Do Mistresses actually Engage

[ey****]

3 hours ago, SubForARub said:

Real Dommes dont look for *** or pay out pay pigs. Its SUCH A TURN OFFF.. *** comes from a persons job. What kinky stuff we do behind closed doors stays behind closed doors and should happen solely for both domme and sub enjoyment. *** should never be a factor. The person domming you should be doing it because they get true enjoyment from seeing the sub submit. Seeing them struggle within their bonds. Not struggling to take *** from their wallets.

arguably - men talk about wanting to be a sub and give over control - but they still want to control the finances : I don't think men want to be subs - they want to tell the women how they should be Dominating them, which is not submission.

(and yes of course, no, you don't have to pay - just - don't contact people who are clearly only there in a professional capacity)

[ey****]

52 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Maybe there is and this is like an on-line version of one of those Escape Room thing-a-ma-jigs and we've just not found the way to it yet 🤔

I like the idea that guys think they would get this for a few quid per month - when the folk that will entertain this kinda play is usually a few quid per message 

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Maybe there is and this is like an on-line version of one of those Escape Room thing-a-ma-jigs and we've just not found the way to it yet 🤔

Some clues may help? Maybe we need a Master of Dom's coordinating things?

[ge****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Some clues may help? Maybe we need a Master of Dom's coordinating things?

Or perhaps get Richard O'Brien to reprise his Crystal Maze role? 😁

[Sl****]

I agree, most doms now want a tribute up front before even meeting you or having a chat to get to know them.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, SlaveAsh said:

I agree, most doms now want a tribute up front before even meeting you or having a chat to get to know them.

no they don't.

If you contact a scammer - they will ask for *** up front

if you contact a Pro-Domme - they will ask for *** up front

if you contact someone and treat them as a fetish dispenser - they will either not respond or ask you to put some coins in to continue 

If you contact a Dominant with a godawful message - they won't respond

if you contact a Dominant and the message is conversational, actually demonstrating that you are interested in them and getting to know them - and they are interested in conversing, they will respond.

Don't confuse your own poor approaches with "most Doms"

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

no they don't.

If you contact a scammer - they will ask for *** up front

if you contact a Pro-Domme - they will ask for *** up front

if you contact someone and treat them as a fetish dispenser - they will either not respond or ask you to put some coins in to continue 

If you contact a Dominant with a godawful message - they won't respond

if you contact a Dominant and the message is conversational, actually demonstrating that you are interested in them and getting to know them - and they are interested in conversing, they will respond.

Don't confuse your own poor approaches with "most Doms"

What he said. But also, if you make arrangements to meet a real Mistress and then put up a post like this soon after, don’t be surprised when she hides your request and then keep coming to her page. Thank you!

[am****]

I've met the majority of my subs on dating apps like tinder, maybe try that. You don't even have to put a picture on some, you can put a meme with your interests and describe yourself.

[th****]

If they ask to give you ***, it's also a scam.

[La****]

Been around the kink scene a while as a top, and I can tell you that you guys are running into a key difference between tops... Some are "Pro Dommes", and while they may not label themselves as such on their page or be outright with it, its a paid service and you can look at it like you look at any other sex worker.

The other, far less common type is those who genuinely enjoy topping subs just for the sake of doing it and having that sort of relationship with a person.

All I can say is, in over 20+ years in kink, I know that the gateway to a genuinely solid interaction never leads through *** first. Think about it this way... a domme is a human being, first. How he or she decides to interact with you should be just like any other consideration in vetting a partner. If a person takes it to "pay me" first or asks or manipulates in ANY way to *** first, you're just seen as a wallet. You don't HAVE to go that route if you want to find a dominant partner, and you should never feel obligated to give up your hard-earned resources to be seen or heard, without acting like an entitled jerk either.

Relationships take time, relationships of any kind. Just keep looking, and when you find what you are looking for, approach with respect and courtesy for that person as a human being first like you would in any respectful interaction. Remember, you wouldn't want to be with a person who manipulates you for *** in a relationship, so if it goes to cash, just ghost and move on. You're just wasting her time if you don't want to pay for services. You don't have to be a jerk about rejecting the offer, just move along silently. Think of it like how you think of any solicitation... you don't have to be rude to anyone for doing their job.

I personally would never pay for "services" when there are so many wonderful people out there who just enjoy having a spicier element to a regular relationship. Try switchy people! You can learn something new, and still get the toppy energy you crave. Thinking with your small head only leads to misery. Be patient, respectful and remember that it is like any other relationship... you get out what you put in.

