CopperKnob Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 24 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said: Excellent example of people not understanding what I’m saying in my inbox: person - “looking good baby. Don’t say no to me” me - BLOCK. FFS Just can't help themselves can they. My inbox has been quiet (other than the usual ruffians) since I put a really obnoxious status at the top Try it😂😂😂😂
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 1 hour ago, smeagol said: totally agree, ive learned to do this and found out who my real friends are and more happier in my social life...that and i like being a sarcastic miserable old git to people I enjoy that very much for some reason these days hahaha I think that with age you are less inclined to put up with others people BS, not necessarily due to being a miserable old git, you've just earned your place not to stand for that drama anymore IMHO...
fo**** Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 28 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said: Excellent example of people not understanding what I’m saying in my inbox: person - “looking good baby. Don’t say no to me” me - BLOCK. FFS Seriously... ppl are messed up. Iv had several Dom who are like this. It was before I knew better and thought a sub must totally submit despite how I feel so I ended up in very bad situations. Legally it could be considered *** even if I gave consent. And to make it worse, it was virtual so it was even more mentally scaring because it was me carrying out the action. NEVER say yes just because you think it's what's expected or your scared. A D/s relationship must be mutual. If it's not, it's ***.
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 28 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said: Excellent example of people not understanding what I’m saying in my inbox: person - “looking good baby. Don’t say no to me” me - BLOCK. FFS I feel embarrassed for my fellow man.. (I'm assuming it was a man) is this the best evolution can offer?! Natural selection clearly isn't working for some people, but then they are still dragging their knuckles... FFS guys! 🙄
4R**** Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 35 minutes ago, lonelybeard said: not necessarily due to being a miserable old git, I feel attacked 35 minutes ago, lonelybeard said: I think that with age And here Saying "No" has become my default response over the past year or so. In the past I've always tried to keep everyone happy, at work, at home, in friendship circles. It's funny how many "friends" vanish when you suddenly start not giving into their every request. I was bothered at first as I felt like I was becoming a "billy no mates" but as quickly as old friends left, new ones appeared that respected my boundaries, so actually - I'll stick with being a miserable old git - it makes life peaceful!
Ba**** Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 Being able to say no is important, and something that must be learned at a young age for it to be easy. Parents often neglect to teach their *** this until it’s a hard thing to learn. Practice with your friends. And there are books and articles on this subject that can help you. This isn’t your fault. It’s simply something you didn’t learn to do. Also. Good people are 100% fine with receiving no as an answer. Never forget that.
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 24 minutes ago, 4RCH said: And here Saying "No" has become my default response over the past year or so. In the past I've always tried to keep everyone happy, at work, at home, in friendship circles. It's funny how many "friends" vanish when you suddenly start not giving into their every request. I was bothered at first as I felt like I was becoming a "billy no mates" but as quickly as old friends left, new ones appeared that respected my boundaries, so actually - I'll stick with being a miserable old git - it makes life peaceful! Please don't take offence, that wasn't my intention, I was saying that you've earned your place, it's not about being a MOG. I'm the same, people always after something, they soon dissapear when you need them. And to be honest, I'm a mardy arse anyway because of people's BS
4R**** Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 5 minutes ago, lonelybeard said: Please don't take offence, that wasn't my intention, I'm not offended at all, that's why I added the I actually think your comment was spot on!
Pa**** Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 I feel like some of these posts are rhetorical. Obviously the default is no if you're uncomfortable. Even after consent is given. That's the entire point of safewords. "Red" means stop now. Might kill the mood for them but the mood for you already died.
Se**** Posted January 16, 2023 Author Posted January 16, 2023 1 hour ago, CopperKnob said: Just can't help themselves can they. My inbox has been quiet (other than the usual ruffians) since I put a really obnoxious status at the top Try it😂😂😂😂 I have not seen this obnoxious status. Clearly I need to peruse your profile more x
Se**** Posted January 16, 2023 Author Posted January 16, 2023 1 hour ago, lonelybeard said: I feel embarrassed for my fellow man.. (I'm assuming it was a man) is this the best evolution can offer?! Natural selection clearly isn't working for some people, but then they are still dragging their knuckles... FFS guys! 🙄 It was indeed. I didn’t have the strength or interest to explain to him how much of an idiot he was being.
an**** Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 43 minutes ago, Daddy_Spanx said: Good people are 100% fine with receiving no as an answer. Never forget that. It's hard to remember that sometimes. Especially when feeling responsible for the other person's emotions / actions. 44 minutes ago, Daddy_Spanx said: Being able to say no is important, and something that must be learned at a young age for it to be easy. This may be TMI but growing up with a parent with BPD and narcissistic personality disorders... It was normal for everyone else to bend over backwards to avoid poking the bear so to say. It's been a really difficult habit to shake. A part of it is definitely tied into trusting another individual enough to hear "no", listen, and accept it. I usually don't let myself get into situations that could potentially require me saying no. Which, is a bit of a shame because I'd like to explore my own interests more and trust another person to do the decent thing :') Is it alright to take a pass on experiences and certain people if it just seems like too much work for me to explain that? I'd love to help spread awareness but I also don't want to be the person who takes on the whole of that responsibility. It's been tricky to find people that are just as willing to communicate and work together.
