You're doing it wrong

[ar****]

I dont get how people on apps like this and grinder and stuff just dont seem to fathom while sex may be the motive overall you cant seduce a total stranger online in one message. Please if u use these to meet possible playmates. Remember to just be chill and message them a bit just to get on that first basic friend level. In person situations are way more complex than using the web to just satisfy an urge alone. I know personally no matter how attractive either of us are. If the vibe and general comfort level isnt tended to. Even if we do meet up. I wont be able to enjoy anything. People and porn are different. Kinda think porn even exists so releasing these drives can have less long term effects...

Wanna be kinky? Be harmless first.
And not so one track minded.

[sa****]

I totally agree with this

[Deleted Member]

THIS

[Deleted Member]

I agree with this as well. I also hate the fake doms who think they can boss, etc subs. If ur wanting to play your waiting for the word

[Deleted Member]

Awesome advice!

[VeeVee420]

Yes 100%

[Deleted Member]

Using a personal preference of what and how people should use these apps for is dumb. Not everyone is on here to make friends. Some people just want to f**k lol. That doesn't mean anyone is doing it 'wrong'. If that's what works for you, great. If you can't fathom that people have different desires and consensual motivations that's your problem, not anyone else's. Stop trying to police what is and isn't acceptable based on a personal preference

[ge****]

Absolutely - trouble is a lot of people (and it is overwhelmingly, if not completely) men see "sex site" and immediately forget all the "norms" of attraction, connection and chemistry.
.
Six years or more I've been using sites like this and, being bisexual, have always been open to meeting men, but haven't met a single one (but have met several women) and the main reason is most men that contact me are either straight in with the sex talk, or wanting to meet straight away - and for me that's a major turn off.

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Absolutely - trouble is a lot of people (and it is overwhelmingly, if not completely) men see "sex site" and immediately forget all the "norms" of attraction, connection and chemistry.
.
Six years or more I've been using sites like this and, being bisexual, have always been open to meeting men, but haven't met a single one (but have met several women) and the main reason is most men that contact me are either straight in with the sex talk, or wanting to meet straight away - and for me that's a major turn off.

You're literally on a site that is geared towards non-norms. And I assure you, if you have any lesbian friends that are on dating sites they'll be quick to tell you that it's no different in terms of some people being quick to jump straight to the sex talk. I promise it's not just males lmao. Attraction, connection, and chemistry mean different things to different people. I don't understand why you think that what it means to you personally should apply to millions of other people on an app

[ar****]

Wow all im saying is treat people like more than just a d**k or p*ssy for you to use and your coming at me like im going too far? Like how dare i even say a word all the while seeming completely blind to the obvious reality that all that comes from only caring about your own sexual lust and nothing more is.. whats the word.. oh yea F**KING R*PE. literally all you just did dude is out yourself as someone who could care less as long as u get what u want. And your even so short sighted that by acting ***ed off if someone even suggests behaving respectably is offensive i would not be the tiniest bit surprised you already have some kind of charge for sexual *** on your record. Unless ur one of the ones who just hasnt been caught just yet.

You just showed your a** hard dude
Id shut the f**k up now If i were you.

Being offended by someone saying common sense wow

[CopperKnob]

24 minutes ago, Maxisthebastard said:

You're literally on a site that is geared towards non-norms. And I assure you, if you have any lesbian friends that are on dating sites they'll be quick to tell you that it's no different in terms of some people being quick to jump straight to the sex talk. I promise it's not just males lmao. Attraction, connection, and chemistry mean different things to different people. I don't understand why you think that what it means to you personally should apply to millions of other people on an app

Because respect is a key human value we should all, within any community/culture/walk of life show towards others?
Because acknowledging other peoples boundaries and not violating other peoples consent is key within the BDSM community
Because Fet is not a hook up app. They have a *** site for that.
Because even if this is a site for those that don't conform, the above are all basic enough for us all to follow as decent human beings.
Because, if your first message is nothing more than treating anyone as a kink dispenser when their bio doesn't suggest that that's OK with them, you've failed on all of the above which is what the OP is getting at

[ar****]

And for the record i really have no interest is whats ok as far as acts between consenting and willing adults. However im order to even know they are willing your kinda have to give them the chance instead of going full retard in the first message. Thats not asking too much infact that literally the bare minimum

[Therapist]

Very well said. Sadly so far have only found time wasters on here

[Du****]

1 hour ago, Maxisthebastard said:

You're literally on a site that is geared towards non-norms. And I assure you, if you have any lesbian friends that are on dating sites they'll be quick to tell you that it's no different in terms of some people being quick to jump straight to the sex talk. I promise it's not just males lmao. Attraction, connection, and chemistry mean different things to different people. I don't understand why you think that what it means to you personally should apply to millions of other people on an app

Well, Max, that’s why we read the profile first, isn’t it? So we know whether the person we’re messaging is into immediate hookups or looking to take it slowly. Then we modify our approach accordingly so that we a) don’t cause offence; b) prove we paid attention; and c) identify incompatible people and politely leave them alone.

