Deleted Member Posted August 30, 2022 Posted August 30, 2022 I just don't get it. Every time I make one wrong move in text/chat or maybe two, or even three, it's done, over, finished, within a day or two. There is very little wiggle room, if any, in text/chat to learn how "she" wants to be served. My logic tells me the process is a learning curve for 2 people to find out about eachother with a view to meeting for a coffee or walk or whatever. Is this wrong? Ok, so, I opened a chat with someone 20 years younger on Saturday and wow! She replied! OMG! So I started chatting and she gave me tasks quite quickly. Still surprised, she then wanted regular messages, good morning and goodnight and pics of self ***, worship, begging etc. because she liked it. I done my best. I didn't get much response on Sunday. So Monday morning I sent a good morning message and just left it at that because I thought I'd been ghosted and I was out with family anyway. I didn't see the point of sending anything if I didn't get a reply. Then she replied, with a one sentence message upset that I hadn't messaged her all day! I apologised, explained and resumed messages. Then today (Tuesday), after I sent regular messages she asked if I knew what I'd done wrong on Monday. I replied saying I didn't inform her I was out with family on Monday and apologised. Then I had a volley of angry messages saying how much of a waste of time I am, I couldn't follow orders and she didn't like my messages! Gobsmacked, I ended it implying I wasn't good enough for her and wished her well. Then she replied nicely rejecting me and wishing me well like she hadn't seen my message wishing her well. I literally have no idea what to say in text anymore and wonder why I'm even in this lifestyle/community trying to find an owner. It happens every time. I'm lost and broken in this world. Yet in vanilla land everyone likes me. What am I doing wrong in this BDSM world because I really have no idea. I think I've finished my rambling vent. Sorry.
Dy**** Posted August 30, 2022 Posted August 30, 2022 I think that a lot of people who are looking for online only, are not the types that tend to not want to develop full connections. This isn't the first time someone has posted here about a text-only dynamic going awry for these reasons. I think it's safe to assume that most only online types are exploring for themselves, no matter their role, or they are disinterested in a genuine connection. The online/text dynamic gives them what they want, with the barriers they desire. If you are wanting a deeper, meaningful connection to your Domme, I would suggest joining a local club and attending open events in your region. Because those events tend to be vanilla to start, you can order coffee and chat, rather than show yourself in bandage as your introduction.
Deleted Member Posted August 30, 2022 Author Posted August 30, 2022 You’re kind and you seem sweet as well as considerate. You’re not doing anything wrong. If anything, it seems like that person was definitely taking advantage of you and Domme or not, that’s not right. You deserve to have your needs met as well. My best advice would be to have more of a waiting period before actual serving begins. That way you can get to know them and they can get to know them in a more organic way than being ordered around and being upset by mere miscommunication. You did the best with what you were given
ge**** Posted August 30, 2022 Posted August 30, 2022 Try not to over analyse it OP, you'll probably never know the truth of the matter. I'd also try not to dive in so quickly to give yourself either - doing so as quickly as you describe leaves you wide open to disappointment and the kind of behaviour you've experienced - you'll never know for sure, but I'll not be surprised if this person was either a man pretending to be a woman and either enjoying stringing you along, or getting his kicks while he could and then once he had done so using any excuse to close things down, or possibly a scammer, or some other fake. . Take your time to establish a connection and be as sure as you can be that the other person is genuine in their intent before indulging in anything remotely sexual. . As DyingForLife suggests look for local in person events and munches to meet people as an option.
Deleted Member Posted August 30, 2022 Posted August 30, 2022 A few pointers.. 1. When I start talking to someone, I never ever give them tasks.. the trust isn’t built up for that yet.. there is no dynamic, there is no pressure on them to continue talking with me unless there is genuine interest. And I feel the same way. If I’m not interested I respond with a thanks but I’m going to pursue other thoughts.. 2. If someone asks me to “dom” them, I will refuse. For me it takes time to get to that level. 3. There is always a lot of passion at the beginning of getting to know another person. Lots of questions etc.. I am always communicating if there will be lapses in this communication. (I’m going to grab drinks with some friend, I’m going hiking in a remote area), if the person is anxious this will soothe some of their anxiety, if they are avoidants, they will respond that they really don’t care. If they are secure, they will appreciate the gesture. (This helps me to weed a little) It really comes down to what you are comfortable with.. remember you can start a huge Bon fire with just gasoline but it will flash out… .. if you want to maintain that flame you need to place substance, or fuel for it to continue to be a passionate flame.. and that substance or fuel has to come from both sides..
