Do FET femdoms really exist ?

[Deleted Member]

There are women who can't take rejections, but the numbers are small compared to men's behavior. You must be a really steamy guy.😅

I think alot of men need to be mindful alot... ALOT other male's bad behaviors makes the decent men experiences on this site sour.

Edited October 6, 2022 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

2 hours ago, PoisonJohnny said:

There's an exploitive side that a lot of Dommes online use because they only care about maintaining a certain lifestyle which disregards any genuine relationship dynamic and is only about a financial transaction for them.

Yes, plenty of happy people do this, however I'm not sure how anyone can justify that as having 'standards' when it's immaterial who the person is and only about how much they can contribute financially. Standards go out of the window when the cash is flowing. 

I was at a kink event about ten years ago in Leeds, I've thought about this guy a few times since, but I got talking because he was sitting next to me and he was telling me how much debt he was in because he was subsidising a Dommes lifestyle, he was badly addicted and couldn't stop, exploitation isn't a standard. And yeah I think the guy was silly and gullible but it's common place online now and something that isn't recognised as an actual problem within the scene. 

Men/anyone can have legitimate issues with the way some Dommes behave, articulating them online can be a legitimate way to air a grievance that holds merit. 

If your standards are causing real life harm then perhaps there not really the sort of standards you should be aspiring to have. 

 

There's a few bits I'll kinda digest in one.

So; the first main point is that if we go back to the OP and many comments this is men looking for a relationship which is NOT with a Pro or any form of paid interactions.

And so; absolutely, this is when everything I have said about standards is valid.

 

Within paid circles some things are slightly different.  But only slightly.

If someone is only offering online services - then yes, absolutely the standards can be lower.  You want an interaction whether it's chat, a video call, tasks, whatever - you pay, you get them - you don't pay, you don't.  It's very simple open and shut.  When I say 'lower' the standards are still not non-existent because there are a lot of people who are boundary pushers to some degree which can cause it's own problems.  And, so yep, those who are more work for lower *** get cut out.   There's lots of diagrams around about good and bad clients and it encourages women to go for those in the middle - that those who are high reward lower effort exist but are rare - those who are high effort low reward are the most common.   

So in there the standards are still to aim for those who return payments equivalent to the work put into them.

Of course - every now and then there is a story of a guy who spent more than he could afford on a lady online and this obviously sucks for the guy - but - like, in a lot of other cases we'd have either less sympathy or wouldn't attack those providing the service.   If he'd lost all his *** at the casino we'd say he was stupid for gambling (even if we can sympathise) but if he was in debt due to having too many nights out, we wouldn't blame the pubs and night clubs.

That it somehow becomes the responsibility of a lady online to manage a guys finances - when we wouldn't expect this from pubs, bars, restaurants, holidays, cars, whatever - is absurd.  

For those who meet in person there's a lot where... there are those at the struggle end who possibly do have slightly fewer options in turning down clients.  A lot of the media likes to focus on the struggle end.  But for a lot who do in person, while very few are actually raking it in - the majority get by enough to the point they can afford to turn down clients who flag on a troublesome app, or whose approach is poor - and if there's any form of expectancy beyond a session : she isn't going to go out somewhere to be seen in public with someone that is going to make her look bad no matter how much he pays.  

--

Regardless, this post wasn't about paid services - it was about whether there were 'genuine' 'lifestyle' 'femdoms'

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So; the first main point is that if we go back to the OP and many comments this is men looking for a relationship which is NOT with a Pro or any form of paid interactions.

Yes, precisely, I'm fully aware.

Pro and paid have also been discussed within this thread. 

The title of the thread reads:

"Do FET femdoms really exist ?"

it can be inferred this is being asked because men are only seeing the pro/paid kind.

You mentioned ridiculous demands men have, and equated that to women having standards. 

I simply pointed out what I did because some men on here have mentioned that even with a polite well meant message they are often met with a pay wall to even interact.

Paid/pro Dommes standards are not the same as lifestyle dommes. 
 

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

If someone is only offering online services - then yes, absolutely the standards can be lower.  You want an interaction whether it's chat, a video call, tasks, whatever - you pay, you get them - you don't pay, you don't.  It's very simple open and shut.  When I say 'lower' the standards are still not non-existent because there are a lot of people who are boundary pushers to some degree which can cause it's own problems.  And, so yep, those who are more work for lower *** get cut out.   There's lots of diagrams around about good and bad clients and it encourages women to go for those in the middle - that those who are high reward lower effort exist but are rare - those who are high effort low reward are the most common. 

