Getting wife to be submissive

[Deleted Member]

Well this was probably the most intense thread I've ever been a part of. I'm done with explaining all the unfilled details and correcting false assumptions. Far too much to cover. But, most importantly, there was a LOT of great advice out there for different options! Thank you so much. Good night.🌜

[ge****]

42 minutes ago, JackGrey said:

Well this was probably the most intense thread I've ever been a part of. I'm done with explaining all the unfilled details and correcting false assumptions. Far too much to cover. But, most importantly, there was a LOT of great advice out there for different options! Thank you so much. Good night.🌜

I honestly hope you manage to work things out one way or another for the sake of you, your wife and your kids - what that will look like only time will tell, and sometimes the hardest decision is the one that you least want to take, the one that admits to failings.
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Appreciate that it's not possible to provide every intricacy of a situation in a forum thread or get across context or emotion etc - and that's the downside of Internet forums the world over - people react based on the information provided and the words they see in front of them.
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But I urge you to read back through the thread, and take on board not only what has been said to you, but what has been said by you too - and do a little self-reflection.
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I was thinking about this, and my own responses, and came to the realisation that they were, in part, because I've been you, I've been the guy that felt no matter what I did I couldn't do right or make it work, and laid blame away from me - and to an extent I was right to do so, BUT I also know now that I wasn't completely blameless that I didn't listen, or take into consideration others feelings and did try to "shoehorn" things to their ultimate detriment and I don't want you to fall into the same traps.
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I truly wish you all the best.

[ca****]

I think people commenting on this thread need to consider the hard reality that @JackGrey’s wife may just have a naturally very low sex drive and be inherently very vanilla. Plenty of such people do exist (though not on this app, which I guess is why virtually nobody here considered that option). What if he spends the next 10/20/30 years following every bit of advice to tenderly help her discover her sexuality and she’s still virtually asexual? It’s very possible. She shouldn’t *** herself to do anything she doesn’t enjoy, but should Jack simply endure a sexless life? That’s the question people want to pretend doesn’t exist. I think that, sadly, divorce has to be considered as an option.

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, cadmiumblue said:

I think people commenting on this thread need to consider the hard reality that @jackgrey’s wife may just have a naturally very low sex drive and be inherently very vanilla.

that she may - and there's nothing wrong with that.

some women also have their sex drive decrease around the menopause.

This is something all men should be aware of - that there is a good chance their wife's sex drive will decrease and/or they not so easily be aroused.

8 minutes ago, cadmiumblue said:

What if he spends the next 10/20/30 years following every bit of advice to tenderly help her discover her sexuality and she’s still virtually asexual? It’s very possible

It depends on which advice he follows.  There's been some good advice and some terrible advice and some that might work but is a long shot.

My advice remains the same - to talk with her about what she might like that could improve things for both of them - and this is both sexual and non sexual.  Involving a guidance counsellor if they feel this doesn't make progress.

If of course she says "Nope, I'm sorry - it's not you - I just do not enjoy sex" then things like BDSM, swinging, etc is not going to change that and the best way to proceed is discussions between themselves.

For example : they would neither be the first nor last couple who are together in a loving relationship but one person goes elsewhere, with the other's consent and knowledge, for sexual or kink wants.

12 minutes ago, cadmiumblue said:

should Jack simply endure a sexless life?

this is something which has to be balanced up.  

12 minutes ago, cadmiumblue said:

I think that, sadly, divorce has to be considered as an option.

it does.  sometimes it is the fairest solution for both.  This may be where the discussions may lead to.

But of course it then also still needs to be considered his life will still be sexless - a recently divorced dad who left his wife cos the sex wasn't good enough isn't exactly the catch some people might think.

[br****]

For the love of god people. Few questions it may not be hormones either. Does she crave any type of food when she shakes? Is she sluggish and extremely tired all the time? Is stating she feels bloated or constipated. And did she have her gallbladder removed at all?

[Je****]

10 hours ago, katykat said:

Here’s a hot tip that may save your marriage-

If you’re the dominant person in this dynamic, just tell her to go into the bedroom and strip and lay on the bed when you want to have sex with her.

Tell her she has less than 1 minute when you want to do so.

You have to make this a routine. In the morning as soon as you wake up, afternoon, in the evening, and right before you go to bed.

This may sound a little extreme but don’t even give her the option to not have sex with you! This extreme type of dominance is very hot to a submissive and the consistency keeps things really healthy and deepens your connection with one another.

