Subs Are...Inferior?

[CopperKnob]

Really?

Underestimate your sub, and you will quickly find yourself slithering to the right of the slash, most likely with a bratty stiletto in your back. You cannot build dominance out of an inherent contempt for submission. That's like building a ship, calling it the Titanic and marketing it as 'unsinkable.' It will hit an iceberg, it will sink
and the world will realise that you’re not as smart as you think you are. If there’s one habit that prevents dominance, it’s over-estimating your power.

Why would you even want to lead someone you believe has less value than you? Do you lack the mastery to lead someone who is your equal?

I thought not.

I'm not a sub because I want training. Training in what? How to be more submissive? The depth of my submission is directly correlated to your behaviour towards me.

I'm not a sub because I need therapy. If I needed that, I'd seek out an appropriately qualifed professional.

I’m not a sub because I need a Dom to help me prioritise/motivate me. If I wanted that, I'd hire a life coach.

I’m not a sub because I’m a walkover. If I was, I would weave myself into a doormat and take up residence in my porch.

There are an infinite number of Doms on planet earth in a variety of flavours. They don't all have an inherent ability to improve the lives of all subs.

Being a sub does not mean lying back and melting into a pool of abject incompetence, so thanks, but I don't 'need' your help. I don't require your life lessons, your training, your therapy to be better, to be more competent, to be more submissive.

The sheer fact that you think subs require those things from their Dominants tells me you're disrespectful of the submissive role. Submission comes from a place of strength, not inferiority. 

You're not a Dom because you've proven yourself competent enough to live other people's lives for them. If you had, you'd have your own Ted Talk.

You're not a Dom because your community has accepted your authority as a guiding light. If they had, you'd be booked out for classes all year.

You're not a Dom because you have the ability to improve the careers of others. If you could, I'd be reading you 'how to'  articles in Forbes.

Subs choose submission because we’re confident in our strength. We don’t fall into it because we’re too weak for anything else. We cannot give up power that we don’t have in the first place, and dominating someone who lacks a back bone is surely only satisfying to the frailest of Doms. Are you a frail Dom?

I thought not.

Submission is a sexual or romantic preference, not a personality trait; a relationship framework, not a weakness. I choose D/s because it fascinates me, not because I can’t manage my own life. I don't crumble into a pile of “nopes” and “cannots” when I’m single. I had the skill and drive to build the life I wanted. I created a career and home I'm happy and content with. Every part of my life exists because I was competent, strong and powerful enough to create it.

You’ll find I’m not unusual. Studies show that the right of the slash has no significant weaknesses in terms of characteristics/personality in comparison to people in the vanilla world. On the contrary, we have more self discipline and conscientiousness than your average Dom. Many of us are dominant in our daily lives. We’re CEOs, we’re business owners, we're bosses and we can lead with the best of them. We just choose not to do so in our romantic lives.

We’re just ordinary people who like extraordinary romantic relationships. Judging our competency by our power preference demonstrates a distinct lack of competence in you.

For those interested in the study google:
'BDSM, Personality, and Mental Health'

[ca****]

Are you as well into this kinky lifestyle

[Puppy6411]

We’re just ordinary people who like extraordinary romantic relationships. Judging our competency by our power preference demonstrates a distinct lack of competence in you.

This; the quest for the extraordinary other.

[ge****]

Bravo 👏 👏 👏
.
Could have written much of that myself, as it mostly sums up how I feel - I'm an equal not an inferior, I stand side by side with a dominant, not behind, or beneath - in fact when it comes to pegging they're usually behind or beneath me 🤣😂

[Cheekysub247]

Sometimes for some people it can be personality rather than just sexual or romantic x x

[CopperKnob]

13 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Bravo 👏 👏 👏
.
Could have written much of that myself, as it mostly sums up how I feel - I'm an equal not an inferior, I stand side by side with a dominant, not behind, or beneath - in fact when it comes to pegging they're usually behind or beneath me 🤣😂

😂 I mean, theres that if we're being literal about positions

[Da****]

Very powerful...I have basically said this to my sub... I tell her all the time she is my equal and my submissive.. in that order...

