Baby Dom Teaching Moment

[co****]

Baby sub here and I learned fast if they won’t take the time to communicate openly and thoroughly run.

[Je****]

Stereotyping subs and fetishes is a turn off. Also going right to demanding tributes and fees makes me think scammers

[lo****]

Throwing a tantrum because I dared talk to male friends I have had much longer. Demanding 100% of my attention when we are around others, who I at least know. Getting mad/upset when the scene didn't happen like in their head, and taking it out on their sub. Verbally abusing and tearing them down, not in a scene but as "punishment" for something that should be no issue. Thinking that if a sub were to submit to you, then you can have them be a plaything for a group of friends as well.(some subs MIGHT be ok with this, but run it past us, don't assume we will.)

I am sure I have still more. I share as these come to me

[FF****]

As a Dom I find that last reply disturbing af. I hope you found a responsible understanding master who knows how to not be a complete f**king psychotic r*pist stereotype. Unless your into that of course lol

[lo****]

I have had a bit of a run with some who think that their fantasy of being a Dom is correct. I was very fortunate that my first Dom was a good one. Made it easier to nope out of those situations. Fortunately? not all of the above are from one experience.

[lo****]

13 hours ago, FFUC_U_DSDSD_U_CUFF said:

As a Dom I find that last reply disturbing af. I hope you found a responsible understanding master who knows how to not be a complete f**king psychotic r*pist stereotype. Unless your into that of course lol

As a sub I totally agree!! That is disturbing and r*pey!! Being a sub involves a lot of trust and communication which clearly DID NOT HAPPEN in that situation. I hope she’s ok bc that situation is not ok.

[FF****]

Yeah absolutely and aside from the concern in this situation that I have for the saftey of, as well as, the physical and psychological wellbeing of subs like lockheart here, this sort of person we are talking about is a poor reflection on us all as individuals and as a culture! This is the reason people judge and criticise us when we are more concerned about and have a stronger understanding of (and respect for) concent and boundaries than people outside our community because we have to. I am glad you had a positive experience the first time Lockhart because many blossoming subs who have had negative experience straight off the bat, are justified in being weary or losing trust altogether. lolittastiletto you sound like you could teach a few things to young subs and indeed ALOT of Dom's. Being submissive doesn't mean you can't be assertive about where the line is drawn. Both of you should start threads. #subsertive

[BeautifulKaos]

On 9/12/2022 at 3:44 PM, switchbbyx said:

THIS! Also expecting you to immediately submit and/or making certain demands because they’re the “Dom.”

I find this happens too often. Almost all the time, but as a sub its your responsibility to  really understand Domination and Submission as your only power is who you give your submission to and if you dont know and understand it how can you be safe. You shldnt be here  to you do

 

 

 

 

[lo****]

Thank you. I will start working on it in my head before making a thread.

[lo****]

7 hours ago, locketheart said:

Thank you. I will start working on it in my head before making a thread.

You have every right to make this thread! I’m sorry this happened to you and I think all of us want you to feel supported and legitimized. 💕

[FF****]

What I think is that if you have an experience you should feel comfortable in this setting in particular to share and seek advice from others and to ask opinions. The original thread directly requests such embellishment and personal feedback for people to contemplate and have a healthy discussion. Also this allows others to reflect and relate, BeautifulKaos makes a solid point that you can control your choice of who and therefore what, but it should be open to discussion as it may serve as for food for thought for someone who is just beginning there journey and also yes it's a question aswell of validation, yes what happened to you is a thing that happens and despite how others feel how you feel is also valid. I often find for some subs submission is a slippery slope and what starts as a boundary can soon become a goal if the sub feels that the next boundary is respected but this can take time and is the prerogative of the individual who is setting there boundaries. Sometimes this is not the case. Some subs are like all in and that's fine that's there fantasy they wish to bring to life and the difference is when it comes down to it for a Dom, you are literally doing what you want, there isn't a risk of feeling violated or intimidated or any other feeling that one could perceive as negative from your own unique perspective (although other risks are unique to the Dom experience) but the aforementioned is what we are discussing here. I think that there is much validity in BeautifulKaos's words and the statement I already highlighted above and its a wise way to look at things, however its no different lockheart from what you have said before true? This experience made you think twice about your choice of Dom and you made amendments for such from this life experience, nothing is wrong with sharing that in an open forum. This is a teaching moment after all. There is no hard and fast rules about it other than to respect other people's boundaries or you are raping them there is no two ways about it. I've slept with plenty of submissive women who would look at what this app is and the things we talk about and say I can't be a sub because I don't want to lose to much control or other various reason's but then in the bedroom there like do as though wilt shall be the whole of the law and the difference is that they don't identify with some aspect of the culture or the stigma is too much or perhaps it's the label and being put in a box or plain they just want different strokes for different folks excuse the pun and feel this for one not for the other... the point I guess at the end of this is that some Dom's like to play rapist, master, father, whatever and some just are that because let's not get too technical but some Dom's let the amygdala (central part of the brain thought to be responsible for *** urges,fuck, kill and eat etc.) take control. Some use the preferential method of reasoning with the frontal lobe and finding a way of fulfilling there needs and wants in a ( lets face it, legal) mutually beneficial relationship between two individuals who are seeking something equally important as sexual fulfilment and gratification which is mutual understanding and a bond that I believe is so much deeper than any I've experienced elsewhere at anytime. I am struggling to hit everything here I feel so much could be said about so many details that make up this incredibly complex issue but to say submit or get off the pot is a fine way to look at it if you feel that way and there is nothing wrong with that or submitting In that way it's basically a Dom's wet dream but I have a conscience that would eat me up if my sub said that was horrible why the fuck did you do that to me? I think that would break me and I've had scenes go wrong from poor communication and misunderstanding, even ones perceived notion of the definition of a word like "humiliate". One girl said humiliate me to me and I called her some names and she cried, she wanted me to put her on show and embarrass her in front of people. Armed with that new definition I gave very poor advice to my school friend who's gf had a definition similar to that of my original perception.
OK so I'll end by saying that you need things to have a successful sexual relationship, I don't believe I've ever not loved a sexual partner but please understand I mean that in the love thy neighbour sense. Not in the marry me love me way whicht is different to me and it's a shortcoming of the English language to have the ne word for many different types of love. I think that although they all stem from combinations of different neurotransmitters, hormones and chemicals; dopamine, serotonin etc it is oxytocin that gives us the primary lovey feeling and is responsible in no small part for empathy, infatuation, etc. Depending what receptor recieves the chemical it can also contract the uterus during childbirth and is responsible partially for the sensation of orgasm.. no wonder we are naturally inclined to love certain people... anyway the things you need in a relationship for 💯 certainty that both parties can leave happy, fulifilled and feel there needs are met, whether you are having a one night stand or it's your life partner. You need love, others might say empathy but I think it stems from the same chemical. You need mutual understanding of or shared needs and respect. (Some Might say no I enjoy being disrespected but your wish to be disrespected has been respected and your communication may come from your orgasm and/or preceding enjoyment or it may be verbally discussed prior. Empathy can be not doing the thing they hate or not being judgmental)
At the end of the day
Love your way,
Learn a little more each day,
And its okay
No matter how you play,
Just please do it consensu-lay