Back to reality

[SClaire]

Hi, I'm new to the site. I have some questions in regards to becoming less afraid of my submissive nature after an ex-bf (total narcissist) ***d and used me in ways I can't even describe. 

How am I to start to embrace myself again after he took away my self worth?

Any tips would be appreciated. 

[Sativadom]

Hi Claire, avoid men for a while to prevent falling for someone similar. Read or watch everything you can on female empowerment and emotional ***. Masturbate in the mean time, lol. And reach out to people you trust. ❤️

[Deleted Member]

Google for; Narcissist Family Files. Loads of helpful advice there.

[Lo****]

Having had the exact same issue with previous relationships I would fully agree with Sativadom and wait awhile as well as reaching out to those you trust. Because I don't have people I really trust I have written down everything I know about myself, my accomplishments, as well as adopted a much different idea of what respect is. It's never easy to come out of abusive relationships and narcissists tend to 'play the victim'. The key is to understand that you are NOT what he's made you believe. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent and worthy of the universe.

[DominatrixSheba]

I second the idea of spending time on yourself. It sounds cheesey, but you lose yourself in a narcissistic relationship. I was in one for 16 years and it took me a good while to sort myself out. I did heart IQ for a while - hippy circle stuff - lol. I found it a great way to get back into myself. I also spent a lot of time with friends and built some great friendships in and out of the fet scene. I stayed single for four years. Learn how to be comfortable alone and in your own skin. Eat well, do some yoga, be kind to yourself and other people. Don't waste your emotions and energy hating your ex either. Reflect and learn from the experience and use what you learn to make life better for yourself in the future. Xxx

[BigPolly]

9 hours ago, Sativadom said:

Masturbate in the mean time, lol. 

I totally totally agree with this! Completely wrap yourself up in self-love, learn to realise how amazing you are & learn exactly what your body feels like & what you like, what turns you on & what makes you cum. Be totally in control of yourself & you won’t feel rushed into letting the world in because you will no longer need to. Being completely in control of making yourself cum over & over again is an amazing tonic 

[Carnelian2]

Hi - spending time on your own is fine, but it is like falling of a bicycle in that you it is normally a good idea to get back up on it. I would recommend to take your time and get to know other people, who are patient. An understanding person will take the time to get to know you and will not take advantage.

Be strong. It is him that has the problem and not you. But it is important that you feel safe around the people you spend time with - men or women; both genders can produce bad specimens :-)

[idlehands60]

Just a suggestion but this is a good place to start looking in to things RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH on the youtube .A lot easier to understand than some of the stuff you can read. 

[Spankmybitchup]

I am not long out the same situation, I am a natural submissive, it doesn't take much to make me submit. I thought he ruined that for me as it was awful. I'm now with someone that makes me feel totally different. I think the fact my ex was being serious and mean, brutal harsh and ***ful and violent. I'm very surprised that I feel like this again. Maybe more, I want him to do things that make me feel ***d and humiliated. I've never wanted ***d or ***d but I can't stop my body from responding to innapropriate behaviour, groped, exposed and I crave some real diciplin. I think he could expose me in any pervy or humiliating way as the more he does the more I want him to make me do. The fact that he has exposed me to my turn offs and things I'd never want or agree to before and the ***ed conflict from the insane arousal it brought on has changed me forever. So much for punishmens and consequences as I can't stop wanting terrible things now. He's quite new so if I'm under the power of his desire I have alot to squirm over as his desire and sexual cravings go. So if its in you then it's just the right combination from the right person.

[RosesHaveThorns75]

Some ***ps will deny you the stuff you need as a Sub and then put you through stuff you don't need.....it can really make you feel down.....its there ignorance it shouldn't have to destroy you Or change what you have as your identity either)

[PhantomFlogger]

Contracts and communication.

If you are missing either you have already failed yourself

[Deleted Member]

In 20 yrs I've had contacts and this was to confirm our commitment when collered .

Please do not think that a contract will empower or protect they have no legal value what so ever so dont fall into that trap . 

Communication is key in everyway and only open , honest with no taboos will work .

Full disclosure with all the triggers covered this is hard but key without this you have secrets and secrets slowly erode trust then you have no dynamic. 

[Deleted Member]

Take time to empower you. Look at what you like, what you want and what you need and so when you go back out in the scene, you'll know what you want.  

That's a fraction of the issue, I realise. Discovering self worth takes a long time. But you are worthy. Each day remind yourself of that. You are the key to moving forward <3 

[Mi****]

Take some time to build strong friendships. Real friends who will tell you when the person you are seeing is a dipshit are invaluable, they will also be around to support you when you need it most