Success Rate

[Bo****]

I mean everyone I’ve mostly spoken to on here is just interested in sex and not a relationship. So I’ve not found any connections yet 😂

[J-****]

Zero success

[ey****]

8 hours ago, kiseu said:

Eyem, why did you have kill a great repellent?. Now, back to only blocking.😂💖

haha

on another site a friend of mine was engaging with someone who had approached her for play.  She plays a lot.   And so her response was a bit "come to this event, and we can meet and maybe play - or - we could meet at one of these munches and see if we want to do something privately"

He then moaned a bit about how far it was away for someone who only 'might' play and blah blah.   So she said, OK, what do you propose.  He suggested she come to him.    She reckoned a round trip would come to £40 so put that to him - OK, cover my petrol kinda thing - and he reported her, and she got her account suspended.

Upon appeal the caretakers went through the context of the messages and reenabled her account, but now she simply won't engage above "if you want to meet me, find me at an event" and then blocks anyone who argues otherwise.

And of course while men complain about being blocked over 'trivial' things - this is why, because engagement goes nowhere and the ends with her account reported.

[BruiseWayne]

10 hours ago, BornToBeBratty said:

I mean everyone I’ve mostly spoken to on here is just interested in sex and not a relationship. So I’ve not found any connections yet 😂

Something to consider... My last commited LTR started out purely sexual and then we developed some feelings for each other that eventually turned into a whole lot more.  Just because someone wants sex doesn't mean they're not open to being in a relationship. I wasn't necessarily looking for one at the time.

Edited August 30, 2022 by BruiseWayne

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

Something to consider... My last commited LTR started out purely sexual and then we developed some feelings for each other that eventually turned into a whole lot more.  Just because someone wants sex doesn't mean they're not open to being in a relationship. I wasn't necessarily looking for one at the time.

You are a minority. When most men say sex, they ONLY want sex. Often they use "Open to a relationship" as breadcrumbing. Yeah... maybe they are, but it might NOT be us. With me, every guy said that, and it was 100% obvious, they were not interested. Even guys in relationships said that! Seriously, how can they be "open to relationships" when they are in a LTR?.🤷‍♀️

[Nylon-Nellie]

3 hours ago, kiseu said:

You are a minority. When most men say sex, they ONLY want sex. Often they use "Open to a relationship" as breadcrumbing. Yeah... maybe they are, but it might NOT be us. With me, every guy said that, and it was 100% obvious, they were not interested. Even guys in relationships said that! Seriously, how can they be "open to relationships" when they are in a LTR?.🤷‍♀️

It is because they want their cake and eat in.

[ey****]

I think sometimes relationships which start as 'just sex' get complex when one person develops hopes it can be more 

obviously if the other person reciprocates those feelings then - great - but so many casual sex arrangements are derailed when one wants more than the other can offer

incidentally - I think a lot of men who say they only want sex or kink often end up lying to themselves : I remember a conversation with a lady who was doing a lot of casual foot fetish play - and she'd found for every guy who was true to the "come, give smoochies, f*** off" point, there'd be three who would become in some way attached or want more 

[BruiseWayne]

On 8/30/2022 at 2:51 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

I think sometimes relationships which start as 'just sex' get complex when one person develops hopes it can be more 

obviously if the other person reciprocates those feelings then - great - but so many casual sex arrangements are derailed when one wants more than the other can offer

incidentally - I think a lot of men who say they only want sex or kink often end up lying to themselves : I remember a conversation with a lady who was doing a lot of casual foot fetish play - and she'd found for every guy who was true to the "come, give smoochies, f*** off" point, there'd be three who would become in some way attached or want more 

I think a lot of men are terrified of their own feelings, especially younger ones, so they put on a veneer of the dgaf playboy to protect themselves for when they get disappointed. I know people don't like to seem shallow but your exterior does represent your interior quite a lot, sometimes in ways you're not even conscious of, and it's very flattering when another person is into that, especially for us guys who tend to be a little more visual and visceral than women are. A lot of men don't want to admit this but us having sex with a woman can be very validating as a result, particularly when it's with someone we find very attractive ourselves, and sometimes it's easy to develop an attachment over that.

[Mr****]

I’m having a positive time, people are friendly, conversations intriguing, funny, naughty, I chat to some great ladies and hope to continue do so.

As others have stated, keep the topic of conversation varied, make them laugh, relaxed as much as you can, I appreciate text can sometimes stump people and they become a little lost for words, it’s an ideal time to brush up on you’re communication skills.
Every day’s a school day!

Try not to have too many expectations & have fun!

[Mr****]

Oh... and maybe steer clear of the profiles that are clearly just seeking validation with no intention of carrying things forward.
You’re disposable to them, they’re not worth your time and energy.

[ol****]

Sorry to wade into this.

For those guys that identify as D: (Can't speak for subs)

The ladies expect you to make the running and they expect you to be polite and respectful when you contact them.

