Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 I'm gonna start this off by saying I don't usually express interest in many people so when I do it is a little bit scary. I put up many walls and act very tough so when I am attracted to someone it can cause some anxiety and be scary, especially if they are a Dom. It can be very hard for me to pursue someone because I REALLY don't want them to think I like them, how do I get rid of this anxiety and just talk to them normally without getting my feelings hurt for diving in too quickly or shutting my walls down?
UK**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 They will not be your Dom when you first speak.
Do**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Just start with the most effectual words in the world. "Hello. My name is."
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 Perhaps speak to a therapist about your attached ent style and issues? You shouldn’t be so anxious about speaking to someone you don’t know, and have no relationship with. And particularly when we think about D/s dynamics, it’s really important that you are secure in yourself if you want to be secure in your relationships. Good luck
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 Please also beware of ‘doms’ using this post as a way to start a conversation. I would consider that predatory behaviour, as you are expressing a vulnerability
ey**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Men have generally low standards. Slide into their DMs and say 'Hi' is all you need. This is not a good thing. Otherwise. Whether someone is a Dominant, submissive or whatever... they're not *your* Dominant (and you are not theirs) at least not at first - so you do not need to address them in any way, use any protocol, or formalities. Message someone and say why you found them interesting or why you'd like to chat is a good start - but - perhaps don't assume any roles too quickly Also - seconding what shortcake_ says above, be aware of anyone doing the "message me hun xxx" or sliding into your DMs on the back of this post, as that's really creepy behaviour.
ge**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: Men have generally low standards. Slide into their DMs and say 'Hi' is all you need. This is not a good thing. Otherwise. Whether someone is a Dominant, submissive or whatever... they're not *your* Dominant (and you are not theirs) at least not at first - so you do not need to address them in any way, use any protocol, or formalities. Message someone and say why you found them interesting or why you'd like to chat is a good start - but - perhaps don't assume any roles too quickly Also - seconding what shortcake_ says above, be aware of anyone doing the "message me hun xxx" or sliding into your DMs on the back of this post, as that's really creepy behaviour. Saved me a lot of typing - is pretty much what I would have said 👍🏻
da**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Ye, as a man I can agree, we are very easily pleased, in my eyes though the sub is in control, I only dominate somebody as far as they allow me, set your own boundaries, make them aware of what’s acceptable and what’s not if you need to, try and remind yourself what your looking for and what your ready for and just take your time with it, if you let a guy take control chances are he won’t but too much thought into how far he goes off the bat, he will just get excited and probably rush of ahead, but you are the one who’s really in control
40**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 However you want to. There's no rules about initiating any conversation, rules will develop along with your relationship...
An**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Agree with @eyemblacksheep said Dom,sub = Human. Start as you would in any social context; remember you are not their sub and they are not your Dom . Find out about them & their profile is always a good start to weed out "instadoms" as genuine guys will write about stuff outside of the kink world. If you have a local Munch near you then it's a good place to meet or find out if they are known on the scene. Remember you as a sub are the one with the power as submission is a gift not given freely. Stay safe, sane, consensual.
sh**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 No confidence . It's your age . . Have some beer and chat . ??? .
Br**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 I think understanding that submission is a gift to be given, and not something that everyone who claims to be a Dom is entitled to, will effectively balance the scales!
Cu**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Good post. Agree with op. I am also new and some female doms are quick to assume they have me owned at first message. I am open to explore but it is a bit scary with all the scammers who see subs as “marks” and nothing more.
Dr**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 First of all, you got this we believe in you! Just be yourself and find something you share in common. Don’t have something you share in common then ask them about their interests. Don’t have any interests you know about besides kink? Ask them about kink some, like what’s your favorite impact toy and what would you change about it or I you could use bondage in any exotic location what would it be and how? Who could turn down a chance to talk about those things if they have any interest in impact or bondage as a example. Or ask them if they ever thought of designing their own kink device and what would it be like, or their favorite scene they have done. These give you a opening into their mind as a Dom and show interest. First rule of engage is ask them about them. Again, you got this!
Gi**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 How would I find a munch IRL in my city so I could network with a friend? Or find someone online? I’m pretty new to the scene and I’m open to friends or a relationship
uk**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 Normally!! A Dom should be a gentleman unless in the bedroom!! He should talk to you with the utmost respect at all times…… you are someone’s daughter, but that’s just my perspective. If you need any help or advice just ask and I will help in anyway I can.
Li**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 @Gingerpsycho94 have a look on Fetlife. You can search for events by town and county. Lots of people have accounts on both sites (copy and paste your biog across). Different vibes to each site. Fetlife has more of the social scene.
CopperKnob Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 I get it, when I first started accepting I had a submissive side, I was of the impression that I should talk in a 'submissive' way. I even bought a book about how to speak like a submissive 🤦♀️ That book taught me that it was a bunch of 💩 and that we're all just human and that we should just be who we are 🤷♀️
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 Just have fun! Relax, its all going to be fine. You can practice on me if you'd like!
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 @kinkywitchbitch you are getting some problematic advice here essentially to ‘just go for it.’ If your anxiety is as bad as you describe in your post, I would strongly advise that you work on yourself before trying to enter into a dynamic. It’s not worth your mental health. My inbox is open if you’d like someone to chat to about it x
Deleted Member Posted November 1, 2022 Author Posted November 1, 2022 1 hour ago, uk_alpha_dom said: Normally!! A Dom should be a gentleman unless in the bedroom!! He should talk to you with the utmost respect at all times…… you are someone’s daughter, but that’s just my perspective. If you need any help or advice just ask and I will help in anyway I can. F**k off with your ‘you are someone’s daughter’ so a woman’s worth is decided by the fact that they have parents? Change the sentiment to ‘you are a human’ and do better going forward
xc**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 (edited) @ginger fetlife* is a good start Edited November 2, 2022 by FETMOD-TF *external link removed
Br**** Posted November 1, 2022 Posted November 1, 2022 39 minutes ago, shortcake_ said: F**k off with your ‘you are someone’s daughter’ so a woman’s worth is decided by the fact that they have parents? Change the sentiment to ‘you are a human’ and do better going forward The reality is that she is some ones daughter and a human being, but potato potāto! The issue seems as if she’s just nervous! Knowing yourself and your audience is the key to developing a healthy relationship, that is governed by established boundaries set and agreed upon by all participating parties! That’s the beauty of being free to express ourselves! Give your opinion when asked, btw uk_alpha_dom didn’t ask your opinion, otherwise stay in your lane!😘
Recommended Posts