Questions from a Sub

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I mean. Firstly, this was a thread from a sub male asking about Dominant females, not really about sub men.

There was no real allusion to peacock. The problem is that particularly on dating sites there might be a lot of men; but most are, ahem, low standard.

The main thing that a lot of men fail to realise in the choices of women (something that is also true for the choices of men) is that "I pick none" is also an option.

Men often forget that they can search, find 100 people in the area... and... well... message none of them. Think that no one in my search looks like what I am interested in in the minute (or would be interested in me) and wait.

While everyone needs a level of realism, no one should lower their standards.  I mean, imagine being in a relationship with someone and them turning around to you and say "I lowered my standards to be with you" - not exactly romance and the stone.

 

In simple. If you do find someone you are genuinely interested in.  How can you show that you are at least worth a conversation?  That's pretty much it.

You straw man most of what I stated.
But, I like what you said about no one wants to hear that your sub has lowered their standards to be with you; the reality is, your sub has; whether they tell you or not is irrelevant; you’ll find out when they leave you.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Xavier1978 said:

Pay attention Dom’s.
What Kiseu is eluding to, is that the male Dom’s far outnumber the female subs, which garners them the ability to be more selective; in essence, demand the Dom’s to peacock for them.

For us, as the pool is significantly smaller, in turn, if we make getting a sub our top priority, we must lower our standards.

My advice, specifically to younger Dom’s, control your biology, stay on you purpose, and never bring on a sub that you can’t just as easily be happy to see them go.

Huh... I was?.😨  The forum is about male submissive looking for a dominate female. I was only thinking about Male Subs, and have no idea about Male Doms. To clarify I meant W**kers as those only getting their needs met, then to disappear. Maybe you are a gentleman, but there are more Sour people. I don't think it great to get a message introduction "Hi Mistress/Lady, or worst... Hi, I am looking for a Mistress to dominate me".  

I am nobody's dominate until clear negotiations are made. What about me as a person?.

Switching around: When I was chatting with a potiential Dom, I was always polite with the introductions, and NEVER mentioned any kink until they asked. It was about getting to know them as a person, their preferences, and knowing how experienced they were. 

Edited January 4, 2023 by Deleted Member
Misunderstanding

[Deleted Member]

40 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Huh... I was?.😨  The forum is about male submissive looking for a dominate female. I was only thinking about Male Subs, and have no idea about Male Doms. To clarify I meant W**kers as those only getting their needs met, then to disappear. Maybe you are a gentleman, but there are more Sour people. I don't think it great to get a message introduction "Hi Mistress/Lady, or worst... Hi, I am looking for a Mistress to dominate me".  

I am nobody's dominate until clear negotiations are made. What about me as a person?.

Switching around: When I was chatting with a potiential Dom, I was always polite with the introductions, and NEVER mentioned any kink until they asked. It was about getting to know them as a person, their preferences, and knowing how experienced they were. 

Yes you were, but perhaps unintentionally.
And I made my comment with the original OP in mind; as the point still stands; sub males outnumber Dom females, and therefore are held to a hire standard.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Xavier1978 said:

the reality is, your sub has; whether they tell you or not is irrelevant; you’ll find out when they leave you.

well; we've been together 14 years. So.... don't hold your breath.

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

Yes you were, but perhaps unintentionally.
And I made my comment with the original OP in mind; as the point still stands; sub males outnumber Dom females, and therefore are held to a hire standard.

Maybe this is your thinking, but my opinion is from a "can be" dominate female on how the OP can better his chances. No, I was NOT thinking about any males Doms, but only from my experiences and what other genuinely nice, not into *** dominate Females has experienced. Yeah... I have a high standard, because I won't be used and dumped like the other nice dominate women has experienced!!

[ge****]

30 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

Yes you were, but perhaps unintentionally.
And I made my comment with the original OP in mind; as the point still stands; sub males outnumber Dom females, and therefore are held to a hire standard.

Submissive men do indeed outnumber dominant women, just as dominant men outnumber submissive women - but surely it's about those men holding themselves to a high standard if they expect to find anything from the site, and not about them being held to one.
.
If a guy doesn't hold high standards for himself then frankly he can't expect to find a great deal here, and it's nothing to do with number imbalances - truth be told, if you take all of the guys that don't "get it" out of the equation the number imbalance virtually disappears - yes that's anecdotal, but it's logical too.

[ey****]

On standards I think the minimum bar is actually quite low, but a surprising amount of people do not meet it. Or don't yet. And this is not me saying everyone not getting a relationship is not above this bar, but certainly everyone below it will struggle.

