Sub or Slave, what's the difference ?

[MrJim]

Being degraded is a kink it’s not usually just slaves I personally don’t do it, masochists usually like to be degraded, slaves aren’t necessarily masochistic

[Deleted Member]

Base Submissives are a loose genre, mainly for sporadic relationships. Slaves typically, as stated above, submit 24/7. This is of course if we’re speaking about BDSM as a lifestyle, and not as a hobby.

[MrJim]

I live the lifestyle so maybe I’m thinking differently than you @Mondego, I’m not arguing I’m just talking from personal experience.

[Li****]

If you’re trying to decide if you are a sub or slave, think about whether you enjoy bringing someone else pleasure though acts of service, even at your own expense and possibly without any physical satisfaction in return (this is oversimplifying the slave, but I think it’s a key question here), or whether you want to give yourself up to the experiences (mental and physical) that someone else you trust determines to give you (sub). I see it as a Dom owing more to a sub than a Master does to a slave. Other may see this differently, but this is the distinction I look for when trying to figure out if someone I’m talking to is looking to be a sub or slave.

[MrJim]

I see it very differently, a Masters responsibility to his slave or sub is the same, yes they want different things but as their Dom you care for and give them what they need. It’s a very big responsibility either way, to be in control of and responsible for another person. I don’t see the difference in the Doms part it’s just the difference in what the sun wants. Just my way of thinking and doing…

[Li****]

@MrJim, actually I agree - a Master or Dom are both equally tasked with giving what those in their care need/desire. I should have qualified what I said with a Dom often owing less physical stimulation/attention/satisfaction to a slave than a sub, because in my experience, slaves tend to be more about the mental subjugation, whereas subs are more about physical subjugation. What are your thoughts on this idea?

[MrJim]

Hello @LianneB, I agree to some extent, subs are shorter time higher intensity because the experience is limited, but slaves aren’t a completely different type of person, they need the intensity but also the comfort in knowing that their whole being is under the control of their Master. I think it frees them to experience everything that they would otherwise suppress. I agree with you but I have also experienced times when it is very taxing to be enough for a particular slave, usually due to previous experiences or trauma in their lives.

[Li****]

Very true, @MrJim I have also had times when a slave wanted more control than I had time or mental energy to provide. In terms of when someone is questioning whether they want to be a sub or a slave, I think your point about slaves giving up control to experience freedom is useful. While most of my experience with subs is through dom friends rather than my own, it seems that the control for subs is largely physical control, and my dom friends pay a lot of very close attention to the physical needs, desires and limits of their subs - the control piece is that the doms make the decisions around how and when needs are denied/fulfilled or when limits are pushed, etc. (do correct me if I’m wrong on that). Point being that there is awareness of the sub as an individual with wants and needs. Whereas slaves I’ve had experience with want to give up control in a wider way, sometimes even to the point that the physical/sexual aspect hardly matters because losing one’s self entirely in the will of the Master is the ultimate freedom. So to me it seems there is a desire for a more complete loss of self in a slave than in a sub, and perhaps that is what can help people distinguish which one they are…

[MrJim]

@LianneB, I enjoyed reading your post, the only part I have trouble with is the dom really never makes the decision to push a limit arbitrary, pushing limits is always something agreed upon by D/s in the contract that they have together, the reason being that in the height of sub space the sub/slave may not be able to use their safe word or might be afraid to deny or disappoint the dom. I always let the sub/slave know if we are going to push a limit before we start and tell her she can ask me to stop at any time. The reason being some will endure anything to please their dom and tgat can be dangerous depending upon the activity specially when use rope. Again my opinion and experience only…

[Or****]

Throwing my two cents into the pile - there are whole books written on the subject and those barely explain it. The way you asked there'd have to be follow up questions. Do you mean sub/slave as a personality, lifestyle or just the sex part? Etc. It's not like you really need to label yourself or stick to the label btw. But the easiest way I can think of of differentiating them is by whose "needs" take the leading role. Who's satisfying who(and getting satisfaction out of the satisfying)? Typically a Dom aims to satisfy the Sub while a Slave aims to satisfy the Master.

[Deleted Member]

I’m new to this life style.
I am now stepping in.

I’m a Dominant person but I like to learn to be submissive.
Some people I think are just naturally submissive.

