Cheekysub247 Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 @Xavier1978 ouch lol 2 hours ago, Xavier1978 said: You want to handle a brat? Then kick them to the curb, and move on; they are not worth their bullsh*t.
4R**** Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 4 hours ago, Xavier1978 said: You want to handle a brat? Then kick them to the curb, and move on; they are not worth their bullsh*t. Wow! seems you've possibly had a bad experience with someone claiming to be a brat.
na**** Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 In my experiences with brats I have had mixed results. First I love brats, they are a challenge that I do not always succeed with. The two of us must find a balance in our relationship to move it to a symbiotic relationship, and if that can’t be done then I must let them go to find another they will be more compatible with. But on a few occasions we were able to find that balance and the relationship flourished. First I won’t punish them through physical discipline, the ones I have been with are brats half the time to provoke you into punishing them. The battle is if you want to call it that or the finding of our balance is almost nearly all mental. For they wish to be dominated, they just like to be a brat about it at times and make you work for it. I’m a soft Dom, so I can’t imagine removing from them their bratty nature. It’s who they are and how they express themselves. It’s what makes each of them unique. With that said and as I already mentioned many of them have proven to be too much for me and I have let them go when I realize they aren’t going to find a balance with me that I can live with. The ones that I have been successful with it was about allowing them some brattiness to be able to adequately express themselves, etc but to hold it in check where you still have the final say and can end their episode when you’ve had enough. I’m not your typical Dom however, and I suspect most will likely disagree. They might have better advice too. I only know what works for me and the few I have found balance with.
Deleted Member Posted December 30, 2022 Author Posted December 30, 2022 4 hours ago, 4RCH said: Wow! seems you've possibly had a bad experience with someone claiming to be a brat. Not in this context; but society is full of adults behaving like ***. Even worse, if your brat’s nature is pathological, then you’re a glutinous for punishment if you want to take them on.
4R**** Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said: Not in this context; but society is full of adults behaving like ***. Even worse, if your brat’s nature is pathological, then you’re a glutinous for punishment if you want to take them on. Whilst what you've described does fit the dictionary definition of a 'brat', it also explains perfectly why I believe most people claiming to be 'brats' are using the wrong title. Most so-called 'brats' would also claim to be submissive and only play up as much as their Dominant will allow, (I know mine does) so they are actually not as you describe above. I think the community has done a disservice to these individuals, especially when 'personality tests' put them in the 'brat' category. Edited December 30, 2022 by 4RCH
Deleted Member Posted December 30, 2022 Author Posted December 30, 2022 19 hours ago, 4RCH said: The dictionary definition of a brat is a person who behaves badly, is generally ill-mannered and immature. And it can't be denied that there is certainly a fair few of these people within the community; you know the ones who troll, attack others, flame, manipulate, deliberately cause embarrassment, disagree with everything, start arguments for the sake of it and then play the victim when they get called out claiming that they are acting up because they are a 'brat'. But the vast number of people who identify as brats are simply a sassy, playful submissive or possibly a Smart A**ed Masochist and would be absolutely horrified if they offended anyone. Not all brats like *** so what would you call them?
4R**** Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 (edited) 25 minutes ago, misssub90 said: Not all brats like *** so what would you call them? You don't necessarily need to like or endure physical *** to be a masochist so SAM could still stand IMO. Edited December 30, 2022 by 4RCH
Sc**** Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 Ever brat is different wat my work for one brat won’t for another you have to figure out wat works best for your brat
CopperKnob Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 5 hours ago, Xavier1978 said: Not in this context; but society is full of adults behaving like ***. Even worse, if your brat’s nature is pathological, then you’re a glutinous for punishment if you want to take them on. That's not what a "brat" is about in BDSM terms
Deleted Member Posted December 30, 2022 Author Posted December 30, 2022 24 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: That's not what a "brat" is about in BDSM terms Not enough context in the OP either way.
CopperKnob Posted December 30, 2022 Posted December 30, 2022 2 hours ago, Xavier1978 said: Not enough context in the OP either way. My comment was in response to yours. Not the OP's
br**** Posted January 2, 2023 Posted January 2, 2023 December 29, 2022, Metalsinbox said: Work smarter-not harder When you know their desires you hold the power to give or withhold. Behaviour is quickly corrected when their favourite carrot dangles just out of their reach…. “Their favourite carrot” - I love that!
