actual have had whatsapp conversations with theses people. You are being pfished . The reason they asked the same questions is because it is a different person communicating with you . They are actually organized crime. They gathers a profile slowly. Then when enough information is obtained your life is turned into a crap show because they become you and you have cars and bank accounts open you never opened . But you did because this world has become a digital circus where someone can play the part of someone else better then themselves. Just be careful, meet people. Conversations are not enough anymore.

[Chloebear]

Sadly, he’s not the only one… there’s many on here. Many who pass themselves off as respectable whilst two or three timing unsuspecting subs. Some seeing up to six people, more… Some are secretly married, some catfish. With so many people open to poly, what’s the point in lying? It must be the deception itself a lot of them enjoy…. But you do get wiser to who is genuine. And there are genuine people out there. I hope you find one.

[sh****]

I have a rough idea of how you're feeling lovely. Sending a massive hug!! 🤗🤗 xx

[ma****]

There are so many fakes... I can understand your ***. It will get better. Don't rush anymore...

[x-****]

Oh Loki, I’m very sorry you went through this.  As one chapter closes in our lives, another opens.  Sending hugs & love 🤗💙

💙💎

[wo****]

This is awful, I’m sure it will come around on him

[Go****]

I ran into something similar via another social media platform. He turned out to be a married and later a convicted cyberstalker...what I learned is where there is smoke there is typically a fire and if it doesn't smell right it isn't right. Repeated statements or constantly forgotten statements are a big red flag.
I am sorry for what you experienced.

[Leisa]

I’m sorry you’ve been subjected to this type of treatment. You will heal and it will get better. If may take awhile but don’t rush it. I was in an abusive dynamic that ended in February. I’ve been mostly absent from the site since then but I’m slowly getting back to being me. It takes time. While not currently seeking out a dynamic, I am back because I love this place and have friends in all corners of the earth on here.

[Chloebear]

22 hours ago, Jeannot said:

Yes, it did wrong there's no doubt about it. And I am sorry for what happened to you and what you going through.
But you as well did wrong by not deleting your profile.
If you didn't know how you could had gotten help to deleted your profile, you should had gotten help from the app help section. And if you wasn't sure if he had deleted his profile you should had asked one of your friends to search for his profile.

So you both did wrong. Wrong is wrong no matter how little or big it is.

And a good thing she didn’t, or she would never have known. Your logic is what allows people like this to get away with their behaviours…. If people demand unreasonable things, you can say no. As a newer sub, that’s a learning curve.

[Deleted Member]

Oh dear Lord. Always the same song here. This is the ump***th "fake Dom" contribution within a week. Annoying that what happened, let that be clear. Now the self-reflection part, and ask yourself what went wrong, and what is your own part in this fiasco. Those are always the same three aspects. Namely, no thorough vetting, no good communication, and wanting it too much. Anyway, what can you expect from the "porn educated" generation.

[Th****]

On 7/25/2022 at 6:49 AM, Jeannot said:

Yes, it did wrong there's no doubt about it. And I am sorry for what happened to you and what you going through.
But you as well did wrong by not deleting your profile.
If you didn't know how you could had gotten help to deleted your profile, you should had gotten help from the app help section. And if you wasn't sure if he had deleted his profile you should had asked one of your friends to search for his profile.

So you both did wrong. Wrong is wrong no matter how little or big it is.

Understanding that events, munches, and BDSM Chat and internet sites are all classed as safe spaces is very important. No Dom has the right to isolate a sub from these safe spaces, these spaces are for friendship and learning.

Any dominant who isolates a submissive is a red flag, they are doing it because there is an underlying lie.

[lo****]

Wow @Traveler you’re making a lot of assumptions there my friend. Also I’m 37, I’m not new to the lifestyle and I vetted the best I could.


Maybe instead of trying to attack me for someone else’s sh**ty behavior you could just be like “hey that sucks”.

Let’s not create the precedent to blame subs for bad Dom behavior. Let’s hold our community accountable and make it the best, safest and resilient it can be, agreed?

[CopperKnob]

At no point has the OP suggested that the individual was/is a "fake Dom." They've merely called out their behaviour towards them which, by this account was sh**ty.
.
When a child is hit by a s***ding car driven by a drunk individual at a zebra crossing, do we blame them for their injuries? We tend not to because we (rightly) don't tend to blame individuals for the sh**ty behaviour of others.
That is, until it comes to people expressing upset as to how they've been treated by another in a relationship.
.
We can see from the OP and the subsequent comment from them that they are emotionally distressed by events. Yes, we can all learn from life experiences, but now is not the time, nor is it ever to victim blame.
.
And, whilst we're veering off onto the subject of education, there are numerous books that some of us may find helpful in relation to emotional intelligence

[Chloebear]

2 hours ago, Traveler said:

Oh dear Lord. Always the same song here. This is the ump***th "fake Dom" contribution within a week. Annoying that what happened, let that be clear. Now the self-reflection part, and ask yourself what went wrong, and what is your own part in this fiasco. Those are always the same three aspects. Namely, no thorough vetting, no good communication, and wanting it too much. Anyway, what can you expect from the "porn educated" generation.

