Miniscule gripe...about delete members.

[VK****]

Why, when a female deletes their account for whatever reason, does their photo get replaced with the man 'Avatar' for want of a better word and the legend that "This person has deleted his account"?

Personally I find it midly offensive in a site such as this. I get that the wording on some of the sexes might be difficult to frame, so why not have a neutral, delete account 'Avatar' and "This person has deleted their account" message?

I know, woke snowflake etc, but it's not hard to be sensitive.

[VK****]

A simple purple cross will suffice I suspect. More visually obvious than using the norms for active members without profile photos.

[Bo****]

lol - but the site and then you can do it how you want to. 👍

[Ar****]

You're right, it's wrong.

Although thankfully it doesn't have any practical impact on anything, unlike the fact that you then can't go back and read any of the conversations you'd been having - even unopened messages somebody might have wanted you to receive/read before deleting their profile 

[QXX666]

Because it was prob a man in the first place 🤷‍♂️😂

[ey****]

so - I'm not saying this is right or wrong, because I have some of my own dislikes for this

but, the t+c basically state that if you delete your account - the site does not hold any personal info

so that includes - resetting to a generic holding image (perhaps the generic should be ambiguous of if it is meant to be male or female), profile info all wiped, and of course message history

 

so, yeah, for the photo side of things it could just be a purple cross

for the rest, including retaining messages, it would need a t+c change which means the site can retain your info *even* if you delete your profile.  And this is standard on a lot of sites - but a lot of people seem to get angry if something is changed to words of those view

[VK****]

Fair comment if it's in the T&Cs, however if done as a full "Cascade on delete", where all data owned by a member is erased before the profile itself is removed, then these Forums would not be full of Deleted Member comments and sometimes @ tag to the original name now deleted. Might make a thread even more nonsensical that it can be now with multiple deleted members chipping in and cross posting. 

[Ar****]

21 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

so - I'm not saying this is right or wrong, because I have some of my own dislikes for this

but, the t+c basically state that if you delete your account - the site does not hold any personal info

so that includes - resetting to a generic holding image (perhaps the generic should be ambiguous of if it is meant to be male or female), profile info all wiped, and of course message history

so, yeah, for the photo side of things it could just be a purple cross

for the rest, including retaining messages, it would need a t+c change which means the site can retain your info *even* if you delete your profile.  And this is standard on a lot of sites - but a lot of people seem to get angry if something is changed to words of those view

That makes sense, I hadn't clicked or considered that. The site must be retaining the messages already though? 🤔

I can scroll through my inbox and although I can't necessarily see the names of all deleted users I've had conversations with or open up the actual conversation any longer, I can still see the first few words of the last message exchanged between us. And I've known a small number of members who deleted their profile but then returned to the site - on the same profile - and our conversations were restored, enabling us to pick up where we left off.

That fits with the message you get when you go to deactivate your account, telling you can return at any time... if all profile info/message history/personal info is wiped and no longer held, the site wouldn't be able to offer this function.

[TheDeathRictus]

I'll be honest, of all the issues with this site, this is the most trivial I've heard

[VILKDUJA]

As there is a fair number of such on this site, could it be the reason the account was deleted is because the person behind it was found out as a fake & is actually a male who was posing as a female 🤷

[BabyGirl95]

Does it matter?? The account doesn't exist anymore

[bi****]

In English "he" is the gender neutral term. Now, I know many english-speaking natives will disagree with this since the 70s decided that "man" was a bad term and replaced "chairman" and "mankind" with nonsense like "chairperson", but many (eg German devs) would have been taught the language correctly. I'm old enough to have been taught it that way too, "he embraces she" as my (female) English teacher said decades ago.

[Deleted Member]

What relevance does it make, who is it being insensitive too, its just an avatar but you seem to be getting offended on behalf of someone, who has deleted their account

[EmperorStevee]

35 minutes ago, BrumDaddyDom said:

What relevance does it make, who is it being insensitive too, its just an avatar but you seem to be getting offended on behalf of someone, who has deleted their account

He is hoping that in bringing up this ‘issue’, he can play the game of “this negatively effects women and I’m the man to point it out” and that this will get him some interest from women. 
 

