Cold Feet?

[Yu****]

So I’ve only been using FET and apps like it for about a week now, and I’ve come across a few people who have talked to me extensively. This is all fine and well, but for me what I’ve noticed is right around the time we start discussing an actual meetup, the other person usually stops replying and drops communication from there. I get that I’m only 18 and new to the lifestyle, but when I’ve had some of these chats they seem super on board until they suddenly drop all conversation. Are they just nervous about a younger guy or do they think my account is fake? I genuinely don’t know, I think this has happened about three times now and only one of those times did I get an explanation, the other two just kinda vanished without saying anything. Does this happen to anyone else or is this an avoidable occurrence? Am I doing something wrong?

[fo****]

its surely not something wrong about you kid i’ve had this happen quite a lot

[Deleted Member]

I agree with GodofP. People get cold feet a lot. Try looking up events in your area and go to local Munches. You'll meet people that are more serious and legit that way too. And ALWAYS vet!!

[Deleted Member]

Happens a lot in general man, people like to talk up a storm but when it comes to real life they get too anxious or realize that they don't want to pursue that avenue for some reason. You're not alone in this, everyone experiences it, both men and women, regardless of age.

[Po****]

Welcome to the world of online dating :P Gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that…

[Deleted Member]

There's a lot that are just playing a game, it's just some fun online, can be many reasons, could be in a relationship, being lonely but not really wanting to meet someone, too scared to do anything IRL. They're just looking to keep it all online & you will get people ghosting you, it's just something that happens to everyone really so don't take it to heart, not your fault some people are dickheads.

[Mr-Brown]

Happens all the time! I call it "time wasting" 🤣🤣 all up for it then..... nothing. Get use to it. Sorry 🤷🏽‍♂️

[ey****]

you have been on this site for TWO DAYS

Have some patience.

That you got some conversations going was great, but, if they've gone quiet after you've raised a meet then you've raised this virtually immediately into the conversation

Among anything else - it may very well be they have simply been off line or need a day to think - like, maybe they've been to work or whatever.  It's not unreasonable to give folk a couple of days.  

 

[GL****]

I don’t think you are necessarily doing anything wrong. I think talking meet up in the first week of being in the app is a little fast. I don’t know who of you brought it up… just saying have a bit more patience. Definitely vet and get to know them on many levels other than kink related too. Don’t get discouraged. You are at the beginning of your journey. Be mindful of all your actions. Learn from any mistakes you may have made. Trust me… even I make mistakes all these years later. Never stop learning and growing. Rejection is bound to happen. Handle it with grace. Reflect and toughen up your skin. Ghosting is an unfortunate part of this world we live in now. Take it as a quick way of dodging a bullet. There are amazing people on here and out there… you’ll find the ones meant for you. Good luck and enjoy the ride brother!

[co****]

It's not you, it's them.

I'm 44, and women treat me the same way; welcome to internet dating.

My personal take on it, from also experiencing it, is that they prefer the kink of the fantasy over any actual meet. It helps them to get off while they are masterbating, and that's how they use your chat as another toy to be played with.

[Mr****]

Can you recommend apps similar to Fet, but are also as reliable and trustworthy as Fet?
I've also been ghosted or outright ignored and so I may as well expand my dating scope.

[eu****]

Ya,but I've also experienced this
and it's a real let down your excited and then nothing.People are shit,fucks with ya if you have trust issues.
But then again it's there loss,
as long as you show up it will happen be patient and trust me
I have no patents for fakes,so you get your name and link going then enjoy the ride kid
man your luck to start so early😉

[Po****]

Honestly as a REAL WOMEN.
Im 28 and this shit is SUPER SCARY to me ive been a home body majority of my life and ALOT of women get killed off these apps so i get really scared to meet anyone specially since i have no transportation. Id have to trust giving out my address and even THATS a concern.

[Sh****]

I have been on for a little more than a month and have actually met 2 guys irl. The second one I like and we are seeing each other Friday and Sunday this week

[ge****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

you have been on this site for TWO DAYS

Have some patience.

