Too good to be true…

[Se****]

You know when you “meet” someone online and feel a click with them really rather suddenly and unexpectedly?

Well it happened. Talking easily, conversation flowing, sharing personal experiences, same different taste in music. Little things that just felt right. I wondered if it was too good to be true, he reassured me  

Trust built. 

It moved from online; not face to face, we live too far apart, but WhatsApp and video calls and play and accepting an element of control. 

It was fun, it felt good. I felt safe and seen. 

Apparently I wasn’t safe, apparently once again I made a fool of myself. 

How difficult is it, seriously, to say - this isn’t working, I’m not interested, thanks for your time but…?

To literally go from a video call to appearing to be blocked on WhatsApp within an hour leaves me with questions. 

But more importantly (and more stupidly) it leaves me with concerns. I’m worried something has happened to him, I’m concerned for his safety. Has there been an accident? Or… whatever? And how would I know?

 I’ve been down this road more than once, although my actions may say otherwise I am not, in fact, stupid. I am fully well aware that the obvious answer is the correct one - “dumped” again. 

A girl needs to listen to herself - if it seems too good to be true, IT IS!

Back up go the walls, a little higher, a little thicker. Yet the stupid romantic in me still has a glimmer of hope in her heart that hasn’t yet been extinguished. I *** it won’t be long until my heart is wholly black ice. 

Love X

Edited November 15, 2022 by Freetobare

[Deleted Member]

Yes ma'am... I know exactly where you are coming from... always seems to good to be true.... and then it is...in my case the conversation always seems to turn to ***... can't we just have a good time and enjoy each other for what we are looking for and need...good luck to you... you will find what you're looking for someday... well thought and well said...rock on...you are a beautiful lady with your shit together....

[ge****]

Sorry it's happened to you again FTB - given it's not the first time, and no you are not stupid, is it a case of needing to take a step back and take longer over taking those steps forward? You don't say how long before initial contact and moving to an element of control being in place - but moving there too soon is always going to be a danger.
.
Can understand you being concerned he's OK too - if he's from here, or a site like here are you able to see if he's been on-line recently? Do you know for sure he's blocked you on WhatsApp or is it he's just not replied?
.
Again, sorry it's happened and don't blame you for putting the guards up, there is sadly no way to guarantee on-line that this won't happen, but keeping those guards up for longer is one way to protect yourself.

[Ho****]

It's not you, it's his dumbass, your a very beautiful woman, your only doing what comes natural to you, don't blame yourself and try not to let this cruel world make you cold, if you don't take chances, you won't ever find your happiness, keep your head up and stay cool, any guy would be very fortunate to have you by his side.

[Ceejayuk]

Echo the above. Sorry to hear that. If you need to chat/rant you know how to get me. X

[Cheekysub247]

Ive had this so many times, and i try to keep each new person/people i chat to as 'they arnt all the same' but that guard is always up.
I put the effort in to see if anything going on if something feels different (gone quiet) but if no response or lame reason then its goodbye from me, i dont chase.
Even when my dad was dying i made sure i let those who i chat to regular that my response might be vague/late, so they knew it wasnt 'them'. If im not worth that effort then they aint worth mine x
Keep that guard up for as long as you need to, dont let anyone pressure you x x

[Se****]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Sorry it's happened to you again FTB - given it's not the first time, and no you are not stupid, is it a case of needing to take a step back and take longer over taking those steps forward? You don't say how long before initial contact and moving to an element of control being in place - but moving there too soon is always going to be a danger.
.
Can understand you being concerned he's OK too - if he's from here, or a site like here are you able to see if he's been on-line recently? Do you know for sure he's blocked you on WhatsApp or is it he's just not replied?
.
Again, sorry it's happened and don't blame you for putting the guards up, there is sadly no way to guarantee on-line that this won't happen, but keeping those guards up for longer is one way to protect yourself.

As always you make VERY sensible points. My heart seems to overrule my head way way too often. 

He had already deleted this app from his phone and deactivated his FL profile because of talking to me and he hasn’t been back online. 

And re WhatsApp the messages aren’t delivering not just not being read so I think it’s a pretty safe bet x

[ma****]

2 hours ago, Freetobare said:

As always you make VERY sensible points. My heart seems to overrule my head way way too often. 

He had already deleted this app from his phone and deactivated his FL profile because of talking to me and he hasn’t been back online. 

And re WhatsApp the messages aren’t delivering not just not being read so I think it’s a pretty safe bet x

I'm really sorry you're going through that. Could you try not giving up control too early? I'm just saying that for your protection. I had to learn that through bad experiences. I tend to attach quickly and I sometimes still think that people would say "I'm not interested in you" or "we have to stop communicating" etc. Yes, there are mature and responsible people doing it, but there are many who simply ghost because they don't have the balls to stop it. Also, they know what they are doing...and they think that they leave a door open if their other options don't work... so for them, this is a game.. others are games for them. They only contact you when it is convenient for them...
*
You need more than that because, based on my assumption, you've got a big heart.