I’d recommend to OP that if somehow a female thinks you’ve done something amazing by bringing this up, she would probably not be the type you want to date. Though you may not realise that, immediately.

[CopperKnob]

22 minutes ago, EmperorStevee said:

He is hoping that in bringing up this ‘issue’, he can play the game of “this negatively effects women and I’m the man to point it out” and that this will get him some interest from women. 
 

I’d recommend to OP that if somehow a female thinks you’ve done something amazing by bringing this up, she would probably not be the type you want to date. Though you may not realise that, immediately.

Actually, whilst it seems like a really small thing and it doesn't really affect any of us (though someone i was chatting to who presented as a femme deleted their acct and it defaulted to a male avatar/acct which gave me cause to stop and think), I do think that in terms of gender fluidity and society in general being more accepting of that, that maybe a gender neutral avatar would be more suitable. It would demonstrate to it's members that Fet is reconbising and accepting of all genders

[VK****]

1 hour ago, bittenkiss said:

In English "he" is the gender neutral term. Now, I know many english-speaking natives will disagree with this since the 70s decided that "man" was a bad term and replaced "chairman" and "mankind" with nonsense like "chairperson", but many (eg German devs) would have been taught the language correctly. I'm old enough to have been taught it that way too, "he embraces she" as my (female) English teacher said decades ago.

Gender[edit]

Main article: Gender neutrality in English

He had three genders in Old English, but in Middle English, the neuter and feminine genders split off. Today, he is the only masculine pronoun in English. In the 18th century, it was suggested as a gender-neutral pronoun, and was thereafter often prescribed in manuals of style and school textbooks until around the 1960s.[6] In 2019 the Meriam-Webster dictionary added the singular they after seeing a spike in search interest.

[ey****]

the history of the term 'man' - or even perhaps the switch from gendered verb endings to pronouns, are potentially interesting but seem a bit off-kilt for "why is the default symbol a male silhouette" ? when for example fetlife uses a ? mark, or twitter uses an egg, or so on.

Regardless, no one decided 'man' was a bad term, but there were clear linguist changes since the original 'man as short for human' abbreviation - and lets be honest - terms like firehuman and police human sound ridiculous and posthuman has a completely different meaning all together.  As language evolves, it does seem there was little sense in using outdated words.  

I mean, we're on a site of which BDSM is a big part of, despite that being a word that's barely 30 years old 

[VK****]

6 hours ago, NineInchNailsYou said:

I'll be honest, of all the issues with this site, this is the most trivial I've heard

I don't use the App, sorry to hear it's still a mess after the big upgrade. The website is absolutely fine these days, very occasionally a post seems to be duplicated but a simple refresh clears that and I noticed it freezing momentarily a few times. The ability to post links and copy/paste easily is a huge improvement. As is the option to not allow 'Enter' to send the message but start a new paragrah. 

[VK****]

7 hours ago, EmperorStevee said:

He is hoping that in bringing up this ‘issue’, he can play the game of “this negatively effects women and I’m the man to point it out” and that this will get him some interest from women. 
 

I’d recommend to OP that if somehow a female thinks you’ve done something amazing by bringing this up, she would probably not be the type you want to date. Though you may not realise that, immediately.

Ad hominem attacks on the poster are never welcomed on the Forums, especially when you project your own bigotry. Did you forget to take your anti-narcissism tablet this morning, "Emperor"? Engage with the message, not *** the messenger. As others have said, this is a Fetish site which supposedly embraces all genders and fails to do so here. I did say it was a miniscule gripe, why you have to turn it into an Antifa crusade I know not. 

[FETMOD-KF]

some of this is getting quite ***fully off topic over what should be a simple question.

we've noted the feedback. Thank you.