Better a newbie or fully trained Sub?

[Lo****]

As an experienced Dom I often get approached by new subs wanting to be trained up. I have to say I enjoy this as it fits a little into the sub culture i look for but am often wondering if a fully trained sub is more fun as you can get more from her sooner.......or is it more fun to push someones boundaries into their unknown?

[Vi****]

Great question. As a sub I am realizing that I am always going to have more to learn where this lifestyle is concerned. I believe every Dom/sub interaction is unique and that even experienced subs still have more to learn when taking on a new Dom. We each have our own twist on how we enjoy sharing /pleasing each other. 

[ge****]

Neither for me - better to have someone I connect and have a chemistry with, who is on the same wavelength as me in terms of their approach, and that I can communicate with openly and honestly.
.
That way their experience level is pretty much irrelevant from the perspective of which is better - and same would apply regardless of whether they are dominant or submissive.

[bi****]

This is exactly why it is very important to a) become experienced instead of being naive, with people you can trust and b) avoid any man who calls himself a Dom and says things like "get more sooner", "push their boundaries" etc. This isn't playing a game, this is actual human emotions you're dealing with.

Being a Dom is about their experience, not yours. Guys like you give Doms a bad name. F**kwit.

[Deleted Member]

If you played any rpg, you know that the rush of the grind is the best feeling. Once you make it to the endgame, you enjoy your accomplishment for a while but at some point things might get stale. It depends, think about it and what suits you most

[mi****]

I find many people who call themselves "fully trained" or who served someone else for a long long period a big challenge. You have to re-train them out of however they learnt to please their previous dom. If you're looking forward for a long term relationship with this person it might work, but for casual play... not for me.

I wouldn't train AND play with someone completely new to kink tho. Gotta find the balance.

[na****]

In Response to Vers_Daddy’s reply. I respectfully disagree on several points.
a) agree

b-1.) “get more sooner” - On the surface I agree with your point on this one. Patience is certainly a necessity and “get more sooner” sounds much like impatience. However, I dont believe you are allowing for context here He did not say “get mire sooner” in a manner that compromises the sub for his personal enjoyment. The context was comparing an experienced sub to an inexperienced one. His statement statement is correct. Now we can debate whether he meant more for himself or more the sub, but regardless we do this for mutual benefit.

I feel as you do in that we are there for the sub. The sub is the center of attention and our focal point, it is all about them. In my opinion this is paramount. However, when we break it down we receive something from it as well or we wouldn’t do it. Be that the feeling of pride we receive or perhaps the feeling of admiration and respect we receive, probably a little of both as well as many other intricacies and nuances that occur that can make it a truly remarkable experience for not only the sub but for ourselves as well.

b-2.) “push their boundaries”. There is a difference between pushing boundaries and breaking boundaries. I am a switch and while I primarily play the role of the “Dom” and have for the past 10 years, I was a lifestyle submissive twice before and “pushing my boundaries” is what kept me coming back for more like a crack addict needing a fix. My boundaries was where the excitement laid and where I felt most *** and exposed. A feeling most subs are seeking in my opinion. For if we never pushed boundaries or played outside our comfort zone “just a weee little bit” how can we expect to grow?

“Guys like you give Doms a bad name”

perhaps you have read more of this mans writings then myself. Personally I’m not qualified to make such broad judgements about someone from a single paragraph.

***This isn’t a game, these are actual human emotions you are dealing with.

I couldn’t agree more - our actions can have lasting repercussions and we need to always be mindful of this. This is why I agree with your statement a.) so deeply.

No disrespect is meant here, I am simply providing another perspective to potentially consider.

Respectfully submitted.

[ma****]

"as you can get more from her sooner" - what a b******t; that isn't something an experienced Dom would say. An experienced sub (the same as an experienced Dom) would actually vet, even if it is just for fun. They would vet others like their life depends on it... so you definitely won't "get more" from them sooner.

[ey****]

I often find the concept of "sub training" an interesting one.

Like, I get in the sense of if a sub hasn't tried activities x, y and z so would like to try them - which to me is different from "training"

I think it is very important to be on the same wavelength for what they want compared to what you want and can offer.  All relationships are two-way.

