You're doing it wrong

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

I noticed Max’s own profile contains info that they clearly want others to consider before making contact. Funny, that.

Why is that funny? I'm literally advocating that you approach everyone on this site in the manner they want to be approached. that means different things for different people. I've never suggested people do differently than that.

[ge****]

2 hours ago, Maxisthebastard said:

Why is that funny? I'm literally advocating that you approach everyone on this site in the manner they want to be approached. that means different things for different people. I've never suggested people do differently than that.

People having different approaches is of course fine, and only natural - however people making inappropriate approaches to people that clearly state they want to be approached in their preferred way is anything but fine and that is all people here are saying.
.
The trouble is many (and I'll say it again it *is* mostly men) completely disregard other people's preferences as indicated in their profiles and try to *** their way of doing things on those people they contact.
.
And *that* right there is what the OP and others (myself included) are referring to, which amounts to a sense of entitlement on the part of the person forcing their way on others.
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If someone thinks it's appropriate to send "Hi babe, I really want to f*ck you long and hard" type messages and they find recipients who not only accept that but welcome it, then good luck to them - but the overwhelming majority don't fall into that category or welcome that kind of approach and make it clear time and again in their profiles and forum posts etc yet still receive those messages and that's not right whichever way you look at it.

[ar****]

Yea there probably are people that want to be used explicitly and as im pretty sure ive already said thats cool when they make it clear they want that. My whole point is too many people jump right into it to complete strangers without doing anything to make sure there is consent. Thats my whole point be cautions enough to verify what each person perfers then have all the fun you want within the limits or lack there of. And use safe words and all that. The reason your responses concerned me so much is just for suggesting people take a little time to insure they know this stuff u got upset in the way a little kid might scream "DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO"

you arent considering that while there are people into that. Theres probably alot more that not be. Atleast not IMMEDIATELY before the know you at all or have developed any reasons to feel your trustworthy. And not taking the time to figure out which is which before acting just gonna set the perfect conditions for kink play to cross over into something dangerous and damaging

[Lu****]

I think starting of with "your" isnt appropriate because i prefer manners and dude is correct this site exists to accommodate a multitude of varied tastes. Perhaps you are also impatient not wanting to spend more time wading through variables a.k.a. working. That is part of it. I can be thankful for the work because when communication is successful it's the most valuable gift of awesomeness. If it were easy the value would became less. Have you thought about identifying as a brat? Sounds like complaining. I personally don't identify but similarly am one come to find out. I complain too much probably. Also you seem like a caregiver because you cared enough to be passionate about your concept of respect i think -which was actually worried about other parties that would experience it as a harshness or whatever. I don't think your wrong. Im not attacking you again all. A lot of us are coming at this place inspired by almost infinite variables of fucked up shit that change us like or not and so we explore from there. I am sure you don't want to exclude anyone just because they annoy you. That would unhealthy and very lonely. It's definitely enter at your own risk... there's other serious effects to being impatient to trade juices with a stranger... overall it's cool that we all care this much about others despite how much we may or may not consider how diverse we are. So thanks.

[Lu****]

Some errors sorry I meant I'm not attacking you at all

[ar****]

Its ok my comments are full of errors too. It was still easy to understand your points

[Pe****]

16 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Because respect is a key human value we should all, within any community/culture/walk of life show towards others?
Because acknowledging other peoples boundaries and not violating other peoples consent is key within the BDSM community
Because Fet is not a hook up app. They have a *** site for that.
Because even if this is a site for those that don't conform, the above are all basic enough for us all to follow as decent human beings.
Because, if your first message is nothing more than treating anyone as a kink dispenser when their bio doesn't suggest that that's OK with them, you've failed on all of the above which is what the OP is getting at

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[Eb****]

I can agree although some people for ,various reasons, perfer to have alot of pressure and assertion quickly. The biggest issue i find is the lack of decisiveness on profiles and awareness of how the profile build may be perceived. This can lead to unwanted responses, not ommiting the abundant lazy hook messages. I feel being direct and having an idea of what youre after and persuing it is the best option in gaining the person you desire as long as they are also direct in their desires.

Bottom line is theres a lack of honesty and clarity when it comes to relationships, both online and irl. I understand and hear your frustrations.

