Ask Me Anything.

[DominatrixSheba]

I am a professional Domme. I am happy for you to ask me anything - have you got one of those questions that you have been too shy to say out loud? Something you're dying to know but you think it sounds silly or weird? Have no worries - here you truly can ask me those questions and I will give you my honest opinion. 

The floor is yours...

[Isaac309]

What do you look for in a sub?

[Jack1942]

Do dommes like man in heels ?

[Tikkitoxic]

What are some good tips for first timers me mad my mate wanna try new things

[DominatrixSheba]

21 hours ago, Isaac309 said:

What do you look for in a sub?

Generally I look for subs who really enjoy their kinks. Personally I love a ***-slut and dislike needy subs who require constant time and reassurance from me. That is why I don't have any personal subs at the moment - I am a terrible owner.

17 hours ago, Jack1942 said:

Do dommes like man in heels ?

Oh My Gods - Yes We Do. Men have fabulous legs and look great in stockings.

6 hours ago, Tikkitoxic said:

What are some good tips for first timers me mad my mate wanna try new things

Discuss your kinks with each other - what turns you on? Do you assume Dom/me and sub roles? Watch some different types of porn together for some ideas. 

You can join fetlife and find some local munches too. That way you can connect with other local kinky folk to chat and swap ideas. 

Have lots of fun, laugh lots - fet does not have to be serious all the time either.

[sueswallows]

Ok, hello, sue, a sub bottom crossdresser, when is penetration permited, I've had "purest " tell me never? Seems to be a 50/50 split if this is true. Of course I have an opinion, but it has no basis

[Deleted Member]

What's the best preparations for taking a strapon?

[ey****]

if someone was to consider opening their own dungeon premise - what sort of rates/rents are normal and what should be taken into consideration from a legal standpoint?

[DominatrixSheba]

12 hours ago, sueswallows said:

Ok, hello, sue, a sub bottom crossdresser, when is penetration permited, I've had "purest " tell me never? Seems to be a 50/50 split if this is true. Of course I have an opinion, but it has no basis

Do you mean when are you allowed to penetrate someone?

[DominatrixSheba]

9 hours ago, MaidKaren said:

What's the best preparations for taking a strapon?

Douche the rctum until clean.

When ready start slow and small. You want to get the muscles down there warm and relaxed. Use LOTS of lube - and a good water based one too. Some can go quite dry and sticky and are no good at all. Use vibrators to stimulate the anus. And fingers for penetration initially.

Use lots of stimulation and gentle stretching to get everything warmed up before you get the strap on out. If you cant get at least three fingers up there, it's not ready. Think about positioning and comfort for both of you - a good session in the wrong position can really do your back in.

From a woman's point of view, as the strap on isn't really attached to anything, I find it more fun to use one that gives me some stimulation too. That way I enjoy the session more.

[DominatrixSheba]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if someone was to consider opening their own dungeon premise - what sort of rates/rents are normal and what should be taken into consideration from a legal standpoint?

Do you mean a dungeon to work from, or hire privately or to do public events at?

[sueswallows]

Thanks you for responding,  I mean is it permitable for a do me to penetrate me?

[Deleted Member]

Do you know an easy way to connect with others in the bdsm community outside of websites? There are no bdsm locations near me, and I starting to get bored and lonely simply online 

[Dearelliot]

Re business...I'm thinking NJ We need a total income of $2000 a week to manage, and I've known a few independent Dommes and they  have a tough time finding dependable regulars to  manage that.  Not asking you about your personal business but  what you might hear in General about the business of being able to stay in Business or switch to doing it part time.  

[ey****]

5 hours ago, Acey said:

Do you know an easy way to connect with others in the bdsm community outside of websites? There are no bdsm locations near me, and I starting to get bored and lonely simply online 

now wishing to hijack a thread - there are utterly fucktonnes of events in New Jersey.  There were two just tonight. Two tomorrow. A bunch on Friday. SEVEN on Saturday. Is your google working?