I'm familiar with how the process works. My point still stands. 

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Of course - every now and then there is a story of a guy who spent more than he could afford on a lady online and this obviously sucks for the guy - but - like, in a lot of other cases we'd have either less sympathy or wouldn't attack those providing the service.   If he'd lost all his *** at the casino we'd say he was stupid for gambling (even if we can sympathise) but if he was in debt due to having too many nights out, we wouldn't blame the pubs and night clubs.

I'm definitely not attacking anyone, but you do make some false equivalence here except for the gambling analogy which is actually comparable to being addicted to a sex service like a pro domme, like the guy I mentioned, both can be highly addictive and destructive to your life in equal ways. 

With gambling there are warnings to bet and spend responsibly.

Websites that allow pro or paid online pro sex workers (Dommes) have no such warnings about possible addiction or spending responsibly do they? .

it's not a subject that's taken seriously, when it really should be.

People can get addicted easily, and it's often very unhealthy for all involved.

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

That it somehow becomes the responsibility of a lady online to manage a guys finances - when we wouldn't expect this from pubs, bars, restaurants, holidays, cars, whatever - is absurd.  

Not to manage his finances, no. Again with the false hyperbolic equivalence. 

Do pro / paid dommes ensure the wellbeing of the person they are exploiting? Mental health and physical health are important for in real life sessions, but financial health should also be a consideration before any exchange of service, especially if its ongoing. 

When you message a domme and don't know they are pro and the first thing you get back if you're lucky to get a response is $20 tribute before talking, you know wellfare and wellbeing are not a consideration for them. 

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Regardless, this post wasn't about paid services - it was about whether there were 'genuine' 'lifestyle' 'femdoms'

Yes, and we know that they are on here, but outnumbered by the paid for pro kind which is what most of the men on here have come across to negative effect. 

I think this conversation is done now. 

Edited October 6, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Az****]

Yesterday at 08:23 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

one of the obvious things on posts like this is that folk will flip anything to avoid facing the obvious.

Be it accusing a majority of being fake - and then maybe the rest as shallow.  The typical assumption that women are only interested in rich or excessively good looking men - ignoring that 'good looking' is subjective - and - that while financial stability will always be helpful - the concept of chasing rich people is both false and disrespectful.

Among other things a lot of this is self defeating.  That if you genuinely believe this is true, then when you do find someone you might already consider or imply she is 'less' than other women and/or think she is some form of rare breed and that can also have a negative implication on a prospective relationship.

To explain.  When people cite that "the top 80% women chase the top 20% of men" rubbish - are you then saying anyone interested in you is in the bottom 20%?  That's really disrespectful.

It also ends up handwaving a lot as luck.   

The reality is more, that, even in the best of circumstances, finding compatible matches is hard.  There are far more Dominant women to one degree or another than men like to admit; however as well as being able to find or identify them there are then the further things that a lot of people have different ideas and likes about kinks and dynamics.  So if someone's ideas don't match yours, you are probably not a match.

The problem is - a lot of guys have ideas that really don't match with any or many people at all - especially if their own understanding is off.  That it is ideas which are exhausting, demanding or unrealistic.   Or, actually, brings little benefit to the other person.

One quote that stuck with me is "More women would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them" and, by that, I don't mean cash.   I mean something that enriches their life, or puts them first - rather than issuing a wishlist of fetishes or give a half-hearted "I want to try to be a sub" 

So when, as men do, approach in such a way that literally comes across as "do my fetishes with me" then the reason you're not getting replies or meets isn't because the recipient is fake, not real, or whatever - but because, well, you've made your submission all about you.

Exactly! They're looking for fetish dispensers, not D/s relationships.

[Deleted Member]

Have been following this thread with interest...in the hopes of offering a bit of positivity...

With regard to the original question: "Do [genuine] FET femdoms really exist?"....until 14 days ago I'd have said, "no" or "doubtful".

For sure, it's hard out there for subs looking for female doms. Plenty of scammers, fakes, manipulative people seeking to take advantage of you. I've fallen prey to it, and more than once, due to my sub side taking over and general naivety.

Among those that may be real, there are plenty who will stop messaging after a couple of exchanges either because they're not serious or just not interested in you (which is fair enough).

But I've heard femdoms say the same thing - plenty of guys who are not serious, timewasters or "fakes". If you have a car, you have car trouble, I'd you own a house you have house trouble, if you're a sub you have domme troubles, if you're a domme you have sub troubles...it is what it is.

