As a sub what are your boxes that need ticking?

[Do****]

This is more general but I figured it fits well here, this also is specifically about BDSM Lovers/LTR. So long story everyone is different and it does change from person to person from experience, but I have struggled to find a LTR and was wondering if there was a overwhelming preference or 'something' a sub is looking to respond to and later begin a LT D/s relationship? even advice about first contact is welcome. I'm looking to Improve as a Dom and more and more wanting a LTR, so I would love to know what you as a sub want to hear from or boxes you want ticked in your Dom? Thanks for your input.

[ge****]

The thing is, there is no single one answer fits all response - as you say yourself what people are looking for varies from person to person and even dynamic to dynamic or over time.
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So the only answers that can be given are very general high level ones about trust, respect, consideration etc.
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Beyond that it's down to you the individual to find those you match with the same as with any relationship, kink or otherwise.

[ey****]

I think if not universal - certainly major - is being able to connect with a partner on a personal level as well as mutual kink interests.

Cos like if you meet someone and all you have in common is kink, it is likely to burn out quickly.  I think being able to show you are interested in someone for more than (a) they are a sub (b) you find them attractive can go a much further way and that can be a big part of early communications

[Deleted Member]

This is a wonderful episode that addresses your question: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-d-s-effect/id1557563133?i=1000514509371

[Deleted Member]

Personally its seeing that they really enjoy my ***

[Do****]

I enjoyed the podcast, I heavily agree on all points. I see my self as a caretaker style Dom, building trust and having respect for my sub is very important to me.

[PrimalArtist]

My most important box that needs to be checked, is trust and a safe word. I like more rough play and it tends to escalate quickly and I had a really bad experience where neither of us knew what a safe word was or that we needed one. It did not end well for me particularly.

I've heard some Dom's and Masters say that they will still stop the first few times of play when their partner says no, or give some other sign that they may be in discomfort. As a sub I can say that the first few times it is difficult to use the safe word and I'm not certain why. I can recall one particular time where I debated using it, but as I was debating it kept getting harder and harder for me to concentrate, so that could be why. I certainly find that to be a good idea though.

Don't know if this is what you're looking for, but I hope it's helpful! I think even offering a safe word to someone where you feel like you probably won't need it and play would make them feel extremely comfortable with you and extremely valued and cared for.

[L8tBlmr]

I want a Dom who takes control. He needs to be firm, but also respectful. It’s about building trust. My needs fuel your needs. You need to dominate; I need to submit. Yes, you are in control, but I am not less than you. We should complete each other’s desires.

[Ky****]

in my case treat me as a woman, all else stems from there

[Mu****]

For me the boxes I want checked are;
Confidence, someone who can lead, open, an active listener, gentle yet firm. Is able to make good decisions, has experience, effective communicator, understands his role, respects my boundaries, assertive. I could go on but these are some key qualities.

[Ba****]

For me… intelligence, consistency, humour, kindness, confidence. And that almost undefinable feeling of controlled danger bubbling under the surface