I got ghosted by my dom

[Sk****]

Interesting. A Dom ghosted me as well. Thankfully it was a short-lived weak dynamic. Initially got a weird vibe from him, then figured I’d give it a shot. It ended within a month. I suspect due to my erratic schedule and inability to be as consistent as he would’ve preferred.

Work and family are my priority and he knew that from the beginning; however, instead of discussing it (supposedly he was big on effective communication), he ghosted. Can’t say I was terribly disappointed. It was rather unfulfilling.

The lesson in that experience: trust your gut. If something doesn’t sit well, there’s likely something hidden that you’re not seeing.

I also learned i don’t have a flare or preference for online dynamics. I prefer something irl. Something tangible.

You’ll heal. Give it time. Replace his commands with a little porn (or a lot!) and some self-love/care activities. Sometimes you just need a break from the mundane, and this guy (like mine) certainly was it!

Chin up! There’s an ethical Dom out there for you just waiting to enjoy all you have to give! ❤️

[TheSpicyCleaner]

Allow yourself to grieve, in whatever forms it comes to you ❤️

Be extra kind to your mind and heart. 

If you can escape into a non triggering book or movie go with that, if you feel you can get outside, do that. 

For me it's a cup of tea, bob Ross and a blanket. 

Sending you all the energy you need. 

There is a huge community here if you need us ❤️

[Da****]

13 hours ago, MrSadistDaddy said:

you done? Sometimes you need tough love with these things, plenty of compassion for her to read in here. Know how many subs throw themselves at a Dom and then cry when that person hurts them and they never did any vetting and jumped in at a frenzy? Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink…

Now everything she said was just like the typical online (which my fault for assuming). The fact she’s seen this person raises lots of other questions…like where is he? If this was a face face 24/7 how does one disappear? Many questions.

———
“Do Doms even care about subs?” We all know the type of BS comment that is. It’s not a bash Dom discussion, it’s about her issue with a Dom and healing. You need to look at how you got to this situation and how to avoid it in the future too if you want to fully heal or you are doomed to fall into the same pitfalls as last.

Ya welcome.

Am I done??? Maybe...let's see what other insightful things you have to say. But hey, you take your time and see how much more you can shame the OP, instead of offering helpful advice..

[Ph****]

Like any relationship. Time heals all. It was a relationship. Take the time for grief and anger and all that. Let it run its course

[MrJim]

Maybe he was in over his head. Just try and move forward and find someone better.

[Ma****]

Then he was no Master in the first place....

[MrJim]

I was trying to say that nicely

[ma****]

18 hours ago, MasterMoksi said:

Then he was no Master in the first place....

Exactly. Masters and Doms don't behave that way.

[MrJim]

@maryioni that is why you have to be careful when choosing a Dom or sub, I always use a contract so we know what to expect from each other during the relationship be it one day or for an extended period. I think it was probably one of those guys that thought just being a dick and yelling a lot made him a master. I never have to raise my voice it is unnecessary, a Master is in control he is not a bully.

[Di****]

Was it all online?
If not how were you ghosted?!
Hidden secrets is my guess, people involved that didn’t know about you.

[ma****]

2 hours ago, DiamondLotus said:

Was it all online?
If not how were you ghosted?!
Hidden secrets is my guess, people involved that didn’t know about you.

Ghosting is when someone, who has shown interest in another, stops any type of communication without any explanation.

[Deleted Member]

November 11, Alex10473 said:

Why are so many women so keen to be a sub / whatever to a stranger who screws them over. Don’t they spot the traits in people that give them away?

More victim shaming. Nice.

[Deleted Member]

It’s not victim shaming, I’ve heard of other stories that shocked me involving crimes. But some (all) subs need to be taught that they are expected to adhere to a set of behaviours so they are not used and ***d.

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, Alex10473 said:

It’s not victim shaming, I’ve heard of other stories that shocked me involving crimes. But some (all) subs need to be taught that they are expected to adhere to a set of behaviours so they are not used and ***d.

How about, we take an approach whereby we have an expectation that people do not commit crimes/do not act immorally towards others or is that too much to ask?
I mean, I left my purse and phone on my desk in an open plan office this morning whilst I went out on an urgent unplanned welfare check with Police and had had to leave quickly without thinking. Two hours later I returned to find that my colleagues had all managed to leave everything untouched because well, they're not morally corrupt and have basic respect for others and their property. Christ, I managed to leave my car window wound all the way down whilst I was out with the Police and, let me tell you, I work in a particularly dodgy town and again, the car was still there, intact and more importantly, the Haribo were still on the passenger seat, uneaten. A while back, I was in a prison cell with a Prisoner. When the Officer went to fetch some chairs the site went into lockdown and I managed to get locked in the cell with the Prisoner not knowing what he was convicted of. Turns out it was SA and attempted ***, his crimes the subject of a Panorama episode and yet he showed me nothing but respect whilst I was having palpitations at my stupidity.
The point is, we as humans, are always placed in situations where we can plan for assumed/known risk and make decisions to counter/mitigate it but there will always be unknown risk/s
To say that those who are victims should have been more accountable for their own actions IS victim shaming and is a very real contributing factor as to why crimes against others are under reported.