Ma**** Posted January 4, 2023 Posted January 4, 2023 Brats will push you. They want to test you to see if you can handle the sass without having to resort to punishment. Best way to beat a brat is to brat. You know what they want and you can use that. Let a brat brat. That’s half the fun.
Leisa Posted January 5, 2023 Posted January 5, 2023 Only a bratty Dom can understand the mindset if a submissive brat. I once had a Dom who told me that I’m order to be a brat taker you had to be a bigger brat.
Al**** Posted January 6, 2023 Posted January 6, 2023 To tame a brat you have to think like one. Punishment and attention are what they want so you put conditions on the funishment and make it a reward for them. Want funishment? Be good for daddy
sy**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 I am a brat so I can't help cuz duh niches get stitches but there not quite right
JC**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 I think that one reason we use the term " Brat" is because they won't listen. Brat "subs" are the punk rock of BDSM. BRING yourself ready to be challenged. Knowing you will be tested , allow it to motivate you. If "Brat" desires domination quick rope work / cuffs / collar /hook/ bedpost / wall mount etc to restrain even one limb grants you position to get to work. A restrained Brat that won't submit does not like to be caught. Secure the restraint use strong advances and foreplay to get another limb secured. Turn your head away from their need to be center of attention and leave the room Isolation and denial Dominant foundation powerful tools to subdue and agitate simultaneously Lol For me antagonizing ( along with deep asphyxiating thrusts down the throat) in foreplay takes sensation to an exhilarating height where submission is reality
ro**** Posted January 7, 2023 Posted January 7, 2023 As someone who is sometimes a brat, there's usually two reasons behind my behaviour: . 1. I'm testing you to help establish my own submission. In new dynamics or in new scenes I'm especially prone to being bratty. Testing your control helps me to see that yes, you do have control, and it helps me submit more. . Personally my favourite test for this is trying to physically escape my doms hold, and just having them repeatedly "own" me - hold me down, throw me on the bed, give me the hope of escaping only to have them pull me back. For me, it just helps the submission "click". I know I'm owned, that I can't go anywhere, that this is who I belong to and serve and in that line of thought I find myself suddenly extremely submissive. After that click (which can be a bit of a back of forth where I try to continue to fight the submission but eventually give in) I become obedient and willing. . If you're struggling with strength maybe restraints (rope etc) are worth a try. Let your sub battle it out against them. For me, a little bit of *** like hair pulling or restriction of breath if I struggle can also pull me into line (although note I'm not that masochistic or significantly into asphyxiation, which is part of the point) . 2. I enjoy the thrill of the punishment, and the act of bratting. Because sometimes punishment is fun, and at it's attention. This is where I guess you can decide where you are at mentally and what you are willing to engage in. . If you're not in a session and you're not looking to start one, you can have a serious conversation with your partner about why it's not a good time for them to be bratty. Eg "I know it's been a while since we've played but I really need to complete this section of work." If they're mature they should respect your boundary, and if not you might need to initiate a different conversation about their apparently unmet needs versus your needs and your capability to provide. . You can also try distracting with a different task like hey why don't you go to the gym or grocery shopping or see a friend. Eventually though you will need to address their needs - it may be as simple as a hug, a play session when you have the time, or a conversation about how to manage expectations and external commitments. . If you're in the middle of a session/play but aren't ready to deal with a brat try nipping the behaviour in the bud by dishing out a punishment they really don't like. It removes the incentive - a fun response - and should pull them into line. . If it's really bad and you feel entirely out of your depth and uncomfortable I would suggest you can also call your safeword (or orange in the traffic light setting) or otherwise try to deescalate the situation. Before that I suggest voicing your concerns and seeing if they can redirect their energy/ find fun elsewhere without being bratty (but if you don't have that capacity by all means transition out of the scene) . If you're in the middle of the play session and are having fun with it...enjoy. Ask them what they want...give it to them, or don't, that's the fun part of being a Dom I guess. You could view it kind of similarly to flirting in everyday life, where you mock and tease each other just because it's enjoyable and builds connection. . You can add to the play by giving choices to remain in control of your sub (this can work for the previous scenario of "in session but not wanting to deal with a brat" too, but the choice becomes between disobedience and a strong