ey**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 2 minutes ago, Kaden22 said: The problem is that nobody is interested in me, nor will ever be. I hate this stupid app, and all the assholes on it so if you hate it and everyone here (including the people you're trying to impress) why are you here? Like. I don't mean to be hostile when I say this - and there's no tone; but if you're investing time into something and not getting the results out you feel you should be - why keep on, why not do something else with your time?
ge**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 6 hours ago, Kaden22 said: The problem is that nobody is interested in me, nor will ever be. I hate this stupid app, and all the a**holes on it So you're back to throwing your toys out of the pram and spitting your dummy/pacifier just as you did on your thread a couple of months back when you asked for advice and didn't like the advice you got? . You really haven't learned anything from that experience have you? . Let me ask this, and I mean it in the kindest possible way - if you truly hate the app/site and truly think there are many a**holes on here - why keep coming back? And I'm genuinely interested in the answer and not suggesting you should stay or leave either way (though I know what I would do if it were me).
Pl**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 I mean, being attractive helps. I used to get a lot more messages when I had more attractive pics up. There's no point in pretending attractiveness doesn't matter. That said, bitching about it never helped anybody. In fact, it just makes you look whiny. It's only worth worrying about the things you can control, like getting ***y when people disagree with you on the internet. If you want some profile advice, photos are massively important for meeting people online in general (though perhaps less so in the kink realm), and there are certain things you want to showcase that most women will find attractive. First is a good genuine smile, with teeth showing, where it looks like you're actually happy and not just smiling for the camera. The second is a photo doing something fun with friends (preferably mixed company), which shows that you actually go out and do things, and aren't a creep with no friends. In fact, you should try to have at least a few photos of you in interesting locations. If you have a fit body, it's nice to show it off in a proper context, such as swimming or beach volleyball, but selfies (mirror or otherwise) are gratuitous and typically considered in poor taste. Keep an eye out for the background of your photos in general. Women are going to judge them and make inferences about the kind of lifestyle they would have with you. As far as the profile goes. Show, don't tell. Lots of people say they're funny, but it would work a lot better if their profile were actually funny. Since this is a kink site, feel free to talk about sex, but just like most women won't want to jump right into sex talk, you've got to be more than that. Be interesting. Be humorous. Be somebody that women will want to be with. And here's the real kicker. If you really want to succeed, you can't just do this on your profile. You have to do it in real life. You don't think you're physically attractive? So what? Work out more. Or there's plenty of women with guys that don't have much going on in the looks department, but I can guarantee they've got something. Maybe they're successful, or confident, or great dancers, or funny as hell, or a musician, or whatever. There are plenty of other ways to be attractive, none of which are bitching about not getting responses from women.
ey**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 20 minutes ago, Pleasurecalculus said: There's no point in pretending attractiveness doesn't matter. That said, bitching about it never helped anybody. In fact, it just makes you look whiny. It's only worth worrying about the things you can control, like getting ***y when people disagree with you on the internet. Yeah; I think. There's stuff that makes (some) things easier than others. And the more people who find you attractive the more people who will notice you, but even that aside could easily translate into more failed dates. I think when there's been on the forums complaining it's because they are unattractive - in some cases it is about their own general communication because what they are implying here is they have nothing else demonstrably worth showing about themselves. And if you struggle to sell yourself as being interesting, a big asset is being able to show you are interestED and that has to be more than a message that says that (the old - actions and words thing) I'm personally not conventionally attractive. So yeah, this means I don't walk into places and have women go "phwoar!" but in itself it usually means people who I am speaking with are interested in me, it can work two ways.
Deleted Member Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 Cause I don't want to give up. I have no doubt you would if you were struggling. I just want to be happy. I did learn since last time. I learned this app isn't for me, the people are rude and not at all inviting
ge**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 14 minutes ago, Kaden22 said: Cause I don't want to give up. I have no doubt you would if you were struggling. I just want to be happy. I did learn since last time. I learned this app isn't for me, the people are rude and not at all inviting And nor should you give up if you don't want to, but if it's making you unhappy, and you're finding it's not for you, then ask yourself honestly if that will ever change and what *you* can do to change that perception, because it really isn't other people but you that has all the tools in your hands to make it work for you - but you have to be prepared to make an effort and also accept it won't always go your way, or how you want it to. . In fact 95% of the time I can guarantee it won't go how you'd like it to. . As for people being rude and not at all inviting - is that because they won't give you a chance? Or has anyone actually been rude or uninviting beyond not responding to your messages or meeting you? . Because being honest this is now the second thread where I've seen you interact and on both I've seen nothing but people being patient and trying to help you and yet you've been rude in response (just a few posts back you suggested I wasn't "smart enough" being just one example) - do you really expect people to give you a "chance" (not that they owe you one anyway) with that kind of attitude?