[Se****]

So just an update for you all. 

My sense of judgement is very definitely fucked beyond belief. 

Why the hell can’t people mean what they say. 

Why ask for and give someone your number when you’re just fucking with them. Why tell someone you’re giving them your number so they know they can trust you and for you to be able to use it anytime  

I should have seen alarm bells. I know better. 

He blocked me on WhatsApp very definitely. 

I called him. He pretended not to know who I was then when he “realised” he hung up. 

For a Dom with 30 years in the lifestyle, who wanted to visit me for my birthday and told me he wasn’t laughing at me or making fun of me he sure as fuck knows how to break someone. 

Given our last conversation was him telling me how much he liked me/wanted me who the hell knows what I did. 

People really fucking suck sometimes. They really do. 

Definitely don’t let me fall for you. Unfortunately, I already did. 
 

 

[Deleted Member]

Did I ever mention, you have a pretty bubble butt.🤔 I am sure when men look at your main pic, they want to spank, spank... and spank.... and spank!😈💕

[Deleted Member]

I really understand your feelings. There was member, and it was perfect for me... also, lived in the same city. Slowly, the signs started showing. He is in a relationship now, and happy for him (trying to think positive). This disappointment was deeper for me, because sometimes, I wish I was that girl. Nothing could have been done, but only move on... 💔

Crap that song "Love Hurts" will be stuck in my head again!🤦‍♀️😂

Edited November 15, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Been there myself recently. Suddenly disappeared with the excuse of personal stuff. She disappear off everything, WhatsApp ect. Couple of months later she reappeared on WhatsApp. I messaged her. She said sorry. Could we start again from where we left off. I agreed as I liked her and we had great chats. Couple of days later, she said sorry for messing me around and did the same thing. I tried to find out more and offered an ear to listen. Just disappeared again.

[Ceejayuk]

@daddybear63 oddly that also recently happened though she vanished for a few months the reappeared then disappeared again.

[Deleted Member]

56 minutes ago, DaddyBear63 said:

Been there myself recently. Suddenly disappeared with the excuse of personal stuff. She disappear off everything, WhatsApp ect. Couple of months later she reappeared on WhatsApp. I messaged her. She said sorry. Could we start again from where we left off. I agreed as I liked her and we had great chats. Couple of days later, she said sorry for messing me around and did the same thing. I tried to find out more and offered an ear to listen. Just disappeared again.

Rule of thumb: Whoever leaves, should be the one contacting in most cases, and making EXTRA EFFORTS for leaving! If they left, and pops up like looking at your profile, being on your contact list again, and so on... it is mostly, they want you to contact them (control move). Don't fall for that! Ignore it. If they want you back, they will contact you!! 

[Se****]

14 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Rule of thumb: Whoever leaves, should be the one contacting in most cases, and making EXTRA EFFORTS for leaving! If they left, and pops up like looking at your profile, being on your contact list again, and so on... it is mostly, they want you to contact them (control move). Don't fall for that! Ignore it. If they want you back, they will contact you!! 

They NEVER want you back is what I’ve learned. And really we should think better of ourselves. 

Bubble butt 🤣🤣🤣 just a good angle. 

And yes love definitely fucking hurts. Unfortunately I fall for sadists. Seems they don’t understand that I don’t do emotional masochism. 

😘

[sm****]

Many people online are quite superficial, and use the relative anonymity of distance and online.  It's too simple to block especially online and via mobile communication.

It's a sad reflection on the scene, i think a lot to do with is the site is catering for dating and it attracts far too many assholes.

As a rule i never open up too much with anyone, especially over a distance until we get to meet regular on the real world.  Hence i don't get my hopes up.

Distance can make people quite callous sadly.  Hence why i never try and initiate a long distance thing unless a real friendship is made and met a few times.

I have had too many on here great communication, but then get cold for no reason and stop communicating...i just learned not to let it get to me and have barriers up for self mental protection.

 

Edited November 15, 2022 by smeagol

[Deleted Member]

This is so cliche, but if a person really likes you, there will be no games. The reason is, they don't want any chance of loosing the person. If they start playing games of any form, not being polite, or any negative behaviors...  it means they never liked the person, and don't care of loosing them. 

 

But... 

 

There is Love Bombing too... 

[sm****]

ah yes i forgot about the people who are carrying on several conversations then cherry picking  without a care to the other persons feelings.

I can relate, you miss that attention, regular conversation over weeks, months then pooof gone.  It does effect your self esteem at first, but you start to build barriers up. 

Don't let it get to you for to long, just think "i dodged a bullet" there and next. 

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, Freetobare said:

So just an update for you all. 

My sense of judgement is very definitely fucked beyond belief. 

Why the hell can’t people mean what they say. 

Why ask for and give someone your number when you’re just fucking with them. Why tell someone you’re giving them your number so they know they can trust you and for you to be able to use it anytime  

I should have seen alarm bells. I know better. 

