Dy**** Posted September 2, 2022 Posted September 2, 2022 I was challenged some time ago by a lady on here to share details of what I as a Dom do in my dynamics, because Doms are not known for sharing on here, or anywhere for that matter. So, I've been thinking of something worth sharing from my repertoire, for lack of a better term, and I thought I would share my concept of aftercare. Different scenes, different activities will ultimately call for different levels of aftercare. In my experience, I hardly ever do the same thing repeatedly (except for cuddling......that seems to be one constant). With that, here are some things I incorporate into my aftercare, with some of the thinking behind it. Concept: my focus as a Dom is the psychology of our pursuits. That being, our 'Why.' I want to assist a submissive in being comfortable with who they are, what they want, and how they value their kink. I also am focused on emotional expression. I don't believe it's enough to label emotions and state when feelings occur. I believe it's vital for a submissive to feel comfortable to allow those emotions to lead them in a scene. Learning to trust our emotions is a valuable skill to have and leads to greater confidence in one's life. Consequently, this leads to a lot of self-exploration. This can lead to small changes in behavior, language choices, even habits. It can also lead to profound discoveries that one was unaware were underneath their surface, waiting to burst out. My aftercare offerings are designed with the profound discoveries in mind. They don't always occur, but when they do, it's good to be ready with a parachute for my submissive, so she can land safely on the ground. 1. Body Massage - I sought out a professional massage therapist and asked if they could teach me basic body massage techniques. My thinking here is that after a challenging impact session, nothing would likely feel better on all those tense muscles than something designed to relax them. I keep scented massage oil and a warmer on hand for this aftercare activity. 2. Multiple Bed Sheet Sets - This may not seem like aftercare, but it's important to understand the concept. I maintain a notebook of the dynamic, we discuss titles, safe words, soft limits, hard limits, goals, and everything else in the notebook. Further, I conduct and exercise with my submissive where we go through all the different colors of sheets I have available, and they choose what emotion they want to associate with what color. That way, when we are entering into aftercare after a challenging session, they can tell me what primary emotion is occurring for them, and I can select the appropriate bedding, outfit the bed I am placing them on, where they will be surrounded by that color. This is a play on art therapy concepts, where patients are encouraged to express emotions through color selection. The idea is to become comfortable with the emotion in the person's life. 3. Snacks - I always hear people speak of having tons of tea available. And I do. But nothing compares then when you write a list of snacks a submissive enjoys, and you have those available for them when they desire. 4. Water - Always have this available, regardless. Hydration makes us all better partners. 5. White Noise Machine - It's good to have on hand, especially after something physically demanding like CNC, or Abduction Play. Things like this that can quiet the mind are just what the doctor ordered with really intense scenes/play. 6. Reading- I know by now some of you know I'm pro-reading. Not that I'm unique, but I lobby reading quite a bit on here. I offer to read to my submissive in aftercare. I know many find my voice soothing, but universally I've found that submissives appreciate the activity of being read to because it helps them separate from the session in aftercare and think from "outside" of the experience, which helps achieve calm. 7. Stretching - Usually after an hour or two, I'll check in with my submissive and see if they want to stretch. If they do, I provide assisted stretching for their legs, hips, and back. 8. My Dog - Sometimes my submissive doesn't want to see me right after a scene. If we get into very rough activity, it's not always easy to disassociate me from the role I played immediately after. I have an American Bulldog named Smokey who is a rescue from dog fighting. Some submissives really identify if his background and like to cuddle with him after a tough scene. And frankly, he's pretty great at it. These are my staples, I'll always adjust for my submissive, she is who these things are designed for afterall. If you have something to add, feel free to comment. I hope this was useful for everyone.
CopperKnob Posted September 2, 2022 Posted September 2, 2022 Interesting re the bedsheets. I'm thinking different textures/materials too such as silk/cotton/velvet may be comforting to some And yeah, don't the benefits of pet therapy
Go**** Posted September 3, 2022 Posted September 3, 2022 Loved reading this, particularly the efforts you go to, to think about the details, and also how you seem to have really gone 'outside the box' with ideas. Food for thought, as I've been thinking on this subject lately.
Dy**** Posted September 3, 2022 Author Posted September 3, 2022 3 hours ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said: Loved reading this, particularly the efforts you go to, to think about the details, and also how you seem to have really gone 'outside the box' with ideas. Food for thought, as I've been thinking on this subject lately. Thank you!
Dy**** Posted September 3, 2022 Author Posted September 3, 2022 3 hours ago, CopperKnob said: Interesting re the bedsheets. I'm thinking different textures/materials too such as silk/cotton/velvet may be comforting to some And yeah, don't the benefits of pet therapy Please message me your ideas, you know I love your thoughts!
Vi**** Posted September 3, 2022 Posted September 3, 2022 This is really interesting to read thanks for sharing, I've yet to really experience the need for aftercare but it's made me think about what I would want afterwards. Do you as a Dom require similar as I imagine you have all these emotions too, or does helping your sub with them give you what you need?
Dy**** Posted September 3, 2022 Author Posted September 3, 2022 5 hours ago, Vic1077 said: This is really interesting to read thanks for sharing, I've yet to really experience the need for aftercare but it's made me think about what I would want afterwards. Do you as a Dom require similar as I imagine you have all these emotions too, or does helping your sub with them give you what you need? I come to BDSM with a career background in a very dynamic field. So I am quite comfortable with the more difficult scenes. Though I have had some submissives in the past voluntarily massage me a scene.....haven't turned that down, ever.
Ki**** Posted September 6, 2022 Posted September 6, 2022 I would strongly advise against massage after a challenging impact session. You could likely do more damage to muscle and tissue. They need to heal before doing any massage. Depending on the person and ***, that could be from a few days to a few weeks before massage would be appropriate. Caresses and cuddling yes, massage and oils no. Unless you’re keeping it strictly to relaxation techniques, like head, neck and shoulders (assuming no impact on those areas).
Dy**** Posted September 7, 2022 Author Posted September 7, 2022 On 9/5/2022 at 6:18 PM, Kitanya said: I would strongly advise against massage after a challenging impact session. You could likely do more damage to muscle and tissue. They need to heal before doing any massage. Depending on the person and ***, that could be from a few days to a few weeks before massage would be appropriate. Caresses and cuddling yes, massage and oils no. Unless you’re keeping it strictly to relaxation techniques, like head, neck and shoulders (assuming no impact on those areas). I agree with you, especially after re-reading my phrasing. I didn't spend as much time with that paragraph as I should have. Kitanya brings up an excellent point. It is not advisable to go right into massage or use of lotions/oils in an area that has received impact. I was thinking of how I massage areas that did not receive impact, but didn't spell that out.
Ki**** Posted September 7, 2022 Posted September 7, 2022 I think what you’re doing is lovely. You have really put a lot of thought and attention to detail into your aftercare.
Dy**** Posted September 7, 2022 Author Posted September 7, 2022 11 minutes ago, Kitanya said: I think what you’re doing is lovely. You have really put a lot of thought and attention to detail into your aftercare. Thank you!
ED**** Posted September 17, 2022 Posted September 17, 2022 Yes i agree with all the planning and execution, means a submissive or any one will benefit and newer ideas can be encouraged & tried, commend your approach & thought plus sharing,
Dy**** Posted September 18, 2022 Author Posted September 18, 2022 4 hours ago, EDY7 said: Yes i agree with all the planning and execution, means a submissive or any one will benefit and newer ideas can be encouraged & tried, commend your approach & thought plus sharing, Thank you very much!
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