What am i doing wrong? being blocked after giving pleasure

[Deleted Member]

On 10/2/2022 at 8:30 AM, brattygirl007 said:

What if it’s not in person , if there’s distance how can I make them earn it ?

Positive: You know how to make your Subs happy, and other members gave you some great advices. I think the first thing to do as another member (Dom) in an another forum recommended is to find your style (needs, wants and musts), then you can figure out how to make them "earn". Example: If you love hot blue, then you can make them earn from your love of hot blue.

[ey****]

no one should demand anything from anyone.

'topping from the bottom' itself while it can be a problem when it actually exists, it's a very misused term.  Communicating what you like, what you don't, limits, triggers (good or bad), "can we do more/less of that next time" - etc - all of this is communicating.

Topping from the bottom exists mostly within a scene, where a sub is trying to direct or micromanage what happens next or certain outcomes. Deliberately messing up a task because you didn't want to do it and/or wanted the associated attention/punishment is an example of topping from the bottom, giving unwanted instructions during play is topping from the bottom.

Communication is not topping from the bottom.  And, as I say, no one should be demanding anything from either.

 

[ma****]

2 hours ago, DJarJar_Kinks said:

Oh definitely. But coming on here demanding that from a Domme isn't the way to go. That's topping from the bottom.

Demanding things is topping from the bottom. But here it wasn't about demanding, although that comment stating about being the OP's slave was not definitely not okay.

[ma****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

no one should demand anything from anyone.

'topping from the bottom' itself while it can be a problem when it actually exists, it's a very misused term.  Communicating what you like, what you don't, limits, triggers (good or bad), "can we do more/less of that next time" - etc - all of this is communicating.

Topping from the bottom exists mostly within a scene, where a sub is trying to direct or micromanage what happens next or certain outcomes. Deliberately messing up a task because you didn't want to do it and/or wanted the associated attention/punishment is an example of topping from the bottom, giving unwanted instructions during play is topping from the bottom.

Communication is not topping from the bottom.  And, as I say, no one should be demanding anything from either.

 

I don't know about others, but I personally quite like a Dom being a bit demanding 🤷‍♀️

[ey****]

1 hour ago, maryioni said:

I don't know about others, but I personally quite like a Dom being a bit demanding 🤷‍♀️

I think for a mild tweak to my wording

no one should demand anything outside of an established dynamic.

[br****]

Also I would like to communicate I haven’t met anyone in person this has all been online

[br****]

6 hours ago, DJarJar_Kinks said:

Oh definitely. But coming on here demanding that from a Domme isn't the way to go. That's topping from the bottom.

Yes, I’m starting to see what you mean , if your looking for a domme that means your looking for her to be in control , that is topping from the bottom if their giving demands on what they want. That goes against the whole dynamic that they’re supposedly looking for

[br****]

6 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

no one should demand anything from anyone.

'topping from the bottom' itself while it can be a problem when it actually exists, it's a very misused term.  Communicating what you like, what you don't, limits, triggers (good or bad), "can we do more/less of that next time" - etc - all of this is communicating.

Topping from the bottom exists mostly within a scene, where a sub is trying to direct or micromanage what happens next or certain outcomes. Deliberately messing up a task because you didn't want to do it and/or wanted the associated attention/punishment is an example of topping from the bottom, giving unwanted instructions during play is topping from the bottom.

Communication is not topping from the bottom.  And, as I say, no one should be demanding anything from either.

 

I agree

[Sl****]

18 minutes ago, brattygirl007 said:

Also I would like to communicate I haven’t met anyone in person this has all been online

I used to be really into online dynamics until after a couple years they get bored and find something real. It won’t work for long and I’d say 3 years max at the very max but also now I could not get into any type of online dynamic anymore. I’m sure you can find someone that would be interested quite easily. Maybe make a post on fetlife.com or on here etc.

But best way is to meet. Hands down or go to events and things!

[Lostlilgrl76]

18 minutes ago, brattygirl007 said:

Also I would like to communicate I haven’t met anyone in person this has all been online

With no disrespect intended, nor implied, “all been online”, in my opinion, is an odd place to have so many emotions tied into keyboard warriors. Might I suggest serious boundary setting, and holding your heart closer, with less of it on “your sleeve”, so to speak?

[ey****]

7 hours ago, brattygirl007 said:

Also I would like to communicate I haven’t met anyone in person this has all been online

which in itself makes it easier for someone to use you, be done, and go

[br****]

Meaning I haven’t slept with anyone that’s what I’m trying to get across

[Sl****]

7 hours ago, Lostlilgrl76 said:

With no disrespect intended, nor implied, “all been online”, in my opinion, is an odd place to have so many emotions tied into keyboard warriors. Might I suggest serious boundary setting, and holding your heart closer, with less of it on “your sleeve”, so to speak?

I don’t really think it’s an odd place as such.. my whole life I had really felt full relationships online, I can totally understand building emotions and feeling betrayed and lost and hurt online, it’s just as real as real life without the physical touching or closeness.

The one real life relationship I had was so bad and so horrible I almost felt like it was literally not worth wanting someone in real life, my stupid craving for wanting the actual roleplays be real and physical got in the way of this hence “almost”

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, brattygirl007 said:

Meaning I haven’t slept with anyone that’s what I’m trying to get across

you don't need to. they got to wank over it anyway  

[Lostlilgrl76]

3 hours ago, brattygirl007 said:

Meaning I haven’t slept with anyone that’s what I’m trying to get across

Though clarification is appreciated, I still stand by my opinion, in regards to keyboard warriors, if not more so, after you added “I haven’t slept with anyone….”
The OT comes across that you, as the author, have experienced several “one and done”, or “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” encounters, only to be promptly blocked afterwards.
The old adage: “Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me”, is certainly applicable here, even if it’s one person after another(which is strongly implied in the OT).
Again, no disrespect is intended, nor implied.

[Lostlilgrl76]

3 hours ago, jak1401 said:

I don’t really think it’s an odd place as such.. my whole life I had really felt full relationships online, I can totally understand building emotions and feeling betrayed and lost and hurt online, it’s just as real as real life without the physical touching or closeness.

The one real life relationship I had was so bad and so horrible I almost felt like it was literally not worth wanting someone in real life, my stupid craving for wanting the actual roleplays be real and physical got in the way of this hence “almost”

I see your POV, and realize that I should have been more thorough in the point I was attempting to make.
Please see my added response to the OP, when she added an additional comment.
I, too, am aware of the hurt, and other emotions & feelings that can get caught up with online relationships, especially if/when they fall to the wayside, whether they’re plutonic, or more.
Respectfully,
~lg

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, Lostlilgrl76 said:

“Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me”

I see your view, and understand. In my thinking, people makes mistakes, but every mistake they can improve..  step by step, eventually not making the same mistakes. People learn at different s***ds. That old saying makes alot people think they are failures, and causes low self worth.