Men - What Works For You?

[CopperKnob]

Such a lovely change to hear some positivity and reassuring that some of us 'get it'

[Deleted Member]

Having been around various bdsm forums over the years ..
- don’t send unsolicited d**k pics, they are not welcome. This lifestyle is not about just sex.
- don’t use us as kink dispensers
- read profiles and engage in conversation if there is something that interests you, go from there. A well written bio makes a big difference.
- don’t assume that just because we have a mutual interest in kink, it means that we are likely to play, there are hundreds of kinks and fetishes
- don’t be thirsty, it’s an immediate turn off
- be respectful, don’t be hurt if you are rejected or not their type

[ni****]

generally you can't be creepy, going around like you are owed attention is how you get zero attraction. just go with the flow and be yourself.

[ey****]

One thing in general is to also approach someone like you are a person and they are a person

while that should seem obvious - don'ts would include already talking like you are in a dynamic, leading fetish-first, so on

But also kinda avoiding the whole "I am a pathetic loser" kinda shtick as that is more of a porn trope than - like - if you're a loser, does she look like someone who wants a loser?  

[Ma****]

Just gonna throw this out there- if you don't message at all done expect results. Give a nice inviting introduction for yourself and what sparked your interest in the person youre messaging. Then be patient bc not everyone checks their messages every 2 seconds, on average it's about once every 2 weeks for most women

[Ma****]

Also my friends fill out your dang profile! Proper intro, well taken pics and all the details that show you know what the hecc yer doin!

[Deleted Member]

I like this thread. Interesting read

[ge****]

Yesterday at 03:10 AM, MacFuzzband said:

Just gonna throw this out there- if you don't message at all done expect results. Give a nice inviting introduction for yourself and what sparked your interest in the person youre messaging. Then be patient bc not everyone checks their messages every 2 seconds, on average it's about once every 2 weeks for most women

Whilst your statement is very true - I think it's also important to point out that sending "blind" messages to people you've had no interaction with previously isn't the only approach, and in fact I'd argue is possibly the hardest and one most likely to result in frustration.
.
In over 6 years of using sites like this I can count on my fingers the number of such messages I've sent yet have met many wonderful people both socially and otherwise through my use of them.
.
Using the forums is generally my go to - the conversations and connections they have sparked have been invaluable.

[Deleted Member]

Perhaps a small cis female voice, unnecessary and belated, if I may? I was comparing apps/matches w/friends and there are so many differences: featured vs newest vs closest vs best match popping up, not everyone is seeing everyone else. Regardless, patience, understanding, humor, and a touch of persistence. The messages coming in can be overwhelming and a chore—don’t add to that. Maybe something pertinent to why you’re interested along with questions every couple of days is cool. Every 15 min because you can tell ‘I’m on the app’ is not cool. Also a match/like/spank/swipe is not a binding contract. Don’t lecture me after matching for not holding up my end of some complex contract you have in your head because I didn’t respond yet (message had been unread). Also personality and sense of humor can reeeeaaalllyyy go a long way. Highlight it and your interests! Bragging about your cock isn’t fun, makes me think if it’s that big then you have elephantitis and need your circulation checked and/or constantly about your huge dick turns it into another *** in the ass chore to do.


—xoxo random middle aged woman trying to figure out fetlife w/urban dictionary open on another device and a solid LA 6? 5? Meh.

[Jy****]

For awhile I would update my profile with my interests and give a little information about myself and sit and wait to see if anyone would reach out to me. It never happened. You do have to put in some effort to be noticed, as long as it's in a respectful, honest way. You really do have to stand out in some way, it's up to you to figure out how. Be confident and remember to have fun!

[Me****]

First you have to have an abundance of BSDM lifestyle persons living in your area....

[Me****]

Here in Mexico that is not the case

[Me****]

Where I was from we had monthly meetings attended by 25 people from the region.... the success rate was much greater.....

[Me****]

No one within 100 miles of me ... here in mexico

[Deleted Member]

The best experiences I had meeting people was a group events. I find one on one people tend to have guard up and go into judgement mode… kills mood on both sides. I find joining groups events comedy shows, bdsm events bondage classes; music local bands are good. There are apps you can set up for group events and get small groups together .

[Deleted Member]

Just try and have fun at events be yourself and enjoy the moment don’t go in with creepy expectations..

[Deleted Member]

Gonna have to agree with the others here that recommend events. If you don’t live in a densely populated area, good luck finding someone even 30 miles of you. And if it is a particularly rustic area, make that 100 miles.
And it isn’t necessarily just geography that is an issue. Dating apps in general are very skewed, and it is simply an issue of numbers; men outnumber women on these apps, so inevitably, some WILL be left out, even if we magically made every profile look good.
With events, you can circumvent the issues surrounding dating apps and or geography (assuming one is willing to travel far for such events).