Co**** Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 No you shouldn't be made to feel bad for saying No......or recieve angry threats/ responses because of it. That's them behaving badly......their sh**. You have every right , as your own person, owner of your own mind and body, to refuse to do anything you dont want to. You know your own Truth, and what feels right ......or wrong to you. I know its not always easy......I can tend to be a people pleaser. Brought up to be a Good Girl. Hate Conflict. But like others have said, its about Self Care. And you get to a point where, enoughs enough, and lay boundaries xx
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 1 hour ago, 4RCH said: I'm not offended at all, that's why I added the I actually think your comment was spot on! Doh, I'm trying to read it on my phone on the website and it's loading up odd, so i was trying to read between the lines... I'm glad you understand where I was coming from! 👍 Glad we're good, i didn't think I'd been on here long enough to earn my stripes and *** people off!
CopperKnob Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 1 hour ago, Pandorite said: I feel like some of these posts are rhetorical. Obviously the default is no if you're uncomfortable. Even after consent is given. That's the entire point of safewords. "Red" means stop now. Might kill the mood for them but the mood for you already died. You know what? They are and yet, sometimes we (in the royal sense) need a little ***r support.
Deleted Member Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 1 hour ago, FatefulDestiny said: It was indeed. I didn’t have the strength or interest to explain to him how much of an idiot he was being. You're just wasting your oxygen trying to communicate to that level, I suspect that's his level towards a woman - or indeed any person that you haven't even met. They walk amongst us as they say. I suspect guys on here dont get the same from women, why is the dynamic skewed, but that's probably another topic...
Se**** Posted January 16, 2023 Author Posted January 16, 2023 41 minutes ago, CosmicAngel said: No you shouldn't be made to feel bad for saying No......or recieve angry threats/ responses because of it. That's them behaving badly......their sh**. You have every right , as your own person, owner of your own mind and body, to refuse to do anything you dont want to. You know your own Truth, and what feels right ......or wrong to you. I know its not always easy......I can tend to be a people pleaser. Brought up to be a Good Girl. Hate Conflict. But like others have said, its about Self Care. And you get to a point where, enoughs enough, and lay boundaries xx Well we’re onto day 3 of not speaking due to me saying no 🙄
CopperKnob Posted January 16, 2023 Posted January 16, 2023 9 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said: Well we’re onto day 3 of not speaking due to me saying no 🙄 What an adult 🤦♀️
saintsaltysynz Posted January 17, 2023 Posted January 17, 2023 Handle your business it’s. Your life your choice
Ba**** Posted January 17, 2023 Posted January 17, 2023 First things first: if the only reason you're saying yes to having sex is to keep the peace, than it is SA. Now, the response of saying yes, to not feel bad or guilty, has been linked to childhood ***, or *** in general. Its what happens when you are told over and over again that saying no to a person(s) is a bad thing, or when you were punished for saying no. Its a "built-in" urge to say yes to advoid negative responses to you declining to do/say something. You can also find in depth research papers on this.
fo**** Posted January 17, 2023 Posted January 17, 2023 6 hours ago, BabyBoyNate said: First things first: if the only reason you're saying yes to having sex is to keep the peace, than it is SA. Now, the response of saying yes, to not feel bad or guilty, has been linked to childhood ***, or *** in general. Its what happens when you are told over and over again that saying no to a person(s) is a bad thing, or when you were punished for saying no. Its a "built-in" urge to say yes to advoid negative responses to you declining to do/say something. You can also find in depth research papers on this. And this is the scientific approach. I have no doubt your right but I grew up with loving parents, wasn't ***d by them or other family but yet, iv been a pleaser as long as I can remember. Sometimes it's simply how we are rather than how we have become.
go**** Posted January 17, 2023 Posted January 17, 2023 U always have the ability to say no regardless of the type of relationship or anything bottom line it's ur body ur choice they don't like ur choice tell em get fucked
ar**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 It’s honestly needed to say no sometimes in case someone does what you don’t like if not they won’t learn that you don’t like it and I know being a pleaser is hard to do but it’s stress free but it’s a simple no and that’s all it should be and then they move onto something else and boom your both happy
qu**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 Of course you can say No. Subs have the actual power
lu**** Posted January 18, 2023 Posted January 18, 2023 As a ppl pleaser I get where you’re coming from . It’s may also sounds like some past trauma from others actions against you for saying “no” ie the cheating etc . You have every right to say No and I hope you find a person that understands that and will encourage you to use your words . Honestly men or women can tell when your not feeling it and for those ppl to continue with you is wrong , be safe and careful out there. Thanks for sharing .
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