I disagree with the above comments on communicating, to an extent, anyway.. is women sometimes really don’t know what we need and as emotional creatures, we need a man to take charge. Put the ball in our court and we can be our own worst demise.

She may come off as not liking it at first but TRUST me - women like when men take charge.

Tell her you’re going to be doing this, don’t give your explanation why, and just tell her that it’s because you know what’s best. Stay strong, confident, don’t show any frustration if it’s not going as you’d hoped at first. Keep towards your goal of bringing the heat back and watch the magic happen.

Be a true dominant with her and do what it takes to save your marriage!

I cant even comprehend what massive red flags youve written. 

 

Im losing faith in this community. You sound dangerous.... your advice is dangerous. 

Have you read anything here??

 

Dont even start me on "don't even give her the option to not have sex with you"... 

Shes NOT into it. If he did this hes abusing her!!!!

 

Oh my days..

[CopperKnob]

11 hours ago, katykat said:

Here’s a hot tip that may save your marriage-

If you’re the dominant person in this dynamic, just tell her to go into the bedroom and strip and lay on the bed when you want to have sex with her.

Tell her she has less than 1 minute when you want to do so.

You have to make this a routine. In the morning as soon as you wake up, afternoon, in the evening, and right before you go to bed.

This may sound a little extreme but don’t even give her the option to not have sex with you! This extreme type of dominance is very hot to a submissive and the consistency keeps things really healthy and deepens your connection with one another.

I disagree with the above comments on communicating, to an extent, anyway.. is women sometimes really don’t know what we need and as emotional creatures, we need a man to take charge. Put the ball in our court and we can be our own worst demise.

She may come off as not liking it at first but TRUST me - women like when men take charge.

Tell her you’re going to be doing this, don’t give your explanation why, and just tell her that it’s because you know what’s best. Stay strong, confident, don’t show any frustration if it’s not going as you’d hoped at first. Keep towards your goal of bringing the heat back and watch the magic happen.

Be a true dominant with her and do what it takes to save your marriage!

Utter nonsense. Let's not beat around the bush, let's be really clear, "don't even give her the option not to have sex with you" is r*pe if intercourse takes place.

[Je****]

11 hours ago, JackGrey said:

Thank you Jen. Sorry, I didn't mean d/s with i third. I meant with her. Also the kids are 3+. I do pretty much all the house work now. She has trouble getting simple things done, so I thought taking over the kids and her doing her career would help, but it didn't. Reading up on d/s relationships, I thought having a firm control over many of the mundane aspects of his life would help her. She has a hard time doing things on her own, so i believed i could take a lot off her plate by making a lot of the decisions for her. So, I thought the BDSM approach would be good for her.
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Been trying to talk to her for 10 years now. She just doesn't really think about sex, so when we talk about it she doesn't have much to say. Trust me, many countless hours of conversation have occured. I believe strongly in good communication. But night after night, she falls asleep after the kids go down, even when I asked night after night to talk. And when we do talk... It usually doesn't go anywhere. And if it does, it's usually lost or forgotten about in a few days.
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Thank you (and everyone else) for telling me not to cheat. That really does matter to me.
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I'll give the letter thing a shot.

 Ok kids are up a bit. You releive her from housework.

 

She has trouble getting things done.. there is an issue here. Low motivation or  drive to do anything..not sexually... there is most likely something going on thats making her this way.  

I know  as a human being,  feminine one, i highly crave intimacy. Most i know do.. and a long time without it.. can leave us feeling a little low.

 

Its not good if she wont even talk. I dont even mean about sex.

I mean in general about everything and anything thats bothering her.

Thats a key point of marriage. Love. Relationships. 

Communication. 

And please do not listen to anyone who tells you to ignore the communication aspect. Please please please never do this. 

Always be there. Listen. But as i previously mentioned.. 

An ultimatum may need to come up. 

We need to talk and sort this hole we are in. Or divorce. 

As simple as that. Either shell fight for you. Accept the divorce or try to speak up.

But it would sadden me to think you would leave her simply for the lack of sex. But.. that lacking with basic human interaction, intimacy and well... anything. Is not workable in a relationship. 

But as someone else said above.. definately TRY first. 

Maybe even discuss an open relationship where u can maybe just have sexual nsa with other women (who were informed of the situ) or introducing a 3rd in for yourselves or even you just having a non sexual d/s to begin with.. that she can observe and stuff.

But again i will stress this isnt practical or workable while youre both in this strained situation. This is better case down the line scenarios.