I was here for a while on another account. After being given the run around, scammed for ***, and just having several people I thought I had a genuine connection with disappearing, I called it a day and deleted the app. After several months off (trying different apps) I came back and was fortunate enough to connect with someone genuine and pretty awesome. We hit it off on here and have met up in person to enjoy each others company. Our "interests" seem to align 😉 and we appear to actually give a shit about each other as human beings.

So in short, yes they ("real femdoms") are here on FET. It's hard enough to meet anyone anywhere. The odds may be stacked against us subs/switches, but if you're serious and genuine, there's a chance!

(FET mods, please make the transfer to NatWest account 873...🤣🤣)

[ey****]

6 hours ago, PoisonJohnny said:

Websites that allow pro or paid online pro sex workers (Dommes) have no such warnings about possible addiction or spending responsibly do they? .

 

neither do takeaway websites

pro services are no more addictive than take aways. possibly less so.

A lot around 'sex addiction' is debunked - that, anyone can become addicted to anything. Largely because of the feelings it gives them.  But it isn't addictive in the same way as many other things we know to be addictive.

It's not really down to the Domme to check someone can 'afford' something any more than it is JustEat.

But despite this; a lot of things like the phone lines do have controls in place to try to stop people they feel are overspending.  This is done voluntary is there is no real requirement.

6 hours ago, PoisonJohnny said:

When you message a domme and don't know they are pro and the first thing you get back if you're lucky to get a response is $20 tribute before talking, you know wellfare and wellbeing are not a consideration for them. 

So, again  - you put in an order for large pizzas with justeat and they ask *** and deliver your pizza - they just took your *** and give you food that is deemed unhealthy and takeaway is addictive, so is this right they are not considering welfare and wellbeing?

Come on!

People have to take some responsibility.

 

Besides.

If we're on this site and you send a message and it lands in someones inbox who replies any form of 'sure, pay me' - you simply end the conversation and hit 'report' since services-for-*** are not allowed on this site. (with a few obvious exceptions - but the person has to have a € on their profile)

And, you know. I get it, it sucks. You send what you think is a wonderful message and the other person, for whatever reason, does not reply and - yep - it sucks.  But this doesn't mean they're not real, not this, not whatever, they just didn't reply.

 

[Deleted Member]

Like gemini_men said in another forum "send a message, and forget about it". This is what I have always done. I understand men go through so many, but I have experienced it too. I never think fakes or Aholes. My thinking is if I think this way, then I am giving up on hope and life. With no responses and ghosting, I only feel disappointed, and forget about it. This how it is, and it can't be changed at this moment.🤷‍♀️ 

 

[Deleted Member]

About women asking ***. Like Eyem said "see any signs, then just end it". When I was searching, I went through so many men who's only intention was trying to get sex, and constant control games. I had my moments when it got to me, but it was only a day, and I let it go. When I saw the signs, I ended it, and moved on. After all this, I still knew there were some good men some where here, and reminded myself the good experiences I had with decent men. Again, if I kept thinking how men are bad, then I would be giving up on hope and life. Tip: Always try to find something positive in negative, or something funny, and laugh about it. This is what I always do. Being Asian, if you hear so many scarey stories or superstitions... or almost falling into outside toilet at night (lost a slipper, and my cousin saved me) you always try to be positive too.😂

Edited October 6, 2022 by Deleted Member
Wrote it wrong.

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

neither do takeaway websites

pro services are no more addictive than take aways. possibly less so.

Incorrect. This is another false equivalence. 

You need food to survive, you don't need to pay a Pro Domme for you to survive. 

I think your naive, or deliberately trying to downplay this for whatever reason. 

2% of UK the population have food issues, eating disorders or food addictions. 

Compared to 8% of men and 3% of women who have a porn or sex addiction. 

Cpdonline for the figures by the way. 

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A lot around 'sex addiction' is debunked - that, anyone can become addicted to anything. Largely because of the feelings it gives them.  But it isn't addictive in the same way as many other things we know to be addictive.

Anyone can become addicted, yes. Myth? It's a clinical diagnosis defined as:

“The pattern of failure to control intense, sexual impulses or urges and resulting repetitive sexual behaviour is manifested over an extended period of time (e.g., 6 months or more), and causes marked distress or significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

It's definitely not a debunked myth. I find it odd and unhealthy you are so quick to disregard and downplay it. 

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But despite this; a lot of things like the phone lines do have controls in place to try to stop people they feel are overspending.  This is done voluntary is there is no real requirement.

