what is she doing to me?

[Dy****]

I would move on from this person immediately, and learn the lesson in front of me.

[ma****]

13 hours ago, kiseu said:

I understand being a gentleman, but offer all this for chats outside this site?. This is "bit" too much self info. Telegram or any other without using a Handy number is reasonable to ask without asking all this info in the beginning. If they asked more information on these chat sites, I start looking as a Red Flag on men and women. My motto is everything must be reasonable and step by step. If they are not, red flags will start popping!

Before someone meeting, they should exchange numbers and give their full name. I see it as safety reasons. If they are unwilling to do that, I'd see that as red flag.

[Jo****]

Asking for photo proof is a good idea, and yeah asking for it right off the bat is a bit of a faux pas so waiting is a good idea too, but the problem with asking with photo proof once you've started to hit it off is that it's a bit of a dampener on the whole budding relationship. "Oh you're asking for proof because I sound/look fake?" is what they could think. I get it's necessary but it sucks in that sense.

To the original topic though, you have to remember you are competing for their attention (not just other men and women, but life too). There's nothing wrong with messaging to see how they're doing every now and then instead of waiting until they message you, just to remind them you're still there. As long as you're not annoying about it of course. Lastly, if your talks are mostly kink based; not everyone is horny all the time. Some people are only horny every now and then. Some people are only confident enough to message strangers online when they're horny, and cut contact/feel "ashamed" after they get their rocks off.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, maryioni said:

Before someone meeting, they should exchange numbers and give their full name. I see it as safety reasons. If they are unwilling to do that, I'd see that as red flag.

I agree with you, but it rarely goes that far. It would be luck if it lasted 2 days at this moment. They were gone like the wind.💨.😅😂🤣

Edited November 16, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, JoSwitch said:

Asking for photo proof is a good idea, and yeah asking for it right off the bat is a bit of a faux pas so waiting is a good idea too, but the problem with asking with photo proof once you've started to hit it off is that it's a bit of a dampener on the whole budding relationship. "Oh you're asking for proof because I sound/look fake?" is what they could think. I get it's necessary but it sucks in that sense.

To the original topic though, you have to remember you are competing for their attention (not just other men and women, but life too). There's nothing wrong with messaging to see how they're doing every now and then instead of waiting until they message you, just to remind them you're still there. As long as you're not annoying about it of course. Lastly, if your talks are mostly kink based; not everyone is horny all the time. Some people are only horny every now and then. Some people are only confident enough to message strangers online when they're horny, and cut contact/feel "ashamed" after they get their rocks off.

Sorry to disagree with your ending. You are a man. I am one of many women that is only into men, so I have communicated alot with men!! I say a few are ashamed, but most are only looking to "use" when horny. Being here for over a year, I only had less than 5 that never ever mentioned sex or kink! Alot of them try to be sneaky in their ways. I called a few on it, and blocked them!

Edited November 16, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Jo****]

1 hour ago, kiseu said:

Sorry to disagree with your ending. You are a man. I am one of many women that is only into men, so I have communicated alot with men!! I say a few are ashamed, but most are only looking to "use" when horny. Being here for over a year, I only had less than 5 that never ever mentioned sex or kink! Alot of them try to be sneaky in their ways. I called a few on it, and blocked them!

I was very careful to word my comment and not point fingers at men or women, because I know the experience we're talking about is universal, even if it may be skewed to one or the other.

a. "You are a man"- Okay, does that invalidate my argument? Does me being male make my opinion on this topic less relevant?
b. "...so I have communicated alot with men!!"- Okay, that is a valid point, but so have I; and as you said I am a man so I may have some insight on how we behave. Plus, as I mentioned earlier my argument didn't mention men or women because it's applicable to both, so your experiences are just as valid as mine.
c. "I say a few are ashamed, but most are only looking to "use" when horny"- True, that is common; but also, that is what I said originally? Again, both men and women do this. I will admit I should've used a better word than 'ashamed'- that's just my experience.
d. "...only had less than 5 that never ever mentioned sex or kink!"- While I agree that a conversation between strangers shouldn't immediately begin about kink and a casual relationship should be established before talking about it, at the same time this is a kink based app about talking and meeting others who are interested in the same thing, so is that really all that unusual?
e. "I called a few on it, and blocked them!"- Good! I'm happy you set up boundaries and took appropriate steps. This is what OP should do if he starts feeling uncomfortable in the situation he talked about originally.

