Transgender Profiling - Exhausting

[50****]

Question 🙋‍♂️ For the community.

I've recently had a lot of Transwomen reach out, in various ways identifying as women, knowing my sexuality and preferred orientation.

Now I'm respectful but instead of respecting me and my preferences, outright call me ‘transphobic’ when I don't reciprocate the attraction and I feel trapped, It's becoming very one-sided, towards Men not being able to freely express sexuality or interests.

I've started instantly blocking apon matching because it's easier than having a strait, honest and respectful conversation. Isn't that psychologically worse off for all?

Profiling a person based off of a pic before being profiled myself as a transphobic label is a horrible position to be in.

I want a healthy discussion. - Open Floor.
No transphobic responses, real discussion.

[Deleted Member]

No one should tell you who you “should” be attracted to. Attraction is a feeling and therefore it is free to desire what it wants that’s what makes it special.

[Julesz]

The exact same thing has happened to me and I'm a lesbian. So for me it's now don't even respond. I'm same sex attracted.When they call that me I see it as a way of stopping conversations and from their minds how dare you not want me. So I don't bother. Let them label me. As Zenlife stated his point is spot on.

[Shilo66]

Can't really see the problem myself. If they can't respect that you want a woman who is biologically born female, then that's their problem NOT yours.
I want a biologically born female, so if I'm approached by a Transwoman, I will have ZERO problem telling them NO.
On our profiles, it states clearly who we're interested in, male, female, etc, etc, there's even a button for trans men or trans women preferences. So if they choose to ignore what I've my stated and contact me anyway, then as far as I'm concerned, that's when the gloves come off.
if a woman stated on her profile that she was only interested in other women, and I chose to ignore that and approach her anyway, then I'd deserve the rebuke that she would rightly give me!
Just because someone fancies you, doesn't mean they have a right to you.... end of!!!

[Zu****]

Adjust your message settings if there are specific ppl you prefer not totslk to. Those settings are there to be used. You don't need to apologise for not liking this or that...

[ey****]

so; it's not transphobic to have a preference.

Absolutely not.

But, I can also be empathetic towards trans women (and trans men) - that many are in a position where : they're often hunted down by chasers, and are often outside of the preference for those they find attractive.  That before reaching out and hitting send the whole bunch of problems of how the other person will react to them being trans.

OP : you are listed as being 'bi curious' and so that might have been something which has meant some trans women might have felt you were more accepting.

But still, absolutely, it's OK to have a preference.

[Julesz]

I have to say my settings say women only, men still try to come on and I still get trans women.

[Deleted Member]

Maybe you should change bi curious to straight, because Eyem made a good point "they felt you would be more accepting".

[so****]

Yes!👍🏻 Lesbians have similar issues, when they say no to trans women. They're lesbians for a reason. Because they like pussy. They get called terfs & receive so much hate. My *** is one such lesbian. But it's everyone who raises even the slightest criticism towards the trans movement that gets hate. I hope they realize how negatively their intolerance is perceived by 90% of people. There is no oppression towards them anymore. Hell, the president himself & the whole Biden regime & Democrat platform give trans people absolute priority over all others. & Don't even get me started on the de-trans movement. They aren't even allowed to have a voice. They don't fit the narrative. It's the way they push the shit onto *** that really gets people mad. There's going to be a swing back in the opposite direction eventually & I just hope it doesn't over correct. I imagine I'll probably get in trouble just for posting this. It would only make sense because the truth I speak is seen as criticising the trans movement. So I'll probably get some sort of strike. So be it. It only proves my point even further lol be safe & be kind🌹

[Deleted Member]

This sounds harsh. I don't like people (users) abusing any system, while the good people are suffering and trying to get help. Example, there is this deaf guy, and abusing the benefits for people with disabilities. He has an apartment, and gets *** from the system. He asks for *** in front of my local store. When he gets enough ***, he uses the *** to buy beer to get drunk. People gave ***, because of kindness of their heart. *** don't grow on trees, and most people have to work. The point, I am sure there are some transgenders who *** the system. 

