Can I say no?

[saintsaltysynz]

8 hours ago, luvbuzzloo said:

As a ppl pleaser I get where you’re coming from . It’s may also sounds like some past trauma from others actions against you for saying “no” ie the cheating etc . You have every right to say No and I hope you find a person that understands that and will encourage you to use your words . Honestly men or women can tell when your not feeling it and for those ppl to continue with you is wrong , be safe and careful out there. Thanks for sharing .

Yes ma’am

[al****]

I can relate massively to the first part, I often say yes to things because I hate to let people down. The one exception is with my Sir, thankfully we have an amazing relationship where I know I’m not letting him down, but in regular life it really annoys me. There’s a song ‘fat funny friend’ and a lot of the lyrics really resonate. If I don’t answer now are they still going to need me? I’m not sure exactly where it stems from or what the answer is.

[JJ****]

First cheaters will eventually cheat weather you say yes or no….pleaser is one way to put it but tbh some people are like that because for some reason they don’t like conflict and other because of low self esteem but regardless of why you don’t like saying no you are perfectly within your right to say so if it’s some you don’t want to do or if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable and there’s no reason to ever feel guilty about putting your want needs desires or comfort first

[En****]

There is nothing wrong with and you should never feel bad for saying “No”. it will help out if you can explain why. That way if you’re with a Dom, he knows you better, knows what you don’t like and if you want to explore, slowly add it with you. All relationships is build on trust. No trust, this can not work. For me if you want to say no and you don’t that’s a problem for me.

[Deleted Member]

Buy a nice necklace chain with a big "NO' pendant wear it under your blouse or shirt, pull it out and make it visible when a proposition made to you is something you want give a wide berth to...

[Sy****]

You seem long winded without anyone to connect with, find someone that intrigues you and steal a story from them bardic-ally and introduce your own elements then tell it to them to see if they’re softening or hardening.

[Se****]

6 hours ago, SysiphusBolder said:

You seem long winded without anyone to connect with, find someone that intrigues you and steal a story from them bardic-ally and introduce your own elements then tell it to them to see if they’re softening or hardening.

Your response makes no sense to me whatsoever. But thanks 🥴

[Sy****]

3 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

Your response makes no sense to me whatsoever. But thanks 🥴

Sorry I was sleep deprived as hell, all I was saying is tell stories to see if people are paying attention like a stand-up-comic.

[esoteric]

So as someone who was brought up as a woman in our society, I can tell you that there is a lot of pressure that has been put on women to be the one's who are responsible for pleasing their partner. This often comes with a huge heaping of guilt if you say no that is not what you want or if you "fail in your duty" somehow. 

My thoughts and opinions may not be popular, but we live in a society where white men (mostly cis and straight white men, I should add), are the people who make the decisions about what is right and moral and acceptable in society. They often make laws about what women can do with their bodies without having any real knowledge about what they are doing.

This puts more pressure on women as well. So, it becomes really hard to say no to a person in control and it is really easy to feel guilty afterwards if you do. If you add in the number of women who have gone through some sexual trauma in their lives, this also adds to the difficulty of saying no, as there may be *** that saying no is dangerous to them and that it is safer or easier to just comply.

We basically have to learn that it is both safe and okay to say no and learn that there will not be negative consequences if we do say no. This is part of why building trust is often such an important part of a successful BDSM relationship. I had a hard time using a safe word and basically had someone sort of train me to use them when I needed. I learned that I could use them without feeling guilt or shame for it. 

I have since been in situations at play parties where I have used a safe word and had the Top then brag to someone that they made me safe word. In the past, that would have been something that made me feel guilty or bad for using my safe word. Now, I can look at it and say that the Top in that situation did not pay attention to the limits I had set before the play and his bragging about it just meant he was not someone to play with again.

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, esoteric said:

So as someone who was brought up as a woman in our society, I can tell you that there is a lot of pressure that has been put on women to be the one's who are responsible for pleasing their partner. This often comes with a huge heaping of guilt if you say no that is not what you want or if you "fail in your duty" somehow. 

My thoughts and opinions may not be popular, but we live in a society where white men (mostly cis and straight white men, I should add), are the people who make the decisions about what is right and moral and acceptable in society. They often make laws about what women can do with their bodies without having any real knowledge about what they are doing.

This puts more pressure on women as well. So, it becomes really hard to say no to a person in control and it is really easy to feel guilty afterwards if you do. If you add in the number of women who have gone through some sexual trauma in their lives, this also adds to the difficulty of saying no, as there may be *** that saying no is dangerous to them and that it is safer or easier to just comply.

We basically have to learn that it is both safe and okay to say no and learn that there will not be negative consequences if we do say no. This is part of why building trust is often such an important part of a successful BDSM relationship. I had a hard time using a safe word and basically had someone sort of train me to use them when I needed. I learned that I could use them without feeling guilt or shame for it. 

I have since been in situations at play parties where I have used a safe word and had the Top then brag to someone that they made me safe word. In the past, that would have been something that made me feel guilty or bad for using my safe word. Now, I can look at it and say that the Top in that situation did not pay attention to the limits I had set before the play and his bragging about it just meant he was not someone to play with again.

👏👏👏

[Ma****]

Yes you can say no to everything that's wrong in your opinion