Should I switch for this girl I met?

[ra****]

have been out with this girl in our friend group a couple of times. I thought she was hot, but I was dating and now recently broke up. wasn't looking for a rebound initially but we I did chase it when it became obvious

we've made out in between hanging out with some friends recently, from the short time we had I can tell she's a princess, maybe a brat but mostly submissive. im a sub too lol and I just kind of feel like we're incompatible, I like choking her, I could try tying her up but I crave getting talked down to so much.

I think she's into giving tasks and having things done for her, what's people's experiences with task giving being a dom thing or at least a worship thing and do you think I should try switching it up? I'm anxious that I wouldn't like it halfway and idk what tobsay or how to stop politely if that happenes

[Asphyx1000]

You could try it. Just be honest up front

[Ai****]

First I’d suggest checking in with yourself and asking “is this something I can see myself doing constantly 5 years from now.” I’d also suggest having a discussion, if you feel you don’t get much out of being a dom then you should first see if they’re willing to compromise. If not I know it’s a tough decision but your best bet is to end it and from the sounds of it there’s a chance it may not be the healthiest relationship to be in, although from where I am I can’t tell for certain. If you do decide to try mid suggest coming up with at least a few boundaries and make a plan for possible drops while doming. To be clear both sub and Dom drops, or if you find yourself in sub space you’ll need a way to communicate that, possibly non-verbaly depending.

[Deleted Member]

I’m was the dominant part in every relationship I’ve had. But I craved to be the sub ever since. But I had fun nevertheless. It’s satisfying to have somebody who wants to be treated the same way as you. You know how to treat them and give it to them. And when you are happy with giving her what she wants and what feels good for you. It’s always worth a try

[ge****]

You say "you can tell she's a princess" etc but do you *know* she is? Have you talked to her about D/s, kink, whatever?
.
You say you like choking her and could try tying her up - but does she like it being done to her?
.
The answer here, as with most things, is open and honest communication - talk to her, ask her about her kinks and tell her yours - maybe she's not into it at all and is going along with it to keep you happy, maybe she wants more, or could offer more, but without talking about it with her you'll never know for sure.
.
Kink doesn't have to be about defined roles either - it's entirely possible to have a relationship with kink involved without either person being dominant, submissive or even switch - you just do the kink things you like as a mutually pleasurable thing.

[jo****]

LOL; such a familiar story.

I think that the most important thing is communicating your feelings and desires. Don’t play the guessing game. And by all means, have fun.

[ra****]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

You say "you can tell she's a princess" etc but do you *know* she is? Have you talked to her about D/s, kink, whatever?
.
You say you like choking her and could try tying her up - but does she like it being done to her?
.
The answer here, as with most things, is open and honest communication - talk to her, ask her about her kinks and tell her yours - maybe she's not into it at all and is going along with it to keep you happy, maybe she wants more, or could offer more, but without talking about it with her you'll never know for sure.
.
Kink doesn't have to be about defined roles either - it's entirely possible to have a relationship with kink involved without either person being dominant, submissive or even switch - you just do the kink things you like as a mutually pleasurable thing.

I asked her about both, and she's told me that she likes being called princess and likes getting ***d but yeah I get communication and all that, doesn't change the question on do you think I should try it out even though they're kinks i would be doing that I've never imagined myself in

[ge****]

18 minutes ago, ramiabuuseme said:

I asked her about both, and she's told me that she likes being called princess and likes getting ***d but yeah I get communication and all that, doesn't change the question on do you think I should try it out even though they're kinks i would be doing that I've never imagined myself in

Only you can answer that question - are you comfortable doing so? If so then sure explore them, but take it slowly and at your own pace and with plenty of communication too

[Sa****]

Hi sandman here for clarification

When I first joined the kink scene. I joined a fet website (red and black facebook) i saw pictures of people being whipped and hit with stuff i had only seen in horror movies from my experience.

I swore id never pick one up or use one.

I just wanted to tell my partner what to do in the bedroom and get some tips and ideas on how to incorporate that into life.

A few months go by and a friend asked me if I wanted to use a flogger on his partner. I had watched them play all night and she clearly loved it. So I said yes. He showed me how it worked and what to do safely etc and I found I loved it.

So I said to myself OK but I won't go any further. No paddles or canes or leaving bruises for me.

Fast forward a few months and I won a Rafael at a local munch. I got a paddle with the batman symbol on it. Again the idea of leaving a batman mark was enticing and low and behold I found I enjoyed paddles.