He blocked me on WhatsApp very definitely. 

I called him. He pretended not to know who I was then when he “realised” he hung up. 

For a Dom with 30 years in the lifestyle, who wanted to visit me for my birthday and told me he wasn’t laughing at me or making fun of me he sure as fuck knows how to break someone. 

Given our last conversation was him telling me how much he liked me/wanted me who the hell knows what I did. 

People really fucking suck sometimes. They really do. 

Definitely don’t let me fall for you. Unfortunately, I already did. 
 

 

I think that this says more about him than it does you. There's always going to be people using sites like this as a means of anonymity, they're in a relation, they want their cake and want to eat it, including the cherry on top and each time we fall for it, walls go that little bit further up. And, it shouldn't be that way, I want to believe that those I chat to both now and in the future are real, well intentioned etc but like you, I get attached quickly, I've also got a really good imagination so I can get carried away and being mindful of that, I can sometimes come off cold, distant and detached and so it sometimes feels like a no win situation.
My view, and I'm trying to put this into practice, is to form a friendship first and foremost, nothing more and once that seems to be in place, then I might consider meeting someone IRL but not before and nothing kinky will be occurring prior to meeting. Because, if someone doesn't want to form a friendship with me, they aren't deserving of anything more from me

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

 Because, if someone doesn't want to form a friendship with me, they aren't deserving of anything more from me

Thank you for giving me more superpowers.❤

[CopperKnob]

3 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Thank you for giving me more superpowers.❤

Wait, you've got superpowers??? I want some, even just one!

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Wait, you've got superpowers??? I want some, even just one!

😂😘

[Vi****]

On 11/15/2022 at 12:48 AM, Freetobare said:

You know when you “meet” someone online and feel a click with them really rather suddenly and unexpectedly?

Well it happened. Talking easily, conversation flowing, sharing personal experiences, same different taste in music. Little things that just felt right. I wondered if it was too good to be true, he reassured me  

Trust built. 

It moved from online; not face to face, we live too far apart, but WhatsApp and video calls and play and accepting an element of control. 

It was fun, it felt good. I felt safe and seen. 

Apparently I wasn’t safe, apparently once again I made a fool of myself. 

How difficult is it, seriously, to say - this isn’t working, I’m not interested, thanks for your time but…?

To literally go from a video call to appearing to be blocked on WhatsApp within an hour leaves me with questions. 

But more importantly (and more stupidly) it leaves me with concerns. I’m worried something has happened to him, I’m concerned for his safety. Has there been an accident? Or… whatever? And how would I know?

 I’ve been down this road more than once, although my actions may say otherwise I am not, in fact, stupid. I am fully well aware that the obvious answer is the correct one - “dumped” again. 

A girl needs to listen to herself - if it seems too good to be true, IT IS!

Back up go the walls, a little higher, a little thicker. Yet the stupid romantic in me still has a glimmer of hope in her heart that hasn’t yet been extinguished. I *** it won’t be long until my heart is wholly black ice. 

Love X

I hear you I spent months in a similar scenario then I was angry with myself for not seeing it, he was a complete fantasist stringing me along, smoke and mirrors. Just wanted to say I empathise and you do put those barriers up higher a little more for sure. Sending positivity. Remember though it's them that have the issue not you x

[MrJim]

I have found that if the person tells you they love you after one hr of chatting that not long after that will be asking for ***. I guess the only thing I can say is it is very hard to build trust when your only access to the person is online. And in that lies the rub, because it causes you to not trust everyone you meet online, and makes it much harder to develop relationships.  But keep trying and hoprfully the right one will happen bye.

[Deleted Member]

On 11/16/2022 at 8:30 AM, Vic1077 said:

I hear you I spent months in a similar scenario then I was angry with myself for not seeing it, he was a complete fantasist stringing me along, smoke and mirrors. Just wanted to say I empathise and you do put those barriers up higher a little more for sure. Sending positivity. Remember though it's them that have the issue not you x

Vic, my heart goes out to you. 😘 I was angry too! We shouldn't be angry with ourselves. Maybe, we will make the same mistakes again, but if we improve each step of the way... that's what matters. It's still negative even if we catch it, because we developed some feelings. I always say it's about nature, and the heart feels what it feels. All we can do is "try" not to look with love love glasses. The only that bugs me is when women and men feel rejected. How can you be rejected when the other (non users)  had no feelings from the beginning. There's nothing they can do, and only following their hearts. We should open a "Broken Heart and Used" fetish club. Mondays are Ahole night, and ordered to talk only about everyone we met. Tuedays are "Who got scammed the most" contest. Wednesdays are different names of scammers Bingo Night, Fridays should always be used nights (lots of varieties of spanking, and who can get the perfect red butt contest) ...  definitely be a *** making, popular club!👍

Edited November 19, 2022 by Deleted Member