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Maxisthebastard said:

This is exactly my point, read the room. Different people are here for different things and it's ok to proceed accordingly based on how the person you're about to interact with is wanting to be approached. I'm not shaming one generalization for another, I'm saying not everyone wants to be courted in the manner the original post is suggesting we all do, and as long as it's consensual that's totally fine

Respect. I think I see where you're coming from. Your focus was on the "friendship" part of his post? I think my focus was more on the "can't be seduced in one message part!"

[Lu****]

I think both are applicable. I just think it's important to remember we can increase appreciation by acceptance and patient work rather than exclude people based on grumpy restrictions. Then we are more likely to make and maintain growing relationships of whatever kind.

[Lu****]

Def lack of clarity and or honestly and then being vague upon interaction seems like a bummer. I'm new to it all also so what do I know.. I doubt my own ability to find other humans that want to share anything at all. Much less start it as complete strangers. I've really only had people trying to make me *** approach me so efar so.../

[Deleted Member]

You know this conversation does actually bring up a possible point of improvement for Fet.
Add a section for "how do I want to be approached?"

There are people who want to jump right into things, and maybe they get excited when the first message is already getting things heated up.

Of course there's people who want to build up to that.

[CopperKnob]

8 minutes ago, randomsarcasm said:

You know this conversation does actually bring up a possible point of improvement for Fet.
Add a section for "how do I want to be approached?"

There are people who want to jump right into things, and maybe they get excited when the first message is already getting things heated up.

Of course there's people who want to build up to that.

Yeah, that doesn't work either. Heaps of posts/comments from people calling out others who dare to write in their profiles their expectations as to how they expect to be approached/treated by others messaging them. It's a no win situation, people will always find something to complain about

[ey****]

16 minutes ago, randomsarcasm said:

Add a section for "how do I want to be approached?"

some people write this on their profile

and then - people complain about them doing this.  sigh

it's like folk cannot win

 

[ar****]

Even of people complain that atleast lets you know they may have boundary issues.

[Deleted Member]

Awesome way of looking at it.

[Deleted Member]

I used to be all polite and never got anywhere with anyone. Then I learned how to be a witty simi-perv without being an a**hole and jackpot. It's a delicate balance but if done right will get their attention faster than the generic "how are you beautiful " that so many women have already seen so many times.
After you get their attention then you can make them comfortable with regular chit-chat and if you do meet up just be yourself, not pushy or pressuring.

[Hy****]

That stuff still don’t work, I tried

[Deleted Member]

Gotta go by feel and be quick of with. Also helps if yiu can clean up real quick.

[Mi****]

Well thing I don’t understand it this isn’t like a dating app this is a fit or this is a/BDSM now these people go on here and they check off what they want and with the check off what they don’t want and it’s describing exactly other than then they’ll say it in their own words like they want to be beat there want to be view they want to be this they want to be that slave all that shit and then when you’re trying to even have it can go all the way I’ve had conversations with it being absolutely nothing to do with them and what they wanted all the other way around it’s just unsuccessful

[Mi****]

Because in the long run you have people to come in here with friends people that wanna explore the real king stuff like that true to the tradition people who wanna come on here act like a**holes people they just wanna come in here f**k reasons why people come in here and talk or any type place to apps and different stuff like that

[Mi****]

you know I break down in the beginning to let them know and say look I’m in a non-judge mental I don’t like pressuring people I want to feel comfortable no matter what even if we’re just friends it don’t matter I’m looking for friends you know obviously I’m wanting more than friends so I am attracted to you I see how much more f**king boy can you get to people like literally selling them like a f**king PG type of movie he still like oh my God

[Mi****]

I had no idea the way this is happen set out to be honest you don’t get to stick with one profile I’ve never had to go on the app like this it’s usually swipe left swipe right if you match you talk to him whatever the case is this going up and down left and right and maneuver through this stuff the time you read it so much it’s like I don’t even know who I was just talking to I’ll be very

[Mi****]

I agree and you know what that will absolutely my fault I’m more or less was absolutely frustrating cause I’m like I don’t know what I don’t have them and new this app and that’s not a good reason I had a guy at all I’m not sure sweetheart

[Mi****]

This is an in general truth most people are mixed up don’t know if they won’t even if you see it when they come in there right there on the thing to say I don’t really know what I want I know what I want