Grieving for a friendship

[littlemiss37]

Has any subs grieved for a friendship they thought they had with there 1st Dom ? I was only talking to the Dom for 2 months and something happened and then it ended . I feel like I'm grieving for a friendship I thought we had . I know it was only 2 months but in them two months I became so confident etc . Now I feel my confidence is going away again and feel like a shell within myself x

[CJ****]

Yeah I had a similar experience it feels like receding into yourself and can hurt. Don’t know anyway to really make it better for myself or for you so I’m trying to see if I can fill that void hopefully someone who can match the pieces that are missing

[CopperKnob]

I added a post here maybe a year or ao ago in the new to BDSM forum titled "Your First Dom"
which may be helpful?
Essentially, you've experienced a loss, take time to grieve but also take time to take care of yourself. Reflect on what happened, learn and grow from it.

[Se****]

Yes, somewhat. The first girl I truly connected with on here was a sub. I was looking for a relationship, and so was she. There was absolutely a spark between us whenever we talked, and we both acknowledged it. It never got to the point of me calling her my girlfriend, because after a month, she just blocked me out of nowhere. It completely shattered me at that time, but now I see it as more of a blessing than a curse. If she hadn’t left me when she did, I probably wouldn’t have found my current girlfriend when I did, and she’s someone I can truly see a future with. So, I guess what I’m saying is “If you were kind to them and they left you, then they don’t deserve you. Don’t wait to start looking again on this app, because you don’t know what chances could slip by if you do.”

[Se****]

Look I understand how that is. Connections fade faster than basketball players

[sh****]

Grief is grief, no way around it. I've had my share of grieving over connections I've made which fell through for one reason or another, but we must never let our self confidence falter. It's sad, but... Sometimes things fall apart so others can be constructed. Think about why this loss happened. Was it you? Him? Both? Use this self analysis and remember that you were being your own self, and that shouldn't be a problem. Stay strong, deep breaths, meet new people.

[Ri****]

I do, every day and I haven’t been his sub in 5 years. I miss him 😓

[Ta****]

definitely, I still think of my slave of 5 years and wish we could've had a clean split.

[ic****]

"this too shall pass". A relationship is a relationship, regardless of the dynamic involved. After my 20 year relationship ended last year it was of course heartbreaking. Feel free to have a sulk or a bad day, don't beat yourself up over having had that bad day, but at the same time it's important to not let those days become the norm. When you're feeling better capitalise on it, do something for you, talk a walk in a nice spot, coffee with a friend, hug family, remember all the people that have your back, smile with a big shit eating grin of your face to that stranger you just walked past, sure he looks like a serial killer but who cares! 😂 Keep that momentum going, and keep moving forward. Had another bad day? F**k it, it's OK, you know you've got a handful of f*****g awesome ones coming up, because you know what to do! Keep moving forwards, and remember "this too shall pass".

[littlemiss37]

56 minutes ago, SeanDGF said:

Yes, somewhat. The first girl I truly connected with on here was a sub. I was looking for a relationship, and so was she. There was absolutely a spark between us whenever we talked, and we both acknowledged it. It never got to the point of me calling her my girlfriend, because after a month, she just blocked me out of nowhere. It completely shattered me at that time, but now I see it as more of a blessing than a curse. If she hadn’t left me when she did, I probably wouldn’t have found my current girlfriend when I did, and she’s someone I can truly see a future with. So, I guess what I’m saying is “If you were kind to them and they left you, then they don’t deserve you. Don’t wait to start looking again on this app, because you don’t know what chances could slip by if you do.”

Thanks . Good thing is I'm doing a workout because want to get healthier . On another app guys from my area has messaged me . But only one is saying he is there if I need to talk to rest r looking for sex and I'm like nah . It's put me of looking for a dom x

[littlemiss37]

1 hour ago, CJMCL1998 said:

Yeah I had a similar experience it feels like receding into yourself and can hurt. Don’t know anyway to really make it better for myself or for you so I’m trying to see if I can fill that void hopefully someone who can match the pieces that are missing

I'm a self seeker so taking my time to get my emotions out healthily .me and my pal is going to England in April or maybe June . Going to get a map for England and randomly pick some where except where he stays x

[Deleted Member]

I feel you. Still grieving, and haven't felt anything similar. I know one reads the english forums. He probably is thinking "here she goes again".🤦‍♀️😅

[littlemiss37]

1 hour ago, kiseu said:

I feel you. Still grieving, and haven't felt anything similar. I know one reads the english forums. He probably is thinking "here she goes again".🤦‍♀️😅

Thanks if u ever need to talk about it just message me . Support helps . Today I got fed up with crying and done some excercise eating bath then bed . U will get there one day at a time . I've had loads of offers but I'm like nah it's ok . I can't take the plunge the now that's a definite x

[littlemiss37]

2 hours ago, icallshotgun said:

"this too shall pass". A relationship is a relationship, regardless of the dynamic involved. After my 20 year relationship ended last year it was of course heartbreaking. Feel free to have a sulk or a bad day, don't beat yourself up over having had that bad day, but at the same time it's important to not let those days become the norm. When you're feeling better capitalise on it, do something for you, talk a walk in a nice spot, coffee with a friend, hug family, remember all the people that have your back, smile with a big shit eating grin of your face to that stranger you just walked past, sure he looks like a serial killer but who cares! 😂 Keep that momentum going, and keep moving forward. Had another bad day? F**k it, it's OK, you know you've got a handful of f*****g awesome ones coming up, because you know what to do! Keep moving forwards, and remember "this too shall pass".

