What am i doing wrong? being blocked after giving pleasure

[br****]

I’m honestly starting to get frustrated and starting to feel used, I’m tired of men/subs faking wanting to join a dynamic with me or wanting to be my sub just for after the scene/play and I have them/they reach their climax and their satisfied when I check back I noticed I’ve been blocked…..😒

FYI I try to be a wonderful Domme. I ask about kinks and fantasies! I try to make all fantasies come true and make sure to keep all kinks in mind when giving commands. I ask for Safe words and Hard limits ! I always communicate that I’m understanding and open to any ideas that the sub might have ! 😈💦

I’m actually starting to feel some type of way because of I’ve shown or shared myself with these subs thinking it’s going to be a serious connection and then boom 💥 I’m blocked and I’m left feeling sad (I don’t know if is a term for Dom/Domme’s feeling this way)

But I would just like to say Dom/Domme’s have feeling too and making them feel like they’ve found a real connection just to block and leave them after you’re satisfied is not right. 💔

Can I get some advice or some insight about this ?

It’s honestly making me develop trust issues within the community & making me not want to accept new subs in the future!

[Lostlilgrl76]

Greetings,
It is sad to learn of your plight. I have a few suggestions, that may be beneficial.
1.) establish a longer time frame before pleasure is gained
2.) have said sub earn their pleasure through pleasing you
3.) reconsider if you’re playing with “bottoms” v. subs; yes there are considerable differences

There are more suggestions, yet I will stop here for now.

[Deleted Member]

I'm actually wanting to try being a submissive just to see if I might Like it

[Deleted Member]

I will be your slave looking to get spanked and pegged

[TxFrank]

Please take no offense, but you're a pleaser. As a Dominant, try getting what you want and need first. I totally agree about learning a submissive's desires and needs. But they should earn their pleasure after you've been provided yours. I never let my subs experience an orgasm or anything similar after just a single visit. Make them earn it repeatedly. You want pleasure? Great, I want my floors mopped. Show me how committed you are to being useful.
Make them chase the privilege of serving.

[br****]

1 hour ago, TxFrank said:

Please take no offense, but you're a pleaser. As a Dominant, try getting what you want and need first. I totally agree about learning a submissive's desires and needs. But they should earn their pleasure after you've been provided yours. I never let my subs experience an orgasm or anything similar after just a single visit. Make them earn it repeatedly. You want pleasure? Great, I want my floors mopped. Show me how committed you are to being useful.
Make them chase the privilege of serving.

What if it’s not in person , if there’s distance how can I make them earn it ?

[Col-2919]

As a dom lady and potential treasure to me and others , please don’t be disheartened, to seek positive productive communication first is totally correct or you will never make genuine progress. I f you get blocked this will be there own problem never worry. However l am a genuine sub slave and should you wish to be my dominant ,talk to me l don not block anybody. Xxx respectfully slave

[Sa****]

Just keep on going I know it can be hard but you will find the right one 🙏

[ge****]

From your comments I am presuming that this is mostly on-line/distance "play" that is on-line and any "play" is initiated fairly quickly, and possibly even on the same day?
.
If so, then you're leaving yourself wide open to the kind of behaviour you describe, as many men will be looking for that instant gratification and excitement that such encounters provide and once sated will move on, until the next time they are thirsty.
.
I'd suggest slowing right down, taking your time and not even considering "play" for a number of days or even weeks, until you have truly established a connection and chemistry with a potential submissive. Talk to them about their want and desires, and your own, make sure they're matched, make it clear that you won't entertain any kind of sexual interaction until you believe the time is right and are comfortable to do so.
.
Doing the above will separate those that truly want to submit to you, from those looking for a quick fix, it won't guarantee you won't experience similar of course, but it will minimise the potential for it.

[His-Craft]

Happens to us guys as well. Very annoying. It’s almost as if people don’t understand or care about the time and effort creating scenes FOR THEM takes…

[ey****]

there are a couple of comments here which, as inappropriate as they are, play into part of the problem

there are some who "want to try" and when they have tried - they then find it maybe doesn't quite match the fantasy in their head so run away.

There are also some who will use one person to get some form of experience so they can present to someone else as being "experienced"

but then to flip the lid there's also some who might just not know what they do now or what they're supposed to do or feel.

Add in - there are those who are only really looking for hook-up play whatever they tell you and you've given them that - so they're onto the next person.

