Sub Instructors?

[Qu****]

Please excuse if already asked & answered or if I'm misusing any terminology, but...

I have almost zero experience (other than being directive through sexting/over the phone), and just came across a man's profile that has some kinky/fetishy role-reversal desires, that I could see myself participating in with him.

I read it as him primarily looking for someone who's "dom-lite" because he wants to dress up, be under a woman's control and to be penetated (among a few other things). Primarily, the things he's wanting done to him, are all things that I have zero interst in having done to me, but this other way round idea is kind of appealing...

So my questions are, other than being upfront and letting him know I'd be interested in exploring what he's looking for, while also needing his instruction, is there anything I should be weary of? Or anything I may not have considered but definitely should?

And are there any reasons to not have someone in a sub position teach you how to be the type of dom/kinkstress they're looking for?

Thanks in advance for any feedback on this!! ~Q

[Deleted Member]

I think any Dom/sub dynamic is unique so it's all about communicating freely and being open to each other's limits or ideas. I've spent time with quite a few dommes who are new and explained all the things that are possible so they can choose what they'd like to do. I've also had to be very clear on what the limits are, I think that usually has to come from the sub, they need to feel respected so they can fully let go. Hope that helps ☺️

[ey****]

there is a very good chance the person will appreciate your honest and that there is a likelihood they would be happy as they get to do things the like

depending, of course, what the things are - while you can learn *with* him, some prior research will always give a boost 

[Deleted Member]

I have found the Submissive Academy especially their Facebook community page and their free weekly lessons. It has helped me understand different topic and how my likes and dislikes are normally even when it is not a popular sub view point.

[Glimmering]

The best thing to do is be open with him, explain he will either love your honesty and you can then learn to explore together or he will not like it and you have dodged a bullet. Any form of sub dom is unique to those two )or more if that’s the case) individuals. Communication is always best. X

[Glimmering]

Maybe also do a bit of research, and know what his hard limits are and never cross them, same for you so he is aware what you like and don’t want done to yourself. I’m a submissive very new , I have a fairly experienced dom and we communicate everything prior. He also laid out toys/restraints before just springing them on me for me to feel/try on/try out. I’m forever sharing new ideas and pictures of new stuff for us to either agree on or not .. not actually come across not yet, we’re are merely just humans at the end of the day no matter what dynamic we are in, Maybe get him to show you what he likes etc x

[ba****]

I agree, communication is absolutely critical. As well as honesty and open mindedness. I long for a FLR where we would be able to explore and be guided by each other whilst maintaining the FLR dynamic. So what you describe sounds wonderful to a sub like me. Whoever you have your eye on will, I hope, be equally ecstatic to be able to explore this relationship.

[Qu****]

Thank you for the feedback and advice everyone!!

I've sent him an intro message so TBD... I won't hold my breath on hearing back, but I'm remaining curious. And even if nothing comes of it, I've learned that there are some really thoughtful and helpful people here, and that apparently my 'vanilla' self has a yet to be defined spice running through her. So a win:win either way!!

My next step is to spend some time screwing up the algorithms by doing some google research. And who knows, I may come across another with some sort of adjacent wishes that'll lead me to further questionings, and more potential interests to explore too... 🦹🏼‍♀️

[Atheistic]

Everyone's gotta learn somewhere..... I ve been in the scene for longer than I'd care to admit but back when I got started it was common for newbs to be in the sub role regardless of their natural disposition it was a way of learning, paying your dues almost I guess I see no reason why that can't be reversed. I'm a switch many folks don't believe in the concept of being naturally switchy but we are out there I top with some not with others but my ex was subbie except she had a serious strap on fetish my advice is at least watch some instructional videos on pegging you can hurt someone substantially kink university has a few on the topic you may find your partner " topping from below" in your situation it's annoying to most tops but may actually work in your scenario because it doesn't seem like power exchange is your kink. Always use checklists when Vette ing a new playmate don't discuss your kinks much until you read his sheet . This will tell you what he really wants and isn't just catering to u . Good luck

[Qu****]

August 11, Atheistic said:

Everyone's gotta learn somewhere..... I ve been in the scene for longer than I'd care to admit but back when I got started it was common for newbs to be in the sub role regardless of their natural disposition it was a way of learning, paying your dues almost I guess I see no reason why that can't be reversed. I'm a switch many folks don't believe in the concept of being naturally switchy but we are out there I top with some not with others but my ex was subbie except she had a serious strap on fetish my advice is at least watch some instructional videos on pegging you can hurt someone substantially kink university has a few on the topic you may find your partner " topping from below" in your situation it's annoying to most tops but may actually work in your scenario because it doesn't seem like power exchange is your kink. Always use checklists when Vette ing a new playmate don't discuss your kinks much until you read his sheet . This will tell you what he really wants and isn't just catering to u . Good luck

Hey Atheistic ~ For a few days now, I've been trying to reply directly to you, but it keeps showing as "failed" with "try again" after I click the '!' icon.

I wanted to thank you for all that you put into your messages ~ I found them to be really insightful and helpful, and I appreciate you bringing up some logistical concerns I wouldn't have been aware of otherwise (or at least not until [potential] damage had been done).

So yeah, for taking the time out to help a newbie, thank you a million times over!!!