Edited October 22, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Bo****]

48 minutes ago, sonofthunder777 said:

Yes!👍🏻 Lesbians have similar issues, when they say no to trans women. They're lesbians for a reason. Because they like pussy. They get called terfs & receive so much hate. My *** is one such lesbian. But it's everyone who raises even the slightest criticism towards the trans movement that gets hate. I hope they realize how negatively their intolerance is perceived by 90% of people. There is no oppression towards them anymore. Hell, the president himself & the whole Biden regime & Democrat platform give trans people absolute priority over all others. & Don't even get me started on the de-trans movement. They aren't even allowed to have a voice. They don't fit the narrative. It's the way they push the shit onto *** that really gets people mad. There's going to be a swing back in the opposite direction eventually & I just hope it doesn't over correct. I imagine I'll probably get in trouble just for posting this. It would only make sense because the truth I speak is seen as criticising the trans movement. So I'll probably get some sort of strike. So be it. It only proves my point even further lol be safe & be kind🌹

Change can be scary, but it's ok 🙏

[jo****]

Yeah… that’s a thing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

I have put my preferences in the system for a woman who is born a woman, 18- 34, and it said I was being to picky and to broaden my search so I put no age limit do distance limit and it still said I was being too picky, now I do not want to date a man, a trans person or a non binary not because I’m any kind of phobic but because it’s my preference I have trans people who are friends snd non binary family members I’m not against anyone what I am against is a system that says you have no choice you either pick you are interested in everyone or we won’t show you people in your area it’s bullshit tbh so I completely understand where you are coming from

[FETMOD-KF]

There are a few comments here which are bordering on being transphobic where I don't think the intention is made

"biological female" and "born a woman" are both transphobic - the term you are looking for is "cis woman" or "cis female" 

Part the reason they are transphobic is because you don't *actually* know what their biology is - you are making an assumption.  You cannot tell if they have XX chromosomes. You cannot tell if they were born intersex.  Hell, if they have fully transitioned, you might have no way of actually knowing.

The other thing of course also in this is that of course trans men were assumed to be women, ditto for AFAB non-binary folk.

[FETMOD-KF]

1 hour ago, daddy6987 said:

I have put my preferences in the system for a woman who is born a woman, 18- 34, and it said I was being to picky and to broaden my search so I put no age limit do distance limit and it still said I was being too picky, now I do not want to date a man, a trans person or a non binary not because I’m any kind of phobic but because it’s my preference I have trans people who are friends snd non binary family members I’m not against anyone what I am against is a system that says you have no choice you either pick you are interested in everyone or we won’t show you people in your area it’s bullshit tbh so I completely understand where you are coming from

that's not how the search function works.

you are not penalised for not selecting certain options.  Check all of the fields to make sure there's nothing you've selected invertedly which is too narrowing.   Some people get few results due to a lack of people on this website in their criteria. I know this particularly affects people who live in remote locations.  

If, however, you are not getting profiles back which should be returned in your search filters, it may be something for a ticket from support.

[jo****]

24 minutes ago, FETMOD-KF said:

There are a few comments here which are bordering on being transphobic where I don't think the intention is made

"biological female" and "born a woman" are both transphobic - the term you are looking for is "cis woman" or "cis female" 

Part the reason they are transphobic is because you don't *actually* know what their biology is - you are making an assumption.  You cannot tell if they have XX chromosomes. You cannot tell if they were born intersex.  Hell, if they have fully transitioned, you might have no way of actually knowing.

The other thing of course also in this is that of course trans men were assumed to be women, ditto for AFAB non-binary folk.

Fetmod,

Cis-male means biologically born a male, cis-female means biologically born a female. You’re intentionally intermixing terms and calling one transphobic.

Transphobic is a feeling, not a pronoun. Apologies if I can’t speak using your terminology perfectly, but a little leeway and understanding that we aren’t all perfect to your standards goes a long way.