[ey****]

14 hours ago, DominatrixSheba said:

Do you mean a dungeon to work from, or hire privately or to do public events at?

In my reasonable head.

A DJ that Ladies can work from and presumably couples/friends can hire for private play.

Availability for events a bonus, but appreciate that's a new kettle of fish.

[DominatrixSheba]

On 12/12/2018 at 2:52 PM, sueswallows said:

Thanks you for responding,  I mean is it permitable for a do me to penetrate me?

That is completely up to you as a sub and is something that needs to be discussed between you and your Dom/me. As a sub you set and agree your own limits before you give your submission to a Dom/me. 

There are hard and soft limits. Hard limits are an absolute No and must be respected. Soft limits are things that can be worked towards or maybe used as a punishment.

If I knew a sub loved to be penetrated then I would use it sparingly as a reward and make them work for it. If I knew a sub hated it but would still allow it (a soft limit) then I would use it to reprimand them. If it was a hard limit then I will just find other ways to punish them.

Personally I feel that as long as it is within the agreed limits between a Dom/me and a sub, then said sub is there to be used as the Dom/me wants. I would have my sub penetrated and give head but never allow them to receive head or penetrate someone themselves.

[DominatrixSheba]

On 12/12/2018 at 6:43 PM, Acey said:

Do you know an easy way to connect with others in the bdsm community outside of websites? There are no bdsm locations near me, and I starting to get bored and lonely simply online 

If you join Fetlife you can find loads of local munches to attend. These are usually in a pub and consist of local kinksters all meeting up once a month - in normal clothes and a nice, safe public environment. It's a great way to meet like-minded people and connect with your local scene. 

[DominatrixSheba]

19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

In my reasonable head.

A DJ that Ladies can work from and presumably couples/friends can hire for private play.

Availability for events a bonus, but appreciate that's a new kettle of fish.

This is a huge topic but I will outline a few key points as far as I know.

If ladies are working there, they must be the only person there with their client otherwise it will be classed as a brothel. - Even if sex is not happening - if people are naked and genitals are manipulated or anything is inserted then technically It's sex.

There must be no external signage or advertising.

It is very hard to get public liability insurance.

Location is key. My first studio was in a bedsit in a shared house. I lied to the landlady and said I was living there. In reality I worked as a pro Domme from there and hosted munches and small play events. The walls were paper thin and eventually the neighbour called the police on me. 

The police were actually really lovely. I was there alone when they arrived. As I was a gal on my own, working for myself, not trafficked or in any distress they basically said 'stay safe and keep doing what you do'. 

After that I got evicted.

You need a privately owned location that you either own or rent from a landlord who knows what you are doing. You also need to soundproof the place if you have neighbours or passers by.

I am lucky enough to have my studio in such an establishment now. I know others who have hired clubs, bought houses or rented light industrial units. 

I could go on and on and on about this subject and the laws in this country and how they make it as difficult as possible to set up any establishment with any link to the sex trade - but I won't. You're welcome to dm me for that conversation if you wish.

As far as rates go, it depends on your overheads, equipment, rental scenarios - is it a private couple, a pro-Dom/me, a party. I used to rent my studio to private couples for £50/hr. I never counted on the hire for income as it was so sporadic. I found the best way to make *** from the space was to work from it and hold events there.

I am in the South West of England and the scene is here but not as active as it is in other parts of the country.

I am doing my best to rectify this.

I am sure dungeons in London do a lot better than they do down here. I have clients who travel to see me but most of my clients are local and it has taken a good while to build up a regular list. There have been a few times that I have thought of packing it all in but I do love it and cant imaging doing anything else now.

I hope that covers the sort of things that you were wondering about. If I can help you out at all just let me know.