 

Ive ran out of advice that hasnt been said... but reading Geminis comments along the line... i very much see the point hes trying to make. 

 

This is what i pulled from it. 

 

"" so I thought taking over the kids and her doing her career would help, but it didn't"" 

This was what you thought. Not what she wanted or asked for. 

 

""She has a hard time doing things on her own, so i believed i could take a lot off her plate by making a lot of the decisions for her."" "

 

- Making decisions for her.. takes away any choice. Any motivation. Any drive. Any self help someone may need. 

 

""So, I thought the BDSM approach would be good for her.""

- it does baffle me how out of all the things that could have been done or said... for her.. a bdsm choice would be rare. Especially if the intended recipient isn't even interested  in sex.. or time with you based off what youve said. This would completely  turn me off if my ex had of tried to introduce it.. because i didnt have that desire for him anymore. I know we are all different but i think accepting THIS bdsm choice.. was indeed for you. Not for her. Most men usually try flowers chocolate or dinner first. 

 

This bit confused me.

 

" Reading up on d/s relationships, I thought having a firm control over many of the mundane aspects of his life would help her."

 

- are you talking in 3rd person here? About you and your wife? 

This is also something you thought.. but the fact you say mundane aspects of HIS life.. would help HER... 

This just made me a bit sad.

 

Honestly my brutal 1-1.

 

You dont love your wife. She doesnt love you.

You are both clutching at straws for the kids sake. Your ideals are flung down the look at this new sex route.. and hers is... i dont want to acknowledge anyone or anything. 

Your kids will pick up on this. 

 

You clearly dont want a sexless relationship. 

She clearly doesnt seem to want whatever relationship you do have. Or she would be emotional. Fighting for or with you. Crying and opening up. Intimate. Talking. 

 

All which lack here. 

I think you may be in denial or slowly accepting it may just  not be what it was. 

So f**k the wife aside *so to speak not literally*.. sort the marriage out once and for all.. or get out of it.

You dont matter. She doesnt  matter. Sex doesnt matter.

Those kids matter!!! Put them first. Sort the best life together or individually you can both offer them... and once your kids have all they want and need and the love of both of you.. they'll see that change.. and things will go from there. 

Maybe once a situation is sorted.. then you can look into dating and d/s, knowing there wont ve any hold ups or tensions and all is ok to do. Plus the time between then and now.. theres always more to learn and research.

 

Again. Good luck. Sorry for my "assumptions" its how it reads and feels for me thats all. Never an offence meant.

[ca****]

To build on my previous comment… I was actually in very similar situation myself (though no *** in the picture, thankfully). We both tried very hard to make it work but it was just a fundamental incompatibility in sexual nature. I went round and round circles for years thinking “if only I’m nicer she will change”, “if only I don’t pressure her she will relax and change”, “it’s just because of what she’s going through now”, but nothing ever changed.

We eventually opted for an open relationship, which she actually preferred because it took the pressure away from her. As a result of interacting with women I was more compatible with, I actually completely lost all sexual interest in her, so there was no longer a mismatch! The non-sexual side of relationship improved immensely - we could just be good friends and housemates without unattainable expectations.

Unfortunately I found NSA sex empty and unsatisfying. What I really wanted was still a romantic+sexual meaningful committed relationship. We’ve now been separated for years. The only issue is that we’re still great friends, which can be hard for other partners to deal with.

I have since experienced a serious relationship with a woman whose libido was normally high but took dramatic dives when there were problems in our relationship, so I know this is a thing too. But it simply wasn’t the issue with the earlier relationship - some people are asexual, or borderline-asexual, and 100% vanilla. Trying to get them to accept their alleged underlying sexually-adventurous nature is like trying to make a gay person straight.

[ey****]

32 minutes ago, cadmiumblue said:

We both tried very hard to make it work but it was just a fundamental incompatibility in sexual nature. I went round and round circles for years thinking “if only I’m nicer she will change”, “if only I don’t pressure her she will relax and change”, “it’s just because of what she’s going through now”, but nothing ever changed.