That you got some conversations going was great, but, if they've gone quiet after you've raised a meet then you've raised this virtually immediately into the conversation

Among anything else - it may very well be they have simply been off line or need a day to think - like, maybe they've been to work or whatever.  It's not unreasonable to give folk a couple of days.  

 

This...this is all you need to know - it takes me weeks even months to suggest meeting - not saying your way of doing it is wrong OP but most people (women especially) want to spend some time getting to know you and feeling secure before agreeing to meet.
.
You may also have come across another phenomenon that being the "lady" that will never meet because really "she" is Fred, 43, living at home with his mother wears jogging pants and a vest that has seen better days - they take it as far as they can but when meeting is mentioned they run for the hills

[ch****]

A women, especially in this day and age will never know what it's like to be a Man.

Women on social and dating apps, have inflated their Egos, thinking they're a lamborghini when in actual fact they're a Cheap Toyato instead.

Since on this app, I've had around 12 phone number and most of them have ghosted me.

You're going to have a lot harder time if you're not good looking. Women want confidence but what they fail to understand is that your looks is your confidence.

If you're good looking, you can be retarted and make offensive jokes but women will still fall for you.

If you are ugly, and make those jokes you'll be classed as a creep.

There are some truth in that. Obviously, not all women think that way but majority do.

I've just received a text from 2 women that they've played with random Man. Nothing is more insulating than coldfeet.

It maybe that they found someone else, changed their mind, etc

My advice is that you've got to consistently keep going and let that not distract you. There are women out there that would like to get to know you more and have genuine intentions but they're rare. From my experience anyways.

[Pe****]

38 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

This...this is all you need to know - it takes me weeks even months to suggest meeting - not saying your way of doing it is wrong OP but most people (women especially) want to spend some time getting to know you and feeling secure before agreeing to meet.
.
You may also have come across another phenomenon that being the "lady" that will never meet because really "she" is Fred, 43, living at home with his mother wears jogging pants and a vest that has seen better days - they take it as far as they can but when meeting is mentioned they run for the hills

A vest that has seen better days 🤣🤣🤣

[Deleted Member]

Getting ghosted is normal, on kink sites or vanilla sites. Usually it just means that they weren't as into it as they sounded.

Do yourself a favor and don't read into it.

[Deleted Member]

I might have a susefull trick for you.
If someone doesn't seems to answer(everyone has a busy life) or feels like she is ghosting you just take a long tap on the chat and use the hide function.
I do that all the time.
I send a nice first message they check my profile then nothing. So I just hide the conversation.
If they reply they will reappear on your chat feed.
Also be patient.
In this way you will not going to think about why they don't reply.
Just make sure to be polite and try to make a genuine first impression whit your message.


Also try to improve your profile, allways work on it and change it.
Make sure to smile on your pictures.
Ask a friend to take some pitures of you.
But most importantly BE YOURSELF!!!!!

[ey****]

obviously there is always elements of context missing - but...

if you're someone getting replies, getting phone numbers, so on - then you are doing something right.

the amount of guys who complain they don't get replies at all (or, only get scammers / people asking for tribute) does kinda show that you can step above those.

Obviously, of course, keeping conversations alive can be difficult.  But, if it is too difficult then they might not have been for you anyway.

I know there is apprehension of not wanting to raise meeting or doing something too quickly so it doesn't feel like you're rushing someone, while simultaneously not being too passive so it feels you're not interested.   Nobody wants to be the one to carry the conversation and so if you feel like keeping up chatter with them is exhausting it's a sign there's no real spark and you can cool it - but - they will also do the same if they feel they're stuck in "How are you?" " How was your day?" kinda small talk Hell.   

Also, of course, people got busy lives and so patience is important. If someone takes a couple of days to get back to you then it takes a couple of days. Have some patience.  If you think it's been a longer time you can give them a friendly and gentle "are you still interested?" kinda message - it might be they thought they'd replied or have just been busy.