You need to accept that this is just like in vanilla life. If you don't fit their criteria then you probably won't get a reply to a message, always assuming they have not already set up filters to block you from messaging.

A lot of ladies on here have written about this over the years so your success rate will improve if you actually respect what they have said. However, just like any other sort of dating you are going to have to get used to rejection. Most guys know this and most guys come to understand this is how the world is. If you rocked up here looking for an easy lay you are going to be out of luck.

[ey****]

25 minutes ago, oldfellow said:

For those guys that identify as D: (Can't speak for subs)

 

that is actually the same the other way round also

in M/f the general expectancy is that the M will approach respectfully with a view of showing why they would be a good/suitable Dominant for the submissive

if F/m then similar - the m will approach with a view of showing why they would make a good sub to the Dominant

There's still a lot which overly normalises the man making the approach and making the good impression.   

This is generally where it comes from the idea of the woman having it easier.

I know many men would appreciate women making the first move (which does happen, but not so often all considered - and I know there is sometimes the thing where I know if a lady does message me - my initial assumption is it's to be friendly not because they're necessarily interested)  but logically; there still has to be a reason why the guy is appealing.  Why someone is interested.   Other than "tits, pulse, local" 

[th****]

As a newbie/outsider finding her way I agree on all points mentioned here! They’re all valid perspectives in that yes, I’d prefer someone come correct with an approach, but, I also agree with the notion that this “society” is still heavily a patriarchal one at that. Social biases and such have programmed us all to believe that’s just are the way they are, and minimal room for deviation. Happy to be here to learn, grow, & connect!

[ma****]

I’ve been flooded with msgs. However, most are just interested in sex and that isn’t my goal on here so I’ve only met two people that have sparked actual interest.

[Sh****]

Dude, as a sub, I either get no response from a dominant woman or a response from a scammer that seems like they aren't a scammer but are all the way on the *** and mostly misspell and mix up messages to where I almost have to decipher

[Do****]

I seem to get msgs from people thousands of miles away & 20 yr olds though I have my filters set for older & closer

[ch****]

Copy that Malibu87.also copy Shg4ggy. Also , even when checking and rechecking radius filter, responses from UK, S Africa, etc. Obvious non sequitur. This seems to accord tangentially at least to the “bigger fool “ economic theory…site administrators take note.

[Po****]

I’ve connected with a few people but none of them worked out. Name of the game.

[lo****]

Haven’t got any connection so far but still looking to have a good vibe but we see

[UK****]

12 hours ago, your1desire said:

I seem to get msgs from people thousands of miles away & 20 yr olds though I have my filters set for older & closer

Can't answer your question on your profile as only paid members can post there, however to my knowledge, matches are done on what you declare as interests, not on bdsm test results.  Can't help on the filters though.

[Bu****]

To me, part of the problem is that Fet is a terribly designed app because their main thing is ***, like most of the other dating apps. It's unusable without shelling out lots of extra cash, navigating is clumsy, searches are weak, and every other feature is like they went, "ah, good enough". Not just Fet, all the dating apps I've tried are like this.

There *has* to be a better way to meet people.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, BurnedbyLove said:

To me, part of the problem is that Fet is a terribly designed app because their main thing is ***, like most of the other dating apps. It's unusable without shelling out lots of extra cash, navigating is clumsy, searches are weak, and every other feature is like they went, "ah, good enough". Not just Fet, all the dating apps I've tried are like this.

There *has* to be a better way to meet people.

I'd disagree that the main motivation is *** - the features you get as an unpaid member are more than enough to be able to use the app/site effectively - add to that that you can actually get "free" upgraded membership by collecting points and I'd suggest that is evidence enough that *** is the main motivator - though being absolutely blunt, so what if it is - this is after all a business to someone.
.
I actually think it's very easy to use and mostly quite intuitive to both use and navigate - so would suggest maybe spending some time around the site and getting to learn it's functionality better.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, BurnedbyLove said:

To me, part of the problem is that Fet is a terribly designed app because their main thing is ***, like most of the other dating apps. It's unusable without shelling out lots of extra cash, navigating is clumsy, searches are weak, and every other feature is like they went, "ah, good enough". Not just Fet, all the dating apps I've tried are like this.

There *has* to be a better way to meet people.

On one hand - I think this is a site which is perfectly usable without paying.   

But generally speaking - all websites have costs to exist and so want to at least recoup those costs - and, yeah, a lot of things are in the business to make ***.

Hence, of course, why dating apps generally want you to upgrade or pay another premium.  

But, absolutely. There are many other ways to meet people.  In terms of kink one of the easiest ways is to be involved in a local kink community - and while there isn't a lady sitting in the corner awaiting "fresh meat" making passive connections is a very good way to lead to other stuff.  

Of course. There are then people who get involved in their local communities and as happy as they are, or are not, months down the line haven't found what they are looking for either

[Bu****]

True enough. I'm coming off a long tech job and I get wiggy over design stuff.

[Bu****]

Still hate capitalism, tho 😛