[Leisa]

26 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Sometimes for some people it can be personality rather than just sexual or romantic x x

While it may be an aspect of someone’s personality traits, it’s not their personality.

[TheBookCollector]

In my experience subs are a lot stronger emotionally and mentally than most doms.
-
It takes a lot of mental strength to give away control to someone either in a relationship or as a regular play partner.

[Cheekysub247]

@Leisa not gonna argue, but someones personality is someones personality. No one can tell someone what that is x x

[CopperKnob]

7 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Sometimes for some people it can be personality rather than just sexual or romantic x x

I had a thought and wanted to think on it more before I replied because part of me can see where you're coming from but it's popped out of my head for the time being. It may come back

[Cheekysub247]

@CopperKnob no worries, all i say is intended with no harsh words, just different approach and feelings.

What you have said are lovely words and will connect with alot of people, it shows who you are and gives others strengh when they might be feeling confused ect.

Its just as always some will think otherwise, some will feel the opposite to what you say, and thats fine too,  x x

[Dy****]

A submissive is most certainly an equal. But it's unfair to label them as not wanting education from their Dominants. This is quite common in my dynamics, and I don't think I am, or my dynamics are that unique.

[Cheekysub247]

@DyingForLife some subs dont want to be equal, everyone is different x x

Everyone has their own way, and that should be respected x x

[Dy****]

[ol****]

@CopperKnob your writing is so insightful. You have a real knack for hitting the nail on the head. 

[BruiseWayne]

Okay so I googled, but I still can't seem to find the study that prompted this furious ranting, lol.

[CopperKnob]

18 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

Okay so I googled, but I still can't seem to find the study that prompted this furious ranting, lol.

"Furious ranting"? Hardly

"BDSM, Personality, and Mental Health | Psychology Today United Kingdom" https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/unique-everybody-else/201307/bdsm-personality-and-mental-health?amp

[BruiseWayne]

3 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/unique-everybody-else/201307/bdsm-personality-and-mental-health?amp

TY.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, DyingForLife said:

A submissive is most certainly an equal. But it's unfair to label them as not wanting education from their Dominants. This is quite common in my dynamics, and I don't think I am, or my dynamics are that unique.

I think that there's a real difference between 'need' and 'want' on the part of a sub as well as a difference between a Dom assuming a position where that is required as opposed to requested by the sub.

[ol****]

I think some of the subtle comments in what @CopperKnob writes is lost on some folk here. 

If you have fixed ideas and a closed mind you are unlikely to make a good D. Same if you seek to satisfy only your own needs. There are many fine lines to navigate in our world.

[Koby]

I think sometimes individuals have such a superficial view of BDSM, which comes from preconceived notions when they begin to explore BDSM initially.

The idea that someone's  supposed weakness e.g. Submission makes you strong is just nonsense. 

@CopperKnob - Great post

[CopperKnob]

[to****]

I said it in another post and Will here:

A submissive GRANTS his or her submission.

The submission can be revoked at any time for any reason.

Period.

[Charms]

I am a control freak to the point I'm on medication because I have to control every part of my life.

 

Sadly this can happen to people with fibromailga.  I belong to a suport group an alot of people have said they control everything.  Because we can not control our health we control everything else around us.

 

I have a master so I can let go for a while. But he as to be in line with the rules that I have set out in our contract. Because if he does something past the rules i will tell him.

 

So am I still in control because he as to stick to my rules maybe so. But he also as his own rules he put in the contract. 

 

Master, myself  an a few of my vanila freinds who know were not vanila think it's funny when our other freinds or family members of masters an I think I'm the boss.

 

I am not they just don't understand what the looks when I'm out with master mean or that the  words he uses are commands that I must stick to. Or when master gives me his bank card an tells me to go get a round of drinks in as it's his turn. It means I am serving him.

 

Master an I take turns to pay when we go out unless it's birthday 'so then we treat the other person 

 

When I'm realy ill master will look after me. He will fetch my food shopping an if I need it will wash my hair an help me dry an get dressed.

 

We're as I will wash master and dry him because I am serving him it is my job an I love it.