Things poser "Doms" have put me thru

[Co****]

As a top - Without consent it is NOT Kink!!! a SafeWord is mandatory; nonnegotiable!!! Without the ability to express your limits inherently is not giving consent, that is not healthy interaction. The unbalanced expression of jealousy shows a low level of emotion awareness and a need of personal growth not the observant awareness of a concerned dominant

[Koby]

Not to push my own thought process...

 

Three things are important for me in terms of D/s relationships 1) Intentions 2) Motivations 3) Actions. They need to correlate to have a positive relationship. They also help you to see the individual beneath the "kinkster"

 

What makes BDSM so difficult is the fact it is hard to distill the qualities of a potential  partner 

Edited September 24, 2022 by Koby

[Ja****]

I am so sorry that that happen to you none of that is at all appropriate for a D/s relationship

[Am****]

A horror story i hear often at munches from first time subs, especially when dating them too:
"My Dom wanted do something, I said no and he made it an order, so i did it because I thought a sub always does what they are told"
This is what we call a psuedo-dom
.
You choose to submit and can ALWAYS choose to stop.
Submission is a gift, treat it with respect.

[DD****]

First thing a sub needs to know from any Dom, in my opinion, is that they can say NO. And that any (good, honest) Dom, more so when you are new to the scene, will and should respect that.
There is more to BDSM than the have to's and must do's!

[Th****]

I am relatively new, and can only give my experience. I don't even really consider myself a Dom anymore.

When I first started, I was some of those things, not proud to admit it either. I finally found someone who was willing to teach me, and I'm constantly learning still.

I've never been the jealous type, I acted like I was for a long time because I was basically doing what I thought society wanted me to do. I have stopped worrying about what society thinks, and now my wife kind of gets upset because I'm not jealous but then she does enjoy talking to and meeting other guys.

When I first started, I was one of those who thought just because someone was a sub they had to do what I said. I didn't know any better at the time, it took a few years, and me being honest not only with subs but myself. As you can imagine I didn't get much experience for a long while. Eventually I found someone who was willing to teach me, after I admitted I didn't have much experience. After all of that, I learned that I really am not a Dom after all, more of a rigger, I learned that I really didn't enjoy most of what I was having subs do but thought it was how I was supposed to be. I have learned that I do enjoy rope play, and that I had to be more flexible.

I'm not saying that's what you have dealt with only that was me until I learned better. I do still get frustrated sometimes when a rope bunny doesn't let me do something in particular, but I have learned to just roll on to the next knot, or the next binding. People can say what they will about me, just don't resort to insults like I've experienced in the past.

[Ra****]

Crazy monkeys...

[Am****]

Incidentally on the jealousy thing.
I would say that the definition of a good friend is that i trust them.
My partners are usually more than friends.
.
If you trust your sub, can you really be jealous?
Envious maybe.

[lo****]

Because of a few comments, I do think I need to make a comment of my own.Because of a few comments, I do think I need to make a comment of my own.

ALL the examples used were different people. Not all the same... thank goodness. That would have probably completely turned me off to the lifestyle if one of my first experiences was all that in one package.

[mu****]

It’s crazy be safe and have fun

[Su****]

I had a dom who would block me randomly. It really messed with my head because I wasn’t sure if I did something wrong or what

[ny****]

im so sorry about all the shit youve been put thru. i get messages all the time from “doms” and “daddies” that call me all sorts of sweet little names thinking they own me just because they like to hurt women. its sick and twisted and dehumanizing.

[Mon79]

21 hours ago, SubSlut29 said:

I had a dom who would block me randomly. It really messed with my head because I wasn’t sure if I did something wrong or what

So would he block and then unblock you for no reason ? I’d of had to either walk away or ask out rite what the problem was, I hate mind games  x

[lo****]

Yesterday at 10:30 AM, SubSlut29 said:

I had a dom who would block me randomly. It really messed with my head because I wasn’t sure if I did something wrong or what

That would mess with my head as well. Over the years I have made a rule that someone is only allowed so many of my tears before they are out of my life.

[Deleted Member]

I’m very new to the sub scene, and although I’m not into men, it is still beneficial for me to know what to look out for—thank you for sharing what must be a ***ful experience so that others don’t have to. You’re a gem x

[lo****]

As I said before, each one was it's own toxic person.

[ts****]

Example 1) had one of those myself. He got the boot fairly quickly cause an insecure dom ain’t a great dom in the first place. It’s a sign of weakness that my inner brat will pounce on in a damned heart beat.
Example 2) that is a sociopath, stay away from those f**kers. That’s the kind of dom that may chop you into pieces one day.
Example 3) yeah guys are pathetic like that.
Example 4) ummmm send that guy my way 😈

[us****]

I think this is the scariest part for subs of leaning into anything with a dom because so many do not value communication and consent or respect you as a person. It can be really traumatic to experience a scene with someone who is not checking in, talking about and respecting limits.

[po****]

Feel you there. Someone on this app sent me an opening message which was a d**k pick and the comment “bigger then your dildo b**ch”. So I sent him a review image of a toy I actually have which is as long as my forearm in response 😂

[ka****]

Very first time at an adult theater, I stood in the back thinking quick and easy to leave if I was uncomfortable. The soft touching in the right spots became aggressive to the point of my shirt up around my neck and my pants resting over my boots to firm hands, nibbling, sucking and squeezing dominantly taking what they want. I felt my naivety teeter as I gave in to their (3guys) aggressiveness.

[adrenalina75]

I am sorry this happened to you. It can be scary out there at times x

[Sh****]

Sadly my only experience with a Dom involved slowly stringing me along for a couple of months before demand. I join a paid website to prove I really wanted to be her sub, then essentially telling me that real subs do as they’re cold so obviously I wasn’t serious. At least I have her to thank for realising I’m into BDSM I guess

[PN****]

This is outright ***. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm glad your safe though.

[PN****]

There should never be a dynamic that doesn't have a safe word, nor should there be a dynamic that does not respect consent.

That is outright ***, and people like that are the reason I always try to explain to ANY new sub that I come across in the community that they have the right to walk away - Always. Consent is everything. If your gut says run, you run.

Don't ever let someone disrespect you. W/we are all humans before W/we are in a role.

[co****]

In my experience they always come on extremely strong and then disappear