Obviously, of course, an experienced sub comes wanting to play and they know their interests, limits and levels it can give you more confidence that you will be a good fit - but - even then if it is someone you've not played with before they are new to you and so assumptions on what they want and like should be avoided.

 

[Mi****]

Treating humans as need fulfillment devices. Impatience. “Pushing boundaries into the unknown”. So many red flags in this question. 🚩🚩🚩

[Lo****]

Interesting debate, the get more sooner relates to someone who has experienced certain element and therefore you do not have to go session by session ramping things up......your starting point is higher but the best point made her is that every connection is different and experienced or not it is about trust dialogue and getting the most out of eachother.

[Lo****]

14 hours ago, maryioni said:

"as you can get more from her sooner" - what a b******t; that isn't something an experienced Dom would say. An experienced sub (the same as an experienced Dom) would actually vet, even if it is just for fun. They would vet others like their life depends on it... so you definitely won't "get more" from them sooner.

You sound very angry and frustrated. Maybe you are the inexperienced one. A Dom should be strict but calm, if your so easily flustered by a question then maybe ask yourself how much of a Dom you really are. Happy to assist and help train you up to overcome that anxiety in you. To everyone else thank you for some great responses.

[Lo****]

12 hours ago, MisterUp said:

Treating humans as need fulfillment devices. Impatience. “Pushing boundaries into the unknown”. So many red flags in this question. 🚩🚩🚩

Interesting view that only you have. If someone is new, there will be unknown elements. No mention of inpatience, only the question of if the benefit of experience outweighs the journey with someone new. I dont see anything cobtroversial in that question and some great responses.

[Lo****]

12 hours ago, MisterUp said:

Treating humans as need fulfillment devices. Impatience. “Pushing boundaries into the unknown”. So many red flags in this question. 🚩🚩🚩

From someone who is "pysichally cruel" accordong to their profile 👍

[Deleted Member]

One of the great fulfillments a sub could experience, is the sense of belonging and purpose that comes with making their dom happy. "Getting more" from them is not necessarily selfish or cruel in this regard because the implication is that by maximizing what a sub can do for their dynamic, the more fulfilling of a relationship they both can have.

Additionally, boundaries, in this case, I believe are not implied to be in terms of violating consent, but rather presenting the sub with challenges to overcome.

When we all learn to ride a bicycle, we are pushing our boundaries outside the comfort zone, in order to grow as individuals.

So I think the question here, is more trying to ask "as a dominant, do you prefer refining the techniques of a sub who is already experienced? Or do you prefer the risk of investing in traininv a new young girl who doesnt understand anything yet"

Which is a fair question both with their pro's and con's, both for the dom and the sub.

Obviously training a girl fresh can come with a much higher payoff, but you also run the risk of investing all that time into training her and then she decides to leave for whatever reason (it happens).

Then a trained sub would require less immediate effort from both of you to get something fulfilling for both very quickly, but then you have a lot of someone else's training to back track down and recondition, and its harder to re-teach than it is to teach for the first time.

[Deleted Member]

Its also worth noting, that training can include a wide degree of things, but I'm imagining for the purposes of this question, being "trained" comes with an implied variable. That is to say, "trained in what you need her to be trained in, whatever that may be."

[Deleted Member]

All things being considered, I think a lot of the kickback criticisms here are a bit kneejerk, and premature, and dont take certain frames of mind into account.

There is a lot of "anti-f**kboi" fervor among the kinkster population that, when left unchecked from within, can easily turn into a salem witchhunt. And then what are we left with? All the good doms look out their window and see frothing, raging, militant "doo-gooders" creating a stampede...

And then all of the good ones just, stay inside. "Where have all the good dominants gone?" you might ask? Partially, its because you ran them off with your antics.

And the subs out there who do like aspects of dom-centric service, are then left without any hope or prospects of happiness because now nobody can trust anyone else.

Try not to splash the water around just because you can. Sit for a while, try to listen to the silence, and maybe you'll learn a few things.

Something to think about anyway.