Good luck!

[sp****]

4 hours ago, LaVidaDaVueltas said:

Been around the kink scene a while as a top, and I can tell you that you guys are running into a key difference between tops... Some are "Pro Dommes", and while they may not label themselves as such on their page or be outright with it, its a paid service and you can look at it like you look at any other sex worker.

The other, far less common type is those who genuinely enjoy topping subs just for the sake of doing it and having that sort of relationship with a person.

All I can say is, in over 20+ years in kink, I know that the gateway to a genuinely solid interaction never leads through *** first. Think about it this way... a domme is a human being, first. How he or she decides to interact with you should be just like any other consideration in vetting a partner. If a person takes it to "pay me" first or asks or manipulates in ANY way to *** first, you're just seen as a wallet. You don't HAVE to go that route if you want to find a dominant partner, and you should never feel obligated to give up your hard-earned resources to be seen or heard, without acting like an entitled jerk either.

Relationships take time, relationships of any kind. Just keep looking, and when you find what you are looking for, approach with respect and courtesy for that person as a human being first like you would in any respectful interaction. Remember, you wouldn't want to be with a person who manipulates you for *** in a relationship, so if it goes to cash, just ghost and move on. You're just wasting her time if you don't want to pay for services. You don't have to be a jerk about rejecting the offer, just move along silently. Think of it like how you think of any solicitation... you don't have to be rude to anyone for doing their job.

I personally would never pay for "services" when there are so many wonderful people out there who just enjoy having a spicier element to a regular relationship. Try switchy people! You can learn something new, and still get the toppy energy you crave. Thinking with your small head only leads to misery. Be patient, respectful and remember that it is like any other relationship... you get out what you put in.

Good luck!

Wow I really enjoyed what you had to say about this 🙂

[La****]

15 minutes ago, spreadmyass4me said:

Wow I really enjoyed what you had to say about this 🙂

Hopefully a community built on education and helping others can help people avoid the toxicity and manipulative energy in other communities. I appreciate your feedback, and its good to hear that it resonates with others. 🙏

[sp****]

2 hours ago, LaVidaDaVueltas said:

Hopefully a community built on education and helping others can help people avoid the toxicity and manipulative energy in other communities. I appreciate your feedback, and its good to hear that it resonates with others. 🙏

It helped me because I've always been nervous to make the next step of seeing a mistress. I see certain things that they use and it kind of makes me nervous to go through with it.

[am****]

57 minutes ago, spreadmyass4me said:

It helped me because I've always been nervous to make the next step of seeing a mistress. I see certain things that they use and it kind of makes me nervous to go through with it.

Make sure you're vetting your potential mistress and discussing limits, you are allowed to say no to things. You can also have level safewords, one for stopping the scene altogether, one for switching to something else and one for a break. Meet up beforehand and get comfortable with each other. Someone not willing to do these things is a red flag in my opinion.

[Deleted Member]

Thursday at 11:07 PM, sayre652 said:

I've yet to find one not wanting ***

Yes this is my major hang-up!! Seems every one I talk to either right away or within a day of messaging is asking for ***/tribute without any type of confirmation or meeting in person!!! I refuse to send anyone *** idk or can't confirm!!

[Sh****]

August 30, BABYHUEY1972 said:

Yes this is my major hang-up!! Seems every one I talk to either right away or within a day of messaging is asking for ***/tribute without any type of confirmation or meeting in person!!! I refuse to send anyone *** idk or can't confirm!!

Same here man, same here. Or they get kicked off the app immediately after you contact them

[ge****]

On 8/30/2022 at 6:37 PM, BABYHUEY1972 said:

Yes this is my major hang-up!! Seems every one I talk to either right away or within a day of messaging is asking for ***/tribute without any type of confirmation or meeting in person!!! I refuse to send anyone *** idk or can't confirm!!

 

On 9/9/2022 at 1:44 AM, Sh4ggy said:

Same here man, same here. Or they get kicked off the app immediately after you contact them

Have you considered that if this is happening to you with "everyone" you interact with that perhaps the problem is you're choosing the wrong people and perhaps being a little arbitrary with who you message rather than picking people that genuinely interest you?

.

In over a year being on this site, and six years on another similar one, I can count on one hand the number of requests for *** I've had, and can usually spot the type of profile likely to be of that sort before messaging.

.

You should also look at your own profile and see if it's possibly acting as an open invite to that type of person to prey on.

[Deleted Member]

On line play. Nope no way. Find it difficult to locate a Mistress. I’m inexperienced and unsure of what I want. So is that a problem.