ReniMasks Posted August 30, 2022 Posted August 30, 2022 That sounds like a fake profile. They play these stupid games on here frequently
ReniMasks Posted August 30, 2022 Posted August 30, 2022 Cause what fake profile "dommes" do is they *** this stuff onto you in this very similar manner you described and then if you seem to take a wrong step of any sort they hammer you like what happened to you, and they hammer exceptionally hard if they think they cant profit from you to make you feel terrible about yourself/experience. These people are scum
Sl**** Posted August 30, 2022 Posted August 30, 2022 Unfortunately that is the case. 1 wrong message will end everything there is. You gotta be perfect or be happy making flaws/mistakes
Deleted Member Posted August 31, 2022 Author Posted August 31, 2022 Because that was probably a dude trying to get you to do and show proof of whatever he gets off on. Don't put trust in a 5 minute or even a 45 minute filled out profile here. If someone is really interested, have them make a video holding up something specific or just video you directly.
Lord_Talion Posted August 31, 2022 Posted August 31, 2022 ANYTHING you do for someone else without meeting will ensure they get what they want from you! Most ppl get ghosted after that, be glad you're given a few days. Either waybits like putting out on the first date. As much as it's enjoyable it'll end in ruin. Your service is worth more than a fe lines of fraggn text!
Deleted Member Posted August 31, 2022 Author Posted August 31, 2022 Aww, you guys! I'm feeling the love! I'm glad I vented now. Thank you all. I relate to everyone of your comments so I hope newbies are reading them to help spot the red flags in fake and predatory profiles. I did just throw caution to the wind (yes, I'm a bit of twat for that) and "did as I was told" knowing full well it would likely come to nothing. In essence, it's right and proper to chat with a view to meeting up or video calling. We can only get a bit of vibe from text because there's no tone of voice, no eye contact, no body language. It's just words on a screen. The good news is, I found I don't seem to mind ***.... unless it's with a man behind a fake profile 😬
EMandM Posted August 31, 2022 Posted August 31, 2022 Doesn't sound like a Domme, more of a nightmare 😕 better off without. The main thing a lot of men might find helpful is, stop trying so hard. A sub/Dom relationship is give/give, no matter what some of the down right ***rs who claim to be Doms/Dommes think or claim.
ge**** Posted August 31, 2022 Posted August 31, 2022 2 minutes ago, EMandM said: Doesn't sound like a Domme, more of a nightmare 😕 better off without. The main thing a lot of men might find helpful is, stop trying so hard. A sub/Dom relationship is give/give, no matter what some of the down right ***rs who claim to be Doms/Dommes think or claim. Wholeheartedly agree - think for some male submissives desperation kicks in and they clutch at any interest shown without giving thought to whether it's genuine or not
Deleted Member Posted August 31, 2022 Author Posted August 31, 2022 23 minutes ago, gemini_man said: Wholeheartedly agree - think for some male submissives desperation kicks in and they clutch at any interest shown without giving thought to whether it's genuine or not Absolutely. It's a lonely life being a male sub and as I said, I threw caution to the wind and regret the over dramatic title of this post now. I still think women have a much tougher time on the internet though.
Deleted Member Posted August 31, 2022 Author Posted August 31, 2022 26 minutes ago, gemini_man said: Wholeheartedly agree - think for some male submissives desperation kicks in and they clutch at any interest shown without giving thought to whether it's genuine or not Absolutely. It's a lonely life being a male sub and as I said, I threw caution to the wind and regret the over dramatic title of this post now. I still think women have a much tougher time on the internet though.
so**** Posted August 31, 2022 Posted August 31, 2022 This is why I feel truly bad for subs. As a dominant, I would NEVER start something I didn't intend to follow through with. Im always up front & honest so that I don't accidentally hurt anyone's feelings. But there's a lot of absolutely shitty people in this world. People who even take pleasure in sadistically ***ing the emotions of others. This is wrong. In the purest sense of the word. Wrong. Look, fellow dominants... Listen. People's emotions aren't to be fucked with. Yeah they're submissive, so what. They're still human. This is a good example of what NOT to ever do. Dont start shit you're not serious about. If you're not interested, just say so up front. Just be honest. Dont dick people around for your twisted sense of fun. Ok? Ok. I'm sorry this keeps happening to you. If you ever need someone to talk to, just hit me up. Good luck 🌹
Deleted Member Posted August 31, 2022 Author Posted August 31, 2022 Thanks @sonofthunder777 That's a much better rant than I can dream up. I'm fine now though thanks after my whingy whiney post. I've seen it all before tbh. It's my own fault for falling for it. I don't normally. If that's what gives her, her kicks then it's job done. I hope newbies see this post and learn from my throwing caution to the wind. And from your comment. Thanks again
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