[Deleted Member]

I think its at least worth putting yourself in the shoes of a submissive for a moment. Why would you look for that kind of training in the first place? And once you learn those skills, wouldnt you take pride in those skills you've learned?

If you wanted to really show off those skills, but cant, because anyone who would be interested in you has gone silent and in hiding because they've been shamed for liking something that you want to give them?

What about your needs in this case? How would you feel about your happiness. And your agency being taken away from you by someone spouting "hes just treating you as a need fulfillment device."

Imagine how confused you would feel? Would you doubt your own kinks? Would you yourself feel shamed? Would you really feel safe in such a case?

"How dare you", as this hypothetical sub, have all this training you could bring to the table. Nope, thats it though, youre used up and unable to find anyone, and its for your own good because anyone interested in you at this point is just using you honey. Sorry. 🙃

*smh*

[ey****]

I can see why the boundary comment was ill-received as the wording was a bit off.  But, I took it to be... a new sub may not know where their boundaries are so there is often exploratory to find them.  Either in terms of what they can do, and what they would like to do depending on the dynamic and individual wants.

For example : I'm not really into being caned.  But I can take a relatively hard caning.     I like being pegged, but after 4-5 times in a day I've had enough and am not going to be able to do more if I want to or not.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, HouseofMinos said:

And then all of the good ones just, stay inside. "Where have all the good dominants gone?" you might ask? Partially, its because you ran them off with your antics.

I don't feel that is entirely true.

First off.  I don't think anyone considers themselves to be a bad Dominant.  Even the ones with actual horrific behaviour have a justification in there somewhere.  Perhaps newer Dominants might acknowledge their inexperience, but they still would say anything they do or don't do comes from a position of 'good'.

If someone is genuinely a good Dominant, they have little to actually care about from online comments, because they will acknowledge there is space to grow, and that others will always disagree no matter how they do things (because different dynamics work for different people) and that actually a lot of criticisms aren't about them since they don't do the things they shouldn't and do the things they should; but recognise there are others who fall short.

I don't think good Dominants are disappearing. I think there were never as many as first thought anyway.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, HouseofMinos said:

I think its at least worth putting yourself in the shoes of a submissive for a moment. Why would you look for that kind of training in the first place? And once you learn those skills, wouldnt you take pride in those skills you've learned?

I think this is big and often in ways that...

I think a lot of subs look for training because they think they're *supposed* to, rather than it being what they want or 'need'.

In F/m this is particularly rife.  You will often get guys who are "I'm looking for a Domme to train me" as if this is any way beneficial to said Domme - but if someone does say "sure" they very quickly flake because of a miscommunication on what "training" means.   So for me, training would involve a lot around protocol, etiquette and service - whereas what these guys actually mean is "I want to explore fetishes" which is an entirely different thing.

I think in M/f - there are again a lot of men who will talk about wanting a sub to train to the extent that a lot of especially newer ladies think this is something they have to do.    Of course, we know from women on the forum this is what some people are into - but it is important to kinda ask those question you raise.

But also "do they want training or think it's expected of them?"

Cos like, if actually, all they want is to explore fetishes, that's great also - as long as both people are on the same wavelength

[na****]

“Salem witch hunts”

GOOD TIMES!! 💦

For anyone who didn’t
catch it - that’s ☝️sarcasm dripping off my statement

[FF****]

I want ideally a well trained switchand an amateur sub. By I get genuine love for the girls so what is ideal?

[Am****]

To quote Billy Connolly on the vestal virgin thing.
"Would you prefer 100 virgins or 10 fire breathing whores?"
.
I suppose with the whores would know all the tricks, but you'd never believe they were enjoying it.
The virgins would have to be taught everything, so if you don't know it then you'll never get it

[Lo****]

1 hour ago, AmstelDom said:

To quote Billy Connolly on the vestal virgin thing.
"Would you prefer 100 virgins or 10 fire breathing whores?"
.
I suppose with the whores would know all the tricks, but you'd never believe they were enjoying it.
The virgins would have to be taught everything, so if you don't know it then you'll never get it

haha.....exactly which would you have?