How to be more open

[Lo****]

I know that my statuses hardly have anything to do with fetishes or kinks. I think the main reason for that is that I have difficulty talking about it. It's hard for me to put into words what I want and need to say. I think I *** what people will say. I know that seems silly here, however, not everyone had grown up being allowed to talk about anything. My entire childhood I heard "You are to be seen and NOT heard". These harsh and hateful words came from my own mother (hence the reason I see them as hateful words). I WANT to be able to talk about my fetishes and kinks, however, every time I try to I flashback to my mother's beatings and I just freeze up. I just don't know how to get past that.

[northern_dom]

Sorry to hear about the issues with your mum. This worked for me. When you clam up, when she is winning, don't let her. Strive to be better as a person. Strive to give people the chances she didn't. Be the opposite of her. Take a deep breath and tell someone you trust, first time will be hard but you just shared your issues here which is a huge step in the right direction. Good luck! You can do it. Your opinion counts too!

[Mi****]

I too grew up in the era of *** being seen and not heard and I understand how difficult you must find it to voice your wants and needs. It took me a long time to be able to talk openly but it does get easier over time. The first time is hard but you just have to steel yourself and do it, even if only something mild, then it gets easier from there

[ey****]

My history has also contributed towards my struggle to say what I want - usually at home it would often be shot down.  I also think in kink there's a lot of attitudes that get shouted which are ultimately wrong ("A sub is to serve", "it's not about what they want", etc) when good relationships (be it for 2 weeks, 2 years or just tonight) need to be mutually beneficial.

It's also true there are a lot in kink with strong opinions (guilty) but largely sites like this should be a place to talk openly.  

In some ways, "in your own time" is very key.   

But you know.  For all I sometimes come across confidence, experienced, etc. I struggle all the time.  Luckily, my Mistress is usually quite good at coaxing things out of me, or second guessing - which is probably why She is my Mistress.  But sometimes it can be hard to accept you are around people who don't judge.

[Mo****]

Guys (group term not intending to be sexist) , when you are writing about what it is that you need in life, write it to someone who understands you totally, and that person is YOU! Keep it as a draft somewhere to read and review, and when you are sure, simply post it and wait for the comments. Remember, we here are all the same, we don't know each other from a bar of soap, we all have kinks and desires, which will eventually mean something to someone else when they read what you have written. Also remember that not everyone comes here as often as you do, so it may take a while for connections to be formed.

[Deleted Member]

Hey @Lonewolf   What you have just wrote is the first step to healing and took some courage to do that use that my friend and keep building on that and you will get stronger  I know exactly how you are feeling my Dad beat me up infront of my mum and ***s and not one came to my help and living with that has been hard still is getting blamed not feeling loved I kept it hidden for years and it wasn’t until I had my own child and lost it one night that I told my husband at the time and  the relief was huge and the more I spoke about it the stronger I became I’ve never forgiven but accepted I guess and said no matter what I’ll be doing the opposite to how I was brought up I’m very much like yourself very sensitive always worrying what others think and again with time and changing my attitude if they don’t like me for who I am then they are not worth my time and that’s how you should be thinking  be proud of who you are you are worth so much and he’ll enjoy talking about your kinks there’s no shame in that what so ever plus we never kink shame here it’s a great community my door is always open if you ever want to chat but be proud you’ve made the first step to recovery by opening up ( wasn’t so hard hey xx ) 

[KCurious]

Well done , your really brave... I really do understand that suffering physical and mentality hardship. But don’t let those hardship stop you from doing anything that makes you happy , enjoy everything in life even if it’s hard . PM if you need a reader 😊