[procrastinator23]

I'm a 23 year old virgin but have had fantasies about dominant women since I was 17, I want to try and explore things but don't know where to start, I've managed to give myself a prostate orgasm only once and have since been dying to try pegging etc

[Forbdsm]

Hey thanks for offering help. 

I was wondering, do you use a safeword for verbal punishment/scenes? Cause my girlfriend knows she wants to be broken down (tits of a 5-year old, you call that dancing etc) but I'm worried I'll push it to far one day since I love horrible comments (you fucking cumbucket, more that ugly ass etc) and I don't think she can take that.

Ow, and also, do you think being a switch is beneficial for a relationship (if you both feel that way) or is it better in the long run to decide rolls? To put in context, we would still be ok with the other having scenes with someone else so that we can remain a switch

Thanks for the help!

[DominatrixSheba]

On 12/13/2018 at 11:58 PM, ShysubNE said:

I'm a 23 year old virgin but have had fantasies about dominant women since I was 17, I want to try and explore things but don't know where to start, I've managed to give myself a prostate orgasm only once and have since been dying to try pegging etc

I would find a munch and meet some local kinky people. Fetlife has a good list of munches.

You may be lucky enough to find a Dominant lady there or you might find out about events and parties that you can attend. If you have no luck with this then you could see a professional Dominatrix but I would definitely try a few different munches first.

[DominatrixSheba]

48 minutes ago, Forbdsm said:

Hey thanks for offering help. 

I was wondering, do you use a safeword for verbal punishment/scenes? Cause my girlfriend knows she wants to be broken down (tits of a 5-year old, you call that dancing etc) but I'm worried I'll push it to far one day since I love horrible comments (you fucking cumbucket, more that ugly ass etc) and I don't think she can take that.

Ow, and also, do you think being a switch is beneficial for a relationship (if you both feel that way) or is it better in the long run to decide rolls? To put in context, we would still be ok with the other having scenes with someone else so that we can remain a switch

Thanks for the help!

I use traffic lights for safe words.

Green = everything is good - carry on.

Amber = something needs changing - it may be a position, or on implement or anything really, but it needs addressing before l continue.

Red = STOP - untie or cut ropes, unmask etc, totally stop the scene, give them a hug and a cup of tea.

I can often be heard in a scene saying 'give me a colour' and my sub will reply green, amber or red. I have only ever had a couple of genuine reds in my time. It's not really a place that you want to take a sub even in a total breakdown session like you mention. 

I do have no safe word sessions but they are with subs I know very well and had sessioned with many times before we tried it.

Communication is so important in these scenarios. Talk to your partner before you play. Try writing down a list of different phrases that you could say to her. Read them to her and ask her to give you traffic light response. Stay away from any phrases she says red to in future scenes. Discuss the phrases that she says amber to. These will be phrases that she will accept but might make her feel uncomfortable. Why do they make her feel that way - what's the back story etc. This is where you get what you need for a total breakdown session. It is easy to shout random insults at someone and it is easy to overstep the mark and really upset them. The skill is to push them continually in an amber situation. They don't like it but you won't stop. 

You need to monitor your sub closely so that you don't push them too hard into a red situation and if you think that you have you need to call the session straight away.

*** is also great for a breakdown session as is self *** - get the sub to degrade themselves and tell you how useless they are and why they are that way.

It is important to have an end point in mind. Is it when they start to cry, is it not until they are ugly crying - with snot and dribble, somewhere between the two, can the sub call it? All this needs to be discussed before the session. You will need to debrief after the session too. Ask your partner how she feels about the session. Is she carrying anything that you said to her or has she been able to shake it all off. How did you feel during the session?

As far as switching - definitely switch it up if you are both happy to do so. Maybe she could try a breakdown session on you?

[Forbdsm]

thank you so much for your advice. it's clear, fast, everything I could ask for really. me and my girlfriend will reread it together and definitely put some of your pointers into practice 

[Explorer1469]

My question is how do I find a femdom?