A slave to me is to do anything the Master/Mistress says

[fe****]

I’m sure there’s better definitions as other people have listed. But being a slave tends to involve 24/7, free use, cnc, etc. Whilst just being submissive doesn’t have to involve any of those things

[ey****]

the sub/slave discourse is one of the most tiring.   For the best part... they are two interchangeable terms and usually the one folk are happier with is the one that gets used

my favourite blog on the post is by Kate Kinsey - I can't link to it but a google for "The difference between a sub and a slave" and "Kate Kinsey" will find it

it concludes with

"We are, ultimately, the only ones who can decide who and what we are. I began this path to find me, not someone else. I departed from the vanilla norms because those skins did not fit me, not merely to find another set of standards to conform to.
So don’t worry about the difference between submissive and slave. It’s purely up to you and the One you submit to to decide. Stop poking about other people’s wardrobes and concentrate on constructing your own.
Choose the material that most appeals to you, the pattern that fits you best… then alter it, take a snip here and tuck there… let out a seam if it binds…embellish it with all the spangles and ribbons and colors of your fantasies."

 

[Deleted Member]

Well if you are a dom or sub and you act the other way, your dick doesen't get hard because you don't like it. It's like a fetish thing. Moderation in both make you vanila, while extrems make you a complementary match

[Marquis-64]

As a Dom for a very long time, I make the distinction between sub and slave in terms of mental vs. physical. Both mental and physical are involved with both subs and slaves. However, a slave typically wants/needs a lot more physical stimulation. I would say that not all slaves are masochists,  but all masochists are slaves. Slaves get off on the physical *** they experience. However, they have varying degrees of *** tolerance, hence the distinction with respect to being a masochist or not. 

Subs want to give up control to another person. They may or may not want/need physical ***. The thrive on verbal *** and ***. While a bare-handed spanking may be okay, using a paddle/crop/whip probably would be too much. The same can be said for bondage. If the bondage simply restrains them its okay. But if it causes ***, not so much.

I have seen many comments regarding safe words. I don't play without them. Sub or slave it doesn't matter. Both relationships are build on mutual respect and trust. But since testing one's limits is an ongoing part of the relationship, a 'step too far' can happen. Without a mechanism to say 'NO' unequivocally, that has immediate effect can lead to 'too many steps too far'.

Just my 2¢ worth.

[Deleted Member]

I like to oversimplify, but from what ive seen @kinkywitchbitch a submissive relationship is pretty regular but a sub gets extra enjoyment from dominated by their partner. 

A slave is completely different. You will know if you are a slave because you wouldn't think of having a relationship with your master. It would be weird to do regular things together because of the HUGE power difference. Its total 24/7 obedience and control and 100% of your time together is spent in servitude. 

Different levels obviously, but if you want to do 'regular' things with your partner you're probably a sub..

[4R****]

The differences between a slave and a submissive within the BDSM lifestyle often causes much debate. If I had a pound for every time I’ve seen this question I’d be a very rich man indeed. No matter what answer is given to this question someone will argue with it. I’m sure there are people that will argue with what I’ve written here too. But this is just my opinion, arguing with my opinion is futile and says more about the person doing the arguing than it does about me.Everybody has their own opinion about what is right or wrong. I’ve seen slaves looking down on submissives and vice versa. Some people believe there is no difference, it’s just a name and others call people out with comments such as “you’re not a real sub” or “your not a true slave”.

 

We’ve all seen the arguments: A submissive submits whereas a slave obeys. A submissive has limits and a slave doesn’t (Rubbish, but that's another topic). A submissive can negotiate but a slave can’t. A submissive can use a safeword but a slave can’t. Both (submissive or slave) have a need to give up control and submit to a Dominant. Submission or giving up some element of control is part of who they are and often submission is a need rather than a want. A slave normally wants to give up all control (TPE), a submissive often wants to keep some element of control but might also be happy with (TPE). A slave is also submissive because both submit to another and so by definition they are submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave. A slave surrenders their entire being to their Dominant whereas a submissive submits for each session or scene or within certain situations, or do they? I know of 24/7 TPE submissives. There are many more besides and then there are the people that will say the complete opposite. 

 

Do you know what? Everyone is right!
Because the way you live this lifestyle is personal to you. What’s right for your dynamic might not be right for others and vice vera. In my opinion, there is only one way to live this lifestyle and that’s YOUR WAY. So why do so many argue about what’s right and wrong with the way others live it? Does it really matter to your specific dynamic if someone calls themselves a slave but doesn’t give up as much control to their Dominant as you do to yours? Is the world going to end because of it? Of course not. Is it going to change the way you live the lifestyle within your own dynamic? I very much doubt that too.

 

If we just agree that every dynamic is different, concentrate on living the lifestyle in a way that works for us and let other people choose for themselves whether they want to be called a sub or a slave, doesn’t that make for a more harmonious existence? In my opinion it really doesn't matter what other people call themselves.

 

I’m living this lifestyle for me and those I interact with. I’m evolving into what I want to become and I teach those that come to me for advice to do the same. YOU are living the lifestyle for you, not someone else. Within the community we teach tolerance and respect. So lets live by this example. 

 

To answer the original question on the difference between a submissive and a slave…….

And my stock answer is: If you’re doing what works for you.........

Who Cares?