When is it the point to set ground rules?

[MisstressStorm]

Ground rules, Hard Limits and Aftercare are the basics before you start a dynamic.
My sub had a session with a ‘mistress’ with no discussion beforehand ( led by his dick I know 🙄) The *** he experienced has taken nearly a year to undo. Becareful out there subs ⛈

[prolix_dom]

People who dislike or ghost due to the topic of boundaries are probably ***rs. They want to find someone who is unwilling or unable to assert their own boundaries due to lack of self-confidence or knowledge of safe and healthy relationship dynamics.

[Deleted Member]

Of course ground rules are needed. Everything needs to be spelled out.

[Deleted Member]

I think ground rules are very important! if someone can’t except your boundaries and rules, that means they were exploiting you for not having any in the first place, Trust me If they can’t accept something as simple as boundaries and ground rules, you are far more better off without them

[Charms]

Ground rules in my opinion are needed b4 even the 1st date

[MasterWakka]

Having a clear understanding of a starting point such as ground rules is always important. It's part of the trust dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

Ground rules/ boundaries always need to be respected, whether it's a person you have been with or just a playmate. If they can't respect you or your ground rules see ya

[PaganDawn]

I take it your on about limits wants and needs.
Ideally needs need to be discussed early in the conversation on both sides. It's no use building a rapport only to find out your needs don't align.

Next is limits..to make sure you can both keep it consensual and respectful.

Then wants...both have them and will want them fulfilling.. even I'm for the sub its at the Doms discretion.

But...they are all what keep bdsm safe and consensual..and out of the eyes of the law.

I have been in this lifestyle for over 30 years.. and never engaged with anyone who would not discuss limits.
There are many wannabees out there..some chancing their luck thinking subs are easy.. some just inexperienced.

Submission is a gift
And only given to a worthy Dom.
If they ghost you ...then they have saved you waisting your time
If they think rules are not needed then they are dangerous and need to be avoided.

I'm pretty brutal to the later in my responses.
Half don't read profiles...
Some I even report.. because my concern is that they will find a new sub who will become their prey due to inexperience.
Some..I guide..if I've established its just a newbie mistake..and they apologise.

Don't be afraid to ask questions.
I grilled Sir prior to accepting his request to call him Sir..and begin a dynamic
I questioned every Dom I ever met for a meet..

We have to keep this life safe for everyone to enjoy..

I always ask them if they are aware of the order of the dynamic.
In ally years..only one Dom got it right..and he's been my Sir for over 2 years..
Shocking statistics

So...no. you are not wrong. Your just helping us all weed out the bad to keep our beautiful kink garden free of weeds

[Ki****]

Definitely start with Boundaries, Expectations, and Desires (BED).

I've had people ghost me after having the STI screening talk. It's very disappointing to put so much time in for nothing, but it's worth it to protect the people I love.

Also, there are more bots out there than you think!

[Deleted Member]

I think u absolutely need ground rules, for clarity, if nothing else. I always want to know a sub boys limits, a) to find out whether there is compatability and b) to he able to respect them - his limits - if there is.

[Deleted Member]

All I can say is that the guys you are discussing your boundaries with are ghosting you because there is something in your ground rules they don’t like or there’s something they’re wanting and one of ground rules is preventing that… I still don’t agree with it tho.. I mean, I think it’s very childish to ghost people.. just be polite and say I’m sorry, your not what I’m looking for lol I really don’t get it, but yes 100% should have ground rules if there is something your uncomfortable with doing.

[Deleted Member]

Anyone not wanting to discuss rules/boundries dies not have good intentions, and yes im going to say it probably is a psycopat

[x_Missy_x]

I agree with the consensus. In fact, for me, if someone was reluctant to, or ghosted at the mention of boundaries then that is a huge red flag and you are wrll shot.
You obviously feel that in some way too as you are here asking, and that is exactly what you should do.
If something feels off or stands out, ask. Don't take any one perspective either.
Trust you instict massively, for instance something doesn't have to appear unsafe or neon light dangerous.
If something inside you guestions things, dig for answers and do not let anyone tell you how to do your kink.