[ey****]

5 hours ago, Alex10473 said:

It’s not victim shaming, I’ve heard of other stories that shocked me involving crimes. But some (all) subs need to be taught that they are expected to adhere to a set of behaviours so they are not used and ***d.

but taught... by who....?

if they haven't learnt yet - how do they know the person teaching them isn't feeding them any old rubbish?

the other thing as well - is that while naivety can make someone a target; it doesn't matter how experienced someone is, they can still be ***d.  

but, preytell - what should subs do to make sure they never, ever, ever, ever, get ***d?

 

[Deleted Member]

What I noticed is that some subs were desperate to have a Dom. Whilst I was expecting to exchange pleasantries and get to know someone, some subs I engaged with thinking I was just getting to know a little about them were suddenly saying I wasn’t Dom enough for them to find out later on that they’d had some ‘bad’ experiences / crimes. The victims have a duty, I believe, not to take such risks

[ey****]

11 hours ago, Alex10473 said:

The victims have a duty, I believe, not to take such risks

but then what is the opposite - how do they know how to mitigate risks if they've not accessed the info.  Shouldn't it be the duty of "good" Dominants to help share the risks rather than blaming the subs for things happening

when (particularly) women do not reply messages they're unsure of, or are slow to meet, or so on they then get accused of being rude, ignorant, not taking enough chances.

it's like folk can't win

[CopperKnob]

15 hours ago, Alex10473 said:

What I noticed is that some subs were desperate to have a Dom. Whilst I was expecting to exchange pleasantries and get to know someone, some subs I engaged with thinking I was just getting to know a little about them were suddenly saying I wasn’t Dom enough for them to find out later on that they’d had some ‘bad’ experiences / crimes. The victims have a duty, I believe, not to take such risks

What your comments here indicate is a lack of insight into the mindset of an individual whose just come/is coming to terms with their submissive traits. Without that understanding I find it difficult to see how you can make judgement on their behaviour

[Deleted Member]

Anything is better than them getting ***d, if they are weak people then they should appoint a proxy to speak for them. Or the world sits on its hands and weak subs are ***d. - that’s all.

[ey****]

7 hours ago, Alex10473 said:

Anything is better than them getting ***d, if they are weak people then they should appoint a proxy to speak for them. Or the world sits on its hands and weak subs are ***d. - that’s all.

at the risk of being circular

how does a new sub know to consider appointing someone

how do they find someone to be proxy for them

and - how do they vet the person to proxy for them so they know they will vet with the right intentions?

Equally, are you genuinely implying that people who get ***d are "weak" - seriously?! really?!

[Ar****]

7 hours ago, Alex10473 said:

Anything is better than them getting ***d, if they are weak people then they should appoint a proxy to speak for them. Or the world sits on its hands and weak subs are ***d. - that’s all.

F***ing hell, and this comment got approved? What attitudes are we trying to promote here, people?

Defensive behaviour doesn't make a person strong.

Mistakes and errors in judgement don't make a person weak.

Careless behaviour doesn't make a person weak.

Thinking you know what you want and going for it in the heat of the moment doesn't make a person weak.

Some of the strongest people I've known have been taken advantage of, subs and occasionally doms alike - instead of implying their "weakness" makes them so pathetically incapable they need somebody else to chaperone and monitor their engagements as a proxy, have you ever considered empathy and compassion?

[Fe****]

First don’t feel weird about it. Sometimes we put our faith in the wrong people, and that’s okay. We take the lessons that we can from it and take a deep breath. We do things that make us feel better and hangout with our network of people who know how to put us in a good mood. Masturbation feels weird because you miss them and it feels weird without them their to guide you. You’d days feel quieter and lonelier because there not their to fill the silence. Time is the only one that will fix this I’m afraid and the beginning is always the hardest. I’ve seen a lot of people commenting on here about how you should’ve done this or should’ve done that. The fact is you can vet till your blue in the face and still be wrong. You can have months or years of perfection and still be wrong. Online is very very hard. But just be gentle with yourself. If you need someone to talk to I’m here as well. The fact is there’s a lot of fakes and people with no experience trying to do this not realizing what it takes and what it is. As for some of you biting into her calling it tough love? Take your nonsense elsewhere. You wanna teach you can do so with a gentle hand and heart while helping heal trauma not worsening it. Perhaps slow down and realize your words do more harm then good.

[Pe****]

Total lack of maturity! The best thing you can do is to just get rid of all chats and numbers and then take time to heal.

Thoroughly vet any new potential before you even agree to anything.

Not exactly the same, but I’ve had subs do similar. Take time to get to know each other, meet up, say they want to meet again (when I haven’t even asked them that) and then total silence. Instead of just being mature and saying that they just didn’t feel the spark, which is totally fine, I’m not about to cry into my pillow😂😂they just show utter disrespect and immaturity. Makes them look like idiots.

I’ve been there with “doms” too and it’s heart wrenching. You’ll be ok, it just takes time. Also, set yourself stronger boundaries and let NO ONE overstep them 🥰🥰

[da****]

That's rough, you didn't deserve that. Being abandoned is a horrible feeling. Maybe they're in jail? Where they belong after committing such a crime.

[Deleted Member]

Fenyx_Fyre’s words contains some excellent advice