But equally, if someone you had messaged has decided to take a day or two to think about if they're happy to meet you so quickly and then see your post history and see you're impatient, that may well be a turn off.  If they see you've been talking to multiple people about potential meets - then - you know - women also have confidence and esteem issues also and might then think you're not really interested and are playing the field or found someone "better" 

 

"ghosting" is one of the most misused terms at the moment.  Someone who doesn't reply your last message isn't ghosting.  To be ghosted you either have to have met, or had something concrete planned to meet and say the suddenly stop replying and no-show.

 

A lot can be difficult, for sure.  But expecting results within days is completely unrealistic and all that ends up happening is coming across pushy or impatient and that doesn't bode well in kink.

There is also the chance that someone did like your initial message and got into a conversation and then when meeting was raised decided to check your profile and found stuff that just wasn't for them or that, again, they needed to think about the best way to respond. 

[ha****]

1 hour ago, UrbanHyena said:

Getting ghosted is normal, on kink sites or vanilla sites. Usually it just means that they weren't as into it as they sounded.

Do yourself a favor and don't read into it.

I agree with him that is extremely common
Alot of times people will have an extensive imagination and speak colorful things ....but in the end they can not deliver.
My fiance and I often experience many people who ghost us also aren't who they say they are (use caution to a strangers word) alot of creeps on here too lol.
Perhaps you yourself should use the ghosting technique and wait to see who actually wants to your attention. (That's the other side of it) some people will back off completely after positive conversation to wait and see if you will be one to actually keep it going. Whether they stay or go that's all but experience to learn who deserves time rather than actual connection.
Be well friend

[yo****]

I would talk to you

[Po****]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

obviously there is always elements of context missing - but...

if you're someone getting replies, getting phone numbers, so on - then you are doing something right.

the amount of guys who complain they don't get replies at all (or, only get scammers / people asking for tribute) does kinda show that you can step above those.

Obviously, of course, keeping conversations alive can be difficult.  But, if it is too difficult then they might not have been for you anyway.

I know there is apprehension of not wanting to raise meeting or doing something too quickly so it doesn't feel like you're rushing someone, while simultaneously not being too passive so it feels you're not interested.   Nobody wants to be the one to carry the conversation and so if you feel like keeping up chatter with them is exhausting it's a sign there's no real spark and you can cool it - but - they will also do the same if they feel they're stuck in "How are you?" " How was your day?" kinda small talk Hell.   

Also, of course, people got busy lives and so patience is important. If someone takes a couple of days to get back to you then it takes a couple of days. Have some patience.  If you think it's been a longer time you can give them a friendly and gentle "are you still interested?" kinda message - it might be they thought they'd replied or have just been busy.

But equally, if someone you had messaged has decided to take a day or two to think about if they're happy to meet you so quickly and then see your post history and see you're impatient, that may well be a turn off.  If they see you've been talking to multiple people about potential meets - then - you know - women also have confidence and esteem issues also and might then think you're not really interested and are playing the field or found someone "better" 

 

"ghosting" is one of the most misused terms at the moment.  Someone who doesn't reply your last message isn't ghosting.  To be ghosted you either have to have met, or had something concrete planned to meet and say the suddenly stop replying and no-show.

 

A lot can be difficult, for sure.  But expecting results within days is completely unrealistic and all that ends up happening is coming across pushy or impatient and that doesn't bode well in kink.

There is also the chance that someone did like your initial message and got into a conversation and then when meeting was raised decided to check your profile and found stuff that just wasn't for them or that, again, they needed to think about the best way to respond. 

Thank you for this post. I think we all have to keep in mind that “no response” doesn’t always mean disinterest. Some of us are getting to know a lot of people at once. We need time to digest and assess. You wouldn’t want to rush a potentially great experience so why rush the talking stage, right?

[Si****]

It happens more often than most would like. Talking with people can be difficult but the hard part is meeting. Many tend to get scared or change their mind about you towards the pivotal moment.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, MrGivesaFuck said:

Can you recommend apps similar to Fet, but are also as reliable and trustworthy as Fet?
I've also been ghosted or outright ignored and so I may as well expand my dating scope.

Taimi has been good for me, but I'm transitioning M2F. 🤷

Plus my "face goal" pic apparently catches a lot, because guys (& gals) are often too lazy to look past a first photo. 🙄 Even when that same photo has a freakin' disclaimer.