Doming 101 — New Dom Seeks Advice

[Fa****]

As a sub, I would like to say I appreciate all the Doms talking about meeting public and Vanilla. I don’t think limits should be talked about at first. I do a lot of vetting and most Doms don’t make it past the first stage because they are so quick to jump into play talk.
Start the conversation as vanilla as possible and follow the lead of the sub. Let them choose where the conversation goes. Let them choose when they are comfortable to meet, don’t rush them.
After all, your sub should be held with the utmost highest respect! Always follow their cues.
You think you’re the one leading, it’s really the sub, until you realize that, you won’t get far.

Good luck, my inbox is always open if you have further questions, goes for anyone out there Doms or subs.

[Si****]

Get a Mentor. Be authentic. Develop routines, rituals and protocols that work for you and your sub. Find out the why before you punish. Do you really want to get upset over not having coffee if the coffee can got knocked to the floor on accident? She is going to feel bad enough as it is. Most importantly remember always she is your partner. If she is strong in something let her handle it or lead. That doesn’t make you less dominant.

[Deleted Member]

This thread has some amazing advice and information! It is wonderful to see so many Doms offer really important ideas. Respect, consent, and communication are the three most important concepts in any dynamic. Even people with *** kinks still need those three things. If a dynamic is established around those three ideas, everything else will fall into place.
One other thing to keep in mind: there is always more to learn. This lifestyle is a never ending wealth of knowledge. There is no limit as to how much one can learn and explore.

[Ge****]

Saw a great bit about finding an experienced Dom to mentor you (and find someone local so you can get hands-on instruction not just sage advice).

I think it can also be super helpful to find an experienced bottom to play with. Not for a Power Exchange dynamic, but for public pick up play. A new sub as a play partner won’t know themselves or what is safe vs. dangerous. An experienced one will, and will make no bones about telling you. If you’re rigging, they will know what “too tight” or “too loose” feels like and give you feedback. If impact and you flick a flogger at their kidneys they will tell you in NO uncertain terms what they think of that. It’s a great way to learn once you feel confident enough with your skill of choice.

[MisstressStorm]

Also a new Domme 😈⛈

I’d add communication, communication, communication. 
Things get easier , the more you get to know your sub. At the beginning I was touching base a lot to check his base line and finding his limits. Use all your senses, even if they aren’t using their safe word. Watch them like a hawk, every sharp intake of breath, a slight shudder or wincing. If the sub is silent, it may be sub space but equally cognitive dissonance ( not a good thing and straight to Aftercare ). Know your sub what makes them tick, mine isn’t a *** lover so I concentrate on overloading him with pleasure so he doesn’t know his ass from his elbow and doesn’t even remember his name. All delicious 😋 Good Luck  Mistress Storm ⛈

[Ge****]

10 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

Also a new Domme 😈⛈

I’d add communication, communication, communication. 
Things get easier , the more you get to know your sub. At the beginning I was touching base a lot to check his base line and finding his limits. Use all your senses, even if they aren’t using their safe word. Watch them like a hawk, every sharp intake of breath, a slight shudder or wincing. If the sub is silent, it may be sub space but equally cognitive dissonance ( not a good thing and straight to Aftercare ). Know your sub what makes them tick, mine isn’t a *** lover so I concentrate on overloading him with pleasure so he doesn’t know his ass from his elbow and doesn’t even remember his name. All delicious 😋 Good Luck  Mistress Storm ⛈

All great points. People have a tendency to focus on communication in the overall Power Exchange aspect of the dynamic. But in a scene it is absolutely critical, so good call!

I’ve got a hand signal system someone taught me that works well until they hit deep subspace… and then even if they are still using it I know to be a bit less trusting of it. But communication and asking good questions before a scene to know their “tells” can be huge. The more you do it, the better you get. But I love this one… it highlights body language and how much it’s our RESPONSIBILITY as Doms to pay very close attention with all our senses.

[MisstressStorm]

I’m not keen on somantic  gestures when giving intense play. Tried giving sub a stone to drop if he wanted to Amber but he couldn’t reliably be trusted to do so when he was in the zone so I don’t use a gag with him  at all until I’ve trained him to reliably do so. 
Some subs are headstrong and won’t use the Safe Words then it’s the Domme’s responsibility to gauge and back off and have a serious conversation on where the dynamic is going ( or not going ) ⛈

[Da****]

Monday at 09:22 PM, Lycanking88 said:

Yes start slowly with your sub. Go on a coffee date and set up some rules

Yes, start slowly with your “prospective sub”. Go on a coffee date and “ discuss boundaries”!

There buddy, ftfy!

[Da****]

I am a sub of different variety. I’m a brat. You will run across us, but understand that we do not have the “must please my D-type at all times” function in this model! We are not the easy to mould, “little type”, servant type. We are the surprise tobassco in your sandwich, turning your collection around to face the wall, swearing at our d-type, rule breaking, and run away only hoping that you chase us and catch us and cuddle us type.

[Deleted Member]

It’s not a “do what I say or else” lifestyle. you guide as you get to know each other. You always, even during play. You always respect your sub. She or he chose you don’t make them regret their decision. You are the key that opens the door to a freedom and a bond that could last a lifetime.

[bi****]

I would suggest you have a safe word for sure. Also make sure that you both are in to it. And finally don’t be rough unless she loves it.