Ix nay to switches

[PanamaJoe]

18 hours ago, kiseu said:

Trying to be open minded, and giving things a chance is a Great thing, but sometimes it can actually bite you on the butt.

Agreed.   But I also 'feel' that there is some kind of weird type of thinking in the kink community - and the fact that you got grief for being Mono is a great example.   It's as if - when you accept one kink, you're expected to accept any and all kink as your own.   I'm sorry - but there are some things which I completely dislike and I don't even want to discuss them or have anything to do with them.   I can accept other people having these kinks - but there is just no way for me to ever have any dealing with it whatsoever - so to those I say: please don't approach me with it.

The best example is *** play.   There are some people who love it - and I accept that - good for them - but I just plain abhor it.   Honestly - I don't care how much kink experience I miss out on because I don't want to play with *** - but that is just a no go zone for me.   I don't really even like to think about it.

And this isn't about me being more open minded, changing perspectives and being willing to play with ***... it's like... NO... I'm not going there!

So - I think the OP is being a bit hard on themselves when they say they don't want to have relationships with switches because of the way they feel about.   And I understand she is trying to figure out her feelings - which is commendable in that she is fighting a barrier and trying to overcome it - but from my perspective, I have a very simple view: "Who cares?   You don't need to justify your preferences, likes or dislikes."   My view would be the same for someone wanting to learn how to play with *** - it would be: "You go dude... but I'm not following you!"   And if that person never learns to play with *** or the OP never learns to play with switches... so what.   Sometimes things in life can't be changed.

Honestly - I go back to my original point... the most important thing is if you can find someone compatible to scratch that itch.   Everything else is gravy.   And for the OP - I just wanted to point out that we are all subs in one way or another - so maybe that could help her shift her view on switches.   But she doesn't NEED to accept that - it's up to her.

So - I think that the best attitude would be that everyone should accept each person's kinks as their own (ie belonging to that person and is a part of them - not you), but never expect that anyone needs to accept your kinks as their own - especially if they're not in a relationship with you and agreed to adopt that kink consensually.   For the OP - she can (though she isn't) be as repulsed from switches as I am from *** play... and that's fine.   It's up to her to decide if, when or how to change that kink.   As it is for everyone else.

Ultimately for me - being accepting means that I accept people's kinks and non-kinks (ie limits) and they need to accept mine.   So... in your case... anyone was free to not pursue a relationship with you because you were mono, but they really didn't have the right to give you ANY grief for it.   THAT is the type of person who doesn't respect someone else's limits and for that reason I would view them as being very dangerous in the bedroom.

Anyway... just my opinion.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, PanamaJoe said:

Agreed.   But I also 'feel' that there is some kind of weird type of thinking in the kink community - and the fact that you got grief for being Mono is a great example.   It's as if - when you accept one kink, you're expected to accept any and all kink as your own.   I'm sorry - but there are some things which I completely dislike and I don't even want to discuss them or have anything to do with them.   I can accept other people having these kinks - but there is just no way for me to ever have any dealing with it whatsoever - so to those I say: please don't approach me with it.

The best example is *** play.   There are some people who love it - and I accept that - good for them - but I just plain abhor it.   Honestly - I don't care how much kink experience I miss out on because I don't want to play with *** - but that is just a no go zone for me.   I don't really even like to think about it.

And this isn't about me being more open minded, changing perspectives and being willing to play with ***... it's like... NO... I'm not going there!

So - I think the OP is being a bit hard on themselves when they say they don't want to have relationships with switches because of the way they feel about.   And I understand she is trying to figure out her feelings - which is commendable in that she is fighting a barrier and trying to overcome it - but from my perspective, I have a very simple view: "Who cares?   You don't need to justify your preferences, likes or dislikes."   My view would be the same for someone wanting to learn how to play with *** - it would be: "You go dude... but I'm not following you!"   And if that person never learns to play with *** or the OP never learns to play with switches... so what.   Sometimes things in life can't be changed.

Honestly - I go back to my original point... the most important thing is if you can find someone compatible to scratch that itch.   Everything else is gravy.   And for the OP - I just wanted to point out that we are all subs in one way or another - so maybe that could help her shift her view on switches.   But she doesn't NEED to accept that - it's up to her.

So - I think that the best attitude would be that everyone should accept each person's kinks as their own (ie belonging to that person and is a part of them - not you), but never expect that anyone needs to accept your kinks as their own - especially if they're not in a relationship with you and agreed to adopt that kink consensually.   For the OP - she can (though she isn't) be as repulsed from switches as I am from *** play... and that's fine.   It's up to her to decide if, when or how to change that kink.   As it is for everyone else.

Ultimately for me - being accepting means that I accept people's kinks and non-kinks (ie limits) and they need to accept mine.   So... in your case... anyone was free to not pursue a relationship with you because you were mono, but they really didn't have the right to give you ANY grief for it.   THAT is the type of person who doesn't respect someone else's limits and for that reason I would view them as being very dangerous in the bedroom.

Anyway... just my opinion.

Thank you about the mono. I was in a similar thinking mode as the OP, but about mono. It's not really a choice for me, because know I am missing out. Sex, emotions and horomones are too mixed up. It was too much of a REALLY up and down to the extreme of crying.