When you have an addiction you're not volunteering to cut your addiction down. Not unless your want the help.

Similarly there's no limit you can set on phone lines because there charging you by the minute using premium rate numbers which have no upper spend limit. 

Your perception here is not reality. 

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, again  - you put in an order for large pizzas with justeat and they ask *** and deliver your pizza - they just took your *** and give you food that is deemed unhealthy and takeaway is addictive, so is this right they are not considering welfare and wellbeing?

False equivalence again, as I explained above. It's also a circular argument. 

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

People have to take some responsibility.

This goes both ways, client and the pro domme. Responsibility by both, rather than just one of the party.

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

If we're on this site and you send a message and it lands in someones inbox who replies any form of 'sure, pay me' - you simply end the conversation and hit 'report' since services-for-*** are not allowed on this site. (with a few obvious exceptions - but the person has to have a € on their profile)

And, you know. I get it, it sucks. You send what you think is a wonderful message and the other person, for whatever reason, does not reply and - yep - it sucks.  But this doesn't mean they're not real, not this, not whatever, they just didn't reply.

I never said they are all fake, albeit a large number are. and I acknowledge rejection happens, and I have said no one is owed a response. 

The problem is that the predominant response you might get online is for payment, which is what men are who are looking for a lifestyle domme are saying. Its not obvious this is what the person who is behind the profile is seeking until you get a response demanding payment. It's not difficult to acknowledge this as a reality for men. 

And while it does suck, and it's a complete waste of time and effort, reporting only goes so far as another profile is likely to pop up and dupe you again because you can't often tell until a response is made. 

It's why I'm often hesitant to message anyone who has a suspicious looking profile. 

Honesty, just leave this here, while we can agree on some things, you also disagree with me on some issues for your own reasons, and that's fine. 

Take care. 

[ey****]

6 hours ago, PoisonJohnny said:

When you have an addiction you're not volunteering to cut your addiction down. Not unless your want the help.

Similarly there's no limit you can set on phone lines because there charging you by the minute using premium rate numbers which have no upper spend limit. 

Your perception here is not reality. 

I'm only pointing out this part cos you misunderstood what I said.

So things like phone sex lines do monitor for risk* customers and impose limits and have their own outreach support teams.   However, this is something they do voluntary.   Things like gambling etc. don't do this through the goodness of their heart, they are ***d to by a regulatory body.

(*risk being those who may be spending more than they can afford, or anyone with any kind of *** or other pattern of concern)

Mind, of course, a lot of the lines etc. would probably get (more) negative press if they didn't.  But it's not a regulatory requirement.

In saying this, there is only so much they can do. They kinda hit a button to stop charging and then talk to the customer to tell them they're ending the call and why.  But there is nothing to then stop the buyer calling another provider.

Regardless, as I say.  Absolutely anything can be addictive, but, for example, while the NHS will treat for 'sex addiction' it's not recognised as an addiction in the same family as alcohol, illegal substances or gambling. This all has to do with the traits associated with addiction.

This isn't a perception, this is reality. 

But the problem still exists - that, if you refuse someone's bet because they're losing too much you cannot stop them going to any other bookmaker : if you refuse someone's booking or play request or whatever because they are spending too much - you have done your bit but they will go to the next person.

I know it's a straw argument - but it's no more the Domme's responsibility to run a credit check on you before taking your booking than it is JustEat or Netflix.  Like those, if they see the cash they trust you can afford it.   Because you said you could. 

Can you imagine how unsexy it would be if someone had to run you through experian or going through your bank statements before agreeing to play?

However, there is stuff I will acknowledge and simply put.  If someone is in a position where they've maybe agreed to pay a Domme a certain amount a month as part of their set up, or is doing ad hoc gifts, or whatever - and cannot, or can no longer, afford the payments being asked.   Tell. Your. Provider.

If they shrug and go "not my problem" that tells you all there is to know, and you just end all payments immediately.

Most won't agree a reduced amount for the same level of service or attention (and I think that is often why some men are hesitant, they don't want to pay for the Sports, but want the Sports) but will kinda work with the client - even if it is just to tell them maybe ad hoc gifts aren't necessary or telling him to go away and prioritise his finances and so on.

Most would actually prefer you discussed this then getting into a debt that you implied you could afford.  

[FETMOD-KF]

a lot of this is getting a bit circular and well away from the original point which I think has been answered many times.

That yes - Femdoms, unlike unicorns, really do exist.