Then similar story with canes. A friend asked me to cane her I got taught and found I enjoyed it.

Then I tried knife and needle play. Again found I loved it.

I was inheritanly against going down that road. But I tried it and found I enjoyed them. You never know what you'll enjoy untill you truly try it.

And honestly if this relationship is more then just a bit of fun. Then consider your mindset. She likes being called princess and asking you to do things. Try being a service dom. Its about mindset. And if this is just a bit of fun then just make it clear its a experiment. No harm no foul.

And as for me. Well I know I'm never ever going to enjoy having three ladies all at my beck and call.....untill I try it ;)

[ra****]

1 hour ago, jovino said:

LOL; such a familiar story.

I think that the most important thing is communicating your feelings and desires. Don’t play the guessing game. And by all means, have fun.

yeah lol when you find out you're both subs

[ma****]

1 hour ago, ramiabuuseme said:

yeah lol when you find out you're both subs

If both of you are subs, then you have three options (or maybe more, but I can only think of three now):
1. You keep the relationship as it is and accept that maybe some of your needs might not be met;
2. You and your partner (or whatever she is to you) discuss about potentially open your relationship and maybe find a Dom/Domme who meet your needs;
3. If both of you are monogamous, then you break up and find someone who meets your needs.

[ey****]

there are folk where they are both sub (or both Dominants) and their relationship works OK but of course has assorted.... challenges... specific to that relationship

Some I know have a form of ENM which involves play with others - or they have certain activities they like and/or are happy to do.

But also of curse that can be a challenge is that while there are things you might be able/willing to do for her - there's no certainty that she would be able/willing to return the favour

[Lord_Talion]

There are many ways of calling such a lady, but don't jump to the first title that seems to fit. Enjoy the time you have with her and consider which titles may apply while feeling it out.

You also hadn't mentioned if she confirmed her involvement with this lifestyle, but only surmised such a possibility by your own assessment

[Deleted Member]

What do you have to loose if you try? If halfway you don't feel comfortable you stop, same as if you were a sub, or same as if you were doing vanilla sex. The only difference is that when it's a d-type who stops the scene, they shouldn't do it suddenly, but in a calm way. Remember that the d-type is in a very *** state so if you need to interrupt the scene do it softly and give them reassurance

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, NyxHypnoWitch said:

What do you have to loose if you try? If halfway you don't feel comfortable you stop, same as if you were a sub, or same as if you were doing vanilla sex. The only difference is that when it's a d-type who stops the scene, they shouldn't do it suddenly, but in a calm way. Remember that the d-type is in a very *** state so if you need to interrupt the scene do it softly and give them reassurance

I wanted to write that the s-type is in a *** position

[ra****]

17 minutes ago, NyxHypnoWitch said:

I wanted to write that the s-type is in a *** position

that's actually really good advice thank you for that

[Deleted Member]

Don't switch only to make another happy. Only do it if you enjoy it, and makes you happy as well. You need to think long term, and not "now". Like others mentioned, you need to think about the options 1, 2, 3...

[Deleted Member]

I think you would enjoy it but I also do not know you truly. So it’s hard to say but as the other person said, what do you have to lose from giving it a try? Could always just say “you know I’m just not into this. Sorry I tried cuz I really like you” halfway through if you’re not feeling it. No shame at all in that! That’s my opinion and how I feel this all should be. Experimental, and consenting adults who understand that if someone isn’t into it, even if they tried it, they have the right to stop it if it’s not going how they thought it would in their head. Sometimes the fantasy doesn’t translate the same. But that being said I also found sometimes we think “I’m so not into that” and find out “holy shit, I f******* love this!” I myself also, victim of this mentality lol. Didn’t think I liked a lot of kinky things. Now I’m into shit I would have swore I’d never enjoy. All by giving it a shot. So hope that helps a bit. Just my own personal opinion not right or wrong.

[Je****]

Honestly the biggest thing that needs to happen is you and her need to express how you are with each other and explain that you like to be talked down to and show her what you mean by that and vice versa

[ir****]

Therapy is a good start

[fe****]

Have a conversation, see where you both stand on it. It’s possible she’s switch or open to it if she’s bratty, and if not. Having a conversation can still help you guys figure out where you both stand, what your comfortable and not comfortable with and if to continue seeing eachother or not

[bi****]

Just give it a go you have nothing to lose.