 

It doesn't help that, actually, finding a relationship is hard - and especially when you add kink because it's not just a case of "OK, so I am a Dominant so I need a submissive" (or vice versa) but "this is my idea of submission, so this needs to align with someone else's idea of Domination" and, "Oh, and we actually need stuff in common for when we're not playing or doing kink"

The terms "Dominant" and "submission" themselves are more "catch all" terms which purists will have a stamp on what they mean but a lot of other people will use them anyway.      One guy who calls himself submissive might actually just have a bunch of fantasies he likes to get off on, whereas someone else might be into a whole - kinda - like a servant or butler - and someone else has totally other ideas as well.   And it's all fine and it's all valid but of course you get this problem and someone will be like "Hey, I'm a sub, I like x, y, z" and the person he is trying to impress is a little "that's not my idea of submission" - and neither of them are wrong.  Actually, them trying a dynamic will likely leave them both frustrated.

And it's no wonder a lot of people get frustrated especially if they feel they are doing everything right.  And, honestly, there's plenty of people will get frustrated and have a "but I'm not like the other guys!" moment wondering why one person is "getting action" (or whatever) and they're not

 

I also don't believe the gap between F on the left of the slash and m on the right is nearly as wide as it seems.  Online things are a little skewed by admission, but there is more to kink than online, and even more to kink than the communities.   

It being difficult to find partners does really play into some biases people have on things like numbers ("I can't find a partner therefore the odds are against me") rather than the simple... y'know.  It takes patience.

 

 

[CopperKnob]

7 hours ago, Xavier1978 said:

Pay attention Dom’s.
What Kiseu is eluding to, is that the male Dom’s far outnumber the female subs, which garners them the ability to be more selective; in essence, demand the Dom’s to peacock for them.

For us, as the pool is significantly smaller, in turn, if we make getting a sub our top priority, we must lower our standards.

My advice, specifically to younger Dom’s, control your biology, stay on you purpose, and never bring on a sub that you can’t just as easily be happy to see them go.

This is true, I often ask the Dtypes in my inbox to send me a video or themselves strutting about, flexing their muscles and flicking their hair before I'm willing to engage in conversation

OP, it happens, there are some who've met and have relationships via Fet but like others have said, it takes time, effort and patience. This isn't a hook up site, it's main function isn't even a dating site

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, kiseu said:

Maybe this is your thinking, but my opinion is from a "can be" dominate female on how the OP can better his chances. No, I was NOT thinking about any males Doms, but only from my experiences and what other genuinely nice, not into *** dominate Females has experienced. Yeah... I have a high standard, because I won't be used and dumped like the other nice dominate women has experienced!!

I’m generally intrigued by the last part of your comment; in particular, guarding yourself from being used and dumped. One wants to minimize usury, for sure; but, in regards to being “dumped”, how do you deal with the inevitable rejection?

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Xavier1978 said:

I’m generally intrigued by the last part of your comment; in particular, guarding yourself from being used and dumped. One wants to minimize usury, for sure; but, in regards to being “dumped”, how do you deal with the inevitable rejection?

Since you had experiences with women, how do you know when a woman genuinely likes you?. How do you filter the ones who is genuinely interested in you, or other motives?.

I am not gaurded, but careful like everybody else.

As mentioned, men complain about dominate females wanting some form of ***. So, I mention as other females experiences in submissive  men wanting some form of s*x. There are many sides...

Other members mentioned efforts. Is it wrong of me to advise the OP to show he is different when I make efforts to male members I am different, and genuinely interested in them (after making sure to read their profiles, and we... "both of us" see compability and mutual attraction)?. 

 

Edited January 5, 2023 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

This is true, I often ask the Dtypes in my inbox to send me a video or themselves strutting about, flexing their muscles and flicking their hair before I'm willing to engage in conversation

 

You busted me. This is what I wanted with all men. Got to stop reading romance novels, and stop thinking about Fabio.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Xavier1978 said:

in regards to being “dumped”, how do you deal with the inevitable rejection?

Sorry, forgot to answer.  Men mostly ghost me after I tell them I am Mono, or they lost interest. I feel disappointed, but understand "This is life".  If I was to mention deep geelings, only 2 members I was interested.  Both, it was obvious they were only thinking sex. I was not happy about this, but at the same time understood I am not the one for them.  One has a Sub now, and sometimes wish I was her.  This one, I really liked.💔 Again, I understand this is about nature, and there is nothing I can do... no feeling is no feeling.

[Deleted Member]

It's not easy, not easy at all. I wish you luck, tho

[CopperKnob]

9 hours ago, kiseu said:

You busted me. This is what I wanted with all men. Got to stop reading romance novels, and stop thinking about Fabio.

😂😂😂
If only they were more willing to do it!

[Deleted Member]

15 hours ago, kiseu said:

Since you had experiences with women, how do you know when a woman genuinely likes you?. How do you filter the ones who is genuinely interested in you, or other motives?.

I am not gaurded, but careful like everybody else.