And don’t go calling me transphobic before you actually know me. 🐰

[Deleted Member]

If I could show pics I would I’d screen shot it the only narrow search I put down was that I am looking for a woman I put no limit on age or relationship status they are the only 3 options it told me I was to picky and to broaden my search I live just on the outskirts of London it’s literally the busiest city in the world how can it tell me I’m too picky or there are no women in London I don’t know maybe I’m not understanding properly I have learning difficulties maybe I missed something

[jo****]

5 minutes ago, daddy6987 said:

If I could show pics I would I’d screen shot it the only narrow search I put down was that I am looking for a woman I put no limit on age or relationship status they are the only 3 options it told me I was to picky and to broaden my search I live just on the outskirts of London it’s literally the busiest city in the world how can it tell me I’m too picky or there are no women in London I don’t know maybe I’m not understanding properly I have learning difficulties maybe I missed something

Damn. London must really be uptight these days. 😹

[FETMOD-KF]

4 minutes ago, jovino said:

Cis-male means biologically born a male, cis-female means biologically born a female.

it actually doesn't

cis means your gender identity corresponds to your sex assigned at birth.

It has nothing to do with biology since you cannot actually tell someone's chromosomes without running tests which aren't really done - and if we get into the results when tests ARE ran there's often a lot of surprises in the results.

7 minutes ago, jovino said:

Apologies if I can’t speak using your terminology perfectly, but a little leeway and understanding that we aren’t all perfect to your standards goes a long way.

Hey, I am not perfect either.   But this is why I made a comment - no one has received any strikes, or points or anything for their comments or opinions.

9 minutes ago, jovino said:

nd don’t go calling me transphobic before you actually know me

I actually didn't call you or anyone else transphobic.  My words were "invertedly transphobic" as in, I do not believe it was anyone's intention.  

[FETMOD-KF]

8 minutes ago, daddy6987 said:

If I could show pics I would I’d screen shot it the only narrow search I put down was that I am looking for a woman I put no limit on age or relationship status they are the only 3 options it told me I was to picky and to broaden my search I live just on the outskirts of London it’s literally the busiest city in the world how can it tell me I’m too picky or there are no women in London I don’t know maybe I’m not understanding properly I have learning difficulties maybe I missed something

once you can get a screenshot, please do so and take it to support.

I've just done a search

18-34

Country : UK

City EC1A, City of London

Radius <5km

"Only kinksters looking for men"

and haven't added any fetishes or interests to the search

I get 20 pages of results.

 

[Bo****]

We're all afraid of doing wrong unintentionally (at least I hope so) which makes discussion of LGBT+ rocky when there are differences in understanding.

I try my best to keep my emotions and insecurities separate from specific terms, however much I feel they fit me. Mistakes will happen, it's nothing personal.

[jo****]

19 minutes ago, FETMOD-KF said:

I actually didn't call you or anyone else transphobic.  My words were "invertedly transphobic" as in, I do not believe it was anyone's intention.  

Yes. Sorry. I inadvertently hit send before Re-reading and editing.

[DireWolf91]

I’m a transgender male and I have noticed that a lot of trans folk take personal offence to rejection and twist preference into “transphobic” I disagree and I believe that someone can either be attracted to the trans body or not, it really does come down to preferences!


Unless the transgender person has FULL surgery, then it would be a different story.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with you DireWolf about preferences, and to me, people can change too. The Trans women I knew, their boyfriends were not looking for a Transgender. They cried, but loved and stayed with them.

[50****]

@DireWolf91 - My issue is not that people try their luck, hell I wouldn’t have slept with half the women I have, if I hadn’t of tried my ginger charm. My issue is the backlash I get, the hurt, desperity and tone or label of transphobic, that desperate men often were/are criticised for publicly. If I had tried with a lesbian woman and called her a sexist shrew because her rejection didn’t suit my sexual needs, I’d be banned maybe even hunted down by my local community. My preferences are clear and bicurious is no excuse to ignore preferences. It’s not acceptable to degrade me or call me transphobic as this causes an even greater divide.