Yep - this is valid - and - in some cases it is the truth of just being sexually incompatible and that can be a good reason for both to find partners more tuned to their wants 

[Th****]

I was married to someone with what appeared to be this exact ideology. Man does everything, makes all the decisions, tells me how Life is going to be. Even ***d me to have a child when I didn't want one. I'm in tears right now. For your wife. My heart hurty for her because I guarantee she's miserable and you're so concerned with your own needs that you haven't even bothered to ask her what SHE needs in her own life. You're acting like your toy is broken. And it is. And guess who broke it? She probably gave up on talking about it because you weren't listening anyway. If you want so badly for her to be happy, you should try just listening to her. Be her friend for God's sake, not her boss. Tell her she can confide in you, and don't judge her when she does. If she's anything like I was, and it sounds like she is, she probably feels like you're planning out her life for her and she doesn't get a say in anything. That would make anyone miserable and most definitely make them resent the person making all the decisions. Maybe she wants to be her own human being and not just classified as part of you. You two have some serious talking to do and I would suggest you do so with a professional. If not, one day she's going to get fed up enough to make her own life without you. Don't wait until then to realize your mistakes

[Vi****]

49 minutes ago, cadmiumblue said:

To build on my previous comment… I was actually in very similar situation myself (though no *** in the picture, thankfully). We both tried very hard to make it work but it was just a fundamental incompatibility in sexual nature. I went round and round circles for years thinking “if only I’m nicer she will change”, “if only I don’t pressure her she will relax and change”, “it’s just because of what she’s going through now”, but nothing ever changed.

We eventually opted for an open relationship, which she actually preferred because it took the pressure away from her. As a result of interacting with women I was more compatible with, I actually completely lost all sexual interest in her, so there was no longer a mismatch! The non-sexual side of relationship improved immensely - we could just be good friends and housemates without unattainable expectations.

Unfortunately I found NSA sex empty and unsatisfying. What I really wanted was still a romantic+sexual meaningful committed relationship. We’ve now been separated for years. The only issue is that we’re still great friends, which can be hard for other partners to deal with.

I have since experienced a serious relationship with a woman whose libido was normally high but took dramatic dives when there were problems in our relationship, so I know this is a thing too. But it simply wasn’t the issue with the earlier relationship - some people are asexual, or borderline-asexual, and 100% vanilla. Trying to get them to accept their alleged underlying sexually-adventurous nature is like trying to make a gay person straight.

You've practically described my past marriage here, around and around we went.  I divorced him and the kids and us get in really well now. 

[Mz_Whiplash]

Hi Jack,  I am not sure as I've just skimmed some comments given to that this hasn't been a suggestion made, if so apologies for repeating.

I have just a couple of concerns, 1 of which is that only you are asking the Questions, where is your wife in all this?  You have explained you are a great communicator, good husband and father again that's your perspective for you.  Does you're wife share you're personal perceptions ? 

I do know sex or lack of sex in a relationship can be caused by many factors.... hopefully uve both exhausted all the possibilities.  I did read that it was only you that decided that this was an option to help the relationship, did she agree to look into this life style before u forked out lots of *** re equipment and clothes you wanted her to wear.... Personally for myself I enjoy buying things together with my partner , it adds to the build up anticipation of our time together.  I think id feel very flat if i was faced with a load of stuff sumone else bought for me ... that i just personally didn't like... I'd feel disappointed and a little angry that the other persons expectation of me were not consensual and what a waste of ***... again if this was not the case, though you wrote it like that, don't take on board my words....... if you're wife is interested in this world ... may I suggest u navigate and learn together .... BDSM doesn't have to be about sex btw, the local kink community going to munch's, meeting other couples, swingers clubs.... remembering there is no pressure for anyone to play, kink markets...... let her learn through her eyes and not urs... I really think that's important here.

 

Having small *** and a demanding life is tiring .......... 1 more thing ... all i read really is what you want and the changes you want ... it is a possibility she may feel she doesn't need to change.

[Lo****]

Perhaps she doesn’t find you attractive any more but doesn’t know how to say that. I was in a relationship with someone I loved very much for years with hardly any sex. It was love at first conversation. He was my best friend and made me laugh like no one else could and super intelligent, however, I didn’t fancy him.

It had nothing to do with my sex drive or lack of - in other relationships since then I have wanted sex all the time. 

[Cu****]

Many people have made very valid points, and others have been very off the planet too. This is like a saga. I don’t think I’ve read so many comments on a thread.

Two points that haven’t been “homed in” on, so far, are, your comment that you worked for the military, which makes me wonder whether you brought all of your behavioural attitude, learnt from work, into your home life. Work stays at work, and home starts when you leave through the main gates of work; it certainly doesn’t come into the home setting. It makes me wonder if you regiment the home, certain things expected to be done by a certain time, to a fixed standard, inspected and told to do again if not satisfactory…bullying, because that’s how you’ve been shown to interact with all adults in the workplace.