punishment they don't want rather one they do want). Eg, if you've been edging your sub for a while and they're now trying to get off on their own: "You can cum now if you want, but only once and then that's it for the rest of the night, or, you can wait like I told you to and I might let you have more than one orgasm." For me, that's a fun choice. . The presentation of brattiness and the best way to handle it will likely vary sub to sub. Have a conversation, see what makes them tick, find what punishments they like versus really want to avoid. Try figure out why the brat, in what scenarios, and when their reason might change. . Like I said before, if the brattiness is becoming too much you can have a conversation about that too. Communication is important, and it's how we learn. If they aren't open to communication (outside of the session, some subs struggle with it in session) then the issue may not be brattiness but rather attitudes and general give and take. I think there's a bit of a different between brattiness in kink versus in a relationship (assuming the relationship isn't 24/7 BDSM dynamic). If it continues outside the scene and communication and the relationship is suffering then a line needs to be established, maturely and through conversation. . Hope this helps, and apologies for some of the tangents 🥰🥰
Na**** Posted January 9, 2023 Posted January 9, 2023 @ropebratlittle4u gave a great explanation. Most of the time, it’s a test to see if you’re paying attention or if you’re really in control. Your sub has to know that your decisions are always going to be in their best interest. If they’re testing you, there is a reason. The other reason is because they WANT to be punished. If your sub loves to be spanked, you absolutely cannot spank them when they are being disobedient. You spank them as a reward for good behavior, or during play. Your punishments must be something they loathe. Make them clean the floors with a toothbrush. Even worse, make them do a boring and meaningless task that wastes their time. Remind them they could be pleasing or being played with, but instead their time with you is being spent on something else. Completely ignore them during the entire process while you do something they enjoy. Or, occasionally do something like putting their favorite toy just out of reach and ask them if they would rather be playing with that instead. Then have them tell you why they aren’t.
Ma**** Posted January 11, 2023 Posted January 11, 2023 From a brats perspective So 99% of the time when I'm unruly to the point where neither of us are having fun it's because somewhere along the chain of command my needs aren't getting met and I can't communicate that because I'm upset. Usually honestly a hug first will calm me down enough then whatever the consequences are after are fine. The more you push and try and make a brat listen while upset the worse the outburst. Unless this is a playful thing, then I have no help for you guys lol there is no way of stopping it. But Usually at some point again there is a shift to needing something emotionally. Just learn to read what they need.
ro**** Posted January 11, 2023 Posted January 11, 2023 3 hours ago, MayWitt said: From a brats perspective So 99% of the time when I'm unruly to the point where neither of us are having fun it's because somewhere along the chain of command my needs aren't getting met and I can't communicate that because I'm upset. Usually honestly a hug first will calm me down enough then whatever the consequences are after are fine. The more you push and try and make a brat listen while upset the worse the outburst. Unless this is a playful thing, then I have no help for you guys lol there is no way of stopping it. But Usually at some point again there is a shift to needing something emotionally. Just learn to read what they need. This! Although, meaning no criticism to you at all MayWitt, I think it's still important for subs to hold themselves accountable for proper and healthy communication, and voicing unmet needs.
4R**** Posted January 11, 2023 Posted January 11, 2023 3 hours ago, MayWitt said: From a brats perspective So 99% of the time when I'm unruly to the point where neither of us are having fun it's because somewhere along the chain of command my needs aren't getting met and I can't communicate that because I'm upset. Usually honestly a hug first will calm me down enough then whatever the consequences are after are fine. The more you push and try and make a brat listen while upset the worse the outburst. Unless this is a playful thing, then I have no help for you guys lol there is no way of stopping it. But Usually at some point again there is a shift to needing something emotionally. Just learn to read what they need. Then you are being disrespectful, not submissive and are topping from the bottom. A submissive doesn't "act up" because they are not getting their perceived needs met, they communicate. This is exactly the kind of behaviour that has got the 'brat' a bad name in the community and why brats are not generally recognised as being submissives. Which is why many Dominants won't deal with any submissive identifying as a brat. It's also why I wrote this: https://www.fetish.com/topic/30378-are-brats-using-the-wrong-title/
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