As mentioned, men complain about dominate females wanting some form of ***. So, I mention as other females experiences in submissive  men wanting some form of s*x. There are many sides...

Other members mentioned efforts. Is it wrong of me to advise the OP to show he is different when I make efforts to male members I am different, and genuinely interested in them (after making sure to read their profiles, and we... "both of us" see compability and mutual attraction)?. 

 

A woman “genuinely” liking me?; I’ll know when she’s makes an effort to make me happy.
As for others with ulterior motives; as long as you know how to spot it, it’s relatively easy; no need to filter them out, just know how to handle them. I just by default expect them to try to use me. I also notice they’ll reveal themselves through impatience.

[4R****]

27 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

As for others with ulterior motives; as long as you know how to spot it, it’s relatively easy; no need to filter them out, just know how to handle them.

I absolutely agree. And the more you're approached, the more you learn what to look for, and the more you get to practice dealing with them.

27 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

I also notice they’ll reveal themselves through impatience.

Yes - as you become accustomed to the way they approach and their lack of patience, they might as well be carrying a neon sign!

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, 4RCH said:

they might as well be carrying a neon sign!

4rch you are so funny. 😅😂

[Ja****]

On 1/4/2023 at 11:31 AM, gemini_man said:

Whilst the test *can* be a guide - it's not definitive either - whether you are dominant, submissive or switch largely needs to come from within and through self-understanding.
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As for response rates that's as much to do with an interest in you and your profile/messages as whether other users are active or not.
.
Take a look at my first post on this thread for some pointers which may be of use.

Yeah so I’ve been on the app for like 2 or 3 more days since I last responded in here. Have matched with a few dommes in my area, however they all want me to basically pay for all their bills and sh** or they are bots running scams. Could just be getting lucky I guess but tbh I stand by what I said earlier at this point 😂

[Ja****]

Wednesday at 03:51 PM, xploring-dfw said:

JakeF, it can happen. I was approached by a delightful young domme within a couple of dats of downloading the app.
Problem is I'm not really sub. 😕

I’m having the same problem tbh 😂 I wanna try being a sub but everytime I take the test I end up being way more dom than sub which messes up the people I match with 🤣

[FETMOD-BD]

10 minutes ago, JakeF said:

however they all want me to basically pay 

Nobody should be asking for *** unless they have a paid "Dominatrix" profile which can be identified by a $ beneath their profile picture.

Please ensure you report anyone else asking for *** and include screenshots of conversation. We work hard to keep only genuine profiles here but we need people to let us know when someone isn't playing by the rules.

[ge****]

18 minutes ago, JakeF said:

Yeah so I’ve been on the app for like 2 or 3 more days since I last responded in here. Have matched with a few dommes in my area, however they all want me to basically pay for all their bills and sh** or they are bots running scams. Could just be getting lucky I guess but tbh I stand by what I said earlier at this point 😂

Yes there are scammers out there and they will prey on those who are easily led - where you suspect someone is doing that, or they ask directly for payment, report them and the site will act.
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Again though don't expect to make genuine connections within "days" of joining, it rarely happens on sites like this - patience and being active is the key, establishing yourself as a site member and getting involved in the forums etc or using the site to find local events to attend.
.
Get your approach, expectations and attitude right, couple it with a well written profile and decent pics and your experience will improve, nothing will be guaranteed of course.

[Ja****]

57 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Yes there are scammers out there and they will prey on those who are easily led - where you suspect someone is doing that, or they ask directly for payment, report them and the site will act.
.
Again though don't expect to make genuine connections within "days" of joining, it rarely happens on sites like this - patience and being active is the key, establishing yourself as a site member and getting involved in the forums etc or using the site to find local events to attend.
.
Get your approach, expectations and attitude right, couple it with a well written profile and decent pics and your experience will improve, nothing will be guaranteed of course.

Yeah I can tell when I’m being scammed. And obviously I’m not looking for a genuine connection right away haha but it would at least be nice to match with a dom woman just so Ik they’re out there 😅😂

[xc****]

you mentioned taking the test and it concludes with you being more dominate- change your answers to get the results (percentage) you want so you get matches based on what you’re looking for.

[ey****]

I've had a Columbo moment cos there was something on the back of my mind

over the years there is the question of "does this work?" and it's not really a question. It's not measurable.

So. Actually. Yes.  This site/app works in the sense it finds people in your local area (or defined travelable distance) who are looking for a relationship (just not necessarily with you) and have an interest in kink with a "match" function to help 
It allows even free users to send messages (within reason) and to receive them.

 

So yep, all good.

Any other question of "will it get me a partner/meet/date/chat" involves dictating someone else's behaviour which is simply something that can only happen if you're interacting with AI 

[de****]

as one who goes out and hunts his own prey I am not sure how this app works but it is not going to sure as hell put a hurt on the on the learning of the human mind because you cannot tell that on an app