The second is, you thought she should go back to work to follow her career, and you wrote 5x12 hours! So she works a 60 hour week, and add on travelling time, plus time to get up, shower, breakfast before setting off. The other end of the day is travelling back, through whatever traffic/transportational conditions and she arrives home to someone who might well say, “here’s the kids. I’ve had them all day. You need to bath them, read stories, check out any things they tell you about, etc.” and then she can think about herself. And you wonder why she’s not responsive? She’s tired out!!! With your kids being aged 3+, that suggests that they go to nursery/kindergarten for a few hours a day. Who has the soft option in your relationship? You’re only 36, and you gave up your job in the military. I mean, is it that hard to march your 3+ year olds up and down the garden all day, carrying their kit bags, and remember to sing marching songs, and saying “Yes, Sir!” after each command uttered from daddies military mouth?

I’ve just been checking up on NPD; narcissist personality disorder. Unfortunately for you, you’re a perfect match.

You need your time with a therapist. Your wife needs her own time with one on her own, because you’d end up speaking for her, and only then, do you try to approach one together. Stop organising her. She’s every right to be fed up and unresponsive and argumentative. You don’t let her breathe. Every time she tries to do something, she’s frightened by what you might say. You’re blaming her for everything. Has she got friends whom you let her visit, on her own? Does she watch tv, that she chooses? Does she listen to music that she wants to listen to? Does she have her own cell phone so she can catch up with her friends? Does she read magazines that she wants to read? If the answer is that she doesn’t, because you consider them to be a waste of time, and she could be using it more constructively (how dare she think of herself?) then I’m sorry to say, that you need to have a long hard look in the mirror.

Your wife and the *** (she must have been interested in sex at some stage with you, possibly) are the ones who need rid of you. You’re unemotional, cold, self-centred and can’t see that you’re in the wrong. And gaslighting? Are you into that too?

Someone further down this response column mentioned, quite rightly, that there’s three sides to every story; yours, your wife’s, and the truth. We only get to see your side. But as so many people have suggested that you should look at yourself, please use the advice that people have given you, and use it well. If you can’t see anything wrong in your behaviours and expectations from your wife, you’re being too critical and have a work ethics expectation. For goodness sake, chill out, take your military edicts and stick them in the garbage. This is home life you’re dealing with. Being dominant, doesn’t mean laying the law down every two seconds. It’s showing emotional strength and support for those closest, nearest and dearest to you. Emotion doesn’t seem to feature highly in the military mind. It’s time to remove that mentality in your life. After all, you’ve retired.

[Chloebear]

2 hours ago, Mz_Whiplash said:

Hi Jack,  I am not sure as I've just skimmed some comments given to that this hasn't been a suggestion made, if so apologies for repeating.

I have just a couple of concerns, 1 of which is that only you are asking the Questions, where is your wife in all this?  You have explained you are a great communicator, good husband and father again that's your perspective for you.  Does you're wife share you're personal perceptions ? 

I do know sex or lack of sex in a relationship can be caused by many factors.... hopefully uve both exhausted all the possibilities.  I did read that it was only you that decided that this was an option to help the relationship, did she agree to look into this life style before u forked out lots of *** re equipment and clothes you wanted her to wear.... Personally for myself I enjoy buying things together with my partner , it adds to the build up anticipation of our time together.  I think id feel very flat if i was faced with a load of stuff sumone else bought for me ... that i just personally didn't like... I'd feel disappointed and a little angry that the other persons expectation of me were not consensual and what a waste of ***... again if this was not the case, though you wrote it like that, don't take on board my words....... if you're wife is interested in this world ... may I suggest u navigate and learn together .... BDSM doesn't have to be about sex btw, the local kink community going to munch's, meeting other couples, swingers clubs.... remembering there is no pressure for anyone to play, kink markets...... let her learn through her eyes and not urs... I really think that's important here.

 

Having small *** and a demanding life is tiring .......... 1 more thing ... all i read really is what you want and the changes you want ... it is a possibility she may feel she doesn't need to change.

This was my reaction as well. Where is her engagement? And then…. If she’s not into it, she isn’t. It’s not for her to fulfil a sexual fantasy. She may be ‘submissive’ naturally but that doesn’t correlate to the bedroom necessarily and it doesn’t mean an innate interest in bdsm.

