Unsure

[Steve2522]

In need of some help, my partner has expressed she would like a dom sub relationship but not with me. I know of the person but we have  never met he is respectful and trust worthy. We have made some rules which have been clear and understood. But is this OK we love each other very much and have discussed that she will open and honest with me at all times. But is the right choice? Is anybody else in a similar situation? We love kink and into some naughty things. But I just don't have the dom in me she wants so am I OK to let her go and do this or is it wrong 

[Steve2522]

I'm desperate for answers, or reassurance before I make the wrong decision 

[Deleted Member]

Hi there, 

 

What feels right to you? That's what really matters. There's loads of different approaches to BDSM and no one is better than any others. 

 

I'm married and most of my BDSM play happens with other people than my husband, it works for us really well. I would say communication is definitely key. 

[Saints7384]

I’ve always gone with one rule when comes to certain discussions in life, if you are not completely convinced it’s the right one, then it usually isn’t.

[patrick2963]

Any rules for me, just want to make people happy

[ey****]

the concept of this might seem new, weird or alien because it goes against a lot we were all brought up and taught to believe.

It can work, but it's very happy that everyone is happy with the arrangement in principle.

There will be challenges.  It may be possible you could experience jealousy, or of course times if you're sat at home a little bored and lonely while she is off having a good time.  But, these are natural emotions and can be worked through.

Communication will be very important with your partner, between agreeing boundaries and also making sure you're still finding time for each other and your own relationship.

I can't say if it is the right choice or not because this is individual to the relationship.  I think there is always a risk though that in saying no this becomes something she goes on to resent in the relationship, or she may be unhappy feeling something is "missing" - so it's far better to keep talking especially now that doorway is open so you can work through in a way everyone is happy with.

This type of set up is far from abnormal.  My wife (who has a boyfriend) is not my Mistress (who has a husband, and other subs) but everyone knows about everyone else.

[Mi****]

Only you and your partner can decide if this is the right choice for your relationship. What I can say is if you decide to go along this route then yes it is ok, lots of other people have done this before and probably more will do it in the future. You just have to decide if it is right for you and if it turns out not to be right what happens then.

[Deleted Member]

Surprisingly it can actually bring you closer together in many ways, but you do need to 100% honest with each other at all times, if either of you wants to talk more message me

[Mollysdailykiss]

The most important thing is that you have discussed it thoroughly with your partner AND continue to keep communication open with her. I would also suggest that together you sit down and work out where her potential new Dom's boundaries are, for example can he Dom her within your relationship or is this to only be an in person thing when they are together? You might not have the answers to those questions yet but don't let that stop you. You can find them out as you go along just that it is worth explaining to the potential Dom partner that these are areas to be explored and discussed as you go along.

 

Mollyx

[Deleted Member]

Hey :). I was in this position last year, me and my monogamous boyfriend of 4 years and myself decided to allow each other to explore each other’s fantasies - not quite an open relationship and we have our own boundaries and rules too. But thought it would make you happy to know that with hard work and open communication, this is totally possible if you both want it. He pursues his kinks, I have my dom and we’re closer than ever. Let me know if you want to chat private, happy to help where I can xxxx

[Deleted Member]

Oh and remember. To feel jealousy isn’t the same as acting on it. We’ve been told that relationships give you free reign to act on jealousy as if it gives you a right to behave in a way that you would NEVER do in any other situation. We explore jealousy at work, within family, through the media! But we know it’s not healthy and there’s a better option. The same can and should be applied to relationships. They are a relation after all, not ownsership - even a dom negotaiates that! Xx

[BDSM_Master]

This is quite normal to find someone to trust with your partner. Just take it slow, have open communication with all of your hard limits and boundary's on the table.

[BDSM_Master]

You have some great points LeilaSub190

[Phoenyx]

On 11/14/2018 at 5:29 PM, BDSM_Master said:

This is quite normal to find someone to trust with your partner. Just take it slow, have open communication with all of your hard limits and boundary's on the table.

I just stumbled across this thread.  So, my reply might be a bit late.  I can describe my experiences from both perspectives.  Of course, these were just my experiences, and don't account for all possibilities.

When I married my wife, she already knew what I did and what I was about.  I had told her that I had certain rules, limits, and boundaries in my practices.  Though a little rough at first, she realized that my occasional gigs were not a threat.  In fact, she was rather fascinated by what I did.  She would even occasionally assist me during sessions.  Plus, she soon made friends with the dominatrix who had provided my professional training.  So, it can work on that level.  My wife was a strong, dominant person in her own right.  I like having a kindred spirit as a soulmate.  I guess I'm unusual that way.  Ironically, some years after my semi-retirement, we got divorced, for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with "The Scene"

On the other side, I often dealt with bored or disillusioned housewives (or other ladies in LTR's).  In such cases, I would insist that the husband or boyfriend would accompany her to the initial interview.  There would be no secrets.  The final decision would have to be unanimous.  If agreed, the wife would come by for an afternoon session.  With luck, that evening, she would be waiting at home, for her husband to return, with the intention of banging his brains out, as soon as he walked through the door.  My goal was to improve relationships, not corrode them.

 

[BDSM_Master]

On 11/12/2018 at 1:14 AM, Steve2522 said:

In need of some help, my partner has expressed she would like a dom sub relationship but not with me. I know of the person but we have  never met he is respectful and trust worthy. We have made some rules which have been clear and understood. But is this OK we love each other very much and have discussed that she will open and honest with me at all times. But is the right choice? Is anybody else in a similar situation? We love kink and into some naughty things. But I just don't have the dom in me she wants so am I OK to let her go and do this or is it wrong 

I personally have been trough this and I would advise you to go for it. But go into it with rules that you both have discussed before hand. 

Go have fun

 

Master James