CopperKnob Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 16 minutes ago, Kaden22 said: Cause I don't want to give up. I have no doubt you would if you were struggling. I just want to be happy. I did learn since last time. I learned this app isn't for me, the people are rude and not at all inviting See, I have an issue with this comment. This is a discussion point you've been involved in previously, a few months back. Last time you felt that people were attacking you, after some reflection, you accepted that what was being offered was sound advice. And well, here we are again. Back to whinging. Back to biting the hands that are again offering sensible thoughts. If all you want is to be happy then you need to figure out what already makes you happy, not what might. Because, as you say, this isn't working for you. The knock on effect is going to be low self esteem, lack of confidence, low mood etc etc and those emotions will eventually spiral to the point of being spiteful, lashing out at others and then it just becomes a self fulfilling cycle
Je**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 5 hours ago, Kaden22 said: Cause I don't want to give up. I have no doubt you would if you were struggling. I just want to be happy. I did learn since last time. I learned this app isn't for me, the people are rude and not at all inviting Not everyone is rude and uninviting. Not everyone on this app is an a**hole either, to reference your earlier comment. There are many men and women (to keep it to it's simplest for examples), who don't think or believe they are attractive, but still they keep on being themselves and seeing what's out there. Being self deprecating and throwing random insults because someone doesn't maybe understand what you meant when you said a specific thing, is a fast way for people to go off you. You don't have a profile picture. For most women (or your preferred hopeful audience), will automatically dismiss you for this alone. No one wants to talk to a faceless profile. Nor will they want to talk to a profile that is blank, or messaging everyone they come across and getting nasty or abusive when they're rejected. People, much like I'm sure you would, hope to feel special, and have a purpose or reason for someone messaging them. That they've stood out and kinks, hobbies and interests and whatever else seem compatible. Not just someone wanting to chat to them due to their "looks". Not all women on here are shallow which quite a few comments seem to insinuate on this thread. Not all women want a washboard stomach with perfect teeth and tv worthy locks of hair. Attractiveness is indeed subjective. I stand out to a lot of men, but to some of the men I approach or feel are my type, they've no interest in me. I get rejected too, but I don't just take attention from someone because it's offered to me. I won't do that if I am not interested in, or attracted to someone. A lot of people have specific types, men and women alike. I've even heard of men approaching lesbians, trying to convince them to give them a chance and when they're told no, they get nasty and whatever else. Why they even try this is beyond me! It's just using a bit of common sense and decency when messaging. Find that common interest, offer up a polite conversation starter and be respectful. Same as you'd like to have in your own inbox. But behaviour and negativity on this thread alone, is probably enough to put 90% of the site off you. Also you need to be happy for you. Not by having a partner. You should be genuinely happy with yourself before letting anyone else in, because you don't want to be dependant on another for that happiness, it's a lot of pressure for them, and if they for whatever reason weren't there anymore, imagine the lows you sink to when your "happy place" disappears. Never any good.
Na**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 Like it’s said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Plain and simple.
ey**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 I think; I get not wanting to give up But if this isn't working out for you then you need to kinda feel what the best use of your energy is and some of that could be going away to work on what makes you be able to show you are worth talking with
Deleted Member Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 I hope all of you are happy now. I'm done trying for a relationship. None of you know me. None of you even tried to know me. Just leave me alone, please
Deleted Member Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 38 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: I think; I get not wanting to give up But if this isn't working out for you then you need to kinda feel what the best use of your energy is and some of that could be going away to work on what makes you be able to show you are worth talking with If others don't think I'm worth it. Then I'm done offering myself
Erebus Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 Does anyone else feel like this thread has gone way off topic? Just saying!
Na**** Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 13 minutes ago, Erebus said: Does anyone else feel like this thread has gone way off topic? Just saying! WAY off topic.
FETMOD-GP Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 Ok......can we keep to the original topic please!! Otherwise comments will be hidden and or topic will be locked thank you.
Deleted Member Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 Being an extremely picky person myself, I can relate with the entirety of this post. You do you, OP.
Chloebear Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 5 hours ago, Kaden22 said: My bad, I shouldn't have used that wording. Clearly, you aren't smart enough to understand my meaning It becomes clearer and clearer why you’re encountering issues tbh.
Chloebear Posted December 27, 2022 Posted December 27, 2022 Although…. I think it’s a demonstration of why being choosey is never an issue - never be afraid to be choosey. The only thing in my opinion is if you have very rigid physical expectations that limit you being with someone who you might match well with, but that’s subjective.
Th**** Posted December 27, 2022 Author Posted December 27, 2022 Damn I asked for thoughts and I sure got them didn't I? Play nice, friends lol 😉
No**** Posted December 28, 2022 Posted December 28, 2022 I'd wish everyone was as cordial as you. You give them an actual human and polite rejection. All the rest is on them and these are the childish boys that are causing ghosting etc. If any person says they don't feel like you are a match. You accept that, take the rejection and move on. All the rest is them being childish in my opinion. I'd wish people on dating apps, both kinky as vanilla would have your style a lot more, but I also sadly understand why they don't feel safe to do that anymore if I hear how often they get blasted for a perfectly acceptable and polite rejection. Please don't ever change cause for everyone that does have good intentions, this type of closure, not matter how short or how long the conversation is a lot better than being ghosted.
Ae**** Posted April 14, 2023 Posted April 14, 2023 This can very easily go in the category of, most people a person meets randomly on the Internet will lack maturity in one way or another. There is a recognition these days that many many women in the west (not all, but many) have, en masse, miscalculated their dating worth, and are single and wondering why as a result... But if you just messaged someone saying, "No thank you", and they are getting upset... that's just because they are sensitive. Many people are. It's pretty normal to find people like this, everywhere.
St**** Posted April 19, 2023 Posted April 19, 2023 On a couple of sites and there are several people have tried to be “mean “ or cold ! I am definitely old enough to not let it get under my skin ! If they are like that they are not the kind of people I want to be around especially for play time !
1V**** Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 What would be a vanilla comment when reaching out. I've been told woman don't care for the dirty comments. They would rather have the compliment. Which would you say is correct
CopperKnob Posted April 24, 2023 Posted April 24, 2023 16 minutes ago, Barlow70 said: What would be a vanilla comment when reaching out. I've been told woman don't care for the dirty comments. They would rather have the compliment. Which would you say is correct When you meet someone new at work, what initial comments would not get you in trouble with HR?
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