I also thought the casual thoughts about having an affair to meet this sexual need say a lot about your respect for a sub. Subs are not disposable kink dumpsters. (Neither are Dom/mes…. But that’s for another time.) Whilst there are people who have casual D/s relationships, or nsa etc you’ll find that attachments happen. And it’s clear your wife wouldn’t be open to this (although I’ll suggest it - I wonder if she’d let you seek elsewhere. Some couples do). The main point though is that this doesn’t all revolve around you are your sexual gratification. Other people are involved. Take a step back to look at how you’re pushing this on your wife rather than bringing her in on her own terms. Let her have a voice. Perhaps she should be the one Domming you?

[Deleted Member]

I'm in the same boat. I can relate. It's been well over a year since anything intimate has happened. It can be VERY challenging and emotionally draining looking outside of the relationship for fulfillment. I honestly wouldn't recommend it but I struggle going back and forth. TBH I find porn and masturbation quenches my thirst for about a day but then I really desire human touch and my body remembers how good intimacy feels. The adrenaline rush of passionate and ***istic sex makes me crave it once again. It sucks.

[Deleted Member]

Hi, I felt similar in my marriage to what u are talking about & here’s my 2 cents worth. I was in a sexless marriage for 10 years. Not attracted to him but friends & he gave off the vibe “it’s ok there’s something wrong with you.” & was ok with both of us missing out on sex. I divorced & have a high sex drive now. What I realized is he lives from a place of lack and not enough. Never enough ***, time, friends, energy, everything. He was late for everything including a panic to get to work every day. I felt he wanted a mom not a wife. Even vacation was the cheapest place, option, adventures. Can’t have friends over cause beer & pizza costs ***. What’s the minimum I can tip to not be an asshole (to the penny!). It was mindset. So when it came to sex I felt no abundance. Now divorced/single & I get excited to spend $20 goofing off rather than a place of lack. He also did NOT understand that him saying, yes u can do that, was not supportive. Permission & support are not the same. Best wishes.

[Th****]

are you ex ***s or still serving jack?

if you are ex ***s, then I may have an option for you to try.

 

Edited July 30, 2022 by TheBodyguard

[Chloebear]

28 minutes ago, TheBodyguard said:

are you ex ***s or still serving jack?

if you are ex ***s, then I may have an option for you to try.

 

👀

[Chloebear]

16 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

If you're gonna quote me, please quote correctly
"It seems that there's bo Dominant bone in your body"
It's not about being mean, it's about offering a really clear viewpoint on how he's being perceived based upon how he's portraying himself
And absolutely, you you don't have ab understanding of the importance of consent, communication etc, then you do need to educate yourself before you embark on kink

Have to say, completely with you on this. What some people, usually people outside of the bdsm community, THINK is Domination is not what it actually is. It is as much to do with nurture and care as control, and consent is central. In this case, there’s a disregard for the fact that submission is GIVEN, not taken. She may or may not be interested in kink. She is certainly not offering a willing submission, for many reasons that we can understand from the original post and maybe infer.

If there’s disagreement in this, you do need to read up on being a Dominant. It’s not a free pass to rough porno sex, which is a misunderstanding I’m seeing more and more.

[Chloebear]

Pps on the lack of love… I believe you can be in relationship with someone you love and it be non-sexual for a long time for a number of reasons. Stress, actually, can be a top reason…. I don’t know that this speaks to a lack of love on either side, but certainly a breakdown in communication and potentially the misguided belief that sex is the issue. This is often what men believe… when actually, the issue began before the sex stopped. And it is often much more complex for women than men - a multitude of small, irritating factors can affect my sex drive that would have no affect on a guy. I haven’t read all comments but I think a marriage counsellor could help. Sex counsellors are great. And the suggestion that she could Domme wasn’t entirely flippant. It might increase her confidence and ownership and give you a new perspective. Many don’t look back.

[Deleted Member]

Just to clear something up... She absolutely still wants to have sex with me. In fact, it's almost almost her who comes on to me nowadays. But when we get into the act... It's just not what I'm looking for. I've done the romance, done the chocolates, done the massages, done the cuddling... But i want more than all that. If she doesn't, so be it. I'm mean come on, are some of you even reading what I'm writing? I WOULD NEVER *** MY WIFE TO BE A SUB. But, I HAVE decided that I'm no longer interested in not completely dominating in the bedroom - truly being myself. And if it's not for her, that's okay. She's my wife and I F**KING LOVE HER.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, TheBodyguard said:

are you ex ***s or still serving jack?

if you are ex ***s, then I may have an option for you to try.

 

Veteran here.

[de****]

Try talking. And what about stimulating body connecting…just basic touching. Not sex but you touching her without wanting anything in return. Kiss and rub her whole body, maybe head but touch just being close