[Deleted Member]

50 minutes ago, JoSwitch said:

I was very careful to word my comment and not point fingers at men or women, because I know the experience we're talking about is universal, even if it may be skewed to one or the other.

a. "You are a man"- Okay, does that invalidate my argument? Does me being male make my opinion on this topic less relevant?
b. "...so I have communicated alot with men!!"- Okay, that is a valid point, but so have I; and as you said I am a man so I may have some insight on how we behave. Plus, as I mentioned earlier my argument didn't mention men or women because it's applicable to both, so your experiences are just as valid as mine.
c. "I say a few are ashamed, but most are only looking to "use" when horny"- True, that is common; but also, that is what I said originally? Again, both men and women do this. I will admit I should've used a better word than 'ashamed'- that's just my experience.
d. "...only had less than 5 that never ever mentioned sex or kink!"- While I agree that a conversation between strangers shouldn't immediately begin about kink and a casual relationship should be established before talking about it, at the same time this is a kink based app about talking and meeting others who are interested in the same thing, so is that really all that unusual?
e. "I called a few on it, and blocked them!"- Good! I'm happy you set up boundaries and took appropriate steps. This is what OP should do if he starts feeling uncomfortable in the situation he talked about originally.

Yes, you are a man... you do have insight, but have you thought other men are not going to tell another men their very bad behaviors. You know most men will put another men in their place if they talk like idiots.... we are only talking about men. Yes, both sexes can behave badly, but I am only talking about the men. Also, thank you for saying "ashamed" may have been not the correct word. I wrote the wrong words, about under 5 men in not mentioning kink or sex. Yes, this is a kink site, but it was mostly asked in the 2nd/3rd sentence... in the beginning. 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Deleted Member
Wrote it wrong.

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Also, I have talked to alot more men, then you think... way more!🙈

 

Edited November 16, 2022 by Deleted Member

[ma****]

3 hours ago, kiseu said:

Sorry to disagree with your ending. You are a man. I am one of many women that is only into men, so I have communicated alot with men!! I say a few are ashamed, but most are only looking to "use" when horny. Being here for over a year, I only had less than 5 that never ever mentioned sex or kink! Alot of them try to be sneaky in their ways. I called a few on it, and blocked them!

I agree with everything you said. Many think that women are just for sex here. Some might think that women are kink dispensers.

[ma****]

2 hours ago, JoSwitch said:

I was very careful to word my comment and not point fingers at men or women, because I know the experience we're talking about is universal, even if it may be skewed to one or the other.

a. "You are a man"- Okay, does that invalidate my argument? Does me being male make my opinion on this topic less relevant?
b. "...so I have communicated alot with men!!"- Okay, that is a valid point, but so have I; and as you said I am a man so I may have some insight on how we behave. Plus, as I mentioned earlier my argument didn't mention men or women because it's applicable to both, so your experiences are just as valid as mine.
c. "I say a few are ashamed, but most are only looking to "use" when horny"- True, that is common; but also, that is what I said originally? Again, both men and women do this. I will admit I should've used a better word than 'ashamed'- that's just my experience.
d. "...only had less than 5 that never ever mentioned sex or kink!"- While I agree that a conversation between strangers shouldn't immediately begin about kink and a casual relationship should be established before talking about it, at the same time this is a kink based app about talking and meeting others who are interested in the same thing, so is that really all that unusual?
e. "I called a few on it, and blocked them!"- Good! I'm happy you set up boundaries and took appropriate steps. This is what OP should do if he starts feeling uncomfortable in the situation he talked about originally.

This is not a hook up app. This is a dating app for like minded people, so if people are looking for serious relationships and they do not want sex/kink conversations early on during dating or until a relationship (many are just not interested in "casual relationships" - a "casual relationship" that equals being interested just in sex and kink) has been established, then that should be respected. If you are looking for "casual relationships", then that is fine, but don't come on this app saying or suggesting that this is just what this app is and that people should be okay with sex/kink conversations when, in fact, they are looking for something serious.

[Deleted Member]

53 minutes ago, maryioni said:

I agree with everything you said. Many think that women are just for sex here. Some might think that women are kink dispensers.

Thank you for understanding, what most of us experience. My name is Sex ATM. You are creative... Kink Dispensers.👍😅😂🤣

[Jo****]

1 hour ago, maryioni said:

This is not a hook up app. This is a dating app for like minded people, so if people are looking for serious relationships and they do not want sex/kink conversations early on during dating or until a relationship (many are just not interested in "casual relationships" - a "casual relationship" that equals being interested just in sex and kink) has been established, then that should be respected. If you are looking for "casual relationships", then that is fine, but don't come on this app saying or suggesting that this is just what this app is and that people should be okay with sex/kink conversations when, in fact, they are looking for something serious.