Oh wait - no, you’re right, “non-norms” are exempted from the usual conventions of civil human interaction. Erm.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks. Artistry that's some good word.

[Deleted Member]

Wow! Everyone has valid points here! Haha I'm an ass kisser! Lol! No but really tho I started out going yeah what art guy said then read max and. Was all yeahvwhat he said . I just need someone to tell me to go to bed and quit talking out my ass. Buh bye

[ge****]

2 hours ago, Maxisthebastard said:

You're literally on a site that is geared towards non-norms. And I assure you, if you have any lesbian friends that are on dating sites they'll be quick to tell you that it's no different in terms of some people being quick to jump straight to the sex talk. I promise it's not just males lmao. Attraction, connection, and chemistry mean different things to different people. I don't understand why you think that what it means to you personally should apply to millions of other people on an app

Just because our sexual preferences may be "non-norm" doesn't mean that our approach, attitude, respect and consideration should be any different though does it?
.
You can assure me all you like, and I don't disagree that *some* women may be as you suggest, but I will bet a pound to a penny that the majority of those "women" on lesbian sites that jump straight to sex talk are men masquerading as women.
.
I didn't for a minute suggest my personal preferences *should* apply to all but did give my balanced opinion based on many years experience of sites like this - and the values of respect, consideration, attraction, connection and chemistry are indeed overlooked by many men who sign up to sites like this expecting the streets to be paved with easy sex.

[Deleted Member]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Maxisthebastard said:

Using a personal preference of what and how people should use these apps for is dumb. Not everyone is on here to make friends. Some people just want to f**k lol. That doesn't mean anyone is doing it 'wrong'. If that's what works for you, great. If you can't fathom that people have different desires and consensual motivations that's your problem, not anyone else's. Stop trying to police what is and isn't acceptable based on a personal preference

Different desires have nothing to do with consent. You're shaming one generalization for another. We all have profiles that should be read prior to contact. It's important to understand people aren't all the same and even more important to not shove our expectations on them. "Feel the room", before advancing.

[Du****]

8 minutes ago, Sw33tGirl247 said:

Different desires have nothing to do with consent. You're shaming one generalization for another. We all have profiles that should be read prior to contact. It's important to understand people aren't all the same and even more important to not shove our expectations on them. "Feel the room", before advancing.

I noticed Max’s own profile contains info that they clearly want others to consider before making contact. Funny, that.

[Da****]

Absolutely correct... me and my woman have a couple profile stating exactly what we are looking for. Yet, there is a man in the dm offering to pay her bills and blah blah blah. He was also dumb enough to add his personal number. So I called, no answer, and then texted him... since he looking for whores, I told him to get off this app and to look into the proper websites for that...

[So****]

If someone wants to try to seduce in a single message just for the wild instinct of having sex or getting kinky what's the matter? some people want it wild and straightforward bc we find someone attractive (NSA plz???) reading a bio is mandatory to know your boundaries with the other person, but exploration and getting to know each other depends on both parties consent. If you wanna go vanilla go to Tinder or Bumble. Simple. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Sw33tGirl247 said:

Different desires have nothing to do with consent. You're shaming one generalization for another. We all have profiles that should be read prior to contact. It's important to understand people aren't all the same and even more important to not shove our expectations on them. "Feel the room", before advancing.

This is exactly my point, read the room. Different people are here for different things and it's ok to proceed accordingly based on how the person you're about to interact with is wanting to be approached. I'm not shaming one generalization for another, I'm saying not everyone wants to be courted in the manner the original post is suggesting we all do, and as long as it's consensual that's totally fine

[Th****]

OMG thank you for posting this!!! I have this exact issue all the time! Can't tell you how many times I've been trash talked and called everything except my name because I expected nothing more than basic manners from a complete stranger. Like dude you can't ask me about anal without at the very least introducing yourself lol

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, artistry876 said:

Wow all im saying is treat people like more than just a d**k or p*ssy for you to use and your coming at me like im going too far? Like how dare i even say a word all the while seeming completely blind to the obvious reality that all that comes from only caring about your own sexual lust and nothing more is.. whats the word.. oh yea F**KING R*PE. literally all you just did dude is out yourself as someone who could care less as long as u get what u want. And your even so short sighted that by acting ***ed off if someone even suggests behaving respectably is offensive i would not be the tiniest bit surprised you already have some kind of charge for sexual *** on your record. Unless ur one of the ones who just hasnt been caught just yet.

You just showed your a** hard dude
Id shut the f**k up now If i were you.

Being offended by someone saying common sense wow

There are people on here who *explicitly* want to be treated like a dick or pussy to be used. Some of these people want to jump right into it. Some want to work up to it. Either way, as long as it's done consensually, that's their choice. Calling me a rapist or suggesting I'm a sexual ***r because I don't agree that everyone has to agree with how you personally want everyone to operate is fucking garbage. Fuck you for even suggesting that.