When and how do you inform of your kinks?

[Deleted Member]

Hi Abdlbailey, I am able to relate to you. I had a relationship where I had a few sexual encounters before I had to slowly inform about my kinks and she how receptive she was. And I had a chance to may be to explore the limits. It’s important to respect the limits and also important that your partner trusts that you will respect their limits though you have varied interests. I think I have that kind of a relationship and this approach worked for me. I also had an instance where I revealed it before even we had a physical encounter and it didn’t fly. However, the question “ should you hide who you are to be loved “- I think at least you should be able express who you are - if it is a long term relationship you are talking anlogt. Else the longer you hide the more choking it might make u feel. Hope this helps.

[Deleted Member]

And what kind of kink Appa do u use ( if I may ask 🙂) I am kind of looking for something for casual and kink. Appreciate your response.

[KG****]

Weshouldtryit.com casually bring up you like to try different things in the bedroom and then playfully ask about this quiz.

It’s great you both answer individually it asks all kinds of sexual preferences and it also only tells you about the things you both like or things your both willing to try. I find it a good icebreaker when dating in vanilla apps.

[ma****]

Hiya 😊, I might not get this across how I want it to sound 🤦🏼‍♀️, I'd probably say maybe try and bring it into a conversation very lightly just so that you both don't get scared by the situation, like if there was maybe a documentary on the TV that was about people that are exploring it, if you get my meaning or a new film where there's a character that has it as part of there lives, or a radio program, podcast or a video on YouTube and try and bring it into the conversation, like asking did she see it/hear it kind of thing and just see there reaction, like if I know it's a very bad example but if 50 shade's of grey was on the telly and ask what they thought about it kinda thing, so it's not just a very random thing to just throw into a conversation, if you understand me, see told you I'm really bad at explaining thing's that are in my head 🤦🏼‍♀️, hope it might help though and give a bit of an Idea for you, good luck, my lovely 😁

[Deleted Member]

Yes, it's really awkward when you really get on well with someone.

Ultimately the person you like should grow into something more important than kink or any other aspect of someone's personality. That goes for her too.

Openness, honesty, truth and trust are good solid building blocks for any relationship. If she can't live with your kink you'll know whether she's more important than it. So maybe try making your kink a smaller part of the whole you. After all, she does seem to like "you".

[sc****]

I try to put something in my dating site profiles about those things that are important to me.
Reason being, I always ***ed I’d end up in the position you are in now.
I’ve gotten to where you are a few times now, but it’s worked out okay.
None were my fault, the women I talked to just hadn’t read my profile.
When I ask them to, they do and then they ask lots of questions v

I don’t think you’ll get anything good to come out of deception.
I know if you’d kept something that important from me when you had the opportunity to be truthful with nothing to lose, I couldn’t imagine you’d be truthful in the future.

Good luck!!!

[Deleted Member]

I wear women’s underwear and naturally this is a big part of my dating experience. Sometimes I’ll bring it up predate depending on how well we are chatting and if theirs a mostly natural way of bringing it up. Otherwise I’ll wait for an opening when we’re in person… generally I’ve found people mostly accepting of it and even when it’s not been for them it’s still been a good experience.

In my experience try not to get in your head too much as you’ll always imagine the worse case scenario. Wait for a natural place to bring it up and good luck

[wi****]

So what I like to do is be open about the fact that I'm kinky without going into too much detail. Three things can happen: they are interested, they are kinky themselves or they are anti-kink. Obviously in the last case, it won't work out anyway. For the other two I like to bring up kink lists to go through and take turns answering first. This way, we can both gauge how the other reacts to kinks without us having to bring them up specifically. It gets really interesting when they say they don't care for your particular flavour only to fall in love with it down the road. Hope this takes some of the pressure out of it. Some kinks are harder to break even in the generally accepting mini bubble. Even within abdl itself.

[th****]

Try to heavily imply it into the conversation without outright saying it. How do you feel about “spice”
“So how do you feel about *insert kink here*?
Start them off slow and try to explain your interests to them

[Deleted Member]

One thing I’ve learned is that, never wait to tell your partner something that’s important to you. Honesty has gotten me a lot further than trying to find an angle to approaching things.

[Ba****]

I always started with asking them if they've heard of it. If they have, I ask what they think about it. If they haven't, I explain it to them. (This can be with anything not just being a little!)
If they accept, and are interested, ask them if y'all can try it. If they're not, don't put yourself through that.

[Tickler101]

It can be a difficult one. A lot of the time people are not necessarily into a particular kink but once you have established a connection they are open to trying things for you and do actually end up liking it even though they may not have thought about it before. Have you even broached the topic of sex with them yet or is it early days?

[Deleted Member]

I’m in the same boat as you. I think I’ll wait until our second round of sex to nonchalantly ask if she has a fetish. What I tell her will be based on her response. Take it slow and ease into that discussion is what I’m thinking.

Of course, everyone is different. I’m no expert on relationships, but I found that being open has proven a better tactic than being secretive.

[Ma****]

That's a toughy bc it also depends on how open you are with yourself not just their comfort levels. I'm proud of being a pup and furry so I put mine front and center on my profile bc they are my lifestyle, not a weekend thing a couple times a year. But if you're just not that open as long as you're being honest with them and you feel you can trust them with the knowledge of you're kinks than the answer to when is when you feel comfortable.

[littlemiss37]

I would think b honest because if u have to hide who u r. That is no good for u . Gd luck xx

[MaskedMasterSir]

As soon as the time feels right. Every relationship is unique so IMO there is no right answer. 

[xc****]

i would bring it up early and honestly. it means a lot to you and you should not have to hide this part of who you are.. but you also have to accept that maybe she’s vanilla and either might not be into it or even be scared off. if she does end up pulling back.. maybe mention in your other non kink dating profiles that.. you have kinks. it’s an easy way to kind of weed people out who aren’t into it so you don’t put forth so much effort only to find out they’re not willing to be open about it. and my vote is do not wait until after sexual experiences to mention this because personally, that seems a little messy. should go into it with full transparency and hopefully acceptance from both sides.

[Ga****]

Recently rejoined this site but I gotta agree with a lot of the comments. It's a difficult one, but just bringing it up naturally, either after a sexual experience between the two or to just ask as a question of curiosity is your best shot of finding out their comfortablity on the topic

[Deleted Member]

Kink is not everything for me. It's sounds negative, but I tend to go into a relationship that the bedroom sessions might not be so great, and it's about the person. Maybe I am looking into it too detailed, but there's has to be a compatibility in the actual technique it self. Everybody can french kiss, but everybody has their own way of doing it. So, I tend to wait til the second bonding session. What's the point of talking about if there is no match on the first bedroom session.

[Mrpleasesir]

I didn't read the earlier comments, but I think it matters that you're a bottom because it's easier to fall into abusive relationships. I think it's important that you get to know the person and their personality, which it sounds as if you have. Then if you believe they're a good fit for you, before you get too intimate or involved, start a dialog about what they like in the bedroom and what you like.

[no****]

Joke about it first and see her reaction?