I want to apologise to the original poster for contributing to getting this a little off topic.

I did not say this is a hook up app. I did not say that a serious relationship shouldn't be formed before talking about sex and kink if that is your perogative- of course, talk only if you're comfortable. When I said a "casual relationship", I didn't mean hook ups, I meant it as 'a couple cordial conversations' where you've set up boundaries and gotten the feel of the other person. If you're looking for a serious relationship without kink conversations of course that's fine! But the truth is this IS a kink and BDSM related app, with the express purpose of having a safe space to talk, and if you're lucky and comfortable enough, meeting like minded people. I'm not saying you *have* to talk about it- obviously consent is needed- but it is to be expected that most people on here would at the very least like to discuss it at some point, and usually in the early stages. It's like going to a book club and being surprised people talk about books; yeah, noone's stopping you from attending, noone's stopping you from talking about other things, books may not be necessarily the first thing that people there will talk about, but you can't be surprised if someone asks you what your favourite book is.

But, again, this is off topic to what was originally said by ramia. I originally was just giving my advice to the guy, and was just giving my rebuttal to kiseu, that's all.

[Deleted Member]

52 minutes ago, maryioni said:

that people should be okay with sex/kink conversations when, in fact, they are looking for something serious.

I couldn't agree more!! I don't feel comfortable, or want to tell my kinks to every guy that writes a message to me, especially if I don't even know there will be a connection. Is it not reasonable to ask on the 2nd chat?... not smack on your face. It's the same questions "What is your fantasy, What do you want to do, What do you want to fufill?".

[Deleted Member]

Me too, sorry OP. Back to subject.

[ma****]

11 minutes ago, JoSwitch said:

I want to apologise to the original poster for contributing to getting this a little off topic.

I did not say this is a hook up app. I did not say that a serious relationship shouldn't be formed before talking about sex and kink if that is your perogative- of course, talk only if you're comfortable. When I said a "casual relationship", I didn't mean hook ups, I meant it as 'a couple cordial conversations' where you've set up boundaries and gotten the feel of the other person. If you're looking for a serious relationship without kink conversations of course that's fine! But the truth is this IS a kink and BDSM related app, with the express purpose of having a safe space to talk, and if you're lucky and comfortable enough, meeting like minded people. I'm not saying you *have* to talk about it- obviously consent is needed- but it is to be expected that most people on here would at the very least like to discuss it at some point, and usually in the early stages. It's like going to a book club and being surprised people talk about books; yeah, noone's stopping you from attending, noone's stopping you from talking about other things, books may not be necessarily the first thing that people there will talk about, but you can't be surprised if someone asks you what your favourite book is.

But, again, this is off topic to what was originally said by ramia. I originally was just giving my advice to the guy, and was just giving my rebuttal to kiseu, that's all.

This is not just a kink app. Some people are here to possibly find someone to build a serious D/s dynamic with. And I assure you, D/s dynamics are not build on kink conversations. The first couple weeks (or even months) of the vetting there should be only vanilla conversations and meetings. An experienced Dom knows that.

[ma****]

12 minutes ago, kiseu said:

I couldn't agree more!! I don't feel comfortable, or want to tell my kinks to every guy that writes a message to me, especially if I don't even know there will be a connection. Is it not reasonable to ask on the 2nd chat?... not smack on your face. It's the same questions "What is your fantasy, What do you want to do, What do you want to fufill?".

I personally don't feel comfortable with such chats until I know that they are genuine and looking for the same things as I search too.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, maryioni said:

This is not just a kink app. Some people are here to possibly find someone to build a serious D/s dynamic with. And I assure you, D/s dynamics are not build on kink conversations. The first couple weeks (or even months) of the vetting there should be only vanilla conversations and meetings. An experienced Dom knows that.

A wise Dom told me the same "He will wait until you are ready", so that's why we give ourself to them. But, I only ask reasonable...

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, maryioni said:

I personally don't feel comfortable with such chats until I know that they are genuine and looking for the same things as I search too.

It should be this way, but sometimes I try to do a middle.

[Deleted Member]

I’m going through the same thing at the moment girls on dating sites love ghosting I don’t know why I think I’m just going to give up tbh

[Deleted Member]

She sounds narcissistic. She'll string you along like that as long as you allow her to. I'd move on and ghost her back.