I promise you, what you are seeking is within reach, you just have to let go of or wave goodbye to those phonies because as said, communication, trust and consent is paramount just as much here as in nilla.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, kinky-pirate said:

I find grounds rules are best talked about during the getting to know you stage it helps show any red flags or incompatibilities

100% this. Even if you don't intend to actually have the rules put in place right away, because you want to have a deeper relationship before they are put in place, its better to know ahead of time what kind of rules each other have.

Better to find out before it gets serious that you might not be compatible. Otherwise, if you wait too long, and start to get very attached, you may find yourself agreeing to rules that you aren't completely comfortable with out of *** of losing someone you've grown to care about.

[do****]

Ground rules at the start. Anyone who doesn't want to set them or ghosts isn't someone you wanted to interact with anyways. Safety and boundaries will always come first

[Va****]

Anytime you're uncomfortable with specific things, it's time to set ground rules. And if others think it's wrong then don't have anything to do with them, simple as that..

[SH****]

I dont set ground rules or negotiate wit chick it is always gonna be my way or the highway

[St****]

Some people don’t know what they’re saying if they aren’t interested in ground rules. Keep it safe, sane and consensual. Communication is key!

[Ex****]

Honesty, rules, and boundaries are important. While life is fluid and things change, communication is key. If they don’t possess those qualities, they are not for you.

[Deleted Member]

Anyone who runs from that conversation is showing you exactly who they are - fake kinksters who just want to *** another person under the guise of bdsm. True Doms and subs take the time to learn how to do it right and that 💯 includes setting up boundaries early on.

[Im****]

When things start to get more serious. Is when I'd say is the best time.

That being said, its really up to the relationship and the people in it

[ta****]

Ground rules before any type of play. Yes!

[ja****]

Ground rules come before anything happens,

[PaganDawn]

I take it your on about limits wants and needs.
Ideally needs need to be discussed early in the conversation on both sides. It's no use building a rapport only to find out your needs don't align.

Next is limits..to make  sure you can both keep it consensual and respectful.

Then wants...both have them and will want them fulfilling.. even I'm for the sub its at the Doms discretion.

But...they are all what keep bdsm safe and consensual..and out of the eyes of the law.

I have been in this lifestyle for over 30 years.. and never engaged with anyone who would not discuss limits.
There are many wannabees out there..some chancing their luck thinking subs are easy.. some just inexperienced. 

Submission is a gift
And only given to a worthy Dom.
If they ghost you ...then they have saved you waisting your time
If they think rules are not needed then they are dangerous and need to be avoided.

I'm pretty brutal to the later in my responses.
Half don't read profiles...
Some I even report.. because my concern is that they will find a new sub who will become their prey due to inexperience.
Some..I guide..if I've established its just a newbie mistake..and they apologise.

Don't be afraid to ask questions.
I grilled Sir prior to accepting his request to call him Sir..and begin a dynamic
I questioned every Dom I ever met for a meet..

We have to keep this life safe for everyone to enjoy..

I always ask them if they are aware of the order of the dynamic.
In ally years..only one Dom got it right..and he's been my Sir for over 2 years..
Shocking statistics

So...no. you are not wrong. Your just helping us all weed out the bad to keep our beautiful kink garden free of weeds

[Deleted Member]

Not at all. If they aren’t comfortable exploring with terms that you can take pride in, they’re probably kind of nefarious. Either negligently, or with purpose to push, and take things to ***… they do not need to be enabled.

On the lighter side of things, I think they might have taken a step back for different reasons? If not, they found your ground rules unreasonable, or… they’re disrespectful and not controlled enough to allow your input. I wouldn’t say chance things with people who you can’t level with! Stay safe, dude