Thanks and it will pass progress not perfection I like x

[littlemiss37]

1 hour ago, kiseu said:

I feel you. Still grieving, and haven't felt anything similar. I know one reads the english forums. He probably is thinking "here she goes again".🤦‍♀️😅

I tried to message u . Big hugs x

[Fo****]

Yes, I still feel it months after. Even though it was my choice to end it. He promised a friendship and keeping in touch but it never really materialised. It is disappointing and hurts a bit. It put me off finding another dom for quite a while. But we do all move on in the end x

[pu****]

I was talking with one dom for 2.5 months, he was over in Africa at the time so talked with him while waiting for him to come back to England… even met him after he came back to England…i too felt a vast amount of confidence and thought everything was going great…a month after he had gotten back to England he started to stop responding as much to my messages…then he told me we should pause things…that he would still talk to me…nothing has happened

I too became disheartened and my confidence was shot to the point where I didn’t even feel confidence to message a dom…or believed that they would stay talking with me… I was lead to believe he was a true dom…not a fake dom…there are way too many people out there that use the lifestyle for their own addenda…doms and subs alike…think they know what it’s about…

[littlemiss37]

1 hour ago, puppy2506 said:

I was talking with one dom for 2.5 months, he was over in Africa at the time so talked with him while waiting for him to come back to England… even met him after he came back to England…i too felt a vast amount of confidence and thought everything was going great…a month after he had gotten back to England he started to stop responding as much to my messages…then he told me we should pause things…that he would still talk to me…nothing has happened

I too became disheartened and my confidence was shot to the point where I didn’t even feel confidence to message a dom…or believed that they would stay talking with me… I was lead to believe he was a true dom…not a fake dom…there are way too many people out there that use the lifestyle for their own addenda…doms and subs alike…think they know what it’s about…

Thanks and I totally get it . X

[littlemiss37]

8 hours ago, Forever_Jaded said:

Yes, I still feel it months after. Even though it was my choice to end it. He promised a friendship and keeping in touch but it never really materialised. It is disappointing and hurts a bit. It put me off finding another dom for quite a while. But we do all move on in the end x

I think it's thinking we were friends and it was my decision to I felt he picked someone else over me in all honesty and it hurt x

[Deleted Member]

I heard and read about this...

With technology, we have more choices and availability. The negative part is there are too many choices. There are so many sites to meet, and amounts of new we see. Alot of people become "what if something is better out there" or "that person has it nicer/better". We are becoming disposables. The thinking "what I have now and infront of me" is slowly disappearing. In a way, it's not alot people's fault... 

[littlemiss37]

11 minutes ago, kiseu said:

I heard and read about this...

With technology, we have more choices and availability. The negative part is there are too many choices. There are so many sites to meet, and amounts of new we see. Alot of people become "what if something is better out there" or "that person has it nicer/better". We are becoming disposables. The thinking "what I have now and infront of me" is slowly disappearing. In a way, it's not alot people's fault... 

Thanks x

[sm****]

What we miss at first is that constant communication daily, it's like a hole in your life once it stops.   I found that quite a lot on the dating side of things, but over time had to put those inner barriers up so it didn't effect my mood.  It's hard to do but a life lesson i put in to practice.

Online communication has it's pros like being able to contact people over a longer distance and interests, but some massive cons, people can become emotionally distant or not care about another and move on to the next.  This is a lot harder when it's r/l daily face to face but can hit you far worse when that separation does happen.

[littlemiss37]

19 hours ago, smeagol said:

What we miss at first is that constant communication daily, it's like a hole in your life once it stops.   I found that quite a lot on the dating side of things, but over time had to put those inner barriers up so it didn't effect my mood.  It's hard to do but a life lesson i put in to practice.

Online communication has it's pros like being able to contact people over a longer distance and interests, but some massive cons, people can become emotionally distant or not care about another and move on to the next.  This is a lot harder when it's r/l daily face to face but can hit you far worse when that separation does happen.

I totally understand that . I feel anything I put my all in to always backfires there is a few men interested in another fetish site . One of them can relocate if it works out and one stays close by . I'm in-between what to do because I don't want to feel the way I did on Saturday again . It was my fault to x

[Deleted Member]

On 2/1/2023 at 9:03 AM, puppy2506 said:

I was talking with one dom for 2.5 months, he was over in Africa at the time so talked with him while waiting for him to come back to England… even met him after he came back to England…i too felt a vast amount of confidence and thought everything was going great…a month after he had gotten back to England he started to stop responding as much to my messages…then he told me we should pause things…that he would still talk to me…nothing has happened

I too became disheartened and my confidence was shot to the point where I didn’t even feel confidence to message a dom…or believed that they would stay talking with me… I was lead to believe he was a true dom…not a fake dom…there are way too many people out there that use the lifestyle for their own addenda…doms and subs alike…think they know what it’s about…

I'm sorry it happened to you. The guy was lonely in Africa, and needed a person to occupy him. How do I know this? Similar experience, but was moving in my city from far away. Not long after moving in, never really heard from him. After that experience, I watch out for the lonely hearts and time fillers. The thing is there's a chance "we might be the ones" for them. Nope, not taking chances.☝️ I rather use my precious time watching Last of Us. There's other ones too, but then this comment would be super long.... I mean long!🤔😅

[ca****]

Keep hold of your confidence - as best you can.....because that belongs to you.

I like what seandgf said is probably a good way to look at it.