Aaaand - add in again, I have often said what a lot of people actually want is a Pro Domme session; they just don't want to pay for one.  And like the people who pay Pro Dommes, some are in for the long haul but some just want ad hoc or one-off play or experiences.

 

As some general advice - you have to set some of your own boundaries and not rush into play.  Take some time to get to know each other on a personal level to understand each others experiences and what makes you both tick.  Check for mutual compatibility rather than catering too much towards kink dispensing.

A lot of the timewasters and fantasists will then drop off before you've got too excited with play with them

[Sa****]

I must admit I’ve had similar experience in the past. So it’s definitely not just you. There are always those who want the quick fix or as @eyemblacksheep mentioned the ProDomme experience but don’t want to pay for it.

These days I spend most of my time talking. Especially initially getting to know the person. Talk a little about kink perhaps if asked, but bring the conversation right back to non kink subjects, getting to know the person and for the most part make it a PG conversation. That will go on for as long as I feel comfortable, and there’s a reason behind it.

If the person you are talking to just keeps the subject firmly based in Kink or consistently tries to keep pulling the conversation back to it, then that gives you a true idea of what their motivation is. If they don’t want to spend time getting to know you and are more interested in what you can do for them, then you have a good idea where it’s going to go.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, SwitchSlave4U2own said:

I will be your slave looking to get spanked and pegged

Wrong attitude. Serving a Domme isn't about what you want. It's about serving and pleasing your Domme as she sees fit, that should be your primary concern. Only then, may she indulge in your kinks. I see far too many subs on here who are only interested in seeing their needs met. That's not how a D/s dynamic works.

[bi****]

The answer is to make them work for it first, only after they'vbe proved some loyalty to treating you like a person and not a kink vending machine, then play with them. If they can't deal with the first "get to know you" stuff, then there's zero hope they'll be suitable for anything.

[Sl****]

Meet them. You cut out 90% of fakes by meeting them or getting them to meet you

[ki****]

Yeah some guys say whatever they have to to get what they want I went through same thing

[Im****]

Some people don’t know how lucky they are even having the opportunity to enter a dynamic

[Im****]

It speaks more about them than it does you

[Deleted Member]

I agree with jak1401 about meeting. I only had potientials I could meet later. If they started talking about fantasy, sex, or anything pushy... I start looking for an excuse to get out. Like Eyem said alot are too cheap for a Pro Domme, and looking for the nexr best thing. I think over 3 years ago, in Germany, for a "Top Tier" Domme was average 300€ to 450€ per session. Every time, I go through these type of guys, I keep thinking how cheap butt they are. I think meeting good men who were Subs/Bottoms made me spot these fast!

[do****]

I've had the same problems but I've learned some will just want to talk and not meet. So just play the long game have them wait it out if they can't then obviously not right for a dynamic. They are the sub/slave you're in control in some way they're not. They only have the choice of which limit is broken by you gaining their trust.

[ma****]

I'd suggest that you vet the potential subs like your life depends on it. The vetting should take at least 6 months and the first 3 months should be vanilla stuff so that you make sure that you like their company, that they are great communicators, that they are consistent, that the two of you know each other in and out etc. After 3 months, you could start discussing kink too so you see if you are compatible or not. But don't play with them (not even virtually) in the first months. If someone is truly serious about you and they want to grow, they don't mind taking things slow and getting to know you on a deep level. They will daily communicate (not just "Hi. How are you?", but more meaningful topics). If they have issues with the vetting process, then they are there just to use you..
You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who will value, admire and respect you. I hope that this helps.

[ma****]

Yesterday at 12:06 PM, DJarJar_Kinks said:

Wrong attitude. Serving a Domme isn't about what you want. It's about serving and pleasing your Domme as she sees fit, that should be your primary concern. Only then, may she indulge in your kinks. I see far too many subs on here who are only interested in seeing their needs met. That's not how a D/s dynamic works.

Both, a Dominat's and a submissive's needs should be met.

[ma****]

Yesterday at 05:11 AM, SwitchSlave4U2own said:

I will be your slave looking to get spanked and pegged

Being a slave or a submissive is not about being spanked and pegged.

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, maryioni said:

Both, a Dominat's and a submissive's needs should be met.

Oh definitely. But coming on here demanding that from a Domme isn't the way to go. That's topping from the bottom.

[Lostlilgrl76]

Yesterday at 03:43 AM, Deleted profile said:

I'm actually wanting to try being a submissive just to see if I might Like it

Hello, maybe start with asking yourself what it is you’re looking to gain, then see if/what “label” or “title” that falls under for you.