‘Wanting it too much’… well you don’t only half want it if you’re on here do you? Your post implies that the fake Dom comments were unwarranted, but the lack of communication was on his side and he clearly wasn’t practising as a Dominant should.

Yes we should vet thoroughly, but let’s not blame the sub for the Dom/me’s poor practice or bad behaviours. Lack of vetting is not a get out of jail free card. And you can vet thoroughly and still end up with someone who is smart enough to maintain a good image, but is actually far below the bar you set.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, lokifangirl said:

Wow @Traveler you’re making a lot of assumptions there my friend. Also I’m 37, I’m not new to the lifestyle and I vetted the best I could.


Maybe instead of trying to attack me for someone else’s sh**ty behavior you could just be like “hey that sucks”.

Let’s not create the precedent to blame subs for bad Dom behavior. Let’s hold our community accountable and make it the best, safest and resilient it can be, agreed?

I am not known for my poetically or diplomatically worded responses.  Also, I don't use word more than is strictly necessary to make my point.  When I read my own message back, I said that it is a pity that it ended in a fiasco, your accusation is unjustified.  In my almost 35 years of running I have found that things always go wrong in the vetting, communication and expectations.  This applies to both the D and the s.  But don't expect me to wipe someone's tears and brush their ego to make them feel better.  What can be expected of me that I give someone handles, tools that they can use.  That is called passing on experiences.

[ey****]

First off - really sorry this has happened and that of course even with what feels like good rapport and good communication that things, sadly, aren't necessarily what they seem

What is also sad is the things that were red flags didn't seem that way - like - why would you keep a dating profile once you've found someone so that feels a reasonable request; but of course I think a site like this which is more than just dating, I would encourage people to change their status if appropriate; but, don't cut off the community info.

 

[Leisa]

37 minutes ago, Traveler said:

I am not known for my poetically or diplomatically worded responses.  Also, I don't use word more than is strictly necessary to make my point.  When I read my own message back, I said that it is a pity that it ended in a fiasco, your accusation is unjustified.  In my almost 35 years of running I have found that things always go wrong in the vetting, communication and expectations.  This applies to both the D and the s.  But don't expect me to wipe someone's tears and brush their ego to make them feel better.  What can be expected of me that I give someone handles, tools that they can use.  That is called passing on experiences.

What you’re doing says more about who you are as a person than any mischaracterization of her reading of your original comment. For someone who proclaims to have 35 years of experience you don’t come off as being intellectually in-tune but pompous and self-declared.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

What you’re doing says more about who you are as a person than any mischaracterization of her reading of your original comment. For someone who proclaims to have 35 years of experience you don’t come off as being intellectually in-tune but pompous and self-declared.

That's your opinion, but thanks for the feedback.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

What you’re doing says more about who you are as a person than any mischaracterization of her reading of your original comment. For someone who proclaims to have 35 years of experience you don’t come off as being intellectually in-tune but pompous and self-declared.

Reading comprehension is not for everyone.  Thanks for the feedback anyway, your opinion is very important to me.

[Chloebear]

3 hours ago, Traveler said:

I am not known for my poetically or diplomatically worded responses.  Also, I don't use word more than is strictly necessary to make my point.  When I read my own message back, I said that it is a pity that it ended in a fiasco, your accusation is unjustified.  In my almost 35 years of running I have found that things always go wrong in the vetting, communication and expectations.  This applies to both the D and the s.  But don't expect me to wipe someone's tears and brush their ego to make them feel better.  What can be expected of me that I give someone handles, tools that they can use.  That is called passing on experiences.

It’s not just the words but the condescension. And in this reply the lack of empathy. You can be helpful, share experience etc without being emotional or even comforting, and still choose not to be dismissive of a person and a whole generation.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Chloebear said:

It’s not just the words but the condescension. And in this reply the lack of empathy. You can be helpful, share experience etc without being emotional or even comforting, and still choose not to be dismissive of a person and a whole generation.

There is nothing here that makes me emotional or knocks me off my pedestal in the slightest.  I have shared an experience by making it clear that if things go wrong, there are 3 causes that play a role: vetting, communication and expectations.  Furthermore, I am well aware that no one wants to be lied to, but there is certainly no one who wants to hear the facts.  If you do give it, it is no longer about the initial, but the person is played.  This is also now apparent.  However, you too are allowed to express your personal opinion, and your feedback is very valuable and therefore very important to me.